“But we trust you’ll do your best,” Ivan said. “Because we know you can appreciate this home.”

  “I can. I do. But—”

  “No, that’s enough for now. At this point, we shall leave it to the attorneys, while we turn our attention to much juicier matters.”

  Maybe it was the lingering effects of the previous night’s phone sex—Colin had never come so hard and so satisfyingly while masturbating—or maybe the smoking jacket and silk pajamas had a hypnotizing effect. He felt dizzy. “Juicier?”

  “Yes,” Ivan said with a wicked grin. “Such as how we are going to get you thoroughly, completely laid. Do you use apps?”

  Colin felt the flush warm his face and silently cursed his fair skin. Bob caught on immediately, leaning forward in his throne. “Do tell, Colin. Please. Give us a vicarious thrill—it’s all we have left these days. You know, there was a day, oh, only a few decades past, when we would have lured you into our bed and debauched you so utterly that you forgot your own name.”

  The blush deepened, but Colin laughed. “I can believe that.”

  “So? Who is the lucky man who landed you lately?”

  Telling his father about Nevin hadn’t ruined anything, so Colin took a risk. “It’s… new. I met him several months ago, actually, but we just lately, uh, graduated.”

  “To what?”

  “I’m actually not sure. He’s a great guy. I mean—really, he’s incredible. But he had a rough start in life, and he’s convinced he doesn’t do relationships. I think he wants to, though. He’s got this hard shell, but then it slips and I get a peek of how sweet and amazing he is.”

  While Ivan spread a hand over his own chest, Bob’s eyebrows danced. “Ah,” Bob said. “The rogue with the heart of gold. A type we knew quite well and have found irresistible ourselves.”

  “He’s not a rogue—he’s a policeman. A detective.”

  “Even more alluring! But be careful, my boy. You want to redeem him and make his true nature shine through. That can be a dangerous enterprise. Sometimes in the end, they only make that shell tougher, and you’re left—”

  “Bobby!” When Ivan interrupted, both Colin and Bob gaped. But Ivan pointed sternly at his partner. “Stop that at once.” He faced Colin. “When I met Bobby, he dazzled me. I’d never seen such an enchanting creature. But I was still closeted, believe it or not, so much so that even he didn’t realize how I felt. It took three years before I worked up the courage to approach him.”

  “One of the happiest days of my life,” said Bob, clasping Ivan’s hand.

  “And mine. And a decision I have never regretted for an instant, not even when, well… things were difficult for us.”

  Colin looked at their somber faces and wondered whether those difficulties were in their relationship itself or came from outside, from people who couldn’t tolerate two men in love. “And you stuck it out,” he said.

  Ivan nodded. “For sixty years, if you can imagine such a thing! I certainly could not at the beginning. But Colin, it could have been sixty-three. And while I have never been remorseful over a single day spent with Bobby, I still grieve for the thousand days I didn’t spend with him. So forget what that silly old man was telling you about being careful. Since when does taking care bring joy? If you believe this detective is worth it, then by all means take the risk. Even if it doesn’t work out, I promise that when you’re ancient, you’ll be sorrier if you never even tried.”

  Colin left the Thomas house with damp eyes, a promise to discuss the house with his father, and a determination to die with a minimum of regrets.

  COLIN CALLED Nevin on Thursday night, and they had another round of phone sex. It was just as good as the first time. This time, though, instead of going to sleep right away, they chatted for a while—“like teenage girls,” Nevin said with a snort—until Colin was yawning too much to talk. They didn’t discuss anything of great importance, but it was nice. Nevin described his colleagues’ reactions to the vulture, and then he told a funny story about a time when he and Ford were twenty and got stranded in Council Crest Park in a heavy rain. Colin described his visit with the Thomases, although he omitted the part where they gave him relationship advice.

  “They sound interesting,” Nevin said, yawning audibly as well.

  “Very. You could come with me sometime, if you’d like. They would eat you up.”

  Nevin chuckled. “Maybe I will. Now get your beauty sleep, princess.”

  “You too.”

  Friday morning, Colin called Bright Hope. “Hi, Crystal, this is Colin Westwood. Can I talk to Manuel?”

  “He’s running some errands for a couple hours. Is it an emergency?”

  “No, nothing like that. You know Bob and Ivan Thomas?”

  “Sure.”

  Colin would have preferred to speak directly to Manuel about this, but he figured giving Crystal a summary would stop Manuel from worrying about an unspecified situation. Besides, Crystal would hear about it from Manuel soon enough anyway—she knew everything that went on at Bright Hope. “They want to sell their house to my father’s company but still continue to live there. And I want to check that it wouldn’t be a conflict of interest or something for me.”

  “You mean because you’re our volunteer? I’m sure it’s fine. But I can check with Manuel if you want.”

  “Thanks. I’d appreciate it.”

  She called back about fifteen minutes later. “Manuel says no problem. It sounds like a good deal for everyone.”

  “Well, I hope so.”

  “That house of theirs is worth about a zillion bucks. If you buy it, they’ll get a nice infusion of cash, right?”

  “That’s the plan.”

  Shortly after the call ended, Colin sat down with his father to tell him about Bob and Ivan’s offer. His dad listened carefully and, when Colin was done, asked, “Do you think it’s a wise business decision?”

  “If we can negotiate a good price, which I’m pretty sure we can. Fixed up, that house will literally be worth a fortune, and you know how hot that neighborhood is. And you know, a lot of people around town are grumbling about all the new development. Westwood could get a reputation for being the good guys, the company that cares about preserving the character of neighborhoods. In the long run, that could pay off big-time.”

  His father smiled. “You’ve thought about this a lot.”

  “I have.”

  “All right. I will too. And we’ll see if we can get the lawyers to palaver.” He shook his head in bemusement. “If this works out, your mother will never let me live it down. She’s been trying to convince me for years that I’m evil.”

  “You take credit for the idea, then. You need the capital with Mom more than I do.”

  “Maybe we’ll share the credit,” his dad responded with a wink.

  At dinner that night, Colin tried to convince his mother that rehabbing the houses rather than razing them had been his father’s plan, but she didn’t buy it for a minute. She gave Colin a hug and a smooch on the cheek, then patted Harold’s shoulder. “I hope you didn’t suddenly start listening to sense just because Colin’s male,” she teased.

  “Nope. It’s because he’s not a bloodsucking lawyer.”

  She swatted him harder and everyone laughed. It was a good family get-together.

  That night Nevin called—which Colin counted as a major advance—and Colin gave him a rundown of the deal with the Thomases and dinner with the family. He carefully avoided suggesting that Nevin might meet the rest of them one of these days. And Nevin, to his credit, did not freak out.

  They didn’t have phone sex—didn’t even mention sex, apart from Nevin’s usual curses and innuendoes. But even those were toned down. He sounded relaxed and comfortable, and Colin seriously considered driving over there now that he had the address. Just to hang out. But he didn’t want to push too hard, so he resisted the impulse. “See you tomorrow night,” he said.

  “Dress code?”

  “Casual. I don’t have anything too fancy planned. Just, you know. Date stuff.”

  “Date stuff,” Nevin echoed. “All right.”

  Colin spent Saturday exercising at the gym, cleaning his apartment, and thinking obsessively about Nevin. He kept reminding himself that this whole thing between them was a big old trial balloon, an experiment that might very well crash and burn. “This could be a big mistake,” he said to Legolas, who was trying to kill the broom while Colin swept.

  Legolas took another swipe at the brush.

  “I’m getting myself stuck on a guy who warned me not to. And I’ve never fallen like this for anyone. Trent was okay, but he wasn’t an addiction.”

  Unimpressed by Colin’s dilemma, Leg gnawed on a broom bristle, then made a face when it poked his cheek. Colin pointed at him. “Consider yourself lucky you’re neutered, buster.”

  But then Colin remembered how good sex with Nevin felt, and he was extremely thankful he wasn’t neutered as well.

  When he pulled up to Nevin’s building a few minutes before eight, Nevin was waiting for him, shoulders hunched against the drizzle. “Didn’t want you to have to fuck with the security gate,” he explained. Colin suspected there was more to it than that, but he didn’t push. Nevin crushed him in an embrace as soon as he was inside the car, and that was more important than whatever Nevin’s apartment issue might be.

  Colin had used recreational drugs only once, a little bit of pot. But as he stuck his nose into the crook of Nevin’s neck and inhaled, he knew exactly how it must feel to be a junkie getting a hit.

  “What are you doing to me?” Nevin moaned.

  “Sniffing you.”

  Nevin barked a laugh. “Not what I meant, Collie. You’re… I don’t get hung up on people like this. I can’t.”

  Colin pulled away to gaze gravely at him. “You’re ignoring the evidence, Detective. You can and you do.”

  “I think about you all the time. You. Not that enormous cock or that tight ass. The nerd with the bow ties and the collection of Julie Andrews DVDs.”

  “Blame yourself,” Colin replied, his heart warm and full. “I was just supposed to have a postbreakup fling. I wasn’t supposed to feel feelings for a cop with a show-off car and a mouth that needs washing out with soap.”

  “My mouth fucking needs something,” said Nevin, which of course was the prelude to a kiss. An excellent kiss, the kind that made Colin’s mind check out and his body sing.

  “I do not want to fuck in your BMW,” Nevin proclaimed when they stopped to breathe.

  “It would be okay if we were in Julie?”

  “Only if we protected the leather.”

  Colin threaded his fingers through Nevin’s thick hair. “How about if we have dinner now and try for an actual bed later? I think I still have splinters from Monday.”

  “Dinner now, dessert later.”

  Colin took them to a downtown restaurant he liked, a sort of hipster diner with oversized sandwiches and terrific milkshakes.

  “Germy likes this place,” said Nevin as they entered. “Mostly because they have ogre-sized portions.”

  “Jeremy is an ogre?”

  “Nah. Too fucking pretty for that.”

  Colin opted for a salmon and gouda scramble, while Nevin had a beet salad with chicken-apple sausage on the side. They ate slowly. “My mom would approve of your meal more than mine,” Colin said, pointing his fork tines at Nevin’s plate.

  “She still has to nag you to eat your veggies?”

  Then Colin remembered that Nevin had never had anyone to badger him to eat his broccoli, which made Colin sad. He countered with one of his own painful truths. “I’m supposed to be careful about cholesterol and fat.”

  Nevin’s scrutiny was piercing but not cruel. “Heart, huh?”

  Colin lost his appetite. Why on earth had he raised this subject? “Yeah. We can… talk about it later. Okay?”

  “Any time you’re ready.” Which was a kindness from a man accustomed to interrogating people.

  After Colin paid for dinner, they strolled hand in hand back to the car. And when they reached the lot, Colin didn’t want to let him go. “How about a walk?” he suggested.

  Nevin muttered something about sappy princesses, but he continued to hold Colin’s hand.

  They ended up on the waterfront, which was nearly abandoned due to the dank, chilly weather. Colin might have been a little worried about his safety if he were alone, but he was with a cop. Heck, he was with Nevin, a force who struck terror in bad guys’ hearts.

  “I think this would be more romantic in summer,” Nevin said as they gazed out at the river. Colin’s arm was around Nevin’s shoulders, but they still shivered a little.

  “Do you think we’ll still be together by next summer? Jeez, are we together now?” Not accusing, but searching for honesty.

  After a pause, Nevin answered. “We’re together now. I can’t promise more than that. Wait, yes I can. I can promise that I won’t lie to you. And that as long as we are together, it’s just you.”

  “That’s… that’s actually a pretty big promise,” said Colin, his voice shaking. “Thank you. I promise not to ask more of you than you want to give, okay?”

  Nevin’s laughter sounded bitter, but he nodded. Then they watched the cars go over the Morrison Bridge, headlights and taillights glowing, and Nevin nestled more deeply into the crook of Colin’s arm.

  “Tetralogy of Fallot,” Colin said.

  “What?”

  “It’s a congenital heart defect. Four defects, actually, which is where the tetra part comes in. It’s named after some French guy. Nobody seems to know what causes it, although they’re pretty sure genetics plays a part.”

  “Which is why your parents never gave you that baby brother for Christmas.”

  Colin sighed. “Yeah.”

  “It’s congenital, but you’re here now.”

  “They caught it right after I was born. I was a blue baby. Had a heart murmur too. They did the first surgery when I was just a couple months old.”

  Nevin went rigid against him. “First?”

  “I had a couple more when I was older.” The next part was harder to talk about. “And chances are I’ll need another in the future.”

  Nevin tore himself away, took a step back, and turned to stare at him, wide-eyed. “You’re sick?” he demanded, voice ragged.

  “No! No, no. I’m fine.” Colin reached for his arm, but Nevin ducked away. “I see a doctor often, and he says I’m doing well. I can exercise—do pretty much whatever I want to. The odds are that I’ll end up at some point with a leaky valve, but they can fix that.”

  “Huh.” Nevin pressed his lips together and turned his face away.

  “This… it’s a problem for you?” Damn. He shouldn’t have said anything. But Nevin had seen the scar and must have already suspected. And he’d already divulged the secret of his own painful childhood; Colin owed him the same.

  “How serious is this thing?” Nevin asked tightly.

  Honesty. “If I hadn’t had the surgery as a baby, I probably wouldn’t have lived until kindergarten. Even if I had, I would have had physical problems. Slow growth, stuff like that. But I did have the surgery and I survived and I lead a normal life.”

  “I just found you. I just opened….” Nevin shook his head hard and turned away.

  But Colin stepped in front of him and pulled him close. “I can’t guarantee I won’t drop dead five minutes from now, Nev. But nobody can guarantee that. You’re a cop—you could get shot up by a meth addict with an AK-47.”

  Nevin spoke into Colin’s chest. “Tweakers don’t use AK-47s.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Don’t you dare fucking die on me, Colin. I mean it.”

  “I’ll do my best to avoid it.”

  After a hug so fierce Colin could barely breathe, Nevin loosened his hold. “It’s why your mother….”

  “Yeah, it’s why I’m a mama’s boy. I guess you never quite get over watching your kid almost die. God, you should have heard her argue when I was ready to move out of the house. She’s a smart lady, but I think in her eyes I’m always going to be a sickly toddler.”

  “Show her you’re a man.”

  “Working on it.”

  Nevin tipped his head up to see Colin’s eyes. “Yeah. You are.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  NEVIN HAD never felt so fucking terrified. Not even when he was a rookie on a domestic violence call during which the loving husband waved a gun at him while the loving wife came after Nevin with a kitchen knife. But now he’d… let someone in. Opened his heart. Only to learn that the someone was distressingly mortal.

  And now here he was, trying not to have a complete breakdown on the banks of the Willamette fucking River.

  “I have issues,” he admitted to Colin’s neck.

  Colin laughed. “We have quite a collection of them between us. We could keep a couples therapist very, very busy.”

  Nevin shuddered. “Couples therapist. That is the vilest fucking phrase I’ve ever heard.” He’d needed a psych evaluation as part of the background check for the police bureau; that was enough headshrinking to last him forever.

  “We can skip it. Do you want to go have coffee? At P-Town, maybe? I liked that place.”

  A fresh bolt of fear made Nevin’s stomach churn. Rhoda would be at the café tonight, and maybe Jeremy too. Nevin just wasn’t ready for them to meet Colin. He decided on a course of action only slightly less scary. “Would you come home with me now, Collie? To my place?”

  “God yes.” Colin nuzzled his neck. He did that often enough that he’d already spawned a new kink, as if Nevin needed another. But Jesus Christ, those warm lips on his skin made him dizzy with need. Made him want to tear off Colin’s clothes and… possess him. That was the right word, wasn’t it?

  “Let’s go,” he said roughly, pulling away.

  When they reached the security gate to Nevin’s building, he had second thoughts. Third and fourth thoughts. They could go to Colin’s loft instead; the damned cat would be happy to see them both. But he punched in the code to let them in and directed Colin to a guest parking spot.