“Oh, please...”

  “Anyway, let’s make our way to shore!”

  Waving back up at the two men in the doorway, Ryoko started swimming toward the sandy beach.

  “Hey, wait for us!”

  “Hold on a second, Yoshida! Can our feet even reach the bottom, here?!”

  “Why does it matter? Can’t you swim?”

  “That’s not the problem! My camera will be toast if it goes underwater!”

  “Huh? It’s a professional camera, right? Isn’t it waterproof or something?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous! We get rain covers, not miracles!” Jo groaned indignantly. “These aren’t action cameras! Our company barely has anything in the way of waterproof cameras—much less ocean-proof!”

  Not only were professional cameras expensive to begin with, but Jo’s camera was company property. If he ruined it by leaping into the ocean, the higher-ups would have his head.

  “If it’s not too deep, we could just lower a rope—”

  Jo suddenly stopped speaking mid-sentence. He stood there frozen, gazing out across the open ocean.

  “Hey, why so quiet? What’s going on?”

  Yoshida looked out in the same direction Jo was fixated on. There, he saw a single line of white headed directly for the two girls who were swimming toward the shore.

  “N-No way... It couldn’t be...”

  As the two men stared at the white streak, the low-pitched echoes of a famous piece of background music started playing in their heads: DUNDUN... DUNDUN... DUNDUN DUNDUN DUNDUN DUNDUN...

  Soon, a large triangular shape surfaced at the front of the line of white.

  ***

  “Let’s see here...”

  Life Detection was picking up four individuals—and the two swimming toward the shore seemed to know who we were.

  I raised an eyebrow quizzically.

  “Mitsurugi...?”

  “Whoa, really? When did you get in touch with her, Kei?”

  “I, uh, didn’t,” I insisted, denying the possibility as quickly as I could. “I’ve never created a new environment before—not only could things have gone horribly wrong, but I didn’t know if it would even be possible to begin with. Why would I have gotten anyone else mixed up in something like this?”

  “I certainly got mixed up in it, didn’t I?” Miyoshi pointed out, casting a scornful glare my way as she brought her feet down from the beach chair.

  Sensing danger emanating from her, I clutched at whatever excuse I could find.

  “W-Well, I figured you of all people would be able to handle anything, y’know? I mean, look at everything we’ve already—”

  “Kei!”

  Noticing her expression had suddenly gotten very serious, I turned to look in the direction she was pointing. There, I saw a line of white approaching the two individuals who were swimming toward the shore. Soon after, a large triangular fin emerged—wait, fin?!

  “H-Hey, Miyoshi! You don’t think that’s—”

  “No time to think, Kei! What the hell were you imagining when you made this place?!”

  “Why does it have to be my imagination’s fault...?” I guess the color of the sand might’ve been influenced by thoughts of Fiji or the Caribbean, but still...

  “It’s gonna catch up to them! We need to do something!”

  Miyoshi shot to her feet and started firing off iron balls, but the long distance combined with the cushioning layer of seawater meant they had little to no effect. The same probably would’ve gone for any of my long-distance attacks.

  “Damn!”

  I raised all my stats to max, then dashed off the beach, kicking up a cloud of sand.

  ***

  “Is it just me, Ryoko, or are those two guys kind of freaking out?”

  “Hmm?”

  Back at the entrance door, Yoshida and Jo were screaming something at the top of their lungs, waving their hands wildly and pointing at the ocean.

  “Hmmm?”

  When Ryoko turned to look where they were pointing, she saw something rather unnerving poking up from the surface of the water.

  “Yikes! Uh, we may be in trouble, Haru! Get to the shore as fast as you can!”

  The two of them started rushing toward the shore, but since the water only came up to about their necks, they couldn’t decide whether to swim or run. Instead, they ended up panicking and committing to neither, resulting in minimal progress.

  Once Ryoko had made sure Haruka was in the lead, she decided she had to do something. Flipping onto her back to swim like an otter, she turned toward the open ocean behind her. There, she saw that the giant fin sticking out of the water had closed the gap to about fifteen meters.

  Ugh... This is bad news, Coach!

  Near tears, she was preparing to take on the fin, when she heard a voice cry out in surprise from behind her.

  “Ryoko?! What are you— Whaaa?!”

  I guess she can’t believe what I’m doing, huh? Ryoko thought to herself, not bothering to turn around as she raised her left hand into a thumbs-up. Right then, though, she heard a bizarre pitter-patter noise coming from that very same side. When she turned to take a look—

  “Coach?!”

  Yoshimura was running full tilt in her direction. Across the surface of the water.

  “What the actual hell?!”

  With a splash of water, he slipped between her and the fin, then started to sink down into the water, shouting one final order without so much as glancing behind him.

  “Get out! Hurry!”

  “Y-Yes, Coach!”

  After responding, Ryoko immediately began swimming back toward the shore, stuck in a state of astonishment and relief. With D-Powers on the scene, she knew in her heart that there was pretty much nothing to worry about.

  ***

  I guess you really can run across the water, huh? Miyoshi telepathied to me in wonder. She was in the process of handing Mitsurugi a bath towel after helping her out of the water onto the shore.

  I can’t deal with your level of chill right now! I griped at her. What am I supposed to do against this thing?!

  If I remember right, you need to make it chomp down on an oxygen tank, then shoot the tank with a gun...

  I’m fresh out of both oxygen tanks and guns at the moment!!!

  You smashed the god Ngai’s face in with brute force—you should have zero problems plating up a great white shark or two. And if you do have problems, we’ve got potions for that!

  Not. Helping.

  I didn’t have any weapons I could wield properly underwater—not on me, nor in Vault. Even a sword would’ve likely ended up as nothing but dead weight.

  Everything I knew in the Earth Magic and Water Magic families were spells that would end up losing most of their momentum underwater. Ultimate Flame Magic might’ve blown everything out of the water quite literally, but it probably would’ve caused a massive, dangerous steam explosion at the same time.

  That left me with only one choice: physical shock waves.

  Once I had the timing of the charging fin down, I leaped out of the water high into the air, took aim where its head should’ve been, and brought down a full-force palm strike.

  With a loud thoom, a huge splash shot up into the sky as if an artillery shell had hit the water’s surface, exposing the sea floor momentarily. My intention had been to obliterate whatever was beneath me, but—

  “What?!”

  —the only thing I’d struck was water. It was as if the fin hadn’t been attached to anything at all.

  As I stood there dumbfounded, the fin slipped past me and headed toward the water’s edge, finally making landfall on the sand.

  “Huh?”

  The fin, which had apparently sprouted legs, flopped over into the surf. Soon, a small girl emerged from it, then looked back over her shoulder and raised her hand in a gesture of greeting.

  “Ms. Maker?! Really...?” Slumping my shoulders in exhaustion, I walked over to her. “What were you doing out there?”

  “I was told this is how the star performer makes their appearance at the beach in the summer.”

  “Told by who?”

  “Tylor.”

  Our good friend Dr. Tylor... I swear, does every single eminent scientist out there have multiple screws loose?

  “Was he wrong?” Ms. Maker asked.

  “Well, uh, I can’t say it’s the most typical scenario, really.”

  “The cultural diversity of Earth is a bit strange.”

  I’m sure it would seem quite strange, from the perspective of a society in which the very concept of separate nations is absent, and where each planet is established on the foundation of a single, unified culture. I don’t think differing impressions on impersonating a shark has anything to do with cultural diversity, though.

  ***

  “Hey! Please tell me you were recording that!!!”

  It was an epic battle caught during their dungeon exploration: A massive great white shark and a barefisted explorer clashed against the backdrop of a shallow blue ocean by the beach. A pillar of water soared into the air as if the ocean had been struck by artillery fire, showering the area with a storm of brine. The ocean parted as if Moses had paid it a visit, causing the surrounding water to swirl in a massive vortex as it filled the space back in. It was the stuff legends were made of.

  “You bet I was! This footage is gonna be amazing!”

  “Hell yeah! Looks like Saito and the others are safe and sound—just like our show’s gonna be now! And then there’s that crazy kid! Let’s head over there for some interviews!”

  With that, Yoshida jumped down into the water, which was just shallow enough that he could barely poke his head out if he stood on his tiptoes.

  “I’m passing the camera down! Pleeeaaase don’t get it wet—it’s company property!”

  “R-Right...”

  Holding both hands high in the air in the style of a banzai cheer to grab the camera Jo had lowered down by rope, Yoshida began bouncing his way through the water toward the shore.

  ***

  “I was told that the Earth has frightening carnivorous creatures in its oceans, like in Jaws and The Meg. Also sharks that fly through the air.”

  “Huh?”

  “I was also told that piranhas and tomatoes come flying after people sometimes.”

  “Hold on a sec. Where exactly is this information coming fro— Whoa?!”

  Just then, the two people who had been standing on the edge of the floating portal dropped down into the water and started heading in our direction. As they did so, the distant ocean’s surface began to rise up dramatically.

  “Oh, come on, what movie are we doing now?!” I groaned.

  Miyoshi blinked.

  “But Ms. Maker is right here!”

  “Then what’s that...?”

  The surface bulged higher and higher, until it finally burst open, revealing—

  “Eugh...”

  —massive, squirming octopus tentacles of some kind sticking up out of the water.

  ***

  “Whoa, whoa, Yoshida, behind us!”

  “What do you mean behind— Wah!”

  Pushed forward by the swell of water, Yoshida stumbled awkwardly and nearly took a full dive into the drink. However, in the true spirit of a pro, he somehow managed to keep both arms above water and defend the camera from submersion.

  When he finally poked his head back above the surface, burbling the whole time, what Yoshida saw before him was a cluster of gigantic octopus tentacles wriggling high up in the air.

  “J-Jo! The camera! The camera! Start rollin—” Yoshida’s voice devolved into a gurgling yelp. He was trying his best to hand the camera over to Jo, but instead was being tossed around by the waves from the giant tentacles.

  “Forget about filming, Yoshida! Look at that thing!”

  What looked like a giant shark head suddenly poked out from between the tentacles—then opened its massive maw wide and let loose a silent roar.

  “You won’t make it if you’re holding on to the camera! Toss it! Get to the shore ASAP!!!”

  “Sh-Shut it, nitwit! Shit like this is the whole reason we— Aaagh!”

  Every time the shark head moved its tentacles, it generated huge waves, sending Yoshida bobbing all over the place. It took every ounce of his effort to keep the camera from going under.

  ***

  “What in blue blazes is that?!”

  “A shark with octopus tentacles attached. Very strong,” Ms. Maker explained.

  “And that’s supposed to exist out there somewhere? Where?!”

  “Florida. I was told it was made as a secret military experiment.”

  “Are you kidding me...”

  “I guess Dr. Tylor was a big fan of B movies, maybe?” Miyoshi suggested casually, unfazed by the madness unfolding in front of us. Her theory seemed entirely too probable.

  I glanced toward the monster and the two people near it. Well, the guy getting attacked right now is a member of an active explorer squad, anyway. He doesn’t look like he’s trying too hard to run away—he’s probably got a handle on things. Besides, unlike Saito or Mitsurugi, he’d probably treat an injury like a badge of honor.

  “So the original version of that monster was supposed to be a hybrid of an octopus and a Dunkleosteus—a creature that lived during the Paleozoic era.”

  Ms. Maker cocked her head at Miyoshi’s explanation.

  “What? Not a shark?”

  “That’s right, not a shark. It was a shark in the remake, though, so no big deal!”

  “Can you two knock it off? Stop conflating fiction with reali—”

  Wait a sec. Now that I think about it, Ms. Maker created the dungeons specifically by conflating fiction with reality. Her reaction to religion was also a product of taking a serious statistical look at the human conceptions of it... I let out an involuntary sigh.

  Ms. Maker turned to look at me.

  “What’s wrong? Cheer up.”

  “I hate to say it, but you telling me to cheer up might actually make things worse.”

  “Sorry to hear that. I’ll go ahead and frogger off, then. Ribbit ribbit.” As if to hand off the baton, she gave each of the three women on the beach a quick tap—then vanished into thin air.

  “I wonder who inspired her to make a ridiculous pun like that?” I mused.

  “Well, it was in Japanese, so it couldn’t have been Dr. Tylor,” Miyoshi said with a shrug. “Really, who else could it have been besides you, Kei? I’m pretty sure you’ve even made some kind of ‘gotta vamouse, squeak ya later’ joke before.”

  “Me?! I seriously doubt that...” I pursed my lips. “Okay, never mind. Plausible.”

  Hearing us having a conversation as if there were nothing weird whatsoever going on, Saito nervously spoke up.

  “Um, hey, Coach? Shouldn’t we do something about that...thing out there?” She pointed at the raging monster and the two men it was jostling around like toys, all locked in a repeating pattern that was practically begging for something to go out there and break the status quo.

  “Huh? Isn’t he part of that ‘Dungeon Exploration Squad’? They’ve gotta make it look like they’re in danger for the show, don’t they?”

  “Yoshida and Jo aren’t any better at exploring than their show’s fan base!”

  “The hell? Didn’t they go down to the eighteenth floor for the show?” I was pretty sure they had filmed some fight scenes down there too.

  The octopus shark might’ve looked pretty wild, but according to my Life Detection readings, it was more or less on par with a fourteenth-floor monster, strength-wise. Fighting in the water would have put explorers at a disadvantage, but if they could take on eighteenth-floor monsters, they should’ve been able to hold out for a decent while...

  “Sure, but it’s only about as real as any of those survival reality shows. All alone in the wilderness—except for the cameramen, the lighting crew, an escort, and a hotel.”

  “So even the squad leader’s fight scenes were staged?” I eyed the two men flailing in the water. “Meaning they’re actually—”

  “—running for their lives? I honestly think they are, yes.”

  Running? Really? I squinted for a closer look to make sure, but the guy with the camera seriously just looked like he was doing his best to maintain his hands-in-the-air cheering posture so his equipment wouldn’t get wet. It didn’t look much like running away to me.

  Though I had to admit, his expression of abject fear, combined with the tears streaming down his face and his disheveled appearance, made for some truly convincing acting. Provided it actually was acting.

  “I mean, he’s calm enough to be worried about protecting his camera, isn’t he?”

  “That comes with being a professional, you know? The footage he caught of you earlier would be pretty valuable, I bet.”

  I grimaced.

  “You know, suddenly I find myself hoping he drops the damn thing.”

  I really didn’t have the time to worry about whether anyone was watching me back there... I’d rather not gift any footage like that to a couple of schlubs who go around filming random people without permission.

  “It’s kind of odd that they aren’t getting completely overwhelmed, though, isn’t it?” Miyoshi murmured in amazement, preparing herself to intervene at a moment’s notice if it ended up necessary. “If they’re really that weak, you’d think they would’ve been shark food by now...”

  Now that she mentions it...

  “Huh... It is just sort of floating there making its tentacles undulate.”

  The moment I said that, I felt my cell phone buzz in my pocket. Modern cell phones were waterproof, so it still worked just fine—and apparently this place wasn’t out of network either. When I pulled it out and looked at the screen, my shoulders instantly sagged downward. I showed the message to Miyoshi.

  “The ones that look the toughest always tend to act all high and mighty right before they git rekt.”

  “Wow, she’s really got things down.”

  “What things?!”

  B movie sets back in the day used to be really cheap, not to mention stationary, so it would’ve been common practice for a monster to just stand there waving its tentacles around. But that was neither here nor there, I figured.