I exhaled a cloud into the frigid air. Yeah, I was always a mess when I went into a relationship, but I didn’t remember it ever being this bad. Maybe because this was so different in so many ways. We were being thrust into living together. In close confines, no less. We’d be traveling constantly. There was a financial imbalance. He was undoubtedly traumatized by his recent past.

  How the fuck did we do this?

  And how long would he want to do this?

  By the time Ernie and I made it back to the trailer, I was nauseated with worry. Our run had given me a chance to work myself up over every possible way this could blow up in my face, and for the first time since we’d crossed paths in New Mexico, I was scared to see Blake.

  I wasn’t doing such a hot job of hiding it, either. As soon as I walked in the door, he looked up from stirring something into his coffee cup, and he did a double take. “Hey. What’s up?” Worry filled his expression, and I could hear the unspoken question: Was last night a mistake?

  God, no. Not for me, anyway.

  Except maybe it was. Because now I was attached to him. We’d finally crossed all those physical lines, and I wanted more than, but I also wanted the relationship we’d both said we wanted last night.

  I busied myself unclipping Ernie and giving him a treat. “I’m good. I just, uh…” I thought fast. “I remembered I need to go down to the campground office.” I motioned in its general direction. “Make sure we still have the space for…” I trailed off, realizing that wasn’t even a good explanation because we’d agreed last night to leave this afternoon. We’d go by his mom’s place, collect the last of his things, and head out of Chicago. There was nothing to settle up with the office that I hadn’t done already.

  Fuck. I sucked at this.

  “I need to grab a shower,” I said like the coward I was. “I’m disgusting after my run.”

  I didn’t look at him to see if he was buying what I was selling. He didn’t stop me, though, and I slipped into the bathroom to shower off all the sweat and try to pull my thoughts into order. I succeeded in getting clean. Getting my thoughts in order? Not so much.

  And fuck my life, but Blake was clearly not going to let this drop.

  “Talk to me,” he whispered after I’d dressed. He leaned against the kitchen island and fixed worried eyes on me. “Whatever it is—let’s talk.”

  I wasn’t going to avoid this, was I? And really, we couldn’t avoid it. We needed to get all this out in the open before decisions were made and we wound up stuck together on the road. He deserved to hear everything I was thinking about before he walked away from his mom’s house.

  “I guess I’m just worried you’re going to lose interest in me.” I cringed. Was that the best I could do? Really? God, I was bad at this.

  “What?” Blake stared at me incredulously. “Why would I lose interest in you?”

  I laughed, more at myself than him. “Look at me. Look at us. You’re at what’s probably the lowest point of your life. You’ve got nowhere to go but up.” I gestured at myself. “Me? I’m as good as I’m gonna get. It’s all downhill from—”

  “No, it isn’t,” Blake whispered. “Not even close.”

  Shaking my head, I whispered, “I’m nothing special. I’m just some guy who got really lucky on YouTube and decided to—”

  “You’re a YouTuber,” he acknowledged, “but that’s not who you are. It’s your job, just like I’m a web developer. But I’m pretty sure—or at least I’m hoping—you don’t want me because of my mad web design skills.” The corner of his mouth twitched as if he were hoping I’d laugh at that.

  I wanted to, but I was so wound up, I couldn’t.

  “I’m a mental wreck most of the time,” I went on, and shoved a hand through my wet hair. “I mean, what about when that other influencer posted that video? I freaked out. Total mental shutdown. That’s… I do that sometimes when shit hits the fan, and I—”

  “Marcus.” He touched my shoulders. “You reacted the way anyone would have. She threatened your entire livelihood and reputation. Publicly.”

  I shuddered, the memory still raw and nauseating.

  Voice gentle, he said, “Anyone would have freaked out.”

  “Okay, maybe. But…I obsess over things. I… Hell, I have to force myself to put my phone and laptop aside at night so I don’t look at my analytics and spend the whole damn night obsessing over them. Especially now when I have to be well-rested enough to drive safely, and just thinking about that part stresses me out, because what if I need to drive but I didn’t sleep and—”

  “Hey. Hey.” Blake lifted my chin so our eyes met. “You get anxious about things. I know. Is—” His brow furrowed and he tilted his head. “You’re getting anxious about us.”

  I swallowed. “About you getting tired of me getting like this.” I gestured at myself. “I’m not an easy person to live with.”

  He actually laughed at that, and he shook his head as he reeled me into his arms. “Marcus. We’ve been living together for months. In close quarters, no less.” He stroked my hair and pressed a kiss to my temple. “Trust me—you’re easy to live with.”

  I closed my eyes and leaned into him, wanting so badly to believe that.

  “Having some anxiety isn’t some sin or character flaw.” He drew back a little. “It’s not something that’s going to make me bail.”

  I chewed my lip, afraid to meet his gaze.

  He didn’t let me avoid it, though, and he lifted my chin so we were looking at each other. “You’re riding a really cool professional high. And that’s great. I hope it continues for you. But I’m not here for that. I’m here for you. Not the influencer—the guy who saw someone exploiting a homeless person and stepped the fuck in because it wasn’t right.” He traced my cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. “And I don’t mean that like I’m here just because you scraped me up off the streets or because this”—he gestured around the trailer—“is a hell of a lot more pleasant than staying with my mother. I’m grateful you took me in, and yes, this is way better than her place, but I’m here because I want to be with you.”

  I searched his eyes.

  “If we’d met some other way,” he said quietly, “would you want to be with me?”

  “Yes,” I said without hesitation. “Of course.”

  He lifted his eyebrows as if urging me to connect the dots.

  I dropped my gaze again, rubbing the back of my neck. I knew what he was trying to say. I just struggled to reconcile it with reality because plenty of guys before him had met me under more normal circumstances, and they’d peaced out. The fact that I would be with him in a heartbeat didn’t mean the reverse was true. No one had before—why should they start now?

  “Look at me,” he whispered, and when I did, the sincerity and affection in those dark eyes gave me so damn much hope. “I’m here because I want to be. If circumstances were different, I’d still be here, because you’re here. And wherever you go, I want to go too.”

  My throat tightened and my eyes stung. Could he possibly have any idea how much I wanted that to be true?

  He smoothed my hair. “Do you know how many times I forgot about my situation while we were traveling?”

  I swallowed. “You did?”

  “Yes. All the time. I can’t even tell you how often it seemed like we were just a couple of guys traveling around the country and having this crazy adventure.”

  “But that adventure could end any time.” I made a heavy, frustrated gesture. “All this could blow up in my face. That influencer’s video? It could’ve ended my career. Something else like it could happen again, or YouTube could demonetize my whole channel, or…” I waved a hand. “I’m riding this as far as it goes, but it could end tomorrow, you know?”

  “I know,” he said. “And I know that stresses you out. It would stress anyone out.”

  I swallowed hard. “But what happens when it all goes tits up and I’m nobody and unemployed?”

  Blake inclined his head and arched a brow. “You mean like when my whole life went to shit and I was homeless? Trust me, I’m well aware of how quickly the rug can get pulled out from under you.”

  “Right. You know how it is. And I guess I’m just worried that when all that’s gone…”

  “I’ll be gone too?”

  Avoiding his eyes, I nodded.

  “Not a chance,” he whispered. “I’m not here for your YouTube channel, Marcus. I’m not interested in the influencer or any of that shit, or the polished version you are on-camera. I don’t even know that guy.” He caressed my face again. “I want the guy I met in Albuquerque who didn’t think anything of helping a complete stranger, and who turns to absolute goo over his pets. I couldn’t give a fuck less if your YouTube career ended tomorrow except that I care about you and how that would affect you.” He paused, and apparently still reading my uncertainty, he asked, “You want to know when I started seeing you as someone I could fall for, not just someone who was helping me out?”

  Curious, I nodded.

  He gestured at Bert, who was sprawled on the floor beside some toys. “When you told me about how you got him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know anyone who would’ve just left him out there to freeze or starve, but most people would’ve left him with the vet or at a shelter or something, you know?”

  “I couldn’t leave him,” I whispered. God, just the thought of not bringing that little furball with me made my throat tighten.

  Blake smiled. “Exactly. You rescued him, but you also gave him a home. Even though it meant changing your plans and rejigging your trailer, you took me in and made sure I had a place to sleep until I was someplace safe. And then…it turned out this was the safest place for me. And the best place. Because you’re here.”

  I swallowed, not sure what to say.

  “You’re the first person who’s ever treated me like this,” he went on shakily. “Like…I’ve literally been the opposite of useful to you. I took up space in your trailer. Ate your food. Made you reroute your entire trip.” He exhaled hard, shoulders sagging. “I mean, shit, I’m the reason you were targeted by that asshole influencer, and even that didn’t make you treat me differently.” He met my gaze, his eyes brimming. “You’ve still bent over backwards to be good to me.”

  “Of course I did,” I said quickly. “You deserve nothing less.”

  Eyes still full of tears, he smiled, giving me a look. “And you really can’t understand how I could feel like this for you?”

  I managed a laugh. “Okay. Okay, I guess there’s…” I had no idea how to finish that.

  Then some worry worked its way into Blake’s expression. “There is, um…”

  My stomach somersaulted. “Tell me.”

  Blake swallowed hard. Then he whispered, “Everything is great now, but neither of us has a crystal ball. What happens if we split?”

  Throat tightening, I asked, “What do you mean?”

  “I mean…” He gestured around the trailer. “We live together. I…” He exhaled, shoulders sagging. “Everyone thinks every relationship will last, or that it won’t end badly, but like…how many people actually foresee that their partner will eventually be that ex they hate? It happens. And the thing is, I don’t want to make the same mistake I made with Ethan, you know? Where we wind up stuck together when we’re really ready to be done.”

  I held his gaze as I tried to figure out how to answer that. And right there in his worried eyes, I could see the question he wasn’t asking out loud: If you decide you don’t want me anymore, where will I go?

  Jesus. It would never stop shocking me how much anyone had discarded him the way his ex had. He had every right to be uneasy about our situation.

  “This is still new,” I whispered. “It could still blow up in our faces. We could…” I shook my head. “Anything is possible, you know?”

  Dropping his gaze, he nodded. “I know.”

  “But even if things don’t work out, I’m not going to leave you to the wolves. I promise you that.”

  He lifted his head and searched my eyes. He probably didn’t believe me, and…could I blame him? Had anyone before me ever given him a reason to have faith that they could at least be trusted not to throw him out on the literal streets? Fuck. My chest ached at the reminder of how many people had treated this man like shit. I was frustrated that their bullshit kept him from trusting me, but mostly I was angry that people had used and discarded him.

  “I’m sorry people have treated you the way they have,” I said. “I wish there was a way I could convince you that I won’t do that. I wouldn’t do it to anyone, not even the exes who I’d just as soon never see again. And I’ve dated some assholes, so I know of what I speak.”

  He pursed his lips.

  “My exes are still human beings, though,” I went on. “I still wouldn’t toss them any of them out on the street.” I put my hand over his. “If you’re not comfortable coming with me, if you’d rather do this as a long-distance thing for a while—fine. Whatever makes you feel the safest. But if it were up to me, I’d want you with me because…I mean, because I want you to be with me. I care about you. A lot. Enough that I want to take that risk, but I understand completely why you might not want to take it. With your experiences, no one would blame you if you wanted to proceed with caution.”

  Some tension eased in his neck and shoulders, which gave me a little bit of hope.

  “I mean it,” I whispered. “Even if things were to go sour between us—even if we can barely stand the sight of each other—I’ll make sure you have a place to go. I’m not sending you back out onto the street or making you live out of a car.” I gripped his hand tighter. “You are not disposable, Blake.”

  His jaw worked and I thought his eyes welled up again. He was silent for a long, long time, and I didn’t know what more to say. Then, finally, he took a deep breath. “Do you remember when you asked me what it would take for me to believe you weren’t going to ditch me like everyone else in my life?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I remember.”

  He laced our fingers together and brought our hands up to his lips. Then he met my gaze. “I believe you now.”

  The relief that swept over me almost knocked me to my knees, but before I could even sway, I had Blake’s arms wrapped around me. Releasing my breath, I buried my face in his neck, closed my eyes, and held him to me. No, there was no telling if we were in for the long haul or if we’d fizzle out like so many relationships did. Maybe there would come a point where we couldn’t stand each other.

  “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” he whispered.

  “Likewise,” I murmured. “But if you want to play it a little safe, we can take our time. Maybe do the long-distance thing for a while, and I’ll come back when—”

  “Fuck long-distance.” He touched my face and kissed me. “Just spending that one night away from you was too much, and not just because I was someplace miserable.”

  I looked in his eyes. “We could also stay here a while. In Chicago. Just to make sure we’re—”

  Blake shook his head. “No. I won’t lie—after what happened with Ethan, this all scares me.” He trailed the pad of his thumb over my cheekbone. “But nothing with him ever felt as right as it has with you from the beginning. Is it a risk? Yes. Kind of a leap of faith, I guess.” His smile melted my heart. “But it’s one I want to take with you.”

  The relief almost broke me, and I lifted my chin to kiss him softly. “I promise I’ll do everything I can to make that leap of faith worthwhile.”

  “I know you will.” He cupped my jaw and came in for a longer, more insistent kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned into him. Christ, had I really been a mess of doubts a few minutes ago? Talking myself into crisis mode?

  That all seemed far away. Like a dream someone else had told me about. Doubts? Not here. Not with him. This was too right and too perfect. His kiss was too perfect.

  Too perfect, and seriously hungry.

  I was out of breath when we came up for air. “We, um…” I licked my lips. “We don’t have to go into town quite yet, do we?”

  Blake’s grin stole what little breath I still had.

  And no, we didn’t go into town quite yet.

  Now for the really fun part—stopping by Blake’s mom’s place to pick up his things.

  As I parked the truck on the curb in front of the house, I quietly asked, “You ready for this?”

  Blake stared up at the house and exhaled. “I don’t know.” He turned to me. “But I’m ready for everything that comes after, so let’s just get this part over with.”

  I took his hand and squeezed it gently. “Say the word when you want to leave.”

  He offered up a faint smile. “I will. Thanks.”

  It didn’t take long for us to be noticed, and his sister didn’t waste any time letting us know how welcome we were.

  “Oh, look who’s back.” Kat narrowed her eyes. “Do you have any idea how much you fucked up my plans? I mean, it’s bad enough you took your sweet time even getting here when we’ve been begging for your help, but now you’re—”

  “I’m sorry,” Blake said flatly.

  “Yeah, whatever.” She tossed her hair out of her face and headed for the stairs, throwing over her shoulder, “Thanks for nothing.”

  He watched her go, nothing but hurt and resignation in his eyes and the slump of his shoulders.

  I touched his back. “Don’t listen to her.”

  He pursed his lips and nodded. The hurt remained, but could I blame him? Sighing, he rolled his shoulders. “Let’s go get my stuff so we can bail.”

  “Good idea.”

  We made it halfway across the living room before his mother came in from the kitchen. Arms folded, eyes hard, she glared at him. “I think we need to discuss a few things, Blake.”

  “Not really.” He halted, stepping partially in front of me as if to shield me from her ire. “We just came to get my things, and then I’m going back out on the road with—”