Ugh. God. I wasn’t even hungry anymore, but I dug into my food anyway. Cory had picked up some lunch portion pasta dishes from the Italian café across the street from our building. They made some of the best pasta in town, and they didn’t cost an arm and a leg. Plus they were close enough we didn’t have to bother with delivery apps and all their shady fees.

  And Cory can flirt with the—

  Matt. Stop. Jesus.

  We sat on the couch with our containers and a couple of beers, and I’d barely taken my first bite before Raziel cheerfully announced, “Oh, I have a brilliant idea!”

  “Oh, great,” Andras drawled, letting the sarcasm drip. “This should be good.”

  “Will you just—” Raziel huffed. “Anyhow. Matthew, why don’t you go flirt with the cashier?”

  Both Cory and I choked on our food.

  “What?” I sputtered. “Flirt with—are you serious?”

  Cory had to put his container down on the coffee table, and he took a swig of beer in between coughing.

  “I’m…” I shook my head. “I’m not going to cockblock my friend.”

  “Cockblock?” Raziel asked, truly confused.

  “For fuck’s sake!” Andras flew forward a bit, probably so he could glare at Raziel, and he sounded beyond exasperated: “Ya really don’t read the briefings, do you?”

  “I do!” Raziel snapped.

  And… off they went. Arguing. Again.

  “Oh my God,” I groaned, covering my face with one hand. “Will you two—enough!”

  They both shut up, and I realized Cory had jumped. Shit, maybe I’d said that louder than I’d intended.

  I exhaled. “Sorry,” I said to Cory. He shrugged and continued eating. To Andras and Raziel, I said, “Look, I’m not going to go after someone Cory wants. That would—it’s not cool, okay?”

  I had no idea if they understood why it wasn’t—if that was included in the “briefings” Raziel apparently didn’t read—but they let it go.

  “All right.” I gestured at the coffee table. “Can you two, like, sit there for a bit? I’m going to give myself a headache trying to look at you.” That, and just having them moving around right at the edges of my peripheral vision was… weird. With them in front of me and less annoying—sort of—I jabbed a fork into some of penne in my container as I said, “Now. What exactly is the… plan, I guess?”

  Andras, who’d sat on the edge of the table with his legs dangling, peered up at Raziel. Raziel looked down at him and shrugged. They had one of those exchanges only two people—or, well, beings—who’d known each other forever could, where an entire conversation was tucked into expressions and gestures.

  Finally, Andras rolled his eyes, sighed, and shifted his attention up to me. “Well, obviously you suck at finding a man.”

  I blinked. Beside me, Cory wheezed with laugher, and when I cut my eyes toward him, he tried valiantly to school his expression. I flipped him off, and he snickered. “Dick.”

  “What?” he said through his laughter. “Act like you’ve never been that blunt before.”

  I shot him a glare, but his smug am-I-wrong? smirk just made me laugh, and I shook my head. To Andras, I said, “Okay. Fine. So I’m… not great at connecting with people.” I poked at my food with my fork. “And you two are?”

  “We excel at guiding people,” Raziel said.

  “Right,” Cory said, “but what about making those connections yourself? Or is this one of those, ‘people who can’t, teach’ things?”

  Raziel cocked his head, and I was genuinely surprised an actual question mark didn’t appear above his puzzled face.

  Andras sighed. “It’s an expression, Razi. Just—” He looked up at us. “No, we don’t have partners, but we’ve been working for Bridget for centuries. We know what the hell we’re doing.” He paused, then added with a smug look that rivaled Cory’s: “More than you do, evidently.”

  I sat back, exhaling in defeat. “You know what? Fuck you all.”

  “Oh, come on.” Cory nudged my foot with his. “You love it.”

  I once again tried to shoot him a look. He met me with a smile that somehow toed the line between snarky and fond. Yeah, he was being a little shit just like he often did, but there was no heat behind any of it.

  There was some heat of an entirely different variety in me, though. God, what I wouldn’t have given to be able to connect with him the way I hadn’t been able to connect with anyone else, and not just because that would mean Andras and Raziel were gone.

  Do you have any idea how bad I want you?

  I pulled my gaze away from him and returned it to the winged matchmakers on the coffee table. “So we’ve established you guys are better at this than I am. Fine. Now what? What exactly do you do?”

  Raziel stood straighter, pushing his shoulders back. “Quite simply, we offer guidance while—”

  “We cut out all the bullshit on your profiles,” Andras broke in. “We rewrite all of it so you sound like a halfway desirable partner, and then we help you figure out how to actually be that halfway desirable partner.”

  I stared at him. Then I turned to Cory. “Am I really that blunt with people?”

  He was chewing a bite of pasta, and he nodded as he shrugged apologetically.

  “Great.” To the demon, I said, “So… like you tell me what to say? What to do?”

  “And we’ll help you pick out a wardrobe!” Raziel sounded positively gleeful, and he clapped his hands as he asked, “Are you ready to go shopping?”

  My jaw went slack. “Whoa, whoa, wait.” I gestured at them with my fork. “The new agreement says you guys disappear when I’m out in public.”

  “Well, yes.” The angel shrugged. “But you can summon us any time you need us. Like when you’re in a dressing room and need someone to approve what you’re trying on.”

  Oh. God. The prospect of listening to these two heckle my clothing choices in between arguing with each other sounded… uh… delightful.

  Cory cleared his throat. “I, um… I can go with you, too.”

  I faced him. “Huh?”

  “I like shopping for clothes. And you have told me I have good taste.” He shrugged as he spun some more noodles on his fork. “If you want, I can help.”

  Why did my heart go wild at thought of taking him with me? And at the same time, my stomach knotted, because I didn’t want his help picking out clothes to date other men. I wanted his help picking out clothes to date him.

  But the first option was the best I was going to get, so I nodded. “Sure. Yeah.” I managed a smile. “That would be great.”

  His face lit up as if he were actually excited about this.

  And suddenly… I was too.

  Chapter 6

  Cory

  After we’d eaten, Matt collected our food containers and tossed them. Then he came back to the couch and eyed Andras and Raziel warily. “So… I guess we should get back to my profiles?” He glanced at me. “We were about to start that earlier when you brought the food.”

  “Ooh, so I didn’t miss it.” I chuckled and slid closer to him as he got out his phone. I’d only meant to move in enough that I could see his screen, but…

  Fuck. Sitting this close to him… while we were talking about finding a man for him…

  It seemed fitting there was a demon in the room, because I was pretty sure this was actual Hell.

  At least Andras had moved from the coffee table to perching in the crook of Matt’s elbow. Still weird as hell, but better than having him right next to my head.

  Matt pulled up one of several hookup/dating apps on his phone and opened his profile. Raziel flew in closer, and Andras craned his neck to read it.

  Then Andras sat back, snapping his wings like he did whenever he was annoyed. “Well, no wonder you can’t get your arse fucked.” He gestured wildly at the screen. “What d’you expect, you numpty?”

  Matt gave him one of those sharp looks that I imagined made opposing counsel squirm in their chairs in the courtroom. It made me want to squirm, too, but not because I was intimidated or nervous.

  Is it hot in here? Fuuuck.

  Andras, of course, didn’t even flinch, staring back with more defiance than a creature that tiny should’ve been able to muster. “Well? Why would any man be arsed to respond to… that?” He pointed at the screen again.

  Matt glared harder. Andras glared more defiantly.

  Raziel cleared his throat. “For starters, perhaps we could make your introduction a little more… inviting?”

  That broke the standoff, and Raziel drew all our attention to the phone. I wasn’t sure when the angel had conjured the pointer, but he gestured at the screen like a teacher.

  “Perhaps something less confrontational?” He glanced up at Matt. “Not so negative?”

  “No, no.” Andras shook his head. “There ain’t a thing wrong with telling people upfront what he doesn’t like. Then he isn’t wasting their bloody time. No, the problem is this.” He flew closer, snatched the pointer from Raziel, and whacked it against the screen so hard I was surprised he didn’t crack the glass. “D’you really think this is attractive, man?”

  I craned my neck a little to read the text, pretending not to notice that my shoulder was now pressed up against Matt’s. Raziel had indicated the problem was in the lines, “Not interested in guys half my age, and my time is very limited. Let’s not waste it, shall we?”

  Andras took exception to “Looking for love, but this vers bottom won’t say no to a hookup.”

  Whew. Yeah. Matt did need some help in this department. It wasn’t terrible, especially the part Andras was throwing a fit over, but it could probably be a little less cheesy and a little more tactful.

  And thanks, guys. Thanks for making sure I now know my hot neighbor likes to bottom. That’ll help me hold on to my sanity. Thanks a lot.

  I was going to shrivel up and die before this conversation was over, either from embarrassment, unrequited horniness, or both.

  Mercifully unaware of me losing my damn mind beside him, Matt exhaled. “So, what should I put instead?”

  Both celestial assistants started to speak, but I beat them to the punch. “Why don’t you let me take a crack at it?” I held out my hand. “See if I can write something that works better?”

  Matt turned to me. “You… You think you can?”

  “Oh, honey.” I plucked the phone from between his hands. “I’m pretty sure I can come up with something better than this.”

  He stared at me for a moment, then nodded. “Okay. Sure. I’m terrible at these, so…”

  In unison, Andras, Raziel, and I said, “You are.”

  His exasperated groan was hilarious and adorable. “Fuck all of you.”

  I opened up the editing option and erased the godawful text that was already there. I started typing, but paused. “How, uh, how forward do you want this to be? I know it says you’re cool with hookups”—why was my face burning?—“but is that still what you want? Or do you want to focus on something more serious?”

  Matt blushed too, and he half-shrugged. “I’m good with hookups. And if I’m dating someone, I kind of like to get the sexual compatibility out of the way before we waste too much time, you know?”

  Raziel threw up his hands. “Good heavens. No wonder you’re still single! You’re supposed to meet people and—”

  “Razi.” Andras sighed as he flew back to his perch in the crook of Matt’s elbow. “It’s the Twenty-first century. People hook up. Make peace with it already.”

  From the disgruntled noise the angel made, he had no intention of making peace with it.

  I chuckled, then cleared my throat. “Okay. Got it.” I started typing, calling on everything I’d ever put into my profiles, not to mention what drew my attention to other guys. Then again, I’d had a horrible string of bad luck with men, so maybe it wasn’t such a hot idea to model Matt’s profile after mine or theirs.

  While I dealt with that, Raziel chirped, “What about photos? Because those”—he flapped a wing toward the phone in my hand—“aren’t going to work.”

  Matt sighed as if this were exhausting him. It probably was. “What’s wrong with my photos?”

  At the same time Raziel declared, “You need professional photos!”, Andras said, “Too many fecking clothes!”

  I looked up from the screen. Matt’s exasperated, annoyed, and vaguely amused expression was hilarious. And… maybe a little attractive.

  “So, what?” He let the sarcasm drip. “Should I get kill two birds with one stone and get professional nudes?”

  Andras’s shrug suggested he thought that was the perfect solution.

  Raziel, of course, tsked. “No. They don’t need to be nudes. But, yes, perhaps some professional photos? Oh! Maybe after we’ve fixed up your wardrobe.”

  Matt watched them for a moment. Then he swung his gaze to me. “I swear to God, if this takes more than a few days, bro code be damned—I’m moving in on that cashier just to get these two out of here.”

  I kicked him. “Don’t you dare. I’ve got dibs.”

  His expression turned plaintive. “And I’ve got… them.”

  I just laughed and continued with his profile. After a minute or so, I handed back his phone, not sure why I suddenly had a ball of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Because he might hate what I’d written? Or because it might work and summon Mr. Perfect right to Matt’s door?

  Matt furrowed his brow as he read the screen.

  “Well?” Raziel demanded. “What does it say?”

  Matt rolled his eyes. Then he read aloud, “‘I’m a busy professional in my 40s. Hit me up and tell me about yourself. Looking for love, but not opposed to having a good time if the chemistry is there. I’m a pretty low-key guy who enjoys a low-key life. I like to be active, I like to relax—just depends on the mood. Looking for someone to enjoy both of those things and everything in between. I know my way around the kitchen—let me cook you my enchiladas, and you’ll love me forever! LOL. My time is limited, but I’ll make time for you.’”

  He stared at the phone. Then he turned to me, eyes wide. “That… Shit.” He faced the phone again, and he sounded incredulous. “I should’ve had you write something for me ages ago.”

  I laughed softly, pretending my heart didn’t ache at the prospect of other men falling all over themselves to message him now.

  “It’s much better,” Raziel said with a sharp nod.

  Andras apparently disagreed, if the gagging sound he made was any indication.

  “What?” Matt demanded.

  “Nothing?” Andras shrugged flippantly. “Just… all that’s gonna get you is more wankers and tadgers.”

  “It will not!” Raziel declared. “I think it sounds nice.” To me, he said, “Well done, Cory.”

  Andras mimicked, “Well done, Cory.”

  Matt narrowed his eyes at the demon. “So help me, I will get a flyswatter.”

  Andras barked a laugh. “You think a flyswatter’s gonna hurt me? Pfft.”

  “An electric one might,” I said.

  Matt turned to me, eyebrows up. “Do you have one of those?”

  “No, but I could probably Amazon Prime it.” I took out my phone and pulled up the app. “Or maybe a stun gun?”

  “Oi!” The demon flailed around, his wings whipping up a small but violent wind. “You’d better not!”

  “Or what?” Matt asked dryly. “You’ll slap me with your wing? Again?”

  Andras huffed. Then he smacked the side of Matt’s wrist with his tail.

  “Ow!” Matt slapped at his arm, knocking Andras away in the process.

  The demon squawked, caught the edge of Matt’s sleeve, and righted himself.

  “Huh.” I pursed my lips. “Maybe the regular flyswatter will work after all.”

  “Eh.” Matt nodded at my phone. “Get the electric one just in case. I’m keeping these two in line by any means necessary.”

  “I beg your pardon!” Raziel hmphed. “I believe you mean keeping that one in line!”

  “Nope.” Matt focused on his own screen. “Both of you.”

  That prompted some grumbling, but otherwise, the pair settled down. When I glanced at Matt, I wasn’t at all surprised to see him fighting a smile. Nor was I surprised by the rush of heat that impish look sent through me.

  I am such a dumbass for you. My God.

  I was also glad to see Matt’s sense of humor seemed to have returned. He was still stressed about all this, I was sure, but he could snark with me and at the winged idiots. He could laugh. So… that was promising. Meant he was out of panic mode, at least.

  We went through the rest of his profile, filling in some of his interests in more detail. Favorite movies, TV shows he enjoyed, if he had kids or pets (or wanted them in the future).

  It was… excruciating.

  I already knew Matt was a walking list of everything I wanted in a man, but carefully cataloguing it all and phrasing it to appeal to every male-attracted man in the city except for me—that stung. Every time he rattled off another detail about what he wanted in a partner and in a relationship, I wanted to toss his phone across the room—or at his stupid head—and shout, “I’m right here, Matt!”

  But… no. I just dutifully helped him put it out there that he didn’t like movies for first dates because even if it gave them something to talk about afterward, it meant three hours of disengaging from each other. I spelled out that he wanted kids someday and longed for a place where he could finally have a dog again. I typed out for other men to see that one of Matt’s favorite things in the world was laughing and joking in the kitchen while he prepared a meal together with someone, as if that wasn’t one of my favorite things to do with Matt.

  By the end of it, I was a wreck, but I kept it to myself. Matt wanted what he wanted, and what he wanted wasn’t me. That was just how it was.

  Ugh. This sucked. Was that cashier’s shift over? Maybe I could catch him as he was leaving and see if he wanted to grab a cup of coffee and…

  And then I’d probably unload all my frustration on him and turn him off forever, because all I’d be thinking about was the legions of men who were going to find Matt’s shiny new profile. I might as well have included the text “I’m basically interested in anyone but you, Cory.” Fuck.