“I was up for hours last night researching a spell. I think it will work but I need to test it out first and—”

  “Hold up,” I interrupted. “What spell?”

  His smile widened, hands gripping my shoulders. “I think I’ve discovered a way to dissolve the demon mark Vasilios gave you. It’s a long shot but it can’t hurt to try, right?”

  I stilled, not knowing what to say. This was the reason he’d lost sleep? Guilt immediately rose its head, while at the same time the mark felt like it might explode right out of my chest to fight for its existence. It had grown attached and it didn’t appreciate talk of being dissolved.

  “Oh, um, that’s…great,” I said, unable to drum up much enthusiasm. A few weeks ago I might’ve been eager for such a spell, but now, well, the mark and I had bonded. It had become a part of me, and if it wasn’t there Vas and I might never have become strong enough to break out of the prison. I…I wasn’t sure I wanted to lose it.

  The realisation was a shock.

  “Listen, I have to get to class, but will you meet me at Indigo later? I had to hire extra workers now that Dad’s gone and there’s a few admin things that need to be taken care of.” He ran a hand through his mussed hair, a sign that he was stressed and trying to juggle too many things at once. I wanted to take all the stress and carry it for him, soothe it away. I certainly didn’t want to add to it by telling him I was strongly in favour of keeping the mark, so I simply replied, “Sure, see you later.”

  His eyes held several emotions I couldn’t adequately decipher. He reached out, cupping my cheek. “I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted since you got back but things are going to get better soon. I promise,” he said, pressing his lips to mine.

  I kissed him back briefly, then said, “You don’t have to take on everyone’s problems. You know that, right?”

  “I know I don’t have to but I want to. I want to make life easier for everyone I love,” he said, kissing me once more. “I better get to class. See you at Indigo around 9pm?”

  I nodded, standing in the same spot as he walked away. Indecision took over. I loved him so much and I just wanted him to be happy. Maybe I should let him cast the spell. It would prove I was loyal to him, because despite my confusing feelings for Vas, Peter was the one I wanted to be with.

  He was the one I loved.

  By the time lunch came around I didn’t have much of an appetite. The whole mark removal spell was making me question myself and what I really wanted. My plan was to tell Peter everything that had happened in the prison, just lay it all out in the open, then if he still wanted anything to do with me I’d let him try cast his spell. It wasn’t guaranteed to work.

  Even as I thought this the mark raged within me, burning up my skin in protest. But this needed to be done, right? I needed to show Peter I was his and his alone.

  Students continued to whisper and gossip about me as I walked through the halls. I couldn’t stand their constant speculation so I avoided the cafeteria, instead grabbing a few things from the vending machines. Then I went to hide in the bathroom at the far end of campus for some peace and quiet. Had I come back to school too soon? I felt fragile, and the side of me that was normally equipped to handle being gossiped about was feeling a little raw.

  I wished to return to my life of a few weeks ago, before Belinda was killed and my world was thrown into turmoil. Back when Peter looked at me like I hung the moon and stars and not like something about me needed to be fixed so that I could go back to being the girl he’d fallen in love with.

  The problem was, I wasn’t the same. I’d changed, but the parts of me that he’d loved hadn’t. Wasn’t that what was most important?

  I froze when the door opened and someone stepped inside. The only thing more humiliating than eating lunch in the bathroom was having someone catch me eating lunch in the bathroom. My heart pounded when there was a knock on the stall door. I held my breath, then a familiar voice said, “I know you’re in there, Darya. It’s me, Ren. Open up.”

  I let out a relieved sigh then unlocked the door and threw it open. “You shouldn’t be in here,” I chided.

  “Neither should you. It’s downright unhygienic. Come on, the weather’s nice today. Let’s go sit on the grass outside.”

  I didn’t protest because he was right. It was unhygienic to eat in the bathroom, not to mention depressing. I followed him outside and we found a quiet spot on the lawn to sit and talk. Ren opened his bag and pulled out three sandwiches, handing one to me and keeping the other two for himself. He’d cut his hair since I last saw him, but he still wore the dark eyeliner.

  “Nice haircut, by the way,” I said before taking a big bite out of the sandwich.

  “Thanks. I just felt like a change.”

  “Well, it suits you.”

  “Quit distracting me with compliments. I want to know everything that’s been going on with you and start from the beginning. It’s been excruciatingly boring around here since you’ve been gone. I need a good story to perk me up a little.”

  I eyed him, amused by his need to hear some drama. “Okay, well, it all began the day Belinda was murdered. Remember we were having lunch together?” I said and Ren nodded, leaning closer to show he was already fully invested in my tale. A half an hour later I’d told him everything, more than I’d even told Grace, like my time spent with Sarasin, the visions of my future. There was just something about Ren that had me spilling my guts. I wanted an outsider’s opinion. Someone who didn’t have any skin in the game to tell me what to do.

  “It’s hard to ignore a vision of the future,” Ren said at last. “I mean, I didn’t even see my future. Gran just told me I was going to be by your side and ever since I’ve been drawn to you.”

  My eyes widened. “You have?”

  “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not drawn to you in a romantic way. I think you already have enough on your plate without turning your love triangle into a love square,” he teased and I frowned to myself. Was that what I was in? A love triangle? No, I didn’t love Vas, but I did feel a connection to him. Would that connection grow into love?

  “Anyway,” Ren continued, “These things get into our heads until we can’t tell if the future we were told about is real or we’re merely walking towards it because we believe it’s our destiny.”

  “So, you think I should ignore my instincts to rescue Vas and focus on Peter?”

  “I can’t tell you that. It’s a decision you need to make on your own.”

  “But I don’t want to,” I groaned. “It’s too hard.”

  “Well,” he said, waggling his eyebrows. “Maybe you don’t have to. My gran says you’re going to be some kind of leader. Powerful people get to have numerous lovers.”

  I whacked him on the shoulder. “Not helpful! Besides, I don’t want numerous lovers. I just want to stop feeling like I’m being torn in two directions.”

  “Come on, monogamy is so basic. Don’t you want your own harem?”

  “No, thank you. A harem sounds like a lot of stress. And I don’t care about being basic. I just want to be with one person.”

  “Peter?”

  “Yes, Peter,” I stated, even though doubt had set in. I wished I’d never stepped foot in Sarasin’s glass house. If I hadn’t seen those future visions then they wouldn’t be constantly worming their way into my head, making me question myself and who I was really meant to be with.

  The bell rang and Ren and I packed up our things. He gave my shoulder a squeeze, his look meaningful when he said, “I’m always here to talk if you need me.”

  “Thanks. You’re a good friend.”

  He grinned and gave a little curtsy. “I try.”

  I stared at the school building, not wanting to go back inside. I’d promised my parents I’d finish the year and graduate, but the urge to quit was strong. I didn’t feel like I belonged there anymore. My uniform, the very air in the place, was stifling.

  But no, I’d made a promise so I would stick with it. I’d suffer school and the way the students stared at me like I was a pariah if it meant I could make my parents happy. It was a few weeks and then I could get on with the rest of my life.

  Later, after informing my parents I was going to see Peter, I drove to Indigo, nervous and eager to talk to him. When I got there I found him shutting down the store while one of the employees he’d hired headed home for the night. The chimes over the door tinkled when I entered and Peter’s eyes flicked up. He smiled when he saw me, closing the cash register as he came and pulled me into his arms.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured as he reached behind me and flipped the sign to ‘closed’ before turning over the lock on the shop door. Warmth suffused my cheeks at the compliment and I returned his hug.

  “You’re not so bad yourself.”

  “Fuck, I’ve missed you.” His voice was raspy. He pressed his forehead to mine and my heart skipped a beat, just like it always did with Peter, but there was something missing. Or perhaps something wasn’t missing, but simply changed. I wasn’t the same person I was only a few short months ago. Now there was conflict within me and it affected how I felt with the first boy to ever claim my heart.

  I hated this. A part of me wanted to go back to the Darya of before, the one who’d never stepped foot inside a prison. Another part of me held tight to the person I’d become, because I’d been through something that made the world seem scarier but far more vibrant and my soul stretched out to grasp for more of it.

  Peter backed me up against the wall and for a moment I forced myself to forget about everything else that was going on. I focused on his lips, the feel of his warm palms travelling down my spine before coming to rest on my backside. I was vaguely aware of a noise nearby, someone rapping their knuckles on the glass. Peter broke the kiss, swearing under his breath before he pointed to the sign and called out, “Sorry. We’re closed.”

  Through the window a disgruntled woman folded her arms and stomped away.

  “You could’ve opened for her. I wouldn’t have minded.” It also would’ve given me a chance to untangle the confusing feelings I was experiencing.

  “Well, I do. Besides, that was Mrs Milner. She knows our opening hours, and I doubt whatever she needs is so important that she can’t come back in the morning.” He paused to take a breath as his gaze ran over me. “Let’s go out back where we won’t be bothered.”

  “Okay,” I replied, allowing him to take my hand and lead me out to the spell room at the back of the shop. It was where Peter and I had become friends for the first time, when he’d offered to help me with the spell that had gone so terribly awry. Neither of us could’ve known Vasilios had been masquerading as Nic the whole time, intentionally screwing with the spell. I’d resented him for it when I discovered the truth, but now, well, how could I blame him for something that brought me and Peter together? Having one another’s voices in our heads had been the catalyst to us falling in love.

  That whole ordeal seemed like another lifetime now.

  I missed the feeling of knowing exactly who I was and what I wanted. I’d been a girl who’d finally won the heart of her lifelong crush, one who was focused on finishing school and joining the Guard and who saw a life for herself all planned out. I’d taken it for granted, the surety of it all. But then, you never know what you have until it’s gone, right?

  Now I was a woman whose heart was torn in two, whose vision of the police force she’d held on a pedestal was no longer so shiny. Don’t get me wrong, I still held respect for Sergeant Davis and all the others who served. They dedicated their lives to keeping the city safe, but having been in the prison where our most terrifying criminals were kept captive, I saw that they weren’t all lost causes. Sure, there were people who never deserved to see freedom again, but there were also people who I believed could be redeemed. People like Vas and Sven, even Serg, who might’ve done bad things but that didn’t make him all bad.

  I knew all systems were flawed, especially when it came to criminal justice. But I could no longer devote my life to a system like that. It wasn’t who I was anymore.

  Then there were those blasted visions of my future in Oreylia, my future with a man who wasn’t the one currently gazing at me lovingly. The visions constantly poked at me, making me question everything about my life and what I should do.

  My gaze landed on the stack of spell books spread out on the floor, the handwritten notes and diagrams that Peter had painstakingly spent hours working on. This was the spell to remove Vas’ mark, and I suddenly felt more hesitant than ever. Try as I might to ignore the instinct, I didn’t want to tear this intangible, strange, alive thing out of me. But I also didn’t want to hurt Peter by refusing to let him try his spell. If I did then he’d know I held some kind of affection for Vas and that would hurt him. Even if he put on a brave face like he had yesterday when I revealed I drank Vas’ blood, I knew deep down he’d be devastated.

  I lowered myself to sit on the plush rug and picked up one of the pieces of paper to peruse the spell. It was incredibly detailed. Peter had put his all into this and that made me even more reticent to decline his offer.

  “Wow, this looks…wow. Those tutoring sessions with Rita are paying off.”

  He ran a hand over his stubbled jaw. It looked like at least two days’ growth. “I feel like I learn more in a half an hour with her than I do in a week at St. Bastian’s.”

  “Well, you’ll be graduating in a couple of weeks. Then you can spend all your free time on mastering sorcery.”

  “I hadn’t really thought about that,” he said, lowering himself to sit beside me and pushing some of my hair over my shoulder. “There’s been so much going on lately I’ve barely given a thought to graduation.”

  “It seems unimportant in the grand scheme of things,” I agreed, my eyes going to the line of his jaw, the masculine shape of his lips. I adored everything about this boy. This man. How could it be that our paths diverged? That I already felt myself being torn away?

  “Darya?” he asked, a frown forming as he studied me.

  I rubbed my suddenly sweaty palms on the fabric of my leggings. “I need to tell you something,” I began, my mouth dry. I tried to wet my lips but it was no use. My nerves had gotten the better of me,

  Peter’s expression grew serious. “What is it?”

  I drew a deep breath. “Okay, so, while I was in the prison there was another inmate, an elf who could see the future. He offered to show me mine.”

  “Oh.” His eyebrows rose. “Did you accept the offer?”

  “Yes, and I wish every day that I hadn’t.”

  At this Peter gripped both my hands in his, pulling me closer to him. “Why? Did you…does something terrible happen because I can—”

  “It’s not that,” I cut him off. “I didn’t see how I die or anything quite so traumatising, but I did see where I go and who I’m with and…” I trailed off, unable to finish. Why was it so hard to tell him this? I’d rattled off the entire thing to Ren today during lunch but trying to get the words out in front of Peter was proving difficult. Maybe I just didn’t want to see his face when I told him.

  His hands fell away from mine, a wary look crossing the features I knew so well. “Who you’re with?”

  I swallowed what felt like a tonne of sawdust. “You weren’t there,” I whispered and the silence that ensued was unbearable.

  When I lifted my eyes I expected to see some form of emotion but his face was wiped clean, his demeanour stoic. “I see.”

  Did he? “Do you?”

  I watched his throat bob, his jaw flicker. “You’re with him, aren’t you?”

  I couldn’t answer the question. It was too painful. “The future isn’t set in stone. I can choose a different path if I set my mind to it.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  “Peter…”

  He lifted one of the pages where he’d written the spell to remove the mark. “Do you want me to cast this, Darya?”

  “Yes, of course. I—"

  He shook his head. “You’re lying.”

  I didn’t deny it because that would be another lie. I rubbed my sternum, feeling all mixed up. “I wish someone could tell me the right thing to do because I’m completely lost.”

  He moved closer, pressing his palm flat to my chest. “I can sense it, you know,” he said and I froze, remembering how it seemed as though he could see right inside me. “My magic has been able to hear it vibrating away ever since you got back from the prison. It wasn’t like that before. Before it was quiet but now it buzzes constantly. Darya, what happened in there? Did you…with him…”

  “No! I would never cheat on you, Peter.”

  “Then why has it gotten so loud? Before you left it was silent, I didn’t even know it was there, but now, now it’s constantly present, taunting me.”

  “It’s not taunting you. I have no control over it. Honestly, I wish Vasilios had never given it to me in the first place but I have it now and I…”

  “You what?” he challenged.

  I rubbed at the goosepimples on my arms, hating this entire conversation but knowing it had to happen. “I feel like it’s become a part of me and removing it would be like removing a vital organ,” I finally answered, my voice barely more than a whisper.

  The stoic mask fell away and I saw pain strike its way across Peter’s face. I saw his devastation and that same devastation was reflected in me. How could I hurt him like this when I still loved him with all my heart?

  Tears filled my eyes. I moved to get closer to him but he shifted away. He pushed himself to stand and I followed suit.

  “Don’t shut down on me,” I begged. “There’s still so much I need to tell you.”

  “I’m not sure I want to hear it. This already hurts too much. I’ve been trying to ignore it ever since you got back but you don’t feel like mine anymore.”

  “How can you say that? Of course I’m yours. I’ve always been yours.”

  “You might want to be mine, but destiny has other plans.”

  “Peter, please, we can figure this out. I’m sure there’s a way—”