Shut up and kiss me, p.1
Shut Up and Kiss Me,
p.1
Shut Up And Kiss Me
Lauren Blakely
Contents
Also by Lauren Blakely
About
Shut Up And Kiss Me
1. I Call Her Nancy
2. Make Yourself Decent, Jaybird
3. Mister Hustle
4. The Punchline Parrots
5. Midnight Road Trip
6. Roller Coaster Kiss
7. Bathrobes Will Save Me
8. Fully Equipped Turndown Service
9. Morning Peacock Reckoning
10. Well, That Got Awkward Fast
11. Don’t You Dare Cry
12. I Don’t Even Really Like Bananas
13. There is No Just
14. Long Food and Childhood Dreams
15. Food and Other Gasms
16. You Could Break My Heart
17. Flash Mobs and Reclusive Chefs
18. Complex Math
19. The Truth of Terrible Taste
20. Midnight Meetings
21. Ta-Ta For Now
22. Melt or Break
23. Doing it Again
24. Rent and Other Trifling Things
25. Other Plans
26. Health Food No More
27. On a Scale of One to Ten
Epilogue
Epilogue
Epilogue
Also by Lauren Blakely
Contact
Copyright © 2022 by Lauren Blakely
Cover Design by Helen Williams.
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book. This contemporary romance is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners. This book is licensed for your personal use only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with, especially if you enjoy sexy romance novels with alpha males. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.
Also by Lauren Blakely
Big Rock Series
Big Rock
Mister O
Well Hung
Full Package
Joy Ride
Hard Wood
* * *
Happy Endings Series
My Single-Versary
A Wild Card Kiss
Shut Up and Kiss Me
Kismet
* * *
Rules of Love Series
The Rules of Friends with Benefits (A Prequel Novella)
The Virgin Rule Book
The Virgin Game Plan
The Virgin Replay
The Virgin Scorecard
* * *
Men of Summer Series
Scoring With Him
Winning With Him
All In With Him
* * *
The Guys Who Got Away Series
Dear Sexy Ex-Boyfriend
The What If Guy
Thanks for Last Night
The Dream Guy Next Door
* * *
The Gift Series
The Engagement Gift
The Virgin Gift
The Decadent Gift
* * *
The Extravagant Series
One Night Only
One Exquisite Touch
My One-Week Husband
* * *
MM Standalone Novels
A Guy Walks Into My Bar
One Time Only
The Bromance Zone
* * *
The Heartbreakers Series
Once Upon a Real Good Time
Once Upon a Sure Thing
Once Upon a Wild Fling
* * *
Boyfriend Material
Asking For a Friend
Sex and Other Shiny Objects
One Night Stand-In
* * *
Lucky In Love Series
Best Laid Plans
The Feel Good Factor
Nobody Does It Better
Unzipped
* * *
Always Satisfied Series
Satisfaction Guaranteed
Instant Gratification
Overnight Service
Never Have I Ever
PS It’s Always Been You
Special Delivery
* * *
The Sexy Suit Series
Lucky Suit
Birthday Suit
* * *
From Paris With Love
Wanderlust
Part-Time Lover
* * *
One Love Series
The Sexy One
The Only One
The Hot One
The Knocked Up Plan
Come As You Are
* * *
Sports Romance
Most Valuable Playboy
Most Likely to Score
* * *
Standalones
Stud Finder
The V Card
The Real Deal
Unbreak My Heart
The Break-Up Album
* * *
The Caught Up in Love Series
The Pretending Plot (previously called Pretending He’s Mine)
The Dating Proposal
The Second Chance Plan (previously called Caught Up In Us)
The Private Rehearsal (previously called Playing With Her Heart)
* * *
Seductive Nights Series
Night After Night
After This Night
One More Night
A Wildly Seductive Night
About
When a scorching one-night stand between best friends absolutely, definitely shouldn’t happen again...
How to resist sleeping with your best friend when you’re stuck in a hotel room in Vegas with the charming, glasses-wearing hottie.
1. Slather your face in a grapefruit mask
2. Wear a big, fluffy robe
3. Make him do the same.
Oops.
Didn’t work. Turns out our libidos had other plans.
But, no biggie. After epic, soul-shattering banging, I’ll just put the genie back in the bottle the next morning. Only, that’s easier said than done. After years of scraping by, Nolan and I just landed the big break of a lifetime for our scrappy online restaurant review show. We’re going to New York for a month.
Just the two of us. TOGETHER ALL THE TIME.
But I’ve already lost my best friend once, so I’ll do whatever it takes to resist thoroughly delicious Nolan again.
Until I learn whatever it takes might cost me everything.
Shut Up And Kiss Me
A Happy Endings Novel
By Lauren Blakely
* * *
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* * *
Trigger warnings in this title include prior off-page death of a sibling.
1
I Call Her Nancy
Emerson
* * *
It’s big. It’s thick. It’s delicious. And it’s going in my mouth.
There’s only one question.
“Will it fit?” I ask the sexy man across from me.
He smirks. Devilishly, of course. “Ah, the age-old question.”
Time to find out. “Come to me, you juicy, delicious thing,” I coo.
A dozen onlookers edge closer, staring at this big beauty and my lips. They aren’t the only ones. A nearby camera records our scene as my co-host works the crowd. “Show of hands. Can she do it?”
“I’ve got this, Nolan. I’ve handled bigger,” I say, all bravado and big mouth.
“I don’t know. You’re gonna have to prove it,” Nolan taunts.
“Go ahead. Underestimate me.” I relax my throat, part my lips, and then go in for the whole shebang.
I bite down, and wow. Just wow.
Involuntarily, I roll my eyes because this is tasty. With the camera on me, I indulge in another delicious bite.
“Yes,” I moan around the double-decker veggie burger.
With a satisfied sigh, I set the flavor extravaganza on the plate. Picking up a napkin, I dab a bit of low-fat pesto from the corner of my lips. Low-calorie, that’s our jam.
A boisterous redhead in the crowd offers a rocker salute. “Give it that killer moan,” she calls out.
“It’s your trademark, Veggie Girl,” th
e wavy-haired brunette next to her chimes in.
Ah, my people.
They want what they want.
I wink at the women. “Mmm,” I start, drawing out the moan for effect. The ladies cheer me on. Bless them. Just fucking bless them. Then I turn my attention to the glasses-wearing, hazel-eyed, dark-haired guy across from me at the table. “That was a good one,” I say to my co-host in all things food, dining, and double meaning.
A smirk plays on his lips. “Should I get you a towel to clean up after that up-close-and-personal encounter with the Double O Burger?”
Harriet’s Burger Hut doesn’t hold back on the innuendo for its signature meals—one of the many reasons why this former hole-in-the-wall burger joint in the Mission District has become capital-T trendy.
“You’re just jealous because these veggie burgers are always better than your full beef injection ones,” I tease, and Nolan drops his head in his hand, laughing.
He turns to the camera perched on a tripod at the edge of the table. “Do you see what I have to put up with? The mouth on this one,” he says, shaking his head.
“Oh, you love it,” calls a woman with her black hair in a high ponytail.
“I do,” he says in a stage whisper, then snaps his gaze back to me as we keep rolling. “Your mouth is the reason I get up in the morning.”
I waggle a finger at him. “Proof that I’m not the only one with a naughty mind.”
But YouTube shows cannot survive on innuendo alone. Setting my black-polished nail on the edge of the plate, I slide the veggie feast toward him. “Your turn. Try it.”
Nolan picks up the burger slathered in mushrooms, pesto sauce, and gooey low-fat cheddar cheese, then takes a bite. He gives nothing away as he chews. So typical. He puts it down with a whatever shrug. “It’s not bad.”
I slap the table, playing it up. “Oh, come on. The Double O is toe-curling.”
“It did seem like you were having a knee-weakening moment with the burger,” he deadpans.
“Foodgasm!” the ponytail woman calls out.
With a big smile, I meet her eyes. “You know it!”
“Let me guess. You’d do it again,” Nolan says to me, imitating one of my catchphrases from the show.
I lean across the table and swat his shoulder. “You bet I would. Food is one of life’s great pleasures, and some dishes demand encores.”
“What are you gonna give it, then?”
I rub my palms, prolonging the suspense. Viewers love to predict our ratings. Later, we’ll edit in a clock-ticking pause to give them the chance to place their drinking game bets as they watch.
Holding up a hand like I’m taking an oath, I issue my declaration: “On a scale of one to ten, I’m giving this bad boy a nine point four five.”
Nolan barks out a laugh. “How long since you’ve rated anything under a nine, Em?”
“We pick well! We’ve been to some fab places. Why should I punish the food just because all these great dishes have raised the bar?”
“How can everything be close to a ten, though? You’re such a Paula.”
“And you’re such a Simon. I don’t grade food on a bell curve. Don’t blame me for having excellent taste when scoping out spots for us to review.” Ha. So there. I fold my arms across my chest, adopting a stern stare as my eyes stray to his empty plate. He ate the Full Monty Cheeseburger before I sampled the veg one. “And what are you giving your beef burger, Mister Mean Judge?”
A lazy shrug is his answer. And damn, he’s good at those sexy shrugs. They reel in the viewers.
The man flings a careless glance at the carnivorous carnage on his plate. “I can only give mine . . . a seven point two.”
“You’re such a hard judge,” I tease.
“And you’d accept nothing less.”
“That is true.” I lift my veggie burger and take another bite, savoring the taste. Nolan watches the whole time, and as my tongue flicks against the corner of my lips, his hazel eyes darken a bit.
Maybe that’s wishful thinking on my part.
Or dangerous thinking, really, the way those risqué thoughts come with a flutter in my chest.
Stupid flutter. Inconvenient thing.
I kick it aside. I won’t let a flutter get in the way of my goals.
It’s my turn to close out the episode, so I laser in on the camera. “And that’s our review of Harriet’s Burger Hut on this episode of How to Eat a Banana.”
I stop recording with a flick of my finger, just like I stopped the flutters. Been doing both for years.
Next comes my favorite part of the job. Meeting fans always makes me feel like a big deal when I’m so not. But for a few minutes after we shoot, I can pretend.
I can pretend, too, that I’ve made all my dreams come true.
The fans who watched our live recording encircle us, equipped with cell phones and Sharpies. A fair-skinned redhead from the crowd bounces over to the table, along with a brunette with an olive complexion. “I just love you guys so much. Can we take a pic?”
With a twinkle in his eyes, Nolan flashes a panty-melting grin, aka his regular smile. “Only if you can be in it too,” he says, all warm and inviting.
If flirting were a class, this man wouldn’t just be the best student. He’d teach an expert course.
And every session would be packed.
The redhead blushes. “Yes, please,” she says, then hands the phone to her friend.
I expect the woman to line up between Nolan and me, but she scoots next to him instead, her shoulder to his shoulder, nudging him closer to me. Her photo choreography leads to Nolan slinging an arm around me, which leads to my libido whispering dirty ideas about my friend and colleague.
So annoying, my overactive imagination, when she gets these wayward notions. I call her Nancy. A name makes backtalk much more satisfying.
When Nolan curls his hand around my shoulder, squeezing it, an irritating little burst of tingles kicks around in my chest.
Shut up, Nancy.
I smile for the camera phone.
When the picture is done, the redhead thrusts a purple Sharpie my way. “Can you both sign my shirt?”
I kind of can’t believe we have any fans for this crazy endeavor, let alone ones who want me to mark their clothing in permanent ink. But the data doesn’t lie, and more than one million YouTube subscribers tune in to our show. It still feels surreal.
The redhead spins around so we can sign her back.
I’m the good cop vegetarian, I write. And Nolan pens, I’m the bad cop carnivore.
After they take off, we chat with a few more fans and take pics with others as the waitstaff wipes down nearby tables, prepping to open again for the dinner crowd.
Finally, the rest of the fans filter out until only a perky blonde remains. “I’m Marie,” she says, “and I just wanted to say you guys are so cute. When I heard you were shooting in the Mission, I left work early to meet you. I watch almost every episode with my sister.”
