“Tessa, have you considered doing any modeling?” the other asked.

  Tessa could only register disbelief as the two men brazenly snapped their pictures. Mark helped her into the car first and then quickly made his way over to the driver’s side. The engine roared to life. Neither of them spoke while Mark hurried to pull out of the parking spot. Soon, the paparazzi were distant specks in the rearview mirror, and Tessa finally exhaled after what felt like five minutes.

  “What the hell?” she asked.

  Mark checked his rearview compulsively as he drove. “I don’t know. I don’t know how they knew we were there.”

  Tessa blinked, staring out the window without truly seeing their surroundings. “Somebody had to have called them and tipped them off.”

  He shook his head, jaw flexing like crazy. “Fucking ridiculous.”

  “Well, this is just great,” Tessa muttered. “Now I’ll definitely be fired.”

  Mark’s brows knit together. “Why would you be fired for eating out?”

  She sighed, shaking her head. “I had another talking-to today from the head of school. It was so weird. I couldn’t tell if I was in trouble or if he was truly trying to help me. But he said I should think about my priorities, and basically insinuated that I can’t both be an effective educator and the girlfriend of a football player.”

  Mark laughed incredulously. “You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

  “I don’t get it,” she said glumly, picking at a cuticle. “The kids love me; he said it himself.”

  “Babe, you’re an amazing teacher. The kids love you. The parents must love you too, because of it. What else do they want?”

  “Well, apparently they’ve complained about me, so they must not love me,” she said. “That’s a pretty big deal.”

  “There are always going to be people who don’t like you, or don’t like what you do,” he said, his voice taking that tone of don’t worry, everything is fine. It grated on her, even though she knew he was just trying to help.

  “I’m just scared,” she finally admitted. “I’m scared of losing my job. I’d lose my income. Angus would lose his tuition. I think it’s time for me to start looking for a new job.”

  Mark snorted. “Um, hello. I have money. Plenty of money. You don’t have to worry about losing your job, babe. I’ve got you if you need it.”

  She pinched her eyes shut. All of the frustrations she’d been feeling for the past several weeks were boiling to the surface, creating a terrifying stew that even she hadn’t counted on. “I appreciate that. But I can’t count on that in the long run. I need to make sure that I can always provide for Angus. Because someday, it might be all we have to lean on.”

  Mark was extremely quiet for a few moments, which only made Tessa’s heart beat faster.

  “What are you trying to say, Tessa?”

  “I’m saying that football income isn’t something we can stake our futures on. One injury, one bad season, one more bench from the coach because something else happens—it might all go away. Don’t you see that? You could be done with the NFL forever after this season. After your next game, even. We just don’t know.”

  Mark wet his bottom lip, his gaze flat as he stared out at the road ahead. “You might not know, but I sure as hell do.”

  “Listen, I appreciate your optimism. I love how supportive you are, how much you want to share all this money and fortune. But my job isn’t a joke, and it’s not less important just because you’re playing in the NFL now.”

  Mark scoffed. “Do you really think that I believe my job is more important than yours?” he asked.

  Tessa swallowed hard, fiddling with her seat belt. “No. That’s not what I meant. I just want you to understand that getting this big break is not the end of the road.”

  “You don’t think I fucking know that?”

  “Well, what happens if you become unemployed?”

  Mark sputtered. “I don’t know, but I’ll still be Angus’s father. I’m not going anywhere. My family isn’t going anywhere. We will figure something out. We will be fine. Even if worse comes to worst and he can’t stay at this private school, he’ll still have a good life. Look at us—we’re doing great. We graduated from that shithole town.”

  “Yeah, and we were some of the lucky ones,” she murmured, watching as Mark pulled onto the road leading to her house. “A lot of our classmates didn’t make it past the hard times. They’ll be stuck in the cycle of poverty. Is that where you’ll return if you don’t make it in the NFL? What’s your plan B?”

  Mark sighed tersely. “I don’t have a plan B. You’re right.”

  A tense silence filled the car, and she focused on watching the landscaping blur by as they wound through her neighborhood. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry or crumple into his arms or maybe both.

  Mark drew a deep breath as he pulled into her driveway. He parked the car and finally turned to her, his brown gaze unreadable.

  “So where does this leave us?” he asked.

  And the question alone made it hard to keep his gaze. Because the truth burned inside of her, imploring her to make a choice that she’d been trying to avoid all along.

  She’d worked too hard for her career, and for Angus’s future, to get caught up in something that only resulted in a downward slide. Even if it came on the heels of the greatest—and only—love…she and Angus deserved to get themselves steady and stable first and foremost. Everything else was secondary.

  “I think we need to take a break,” she said, so quietly that she wasn’t even sure she’d said it. The words themselves were laced with uncertainty, because taking a break from her best friend also seemed patently unwise. But she needed to get her head on straight. If every outing involved someone from the media asking her to pose in a nude calendar…what did that mean for her peace of mind?

  “Are you serious?” Mark asked, his voice flat.

  “Neither of us has a plan B,” she said, finally daring herself to look him in the eyes, so that he could see she was serious. “And I just need some time to think.”

  He pressed his head back against the seat, his gaze moving to her closed garage door. “Are you breaking up with me?”

  Tears crowded her vision now. Hearing him say the words felt more serious than she’d bargained for. And she wasn’t sure she could go through with it.

  “I don’t know,” she whispered. “But I know that I love you.”

  Tessa grabbed her purse and slipped out of the car before she could think better of it.

  18

  A couple weeks later, Mark was in the middle of the worst game of his life.

  The Sharks were playing the Giants at home, and Mark could not get his fucking head in the game.

  “Jesus, Coleridge,” Maxwell shouted over at him after a particularly botched play. A chorus of boos rolled through the stadium, and Mark knew they were meant for him. Maxwell trotted toward him, pushing him on the chest. “Come on, man! I know you’re in there somewhere.”

  “I’m trying. I’m fucking trying.” He gripped at the sides of his helmet. It was like each mistake compounded upon the last, until he was facing an insurmountable wall. Coach stalked up the sidelines, sending Mark a glare that made his stomach drop. The score was 32–10, New York up, in the final quarter. He wasn’t the only one fucking up today, but it sure felt like he was the worst of them all.

  “That breakup really got to you, huh?” Maxwell said as they jogged toward the sidelines.

  “We didn’t break up,” Mark reminded him, but at this point, it sounded like a weak comeback. The sort of obviously untrue thing someone says when they’re pinned by the neck. “It doesn’t matter.”

  But it did matter. Too much. So much that it was ruining his life.

  Where’s your optimism now, Mark? He was to the point of goading himself. Not a good sign. Everything was in disarray, and he didn’t know where to go from here.

  The game ended as expected—a bitter loss. The team was unnervingly quiet in the locker room, and nobody had the balls not to flinch when Coach started his ass reaming. They all deserved it. Maybe Mark more than the others.

  Once the reporters had their fill and players were filing out for the night, Mark sank to the locker room bench, lacking the energy to truly leave. Pete was at his locker, sending him a wary look over his shoulder.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t punch you again,” Mark said weakly. “Don’t have the energy after fucking it up so bad out there anyway.”

  Pete shook his head. “You aren’t the only one.” He sighed, closing his locker door. Worry flickered across his face, the most vulnerable he’d seen Pete since they started the season together. “Listen, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For the picture thing.”

  Mark blinked about a million times. “You are?”

  “Yeah. It was a shitty thing to do. But I was hard-up for some cash, and I knew I could score if I sold that picture to the press. Your girlfriend is hot—sorry.”

  Mark stared at Pete like he was speaking a different language. “But you make so much money. How can you need cash?”

  Pete laughed bitterly. “Are you serious? NFL might as well stand for No Financial Lessons. Dude, you have no idea how many of us are broke and living beyond our means. Just doing it paycheck to paycheck like we always have, except with way higher numbers.”

  This information rocked Mark. And then he realized that’s what he’d been doing.

  “But hey, I get it if you can’t move past it. Just wanted to tell you, I fucked up. And I’m sorry.”

  Mark nodded slowly, searching Pete’s face. He sensed a sincerity there that had never been present before. “My lawyer thinks we should sue, because Tessa is on the brink of losing her job. Lucky for you, she’s not interested in suing. But she needs this shit to be taken care of. The only thing I can think of is one of those companies that cleans up your online reputation.”

  “Let me pay for it,” Pete blurted. “It’s the least I can do. I need to clean up my own mess, and downsizing my life wouldn’t be such a bad idea either.”

  Mark clapped Pete’s shoulder, sending him a soft “Thanks.” He offered his hand. “Peace?”

  Pete shook. “Peace. Later, man.”

  Mark sat staring at the locker doors in front of him for too long.

  “You gonna stay here overnight?” James sank down next to him, nudging him.

  “Might as well,” Mark said with a weak laugh. “Might be the last chance I get to experience the inside of an NFL locker room after the way I played.”

  James tutted. “Please. If you think you’re doing anything Scooter hasn’t seen before, you obviously haven’t heard about my own rookie year.”

  “Oh, please tell,” Mark said.

  “Well, I let all the sudden money and amazing lifestyle go to my head—and bad. I was showing up to practices still drunk sometimes. Other times, I hadn’t slept at all. I was fucking wild, man.” James shook his head, a grimace on his face. “Honestly, if you think being benched by Coach for one punch is bad, try puking all over his face after promising him you were sober.”

  Mark laughed, despite how horrible the story was.

  “I almost got cut my first season. That was a wake-up call,” James concluded. “And here I am. Year fifteen.”

  Mark shifted his gaze to the tile of the locker room floor. “But does Coach think I’m that bad? I haven’t done anything like that. Except suck it up on the field and punch a guy. Big deal.”

  James laughed. “No, man. Nobody thinks that. It’s obvious your heart is here. But your head’s been someplace else. You gotta get that focus back. As far as I can tell, there’s two ways you can go from here: keep bringing your drama to work and suffer the consequences, or figure out your shit off the field and come back stronger than ever. It’s really up to you.”

  James’s words stuck with Mark on his drive home and that entire night as he struggled to relax and enjoy the night at his place. But the more he thought about it, he realized he didn’t have his shit off the field figured out. Not with Tessa, not with Angus, not in any area of his life, really.

  He had no back-up plan. And it didn’t feel good at all.

  What did life without football even look like? He’d never even considered it, and maybe that was the issue. He’d picked his major—zoology—because he’d been vaguely interested in it, and it ended up being a lot of fun. But he hadn’t chosen it for career viability. He’d never actually planned on doing anything with the degree. It was simply a placeholder he needed in order to play football for five years on someone else’s dime.

  Relaxation was out the window, and Mark started wrestling with some big questions. What would happen if he really was cut this season? One year of football salary would change his life, but it couldn’t sustain his life forever. He’d knocked out some big purchases and elevated the family in a major way. But if he didn’t have the same big league money to count on next year? What then?

  Mark paced the room for what felt like an eternity, mulling over different scenarios and possibilities. He didn’t even know how much Angus’s school cost; he’d simply reassured Tessa that he could afford it. Which he could. For now. But she was right. She needed to plan for the long term. And it was time he did, too.

  Both he and Tessa had suffered incredibly from financial insecurity growing up. Now that he’d made it into the NFL, he figured his money worries were a thing of the past. But that wasn’t the case—not if his career ended or he blew his money on the wrong things.

  No, it was time to be smart. It was time to give Angus the stability and forward-motion plan that he’d never had growing up.

  The only problem was, this was brand-new territory for him.

  But that didn’t mean he couldn’t run this ball into the end zone.

  19

  A few weeks after Tessa had told the only man she’d ever loved to take a step back, she was going through the motions, trying to remind herself what this was all about.

  Her work life had congealed into a mostly tolerable stream of fake interactions and forced smiles. Her kids were the only bright spot, and she found herself quietly cursing in her head whenever she had to interact with any of the other teachers.

  But she was giving it her all. Her undistracted, one hundred percent best. If Robert didn’t notice and appreciate by now, then she had no other options. She could conclude that her best just wasn’t even good.

  And in a way, she was celebrating through her kids today. Because she needed to feel like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. She’d made a surprise for them and brought in all sorts of fun craft supplies to make masks. Sequins, glitter glue, feathers—they had everything and anything at their disposal. The kids had shrieked with joy when she unveiled the plan, and for a full hour they all worked, crafting their own face masks with so much happiness and creativity that it almost made her well up.

  Once the kids had been led off to the cafeteria and Tessa was tucked in her classroom, ready to enjoy her own lunch, one of the office receptionists stopped by her office.

  “Hey there. Robert wants to see you.”

  Tessa stared, unblinking. “What? Why?”

  She shrugged. “He didn’t say. But he’s waiting for you, if you’ve got a minute.”

  Tessa looked down at her perfect, ready-to-be-eaten sandwich, and nodded. “Sure.” She set it down, offering it a sad smile, and then followed the receptionist to Robert’s office. When she slipped into his office for the third time in the past month, she couldn’t imagine it would end any differently than the previous times. No, this place had completely extinguished her optimism for the job. Eaten up all her excitement for the future.

  She was hanging by a thread and just trying to avoid being fired.

  Is this what you’ve imagined since high school?

  “Tessa. Hope you weren’t in the middle of anything,” Robert said, rearranging some files on his desk.

  “No, no. Just lunch.” As if on cue, her stomach rumbled. “What’s up?”

  “Well, just wanted to address something that has come up,” he said, clearing his throat. He leaned back in his chair, donning his typical relaxed authoritarian position. “We’ve had a number of noise complaints about your classroom.”

  Her brows shot to the ceiling. Noise complaints. This was a new one. “Oh. Well, I surprised the students with an art activity. They were thrilled, and yes, got a little noisy. But they calmed down quickly, and everyone was absorbed in gluing and coloring.”

  “I’m not just referencing today.” His gaze felt heavy on her. Foreboding. “It’s about your teaching approach in general. You’ve been straying from the curriculum. You allow children to wander.”

  “Wander?” she asked.

  “Yes, your students have been seen in the hallways during class time—”

  “Using the restroom,” she clarified.

  “You’ve brought in unapproved teaching materials, which multiple parents have brought to our attention.”

  She blinked rapidly, once again cycling through the familiar routine in his office: dumbstruck, outraged, and wholly offended. “But, Robert, I thought you had specifically been impressed by my lesson plans when you hired me. The majority involved enrichment material found beyond the standard curriculum.”

  “We have a very specific reputation to uphold,” Robert said, his eyes narrowing.

  “I can’t help but wonder if this still has anything to do with the negative publicity Mark and I received,” she said, crossing her arms. “I’ve never been warmly welcomed by the staff here, even less once all that happened. Nobody had issues with my craft books before that photo was released without my permission. Why now?”

  “I don’t want to speculate on that. I can’t speak for the other teachers, so I won’t. But this ties into some overall trends that I’ve noticed. Angus doesn’t seem to be fitting in too well either, similarly for disruptive and overly enthusiastic behavior.”

  Tessa’s eyes felt like they might pop out of her head. “He loves school. Is that a bad thing?”