Chapter 41

  J

  “More! More!”

  There was a point when her voice hardly sounded human anymore. Rather, it resembled a carnal outcry, like you’d expect from a coyote out in the wild. It egged me on, turning the tables in the way that I was no longer the one pushing her, but it was the other way around.

  “More! I need more!”

  The cane left its mark on her delicate skin, and the sight of the deep red stripes on her behind drove spurred me on even more, leaving no room for restraint or concern for sanity, neither hers nor mine.

  But now my mind is clearing as the fog of lust slowly dissolves. I remain motionless, frozen to a pillar of salt with my cock still buried inside her while my heart races as if in the midst of a marathon.

  Years I’ve been waiting for this moment. So many years.

  And now that I’m here, finally having her the way I’ve wanted for so long, I’m not elated in the way I expected.

  I’m torn. Torn between two emotions that couldn’t be further apart from each other. There’s bliss and delight, a feeling of accomplishment and a happiness I haven’t known before—but it’s spoiled by something. There’s something dark lurking between us, joining us when we’d rather be alone.

  Does she feel it, too?

  I lean forward, still buried inside her as I hover over her back, holding her by the shoulders as I plant a kiss on the side of her sweaty cheek. She’s trembling beneath me, probably still recovering from her high. Squirming, she repositions herself, pressing her broken skin against my body.

  “More.”

  It’s a hoarse croak, not shrill like her shrieks were before, but equally foreign to my ears. She doesn’t sound like my Petal, the beautiful girl who has governed my heart for the past ten years. Petal’s voice is deep for a woman of her stature, but it’s soft and calm, and uniquely hers.

  “I want... more.”

  She throws her head back while moving back into me, her eyes wide open as she stares up against the wall in front of us. As unsettling as the sound of her voice may be, the look on her face right now is downright terrifying.

  She growls angrily when I straighten up, removing myself from her before I hurry to unclasp the shackles around her wrists. For a moment, it appears as if she wants to fight me on it, her thin fingers digging into the leather as she holds on to the bench when I attempt to lift her up in my arms.

  “Petal!”

  She jerks at the volume of my voice, rounding her back and lowering her head, her long hair trailing down on each side and shielding her from my sight. I wait another moment, observing her tense body as she refuses to let go of the bench.

  “Don’t stop,” she breathes, her voice muffled as she pushes her face down on the leather. Her tone has changed again. It’s no longer that awful squawk she used as she voiced her demands, but turned soft and so thin that it was almost impossible to understand.

  “Please, don’t stop,” she repeats, whimpering as she finally allows me to gather her up in my arms. She feels as small and weak as she sounds, weighing next to nothing in my embrace as I carry her over to the other room.

  A disappointed sigh flees her lips, but she’s too exhausted to fight me. My pulse speeds when she nestles against my chest, honoring me by seeking comfort in my embrace.

  I wonder if she’ll ever know how. If she’ll ever know how long I’ve waited to be allowed to give her this, all of this. The pain, the ecstasy, the solace.

  “Stand,” I whisper as we’ve reached the bathroom. She looks up at me, appearing confused and still a little out of it, but not nearly as befogged as just moments ago.

  Her legs are trembling and I don’t trust her stance at first, but let go of her nonetheless once her feet are securely placed on the soft mat before her bathtub.

  “Turn around.”

  She obliges without hesitation, presenting her bruised behind to me. The cane cut deeper into her flesh than I meant it to, even breaking her skin in several places and drawing tiny droplets of blood. The small cuts will heal fast, but the bruises that come with it will last for days. I can already see them blossom on her ass cheeks and upper thighs, painting red and violet shadows in a random pattern across her light skin.

  “Are you in pain?”

  She turns around to me, shaking her head. “Not anymore.”

  She almost sounds disappointed, and the look on her face underpins that impression. Long strands of hair are sticking to her temples, her blushed face covered in a salty crust of tears and sweat. It’s the first time she’s standing before me completely naked, and she’s not trying to hide herself from me. Her arms are hanging idly at the sides of her body, and her green eyes latch on to mine, lacking the haziness of before. She doesn’t look scared, not even intimidated. If anything, there’s defiance in her expression.

  What now, she seems to be asking. Waiting for me to act, to continue the play I started. But before I find the words to do so, she breaks the silence between us with a question I didn’t expect.

  “Why do you look at me like that?” she wants to know.

  I furrow my eyebrows. “Like what?”

  “Like you’re afraid of me,” she says, the expression on her face hardening.

  Fuck. How on Earth can she tell?

  “This is what you wanted, no?” she probes, approaching me with one deliberate step, and coming so close we almost stand skin against skin. I resist the urge to move away from her, if only to refuse her the satisfaction of seeing how right she really is.

  “You said you wanted to train me, to own me, to punish me,” she says, hissing the words as she stands so close that I can feel her breath on my chest. She doesn’t look angry, but the way she speaks makes me think of a snake.

  “So, tell me. Why would you look at me like that?”

  I shake my head, arching an eyebrow as I lock her into place with my unyielding gaze.

  “My dear Petal, you need to remember your place.”

  “Or else?” she pokes, tilting her head to the side.

  I cast her a quick glance before pointing toward the door behind me. “You miss that basement?”

  It’s almost too easy. She responds in an instant, taking a step back as she regards me through wide eyes, unable to hide the fear scurrying across her face.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  I move past her, ignoring her questioning gaze while I turn on the faucet of the bathtub.

  “This may hurt a little, because of your fresh cuts. But we’ll be careful.”

  “We?” She steps closer, hugging herself as if she suddenly became aware of her own nakedness. “Are you going to... take a bath with me?”

  I don’t respond right away but revel in her curiosity. The look on her face is beautiful beyond description, a blend of insecurity and hope, equally intimidated and happy about the prospect. It’s an expression I’ve seen on her face before.

  Chapter 42

  J

  There are hundreds of young faces, beaming with hope and accomplishment as they strut around in their silly robes. The idyll is almost sickening, the sun shining, kids smiling, parents bursting with pride.

  But none of them shine as bright as she does. The smile on her face is not as wide as others, because it never is. But it isn’t insincere either. I know she’s happy today, as happy as she can be.

  Because today marks the first step toward freedom for her, both positive and negative. She may finally have the freedom to do as she pleases, to follow a dream she’s had for years—if she dares to go through with it. I hope she will. I will do everything in my power to make sure that she will, even if it means losing her forever. Because this freedom is also a freedom from the shackles that have held her back almost her entire life, restraints that have been out on her by men.

  And I might be one of those men, unless I fucking get over myself and ignore the piercing pain that rips through my chest when I think about not being able to see her anymore. It is for the better. It’s better for her.

  I must remember that.

  The smile she casts my way now is as bittersweet as they come. She’s far away from me, like she almost always is, standing next to the stage where they just handed out diplomas to all the high school graduates. I sat in the audience, watching as she received hers, hidden in the far, far back, almost at the very last row, but clapping louder than anyone else when she was called on stage. I could see her scan the audience after she accepted her diploma, and it fills me with egocentric pride knowing that she was looking for me. Her father was sitting in one of the rows up front, very close to the stage, very close to her. Her eyes trailed over to him once, a coy response to his unyielding eyes.

  She’s by herself right now, and she spotted me all the way across the auditorium. Her hands tighten around the diploma, and even though my looks tells her not to, she approaches me. I notice that she casts a look back over her shoulder before she does, making sure that no one sees her, that no one will stop her doing as she pleases.

  Her steps widen and she speeds up, almost running toward me as the smile on her face widens.

  I’m torn between elevation and concern. She’s so fucking happy to see me. She’s drawn to me just like I’m drawn to her.

  No, that part isn’t true. Her attraction to me doesn’t come close to the way I feel about her.

  “I’m so happy you’re here!” She beams up at me, getting up on her toes as she wraps her arms around my neck.

  I hesitate before I reciprocate the gesture, knowing there might be eyes on us, even if we’re not seeing them at the moment. Once I lift my arms in an embrace, it’s a cautious gesture, not even close to what every fiber of my being desires.

  She gasps in my hug, and for just a few seconds, we’re allowed a moment of tenderness. The busy world gets drowned out. It’s just the two of us, in the dark, no sound, no eyes, no other people judging and staring, just waiting for the right moment to tear us apart.

  But I know it’s a lie. I know they’re there.

  I break our embrace, gently pushing her away from me to create distance between us. She lets it happen, nervously fixing her hair as she smiles up at me. Today is a big milestone for her, a major step from restrained childhood to adulthood, which will hopefully be marked by more freedom than she’s ever known. Still, she looks young today, so young and innocent, tickling my protective instinct even more than she usually does.

  “I told you I wouldn’t miss this,” I say, glancing back over her shoulder to make sure that we’re blessed with a few moments alone. Of course she notices.

  “He’s gone back to the car to get something for me,” she says, winking at me. “Jayson, would you stop worrying. It’s not like there’s a restraining order or anything.”

  I huff. “Might as well be.”

  She clears her throat, looking uncomfortable as she lowers her gaze.

  “I’m eighteen. I graduated. Everything will change now,” she says in a low voice before tilting her face back up to mine. “Right?”

  “If you want it to.”

  A thin crease appears between her eyebrows. “You know I do. But I need your help. You’re the only one who—”

  “I know,” I cut her off. “And I will. You have my word, Petal.”

  A blush creeps on her pretty face, warming her sweet smile as she’s faced with our little secret. It’s just a name, a pet name I’ve given her years ago, but in a way, it’s the most sacred thing we have between us. No one knows about it, and no one ever uses that name for her but me.

  And every time I do, she responds with this smile. A smile full of gratitude and the feeling of belonging. I’m the only one who can make her smile like that, the only one who can give her that happiness. Yet, I might never be allowed to give it my all.

  “I might never be able to pay you back, Jayson,” she says, worry flickering across her pretty features. “I’ll be forever in your debt.”

  Oh, she has no fucking idea. She will never know that it’s the other way around. Without her, I wouldn’t be who I am today. My wealth, my success, the power that comes with my name—all of it is thanks to her. That, and a memory so precious, that it will forever feed me and enrich a life that would be bleak if it wasn’t for her.

  She doesn’t know, and it’s best if she never does.

  “We shouldn’t talk about this here,” I say, realizing that my time with her is coming to an end. Because I see him approaching from afar, and not just him.

  She nods, pressing her lips together as her gaze follows mine, forcing her to turn away from me.

  Robert and Christopher are marching toward us in wide strides, both of them with an intense expression on their face. Christopher is wearing the same navy colored gown she is wearing, and just like her, he’s holding his diploma rolled up in his hand, looking visibly upset about the fact that she took the first chance to get away and talk to me as soon as it presented itself.

  They come to a halt in front of me, wedging her between the two of them as if they were trying to protect her. And I’m pretty sure they both think that’s what they’re doing.

  “Mr. Bowlan. Didn’t think you’d be here today,” Robert says, being awkwardly formal.

  “He just dropped by to congratulate me,” she interferes, casting her father a warning look from the side. “He’s just being nice.”

  “And congrats to you, too,” I add, nodding in Christopher’s direction. “Big day for you guys.”

  Christopher reciprocates my nod. “Thanks.”

  He has always been better at hiding his disdain toward me, and I know why that is. He knows that I’m important to her, and you never win a woman’s heart by hurting the ones she loves. He has never been as hostile toward me as Robert has, even though his dislike is no less strong.

  However, his rather peaceful attitude might change rather sooner than later.

  “Shall we?” he asks, turning toward her. “The others are waiting.”

  “Yes, you should be going and join your friends,” Robert adds, casting me a dark look from the side.

  Her eyes go back and forth between them, before locking onto mine again. An apologetic smile spreads across her face, and as always, it’s spiced with the allure of secrecy.

  “Thank you for coming, Jayson,” she says. “It means a lot to me.”

  Robert and Christopher can’t stop themselves from exchanging an exasperated look. I try to ignore it, as I always do, but I can’t help my fury from hissing deep inside. Why would they not let her have this? Just another person to love her, to protect her, to guide her, to show her that she’s not alone in this world.

  It’s bad enough that her mother can’t be here for any of this. That loss left a void, running deep through the core of Petal’s soul, a cruelty that is part of her more than anything else.

  But they don’t know.

  And how could they?

  They aren’t the ones who stared into her abyss.

  I am.

  Chapter 43

  Petal

  The hot water stabs at my wounded skin. The burn is so strong in the beginning that it makes me want to jump out of the bathtub before I’m even fully immersed. But it gets better with every moment I spend in the warm water, surrounded by soothing mountains of cloudy soap that smell of lavender and citrus.

  He’s with me, next to the bathtub, watching as I slowly make my way into piercing heat that will soon turn into a calming embrace. It’s the first time I’m ever allowed to see him like this, naked and just as exposed as I am. He emits power and dominance when he’s dressed—usually in all black—and none of that fades now that he’s only in his tanned skin. He looks like a wild animal, feral and strong, with a muscular body that has been sculpted by hard work. His chiseled chest is as smooth as his strong jaw, only a hint of black hair trailing down the area below his belly button. His accented pelvis muscles slope down in a V-shape, culminating at his core, where his cock still stands massive and erect.

  “I’m not done with you,” he growls, his dark eyes resting on me as I slowly lower myself into the hot water.

  He follows as soon as I’m sitting, the water reaching up my boobs and covering the entire area on my back that has been marked by him. I grimace at the burn that throbs through all across my back, down to my ass and my upper thighs. It’s so fierce at first, but soon calms, like the breath of an athlete once the challenge is completed.

  The water level rises when he joins me with such speed that it almost seems as if he’s afraid of changing his mind. I’m hugging myself on instinct, feeling weirdly exposed. This feels so much more intimate than anything we’ve done so far, but it shouldn’t. It’s just a bath. How could it ever compare to what happened in that room?

  I can feel the warmth on my cheeks as I recall those moments. I didn’t recognize myself. I was loud, I was wild, I was so needy. He hurt me like he’s never hurt me before. The pain was blinding, a torment that has no equal—until it wasn’t. What happened? Why did I cry for him to continue when just a few moments before I didn’t want anything other than for him to stop?

  This is so twisted.

  “Come here.”

  His demand is followed by a strong grip on my upper arms. He lifts me, causing the water to spill over the edge of the tub as he pulls me close to him, beckoning for me to straddle him.

  “Sit on it.”

  My eyes dart back and forth between him and his hard member beneath the water surface. I reach forward, closing my hands around his girth, evoking a moan from him when I gently stroke up and down his length. He closes his eyes, throwing his head back and diving deeper into the water while the expression on his face softens. He looks so elated, so beautiful and calm. I have never seen his face like that. Until now, I didn’t even think he could look this way, so beautifully innocuous.