With a dip of his rifle, the leader ordered us to kneel. Tyler surprised me when he jerked his chin up and started to take a step forward.

  “No…” Matt reached for his arm, his firm grasp stopping him in his tracks. “...do what he wants.”

  As we complied, I found myself strangely grateful I hadn’t inflicted any of the evident pain on the aliens. Not that I’d been holding back or intentionally missing my shots. And not that I was glad we’d lost. If I could trade our defeat for victory by confirming a kill, I would have gladly taken it and dealt with the resulting emotional fallout. But seeing as how I’d given my all and still failed spectacularly, I could at least take solace that I didn’t need to suffer that kind of remorse.

  “So, we tore holes in spacetime to reach a new part of the universe and wound up captured in less than an hour,” Tyler said, still sore about the defeat. “That has to be a new record if anyone keeps records on that sort of thing.”

  “Not helping,” I replied, trying to settle him.

  “I mean, how could things get any worse?” he continued.

  “Don’t jinx us,” Alyssa hissed. “Things can always get worse.”

  I craned my neck over my shoulder when I heard the elevator doors open. A moment later, Meg and Leo appeared at the top of the steps with one of the ogre soldiers at their backs, directing them down to us.

  “Ben!” Meg cried, rushing forward and dropping to her knees at his side. She smoothed her palm over one side of his face and looked up at the sergeant. “What did you do to him?” she hissed at the sergeant, fearless despite their massive size and strength differential.

  “We didn’t touch him,” the sergeant replied. “He hasn’t learned the rules yet, that’s all. He’ll be fine.”

  “What do you mean he hasn’t learned the rules?” Matt asked. “What do you know about chaos energy?”

  “I know your friend will only get himself killed if he keeps trying to use it like that. I don’t need to know more than that. The Warden can explain, if he so chooses.”

  “Is he coming any time soon? My knees are getting sore.”

  The sergeant huffed, the hot shot of his breath blasting me with the smell of rotten meat. I didn’t want to know what these guys ate. “You killed three Prall and injured four others. You’re lucky it’s only your knees that are sore. My boys would love to rip you apart with their bare hands. So would I. But the Warden would never allow it.” He exhaled another burst of fetid air. “I give you credit. You put up more of a fight than I expected. You have my respect for that.”

  “So glad we didn’t let you down.”

  “How is it you speak English?” Tyler asked as if that was an important answer to have right now.

  “Do I?” the sergeant replied cryptically, following up with a laugh. “The Warden says your language is primitive. Deciphering it required almost no effort. Defeating the encryption of your vessel’s command and control unit was easier than that.”

  “Are you calling us stupid?” Alyssa asked.

  “No. The Warden says that technology is a terrible proxy for intellect. Every species evolves in similar ways. Some are simply further along in that process than others. Then again, perhaps you should be more evolved than you are by now.”

  I narrowed my gaze, peering into the Prall leader’s glowing cybernetic eye. His answer seemed off to me, as though the words had come out of his mouth, but he hadn’t spoken them. Could it be? “Do you plan to speak to us through your proxies indefinitely, or are you going to make a personal appearance?” I asked, staring into the eye.

  The sergeant froze, as did the two Pralls flanking him.

  “What did you do?” Tyler asked, staring at the suddenly inactive aliens.

  “I don’t know,” I replied.

  “Should we run for it?” Alyssa asked.

  “And go where?” Leo said. “They have full control of the ship. They could self-destruct Head Case if they wanted.”

  “They threatened to cut off the oxygen flow to the flight deck if we didn’t come down,” Meg added.

  “What about Ix⁠—“

  My glare cut Tee off mid-sentence. He grimaced when he realized he’d almost given away the presence of Ixy or Shaq on the ship. Apparently, the aliens didn’t know the two other ILFs were on board. Probably because they hadn’t used the comms or stormed the hangar.

  But they still might.

  “What do you think they want?” Alyssa asked. “If they only came for the ship, they could have killed us already.”

  “Maybe they’ll haul us off to mine asteroids,” Tyler suggested, “or force us to become members of their slave army. That’s what happens in the books I read.”

  “You guys realize that the Warden is listening to everything we say, right?” I said, pointing at the frozen Prall sergeant’s eye. “The Warden’s also remote controlling these soldiers at least some of the time. None of them speak our language. But the Warden does.”

  “How do you know?” Tyler asked.

  “It’s pretty obvious.”

  “No, it isn’t. But then maybe that’s why they want us alive. So they can do the same thing to us.”

  “I don’t think so,” I said. “All of the soldiers are of the same species. And they look like they might be clones, or at least grown rather than born.”

  The sound of clapping from deep within the alien starship’s docking corridor interrupted any potential response from the others. The shadows prevented us from finding the source right away, but it wasn’t as though the Warden didn’t want to make himself known. It seemed like he had just been waiting for an opening to make his grand entrance.

  The clapping erased any doubts I might have had that the Warden was at least humanoid, perhaps a Prall himself, if not full-on human. Large flat appendages that could be smacked together to make noise were prerequisites to the action of clapping. With that in mind, I expected a uniformed military commander, or maybe someone like Emperor Palpatine or Darth Vader. A spine-chilling bad guy dressed all in black, serious and stiff, with an icy glare and an aura of power.

  Instead, I got a scrawny little fop dressed as if he had just escaped a minstrel show at a Renaissance Fair.

  He continued clapping as he approached, nearly blinding in a blue velvet coat covered in sparkling gems over a simple white tunic. Curly brown hair bled out from beneath a floppy blue cap, his laced, knee-high leather boots making absolutely no sound as he moved toward us, his feet seeming to barely touch the deck.

  “What…the…hell?” Alyssa intoned beside me. “Please tell me we were murdered by a serial killer at Jackson Farm. At least then, this might make some kind of sense.”

  The Warden stepped past his frozen Prall sergeant, positioning himself directly in front of me, still clapping. He wore a huge grin on his small, pale face, his warm brown eyes looking up at me with amusement. He remained like that longer than was even close to comfortable before finally coming to an abrupt stop.

  Silence settled over the hangar. The Warden continued staring at me until his grin completely faded.

  “Every group has a smart one,” he said, finally breaking the silence. “You’re it, aren’t you?”

  “I doubt that,” I replied. “Ben is⁠—“

  “Too slow to realize that his admittedly impressive abilities are limited here,” the Warden interrupted. “I’ve got my eye on you, Noah. You’re going to be trouble. I can tell already.”

  “I…I don’t understand.”

  “Kind of dumb for the smart one, aren’t you? Well, no matter. I suppose an explanation is in order.” He stepped back so he could address everyone, his grin reappearing as his eyes flashed over us in turn. “Welcome, all of you, to⁠—“

  He didn’t get to finish his sentence. Like a bullet, Shaq launched from somewhere beneath the folds of Ben’s clothing, his leap bringing him to the Warden’s shoulder before the man could react. Sinking his teeth into the tiny man’s flesh, he quickly bit the Warden before leaping off and landing on my nearby shoulder.

  The Warden went as stiff as the Pralls, mouth stuck open mid-syllable, eyes quickly glassing over.

  He collapsed on the deck. Dead.

  CHAPTER 23

  “Well, that was easy,” Tyler said, already numb to the violence as he got to his feet. The rest of us proceeded to do the same. Shaq remained perched on my shoulder, still huffing with anger, his attention fixed on Ben.

  I eyed the frozen Pralls, curious and frightened by their potential to reanimate. They remained locked in place as we all stood nearly as still as the aliens, unsure of what to do next.

  All our attention turned to Ben when he released a low moan, his eyes fluttering open. He blinked a few times, head swiveling to take us in from his prone position on the deck. His eyes widened as they settled on the Pralls, and then his brow crinkled in confusion. He couldn’t see the Warden from where he lay. “What happened?” he asked.

  “Shaq killed the Warden,” I replied, pointing to the body on the deck. I had yet to process how quickly and easily Shaq had downed the wannabe bard. The bite had barely broken the skin, and the Warden’s death had been almost instant. “Remind me never to get on your bad side,” I added softly to him. He buzzed lightly against my cheek, his mood improving now that Ben had awoken.

  “Who’s the Warden?” Ben asked.

  “Who cares?” Matt answered. “He’s dead. Let’s find a way to jettison his ship before the other big green uglies come back.”

  “Did we make it to Mars?” Ben questioned. “I’m totally lost right now.”

  “We’ll get you up to speed once we’re out of here. But no, we didn’t make it to Mars. Or Venus. Or the Spiral. I don’t know where you delivered us. We can figure that out later, too. T-bone, All-red, Katzuo, Shaq, we need to cover Meg and Leo while they figure out how to unhook the bubble ship from our hangar bay.”

  “Yes, sir,” I replied, looking back in search of my discarded rifle. “What about these…things?” I poked one of the static Pralls in the chest. It didn’t react.

  “That one has a personal forcefield,” Matt said. “Ben, maybe you can figure it out. It might come in handy.”

  Ben stared at the Prall sergeant, trying to make sense of everything all at once. Impossible, when I still had no idea what the hell was going on. “I get the feeling we aren’t in Kansas anymore.”

  “Or Iowa,” Tyler added.

  Matt grabbed the sergeant’s rifle out of his hand while Alyssa retreated to the rear of the hangar, rushing up the steps to retrieve our rifles. Shaq hopped from my shoulder to Matt’s, crouched and ready for more action.

  “My, my, you are a spirited bunch, aren’t you?”

  The question echoed in Levi’s voice from all around us, the loudspeakers in the hangar bay cranked up to what sounded like eleven. We all froze in place as if we were playing Red Light, Green Light, while Levi’s overtly malicious laughter reverberated across the bulkheads and vibrated the deck.

  “Look,” I heard Tyler say, so I turned back toward the link between Head Case and the alien ship.

  A somewhat familiar silhouette became visible there. Levi’s laughter diminished while the Warden’s image materialized.

  “I really want to go home,” Tyler muttered nearby. “I hate this ride, and want to get off.”

  The Warden stepped into full view. He looked mostly the same, save for a wardrobe change. Instead of bright colors and sparkle, this new iteration had opted for a plain black suit that immediately called North Korea to mind.

  Despite his laughter, he didn’t look amused this time around. “You,” he said, pointing a finger toward Shaq. “I didn’t appreciate that.”

  “Maybe you’ll appreciate this,” Matt said. He squeezed the trigger of the Prall rifle. It didn’t fire.

  That drew a measure of mirth from the Warden. He mimicked Matt, pantomiming his movements with the rifle and mocking him in a nearly perfect imitation of his voice. “Maybe you’ll appreciate this. Blurp! Hahahaha!”

  A plasma bolt suddenly arced down from the upper deck, a well-aimed shot that hit the Warden squarely in the chest. His eyes widened and he clutched at the smoldering hole the bolt had left, looking up to where Alyssa stood with rifle in hand. His mouth twisted in anger just before he collapsed.

  Dead.

  Again.

  “Nice shot, Red!” I shouted. She removed one hand from the rifle to wave, but otherwise kept it trained on the hangar bay entrance.

  “Anyone want to take bets that another Warden’s coming?” Tyler asked.

  “I just want to get the hell away from him,” Matt replied. “I hate clones.” He tossed the useless Prall weapon aside.

  “If there are multiple Wardens, why haven’t the Pralls come back to life?” I asked.

  “Do you know how embarrassing that would be for me?” the ship’s computer said, the Warden’s voice once more booming from the loudspeakers. “For shame. You’d think by now, you’d accept that violence won’t solve anything,”

  “He’s baaaaccckkkk,” Tyler said, eyes on the hangar bay door.

  Allie tried to shoot the new Warden as he came into view. The bolt hit a forcefield and dissipated.

  “Of course, I learn from my mistakes,” the Warden said, clothed now in a white Yoda-like robe and looking more than a little perturbed. “Unlike the lot of you.” He sighed. “I have total control over your ship. Does that not register with any of you? I could disengage while the hangar doors are still open and suck you all out into space. I could turn off life support, and watch you all suffocate. I could let my Prall kill you.”

  Before I could react, the sergeant’s hand shot out and wrapped around my throat. I was sure he could crush my larynx and spine if he wanted, but he didn’t exert any pressure. The Warden just wanted to show us that he could end us in the blink of an eye. He let go just as quickly as he’d grabbed me.

  “I could trigger your ship’s self-destruct, as that one noted earlier.” The Warden pointed at Leo. “So please, stop killing me. It’s extremely annoying.”

  “Who are you?” Ben asked. “And what do you want from us?”

  “I’m the Warden,” he replied. “What I want from you, what I want from everyone in the universe, is entertainment.” He laughed and clapped his hands.

  “Wait, what?” Tyler said, as confused as the rest of us.

  “Entertainment,” the Warden repeated. “I just learned your language five minutes ago and I understand the word. I expect you to amuse me. Despite the…” He motioned with his hands as if he could pull the right word to him. “…challenge you’ve presented so far, you’re actually off to a pretty good start.”

  “This can’t be real,” I whispered to no-one in particular, my mind struggling with its current predicament. Maybe Ally was right. Maybe we were better off murdered by a serial killer.

  “We don’t even know where we are,” Ben said, keeping his composure.

  “But you know how you got here,” the Warden replied. “You reek of chaos energy. This is a perfect example of why you shouldn’t play with things you don’t really understand.” He paused, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. “Hmm, but the signature doesn’t match your profile. Interesting. Very interesting.”

  “What does that mean?” Ben asked.

  The Warden shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you’re here. I haven’t had visitors for a long time, so you can imagine I’m pretty excited.” He said it with a completely flat affect and no fluctuation. “Look, despite your intense desire to murder me for a third time, I’m actually not your enemy.”

  “You hacked our ship’s computer and attacked us,” Matt said. “How does that not make you an enemy?”

  “I know what it looks like, and I know it’s pretty incriminating. But, I never intended any harm, which should be plainly obvious by the fact that you’re still alive. In fact, if you rewind your minds and replay the sequence of events from the moment you first saw me coming, you’ll realize the only ones who have caused any actual harm to anyone is…you.” He emphasized the last word accusingly.

  And it worked. Thinking back, I realized he was right. The Prall had threatened us, even shot at us and thrown a grenade our way. But they hadn’t landed a single hit. Hadn’t even singed a hair on my head. My eyes shifted to the Prall sergeant’s rifle at Matt’s feet. Could it be?

  “Ah, there it is again,” the Warden said. When I looked back at him, his eyes were on me. “I have to keep a closer eye on you than the others.”

  Part of me wanted to beam as though he had offered a compliment. I’d figured out the Pralls were essentially firing blanks, or at least weapons that only did harm against objects that weren’t us. Then again, I was pretty sure I didn’t want more attention from the strange alien.

  “No offense, Mister Warden,” Ben said politely. “But we don’t plan to stick around. I need to get these passengers home.” He motioned toward me and Tyler.

  “And how do you propose to do that?” the Warden questioned. “I should hope you’ve realized chaos energy isn’t so easily accessed here as it is in other parts of the universe. Your technomancy is gimped here, Ben. You don’t have the juice to open another rift, but you’re welcome to try. That should prove amusing for a short while.”

  Ben’s expression told me he believed the Warden’s words. He had been able to get us here, but he couldn’t get us back.

  “Does that mean we’re stuck out here?” Tyler asked. “You guys said your hyperdrive can do a hundred light years an hour or something, right? How far from Earth are we?”

  The crew of Head Case remained silent long enough that the Warden jumped in. “Bottom line, you won’t make it. All of you are stuck here. But we don’t need to frame the situation in such negative terms. Consider this an opportunity. The adventure of a lifetime.”