“I’m opening myself up to you the same way I’m asking you to open up to me.” Jordan closed his hand over her trembling one. “I’m a private person, keep my business to myself, but if it helps you understand my choices, and to know that I’m serious about this—about you—then I’m all for it.”

  Snatching her hand away, Lani bolted from the table and rushed into the family room.

  Jordan followed, and when he tried to embrace Lani, she backed away. “You’re only making this harder.”

  “It doesn’t have to be,” he countered. “You honestly couldn’t expect me to walk away forever, could you?”

  “Why not? We had an arrangement, and it’s over,” she choked out as her eyes teared up. “That’s exactly what I expected you to do. The truth of the matter is, every time I paid you for sex, it made me feel like less than a person.”

  “I never understood why you started insisting on that,” Jordan said. “The agency has things put in place to avoid women feeling that way.” Clients had several options to pay discreetly—through a secure website designed to look like they were booking monthly spa packages, cash directly upon signing the contract, courier pick up or wire the funds to their agency account.

  “The arrangement ensured that I remembered you were only temporary.” She stared at him for a moment as if searching his soul. Then her eyes watered as she said, “Please don’t interrupt what I’m about to tell you.”

  Jordan nodded with reluctance and waited.

  In a monotone, Lani shared a devastating story about her wedding trauma and how her parents treated her. He wanted to crush her in a tight embrace but warned himself to let her finish.

  “What I did with you made me more aware of how alone I was, and I felt like I was at the altar all over again.” Lani paused and lowered her head. “Every single time with you, I felt … worthless afterwards.”

  Jordan tipped her chin toward him with one finger and decided it best not to give his opinion on her former fiancé. “I don’t like that word, worthless. That has never been what you are.”

  “Sorry,” she whispered. “I won’t use it again. Promise. Our time together was just a painful reminder of how alone I really was … am ... and how that’s been true for the majority of my life.”

  “I find it hard to believe there hasn’t been a man out there for you. A boyfriend—someone to snatch you up and make you his.” Jordan almost choked on the words when he pictured another man sharing her love, her world, and her bed.

  She crossed her arms over those full breasts in a protective fashion. “I’ve been through the wringer when it comes to men. I’ve had enough of them say they care, but it all boiled down to them trying to make me into their version of perfection; wiping out my identity to fit what they needed in a mate.” Lani suddenly swept past him and walked to the patio door. “You say you love me, but no offense, I can’t believe you.” She glanced back at the family room. “I learned that lesson the hard way and once was enough. I honestly don’t think I could survive it again. So you need to accept one thing: I specialize in loneliness.”

  Jordan had difficulty processing everything. A woman as sensuous as she is? As beautiful as she is? In so many words, Lani told him she was safer being single than she ever would be exploring the possibility of love. In a way, that was the story of his life, too. That awareness hit him square between the eyes.

  He moved past the fireplace and lounge chair to look deeply into Lani’s eyes. What Lani didn’t know was by the time Jordan reached college, he was forced to come to terms with the fact that women, despite that he was considered handsome and equally as intelligent and wealthy, for whatever reason weren’t interested and simply didn’t respond to him as they did to his brothers. Zach had a magnetic personality that attracted women by the truckloads. Quinn was a straight player, with no regard for women or their hearts. They seemed to love that too. More than feeling anything for one of the good guys.

  Despite his reluctance, he told her how women used him to get to his brothers. “Because of that, it’s always been difficult for me to trust my instincts when it came to the opposite sex. So, I understand your desire to be alone, baby. But I don’t think that’s what either of us wants—is it?”

  Her head snapped toward him. The despondent look in her eyes was more than he could bear. Without another word, Jordan pulled her into his arms and held her close.

  “I was doing just fine until … until you came into the picture,” she cried, and the sound was both heart wrenching and cleansing. “None of the men I interviewed were anything like you …”

  “Your eyes, your body language, and your voice are telling me what you’re afraid to say.”

  Her eyes flashed defiance. “I’m not afraid.”

  “Then tell me.”

  To give her time to collect her thoughts and come to grips with everything, he angled their bodies so they could absorb the captivating artwork over the fireplace in the living room. It depicted a man and woman in the throes of passion.

  Suddenly, she shifted in his embrace and the fight dissipated. She swayed on her feet, and Jordan steadied her before helping her to the sofa to settle in. His jaw clenched at how spent and vulnerable she seemed. So much was hitting her at one time, it nearly broke his heart.

  “I’d been lying for too long,” Lani said into the silence surrounding them.

  His eyes met hers, but he remained supportively quiet.

  Lani pulled out of his reach and retreated again, this time into the kitchen. She poured fresh coffee and as her hand closed around the cup and lifted it to her lips, Lani said, “I know how I feel. There’s no sense in fighting it. Being with you has only made it worse. But there are legal and biological reasons that I can’t go on like this. The best thing for me is to respect it, accept it, and move on.”

  “Allow me to help you work through whatever that whole legal thing is,” Jordan whispered. “Biological? Tell me what’s going on. Allow me the opportunity to change your mind.”

  She blanched with a hard glint in her eyes and took a step back. “By continuing to have sex with you?”

  I’d love that option but it’s about more than that. “No, sweetheart, with time,” he replied. “Time for you to get to know me. Time to finish finalizing my retirement and prove to you that we’re worth fighting for.”

  His mind went to the final conversation with his client, Carmelita, a Latina who had become an outcast with her family because she was in love with a Black man.

  * * *

  “Regardless of background, finances, weaknesses, or anything … Love who you love,” Carmelita insisted. “And at all costs, be there when she needs you, but never forget who you are and what you want too. That way, you won’t resent her or the relationship.”

  * * *

  Jordan felt prepared to do exactly what Carmelita advised. What legal issues is Lani speaking of? “I’m a patient man,” he said, holding Lani’s gaze. “And I’ll wait until the universe collapses on itself, if that’s what it takes to prove to you how much you mean to me.”

  The cup Lani was holding fell and shattered into pieces on the floor. She stood rooted to the tile, looking at Jordan in stunned silence. Finally, she found her voice. “You … you’d do that for me?”

  Jordan stepped in closer, and they both ignored the decorative mess at their feet.

  “Yes, but more importantly, I’d do it for us.” He brushed her cheek with a soft kiss. “We’ve had enough sex to last a lifetime, Lani. Right now, we need to get to the love part. Because the fact is, I’m not the only one whose feelings have changed. Am I right?”

  This time she didn’t avert her gaze. She stared him square in the eyes and nodded.

  “What’s your full name?”

  She blinked at him like an owl that had just had a flashlight shined in its face. “Kalani Monique Jamison.”

  He extended his hand and she placed hers firmly in his grip. “Nice to meet you, Kalani Monique Jamison, I’m Jordan Everett Spears.”

  The soft brush of his lips on her upturned palm elicited a soft gasp. “Why are you making this so hard for me?” she asked.

  When did stubborn women become a turn on? “Just for a moment, put yourself in my shoes.”

  Her eyebrows drew in as she tilted her head. “How so? You wear a size fifteen.”

  Jordan tried not to laugh at the fact she remembered. “I’ve found the only woman I want, who has me dusting off my old dreams and wanting to pursue them in a way I’ve never considered before.” He let that idea swirl around her for a minute, then added, “I’ve never been in a full-on relationship before, and you make me want to be all I can be for the woman I love. For you. But mostly because we feel right.”

  Her lips twitched from the effort of coming up with another plausible reason for pushing him away. “You’ve never had a relationship—at all?”

  Jordan chuckled as she shifted the focus to him. “I’ve been doing this since freshman year of college when my father disowned me. It paid my way through school and allowed me to open a creative arts center that serves single mothers and mothers of special needs children. I’ve never looked back. I never had a reason to have a relationship like ours will be. Until now.”

  “Paid your way through college? You have a degree?” Her tone revealed her surprise.

  “Yes, two of them,” he answered, gently moving her out of the way. Jordon quickly cleaned up the shattered pieces of china, cleared the remaining food from the table, then washed his hands.

  “Then why?” she asked, leading the way back to the living room to perch on the large sofa. “I mean, you’re so smart, handsome and—”

  Jordan clasped both hands, then glanced sideways at her. “Handsome men have issues too. Handsome men have scars—sometimes deeper than a woman can know.”

  She sucked in a breath at his words.

  He hoped his raw vulnerability would pierce the wall around her guarded soul. A hesitant look crossed her face before she asked, “We’re from different worlds. How will this ever work, Jordan?”

  “It will, because my feelings for you are real, Lani.”

  Her eyes widened with disbelief.

  “Since we’re being completely honest,” Jordan linked their hands, then continued, “I’ve been having a final meeting with my other clients to find out what happened in their relationships that caused them to need my services in the first place.”

  “Why would that matter now?”

  He took the time to explain that he wanted the benefit of other people’s knowledge due to his own lack of personal experience. Silence expanded between them as she absorbed his words.

  “What if it doesn’t work out … if we don’t work out?” She moved to the window, where she seemed to be lost in thought. “Love is fleeting. It doesn’t last. Look at the many issues between men and women. Not to mention the high rate of divorces. Love is just an illusion.”

  “It doesn’t have to be.” He went to her and turned her face to meet his. “Every marriage doesn’t end in divorce, Lani.”

  Frowning, she asked, “You’d honestly walk away from your job?”

  “Yes.” His answer was firm because she needed reassurance and he would qualify it with more than that if necessary. “Go ahead, ask me anything you want to know.”

  Lani inhaled as if trying to decide whether she really wanted to have her question answered. “Have all of your clients initiated sex?”

  “The boundaries in the contract are clear. The women initiate everything. If they say no, it’s no, because it’s not all about sex. Remember, several times you didn’t want sex at all.” Jordan cupped her face in his hands. “Those were the most wonderful times. Because you wanted me for me, not because I could perform.”

  “That didn’t exactly answer my question,” Lani countered before her lips slowly curled upward into a smile. “But I’ll let that response slide.”

  Jordan pulled her into a loose embrace. “I’m answering, Lani. You’re just not hearing me. Is there anything else you want to know?”

  She turned her head and gazed out the front window so long that he thought she’d forgotten the question. Jordan figured she was considering all the cons and none of the pros that would come with pursuing a relationship with him.

  “Just one,” she said eventually.

  He nodded. “Sure. Fire away.”

  Lani’s smile brightened the room as she asked, “When are you taking me on our first date? I know it’s cliché, but you had me at cinnamon roll pancakes and coffee.”

  Before Jordan could bask in the glory of her admission, a movement outside caught his eye. Going on instinct, he grabbed Lani and pulled her away from the window as a brick crashed through the glass.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “Am I interrupting something?”

  Sandra and Dr. Barton jumped away from each other and their heads snapped in Lani’s direction. Amazing she would see something like this on her way in from taking her yearly DNA and blood tests to determine the biological issue that made both sets of grandparents feel a special needs trust was necessary. It had to be something debilitating and could mean she would no longer be able to function normally. This had plagued her since the day she found out about them.

  “Sandra Renner. Please report to the nurse’s station,” another nurse requested over the PA system.

  Relief flooded Sandra’s face. “I have to go. I’ll catch up with you later.” Sandra waved at Lani and sped off down the corridor.”

  “I can’t believe they retrieved that footage of Dr. Howard near O.R. 8.” Dr. Barton’s cheeks were slightly flushed as he played with the stethoscope around his neck.

  “I was shocked.” Lani smiled wondering if he was embarrassed about getting caught on this floor indulging in hospital gossip which was something he tended to avoid. “I know that she likes to stick to traditions, but I didn’t think she would risk lives to keep them.”

  “For a woman who’s relatively young, she does have the attitude of a grumpy old timer.” He chuckled as they moved towards the door leading to the stairs. “The real reason I was on the floor is because I was wondering if you were coming to my Memorial Day event.”

  “Isn’t it a couple of weeks away?” Lani pulled up the calendar in her phone.

  “I wanted to give you enough time to make sure you could attend this one.”

  “I’m putting it on my calendar. But I’m also curious to find out who was so important that you cancelled the last few outings with the rest of us.”

  Lani chuckled as he blushed behind her statement of his uncharacteristic disappearances. She along with Dr. Gervais, and Dr. Barton usually got together once a month for dinner or drinks. Many times, working at the same hospital made scheduling outings difficult. But lately, Dr. Barton had been a ghost with no explanation whatsoever.

  “I was also wondering if Michaela found you,” she said. “I know you were on break.”

  “Did I hear my name?” Michaela rushed toward them, thrusting an envelope into Lani’s hand.

  Dr. Barton removed his cell from the front pocket of the white lab coat and glanced at the screen. “I’m needed for a surgery consult somewhere. Take care ladies.”

  “Dr. Jamison. If you want to address the contents…” She nodded toward the envelope. “My boss is free for the next hour.”

  Lani opened the envelope and pulled out the sheet of paper as she entered the stairwell.

  “They are out of their mind.”

  Lani’s jaw dropped open in disbelief as she read the letter while on the way upstairs. The growing anger coursing through her system was hard to contain. She was already pissed that she had to take time off to replace the window some knucklehead neighborhood kids broke. According to the cops, there had been several reports of children tossing items at windows in the area lately; along with damage to a few cars, and a few houses had been given the “Charmin treatment”—meaning they had wrapped entire houses with winding streams of toilet paper.

  Her confidence in the police was shaken. Detective Coleman finding another suspect gave them a bit of credit which he quickly lost in how he handled the threatening note she’d found on her windshield at lunch. Dr. Howard was clearly not a strong enough suspect since Lani was bearing the brunt of the police’s ineffectiveness.

  Now a couple hours before ending the workday, she was dealing with this craziness. Eyes narrowed; her attention returned to the line that galled her most.

  Furthermore, you will be suspended without pay from performing surgical services for new patients, giving consultations, and offering intraoperative surgical care.

  She read the remainder of the letter out loud.

  You will continue to see postoperative patients for follow-up in the office until the board has convened to discuss your future employment with Meridian.

  Please do not hesitate to contact the Chief Medical Officer, directly.

  Sincerely,

  Dr. Sandoval Risden

  Chief Medical Officer

  Meridian General Hospital

  She read over their alleged findings. The word “suspended” jumped off the page, but what got to her was that the issues they flagged were so minor. No medical professional at this stage in their career was suspended for the infractions listed.

  Why Dr. Risden was so hell-bent on ensuring that her reputation was called into question and her career jeopardized was anyone’s guess. There had to be more to this farce of an investigation than him retaliating because she deflected his unwanted advances. The measures taken here were excessive, to say the least.

  What is he hiding? Why was the board allowing him to run roughshod over proper protocol—as well as endangering her professional standing at the hospital, and her very reputation? Did this have to do with the second baby that was injured? She had saved a life, dammit! She didn’t deserve any of this. The injustice of it flooded her eyes with tears, which she fought to hold back.

  She folded the correspondence and shoved it back in its envelope. No. Lani was certain there was more to it than just Risden’s bruised ego. She intended to find out, then nail his ass to the proverbial wall.