“You all right? Not feeling seasick at all? The water is choppier today,” I said as the boat toured us around the island. Why had I avoided coming home for so long? I loved this place. But it had hurt too much to come home. Except, it didn't hurt now to be here with Alex. I didn't feel so alone.

  "I'm fine. You worry too much."

  “Well, I wasn't exactly worried about you. I was trying to find out what my chances were of getting laid." I winked at her before pulling her in for a quick kiss.

  “Jensen Morrison, your family is on this boat. You realize that, right?"

  I nuzzled her neck. She tasted so good right there. Okay, maybe she tasted that good all over. I had, after all, kissed every inch of her skin. Knew every button to push. I knew her body almost as well as I knew my own. I knew what would make her arch her back, what would make her sigh, what would make her stick her hands into my hair and tug. I liked the tugging part.

  How are you ever going to not touch her again?

  As I nuzzled, she sighed and I smiled against her skin, my hand sneaking under her long-sleeved T-shirt as my fingers played with the soft skin at the small of her back. I loved that spot. I wanted to lick it. And kiss it. And bite it.

  With a frustrated growl, I drew back. She was right, my family was on the boat. The last thing Grandma Lucy needed was to walk in on me making love to Alex against the railing. Although, sex on the deck of this boat was one of my fantasies.

  "Behave yourself," she said..

  I put up three fingers in Scout's honor. And then as she giggled, I nipped at her neck again. "Okay. I promise. That was the last one."

  She laughed. "Somehow, I don't think I should believe you."

  I did it again, this time sucking hard on the flesh of her neck and tucking my hands over her ass as I pulled her hips against me so that she could feel every inch of the erection pulsing against my jeans. “You know that I would, right? I’d have you right here if it wasn't for my family walking around. I want to enjoy every minute with you." The unspoken words hung between us. Until this is over.

  "Jensen." But even as she admonished me, she moaned. She was so damned responsive, and I loved every second of it. The truth was I didn't want to let her go. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to find a way to keep her. I could figure out a way not to screw it up with her, right?

  "Hey you, behave. I have to give you your Christmas present."

  I grinned. "I thought my Christmas present was that thing you did with your tongue this morning. Seriously, I'm going to work really hard at not thinking about where you learned that."

  Alex rolled her eyes. "No. That was not your present."

  I backed off and set her away from me. "Okay, what's my present? Yours is waiting back at the house, but I'm happy to get mine now. I love presents."

  "I know you love presents." She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a long envelope then grinned at me before handing it over.

  I shook my head as I took the envelope from her and shook it.

  "You're supposed to open it, silly."

  "Yeah, but if you handed me a box, I would certainly shake it and try guessing. This one I can't guess. It’s too small for a painting."

  "That's because I broke protocol and decided to get you something different. Something else you'll love."

  A little niggling voice in the back of my mind offered up, As much as I love you? Where had that come from? I did love her of course, but it wasn't that kind of love, was it? Although my conversation with my grandmother the previous day went through my mind.

  All these years, I’d thought that my father didn't love me. That he’d seen how messed up I was and hadn't believed in me. That I was in some way flawed. And now I realized that might not necessarily have been true. So maybe Alex and I could make a real go of it.

  "Come on. Open it. Don't just stand there."

  I realized I was staring at her. With a flourish, I tore open the top of the envelope and pulled out a stack of papers. My eyes scanned the paper quickly, trying to comprehend what I was seeing, and then I lifted my gaze to hers. "Seriously, you're sending me race car driving?"

  She shook her head. “No. I'm sending us race car driving. Formula One, the whole thing. In Vegas. This time I wanted to get you a present-present. Normally I give you paintings because, well, it feels like I'm giving you a piece of myself. But this time I figured I'd give us an experience. I mean this whole place is an experience and, uh, everything is different. Anyway, I thought it was time to change things up for your present.”

  I laughed and then wrapped my arms around her before picking her up and twirling her around. "It's awesome. I love it. You better get ready because I'm so going to kick your ass."

  "And of course, neither one of us can resist a competition." She squeezed me back. “You should probably understand that you're going to lose. You know how competitive I am."

  "I'm not letting you win this time."

  She pushed back from me, but I held her closer still. "You never let me win. I always win fair and square."

  She did, but I wasn't conceding. "If you say so."

  She smacked me on the arm. "And just when I was going to say thank you for everything you did for me at the gallery. Cassie let me know about you chewing out the delivery guys and threatening businesses and all in my name."

  Someone should've done that for her before. Anyone. I shouldn't have been the first. I shrugged. "You deserve it. And I—" Whoa, had I just almost told her I loved her? “Being here with you reminds me what I've always loved about this place. Reminds me of how much I miss this place. Because of you, I think maybe I could come back and face my demons here."

  "I love Grandma Lucy. She's amazing. I can almost make a decent meal now. The woman is magic." She shifted in my arms. "So how are you going to break everything to her?"

  Yeah, it was inevitable. We needed to tell her. Or rather I needed to tell her. I wanted to get her healthy again first, though. "I think in a few weeks after she sees the doctor again, I'll tell her that we split up but we're still great friends. And that'll be the truth."

  Except you want more.

  And in that moment, I knew that was my truth. I wanted so much more with Alex. But knowing how she was about emotions, understanding that she wasn't one to bear her soul, I kept that to myself.

  "There you two love birds are."

  We both jumped as I glowered at my cousin. How long had he been there? Had he heard anything? "Martin, what do you want?"

  "Just came to tell you we're all heading below deck to eat. Wanted to see if your pretty girlfriend wanted to sit next to me and have a decent conversation for once."

  Alex glowered at Martin. "Okay, Martin, this has been a lovely Christmas so far. Let's not ruin it by me having to tell you what an asshole you are, okay?"

  Martin's face flushed, and I barked out a laugh. "What can I say? My girl has a sharp tongue."

  When Martin left, Alex winced. "Sorry about that. He's getting on my nerves. He's such an ass, and I couldn't take it anymore."

  "You don't ever have to apologize for sticking up for me." What I kept to myself was that she'd sealed our fate. Because in that moment, I fell in love with her.

  Chapter 18

  Alex

  This was going to hurt. But just like that wiggly tooth I had when I was six, I couldn't help but play with it. Play with him. That morning, Jensen had been all cuddles and nuzzles and woke me up with the most delicious— Well, never mind. I knew the pain that was coming for me. But I couldn't seem to make myself stop.

  When I finally escaped the house, I told myself that I was going to get some fresh air, get in a little bit of work, and give the whole situation some thought. It wasn't like me to get emotional about things. I could find a way to shut off that piece of my heart, couldn't I?

  "Hey, you headed to the ferry?"

  I groaned. I wanted to get in and out without anyone seeing me. I had to look at a couple of things at the gallery and add a few other last-minute finishing touches. Not that Cassie couldn't do it, but it was always better if I did it myself. I turned with a forced smile. "Hi, Martin. Just catching the ferry to LA for a quick trip."

  "Me, too. Can I walk with you?"

  It was clearly a self-invitation. "Okay, I guess."

  Thankfully, Martin was mostly quiet on the walk down the path that led to the main road to the ferry. He offered to carry my bag, but I declined. Maybe it was petty because of the way he'd been treating Jensen all week, but I didn't care. I didn't want his help.

  "You have fun this week?"

  "Yeah, it's been great. I can't believe it's taken this long for Jensen to come home, and I'm so glad he brought me with him."

  Martin stopped short, his hand on my forearm. "Come on, you can drop the act with me. I know that there's no way in hell you would actually be with my cousin. A girl like you? You have marriage material written all over you."

  I wasn't sure what to do. This was why I didn't lie. But I forced another smile that probably looked more like a gritting of teeth and said, "I don't know what you're talking about. Jensen and I have been together for a long time."

  "Look, I heard you out on the boat. There's no use pretending. You realize Jensen doesn't have access to any of the Morrison funds, right? So if that's your plan, pretend to be his girlfriend and he'll pay you with Morrison funds, that's bullshit. He doesn't have any."

  I knew I should stick to the script, but thankfully, I didn't always do what I was supposed to. “Why do you hate him so much? You got what you wanted. You have the Morrison hotels. Have you ever stopped to think maybe that’s not what Jensen wanted? Not what he really wanted anyway.”

  "What do you know about it?"

  "I know he doesn't need the Morrison Hotels. J Morrison is doing amazing. It's fully booked through the next six months, and he's considering building another hotel just to cover overflow. He's getting noticed. The hotel was mentioned in Boutique Hotels magazine two months ago. He's new and edgy, and if you didn't hate him so much, you'd be able to see that. Being a jerk to him does nothing for you. He's still a success. I know you can't stand it, but that's your problem, not his."

  "Oh, kitty's got claws. How do you think Grandma Lucy will take it when I go back and spill the beans? The stress level could really kill the old bird."

  "Martin, you are a horrible person. Would you really put your grandmother's health in jeopardy just to prove something to Jensen?”

  "I wouldn't want to, but she deserves to know her favorite grandson is lying to her."

  I shrugged. “She also deserves to know her other grandson is a total ass. Not kind, not gracious. How do you think that will play out for you?"

  He shrugged. “Doesn't matter. All that matters is that Jensen won't have her undying love and faith anymore."

  "Swear to God, if you do anything that would hurt that lady—"

  He started walking again. I had no choice but to follow, because like it or not, I wasn’t going to miss the ferry. Over his shoulder, he said, "Look, I don't want Grandma back in the hospital any more than Jensen does. You may not think so, but she does have other grandchildren who love her."

  "You have a funny way of showing it."

  "I'm not the one who lied to her."

  The heat of shame flowed through me. He was right. I was a liar, and so was Jensen. This was supposed to be harmless. Just go for the holidays and help boost her spirits, but that had become something else. And now Grandma Lucy would be the one hurt by the whole thing. "What is it you want?"

  "It's simple really. When you go to LA, just don't come back. I'll send your stuff, or even better, Jensen can bring it back when he comes home. You can tell him whatever you like. That you had to stay, there was an emergency, whatever. But stop with this pretending nonsense. You're only hurting my grandmother."

  More shame flowed through me. He was right. The only person who'd be hurt would be Grandma Lucy in the end.

  Don't forget about yourself.

  "You're not running me off, Martin."

  "Fine. Don't look at it as me running you off. See it as me looking out for my grandmother. And you. I know what he's like. He's going to dump you."

  "You realize I love him, right? Every time you say something bad to me, it makes me want to hurt you."

  Martin grinned and hung back as I walked ahead. "Yes, maybe, but it doesn't make it any less true."

  My heart twisted. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time to stop play-acting before everyone got really hurt.

  Alex

  I didn't give a damn what Martin said. I wasn't going to leave Jensen. I was going back.

  Because you're a glutton for punishment.

  Yes, that, and I loved him. He was still my best friend. I looked at the clouds and wrinkled my nose. Going to rain. I hoped that didn't impact the opening.

  "Incoming." Cassie called as she ran up and tried to shove me into a back room.

  "Cassie, what are you doing?"

  "Brian is here."

  My gut twisted, and my heart skipped a beat as my blood pressure raced. What the hell was he doing there? "Why?"

  Cassie shook her head. "I don't know. He says he's here to evaluate some of your stuff. He has a potential buyer."

  "What? I can't hide back here. I need to get back to Catalina."

  "It's your call. What do you want to do?"

  I knew I had to face him. I couldn't keep tucking my emotions away and not dealing with them. I had to face him head-on. "I'll deal with him. Coming out."

  Cassie’s brows lifted. "Okay, boss lady." Cassie shuffled out, and I took several deep breaths to try cooling myself off before I saw him again.

  When I walked out, Brian was touring the gallery, stopping at each piece, taking note of the prices, the dates I painted them, and other pertinent information about them. "Brian, Cassie says that you're evaluating for a buyer. I'm not sure I believe her."

  My ex turned, and I waited for that slam of shame and disappointment. It was so different from what I felt with Jensen. Jensen was supportive and understood me and wanted me to do well. For once, I didn't feel like things falling apart with Brian had all been my fault. Like I hadn't been enough or something. He’d cheated because he was a jerk. Low-down, pond scum on the bottom of my Prada heels. He hadn't deserved me. And just like that, all the tension and residual emotion I'd been carrying around dissipated.

  "Well, I'm not going to lie. I obviously wanted to see you too. I didn't like how we left things." He turned back to the artwork. "These are really good. Normally you'd be a nervous wreck by now. Not washed your hair in three days or barely eaten. But you look good.” He winked. “But then, I always think you look fabulous."

  I rolled my eyes. "Just stop it. You would think by now you'd have given up. Especially after what you did."

  His fingers stroked his chin over the closely cropped beard he'd grown. "I've been thinking about the day I saw you with what's-his-name."

  "His name is Jensen. You've always known his name. You just keep pretending you don't because you never liked him."

  "You think I don't know when you're faking something, sweetheart?"

  I grinned. "Oh, I know you don't know when I'm faking something."

  His face flamed, and I could see the muscle in his jaw tick. "I know you're not with him. It's written all over you, the discomfort when he touched you. And you're a crappy liar. I could tell. I think it's not too late for you and me. I mean I just have one caveat. You can't be friends with him anymore. But I'm willing to give it a go again."

  I had two options. Close my hand into a fist and slug him, breaking that perfect nose, or laugh. I opted for laughing. The kind of laugh that made my sides hurt. Besides, my gallery opening was too close for me to go to jail. "I see you're still full of yourself."

  "Maybe. But at least I see things clearly. Sweetheart, if you had a problem with me cheating on you, you should have tried harder to keep me happy in bed. When I saw you with Jensen, it made me crazy. You know that guy. He can't keep it in his pants to save his life. There are always women in and out of his bed. And if he hasn't seen by now that you've been in love with him for years, he's never going to see it, and he's never going to step up and actually do anything about it. You are really better off with me."

  I ground my teeth and lifted my chin, despite the pain slicing through me. I braced myself and tried to stand erect. I knew Jensen well. He wouldn't cheat on me. Not like Brian had done. But he would want to be with someone else eventually. He wasn't the kind of guy who stuck around. This whole thing was my fault. I'd offered to be his stand-in girlfriend when I was already in love with him.

  "Brian, I hope you buy every single piece in here because I would love nothing more than to take your client’s money. But if you ever talk to me again like you did today, next time instead of laughing, I'll be tempted to break your pretty nose." I turned and stalked back to the office, refusing to lose it while he could still see me.

  When I was behind the closed door, I let myself sag against the wall. He was right. Jensen would get bored. He didn't really do the love thing. What would happen when he got to that stage? What would happen if he hurt me so irrevocably I couldn't even be friends with him anymore?

  Going back to Catalina would be a mistake. It was about time that this charade was over. I was done hurting myself.

  Jensen

  Where the hell was she? I speed dialed Alex again. She hadn't come back last night. The storm had been raging all night, so it made sense that she hadn't come back, but not calling wasn't like her at all. I managed to get through to Cassie and leave a voice mail, but every time I tried Alex, I got the message that her voice mail was full. "You know, pacing around and looking out the window isn't going to make her come back," Grandma Lucy said.

  "I can't help it. She's never not shown up or checked in. That's not her. She always turns up when I need her."

  My grandmother harumphed "That sounds like love to me."