“It’s Dax’s address, by the looks of things.” Jen jumped in, pointing at the screen. “Fox probably just hit the ‘D’ instead of the ‘F’ when he was typing it in.”

  “You guys all have email addresses through the company?” I asked Echo. “Are they routed through the same server? Do you know if anyone else in the company has the ability to access things like that if they’re shared?” I was beginning to panic again at the sight of the Legacy Sports domain name on the end of the email address.

  “One step at a time,” Echo said in as calming a tone as she could manage. “We’ll take care of this and make sure they don’t go any further. Send that message to Fox, and I’ll give him a call and make sure he knows what he’s doing in terms of handling this. We’ll help you.”

  15

  Fox

  I wasn’t sure Sasha would send me the email address at all—she didn’t sound like she trusted me to do much of anything anymore, and given the stupidity of the mistake I’d made, I wasn’t sure I blamed her.

  What killed me was that she thought I had purposely sent the photos as some sort of revenge against her. If she’d just told me the direction of the story, I wouldn’t have been too worried about it. Curious and a little self-conscious, sure, but not worried. I trusted her and her judgment. She’d always looked out for me.

  But the way she reacted and got defensive about her story…that had me worried. I sat on my bed and reached for my computer, opening up a browser and searching for Sasha’s name, silently praying that the photos wouldn’t appear in the results. There were quite a few hits, most of them linking back to the station’s homepage, and the video with Sasha’s story.

  After taking a deep breath, I clicked play and watched the video. It was longer than I’d thought it would be, and I listened to the way she spoke about the struggles of washed-up athletes who had seemingly wasted their lives, only to choke and fail at the moment of truth and fade into obscurity. When the story ended, I clicked to watch it again.

  My phone vibrated, indicating a message had come through, but I ignored it.

  This was what Sasha had been working on for the last several weeks. All the times I’d confided in her. When I thought there was something wrong with me. The fact that I had considered going to a special therapist because I was worried at some level I was doing it on purpose, the thoughts I’d confessed to having that made me feel like a horrible person. And she’d listened quietly, reassuring me.

  But really, this was what had been going through her mind. She didn’t believe in me, she pitied me. When she was encouraging me to keep going, had it just been some kind of experiment to see how far I would go? What it would take to break me? Was she just looking for more material?

  She must have been. That was the only reason I could think of for why she hadn’t just told me about it sooner. If she’d said it when the idea first occurred to her, I probably would have laughed about it with her and told her to go for it. But she’d hidden it from me. Lied to me about it. She thought I would be mad enough to leak naked pictures of her for revenge, which meant she thought I should be that mad. The more I thought about it, the more hurt I was, and more convinced she had been using me.

  When the phone rang and I saw it was Echo calling, I ignored that call as well. She was with Sasha and was probably checking up on me to scold me about the pictures. She’d probably seen Sasha’s news piece by now and knew the truth. Each time I watched it, it was increasingly obvious.

  The next time the phone rang, it was Dax calling. There was a chance Echo had put him up to it, but he might also have just seen Sasha’s story and want to check in on how his infamous loser of a younger brother was handling the taste of fame he’d been given.

  “What, Dax?” I answered, my voice devoid of emotion.

  “If you wanted to let the family know you and Sasha Tenison were a thing now, you could have just said it,” my older brother teased. “We would have believed you. You didn’t have to send us photographic proof.”

  I froze. “I sent the pictures to you?” My desperation to rectify my earlier mistake temporarily overpowered the disgust I’d been feeling for Sasha and the tactical move that suggested she was willing to sacrifice our friendship for the sake of her career.

  “Hadn’t checked my email until I got a call from Echo a few minutes ago. She said someone hit the ‘D’ instead of the ‘F’ when they were trying to email the pictures to you.”

  Fuck, had Dax looked at them?

  “Delete them. Please,” I begged. “Just…get rid of them, whatever you do.”

  “Already done. I can get you in touch with the IT guy who handles the company server the emails get routed through. He’s had to help me out with something like this before. Don’t…ask,” Dax added. “Just…he’s a good guy. He’ll walk you through the steps so you can take care of it yourself, and he never has to see or be tempted or anything like that.”

  “Thanks. I’ll give him a call,” I said. Some of the tension melted away, but I knew it wouldn’t fade completely until the photo situation was entirely in hand.

  “No problem. And, uh…if you’re going to go digital, don’t do it on your cell phone. Use a camera where you can print off a few copies to stick in an old photo album or something and then delete them off the memory card. Nothing with the internet,” Dax advised. “Just, you know…I heard it from a friend.”

  “Oh, there will be no next time on this one,” I said.

  “She’ll get over it, Fox,” Dax assured me. “Just give it some time and she’ll—”

  “That’s not why there won’t be a next time. Have you seen the story she did that aired today?”

  “I thought Sasha was still in school?”

  “She’s doing an internship at TVN and had to put a piece together for a project. They liked hers enough to air it. You should check it out before telling me about the mistake I made.” With the photo situation almost resolved, anger returned as my primary emotion, making me fume over Sasha’s betrayal. “Oh, and Coach wants me to start tomorrow’s home game,” I added. “Let me know if you’ll be around and want tickets.” I hung up on Dax before my brother could reply.

  A few minutes later, Dax sent the phone number for the company IT guy, along with a confirmation that he would like to see me in net the next day.

  Sasha

  * * *

  I was much calmer after Echo talked to Dax. He promised to delete it immediately, and he assured Echo that the company’s IT guy would be able to clear it off the server.

  “Now that that’s settled, do we think we can focus on this fitting?” Echo asked after hanging up the phone.

  They were quieter than usual as they bustled about to get me into the newly redesigned runner’s outfit in the new fabric. Jen made notations according to Echo’s dictation and grabbed the things Echo needed that weren’t close at hand.

  “I want you to raise your arms like this,” Echo instructed and demonstrated, running through a number of movements for me to attempt and report on how it felt to perform them in the new clothes.

  Once the preliminaries were taken care of, Jen brought out a camera so they could get a few shots of the completed outfit to go over with the photographer and makeup crew so they could prep for the photo shoot the following week. My eyes fell on the camera, and I felt myself flush.

  “Just…keep the clothes on, okay?” Jen teased, lightening the mood a bit.

  I rolled my eyes.

  Echo directed my movements and body position once more, while Jen was in charge of taking the pictures.

  Each time the camera flashed, my breath hitched a little. Shame washed over me. I’d hurt him. The one person I’d loved since I was a kid. I’d hurt him. The things I’d said on the phone…the story. It was a mistake that could have happened to anyone, and he had immediately called to tell me everything and apologize. And what had I done? I’d chewed him out over it. Worse, I’d accused him of doing it on purpose. The guilt I felt about the story I’d done…I’d taken the anger I had toward myself and redirected it at Fox.

  “Could you try to look a little less…distraught?” Jen called.

  Echo elbowed her friend. “It doesn’t matter for these,” she said to me, rolling her eyes. “Give her a break.”

  “Sorry,” I said, trying to get my head back to the present. “She’s right. Even if the proper shoot isn’t until next week, it’s not like I can’t practice.” I blinked and shook myself out before turning to face Jen and the camera, striking a pose.

  But my thoughts wouldn’t be controlled so easily. They drifted back to the night before and posing for Fox. The way his face lit up as I shifted on the bed, teasing him as I draped the fabric of my skirt across my body to conceal and reveal the intimate spaces I shared with him. The way he’d made a show of each piece of clothing as he removed it in payment for the next picture. The warmth that had flooded through me, even as my skin broke out in goosebumps.

  No, I didn’t regret those photographs. I hadn’t even deleted them from my phone yet. Not even our short sex tape. A whole new wave of guilt crashed over me at the thought of how I’d blown my opportunity to come clean with him. I’d definitely blown my chance at having more with him. I’d been so scared to admit I wanted it, so scared of losing the friendship we already had, that I might well have lost it all.

  My phone rang, and Echo grabbed it for me.

  “Fox,” she mouthed, handing it over and then grabbing Jen to pull her away and give me some privacy.

  “Look, the photo thing is all taken care of,” he said curtly when I answered. “No traces of them left anywhere along the chain, including the email server, and Dax swore to me that he deleted his. The only ones left, if you haven’t deleted them already, are the ones on your phone.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “About how I reacted before, and about the story.” He didn’t hang up, but he didn’t say anything either, so I continued. “I meant to tell you sooner. I should have told you sooner. And it doesn’t matter that I didn’t think they’d ever air it or whatever…I still should have talked to you about it.”

  “I think you were pretty thorough,” he responded with no trace of sympathy or forgiveness in his voice. “I don’t think I could have added anything more to it, if you had been looking for more input.”

  “Input? Fox…you know that’s not what I meant. That’s not why I wanted to do the story at all.” I tried to defend myself, but couldn’t get mad about what he said. His disgust was justified, and I should just take it. “I wasn’t trying to use you. You know I would never do that.” My voice was low because I couldn’t suppress the wavering in it if I spoke any louder, and the last thing I wanted was to cry. Things would be even worse if he thought I was manipulating him.

  “I used to think that, but now… You know how much I hate being pitied, and yet… Being pitied by people you thought were your friends is so much worse than being pitied by strangers. At least if Coach Tremblay gave me this chance on the team because he pitied me, I can tell myself that he doesn’t really know me. But you… You know me better than anyone.”

  Tears streamed down my cheeks.

  “Coach Tremblay doesn’t pity you, and I certainly don’t. I know how great you are in goal, and I know how hard you try—”

  “But you know it’s not enough—and you’re right. Maybe it’s my own fault for complaining about it all the time. You did say you were tired of stroking egos, and what was I doing with all that complaining about myself-doubt if it wasn’t looking for you to give me a solid boost, huh?”

  “Stop it, Fox,” I said firmly. “I said I was sorry for not coming to you about the story sooner. I was afraid you’d do something like this—let it bother you and make you doubt yourself.”

  “Give me an excuse for when I inevitably fail?”

  “You’re not going to fail.”

  “I don’t believe you. After all, I can’t even send myself an email without screwing it up.”

  “It was a mistake, and I’m sorry for how I reacted,” I repeated. “I was surprised and scared and took my fear out on you. You did the right thing by telling me what happened and you’ve handled it, and now I’m sorry I made such a big deal out of the whole thing.”

  “It is a big deal. You can’t trust me to do anything,” he said with such conviction that I felt his self-loathing like a punch to the chest.

  “Stop saying things like that,” I requested again. “I wish we could go back a day. Go back to the way things were at the party. I…I liked the way things were between us then.”

  “Before I screwed things up with the pictures?”

  “Forget about the pictures,” I snapped. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m…I’m screwing this up, I know, but I’m trying…trying to say that…I liked being with you, and…” I took a deep breath and forced the words out. “I want…to be with you—not just be with you like…sex.” I began to ramble as I struggled to put what I wanted into words. “Not that I’m complaining about the sex. What I’m trying to say is…I love you, Fox. I’m so sorry for how I handled that story, but…I don’t want to lose you over it. Please…please…forgive me…”

  There was a pause from his end of the line that was eventually replaced with complete silence.

  I looked at the phone in disbelief, unsure what to make of his lack of reply. Then I gave in to my sobs.

  16

  Sasha

  Echo and Jen had insisted I crash on their couch. They’d overheard enough of my conversation with Fox to know it would be uncomfortable for me to go home to the apartment I shared with him. My classes had been cancelled for the next day, and the last thing I needed was to be in Fox’s face. I didn’t have to be at the station until later in the afternoon, and I was dreading that as much as facing Fox. There were a number of congratulatory emails from the staff for how well my story was being received by both the audience and the network’s higher ups. There were even plans to release segment two. But it was too late for that now.

  I’d even received a civil message of congratulations from Ryan. Which was surprising. I hadn’t heard from him, except through the wary stares of his immediate colleagues in the film editing departments. I had managed to avoid running into him at the station…though he might have been making just as much of an effort to avoid an encounter with me. His email made me want to gag with his forced words of encouragement. You’ll be sure to get an offer before your internship is up… They’d have to be crazy to let you slip through their fingers.

  It was something Fox would have said once, but with sincerity.

  A bunch of us want to treat you to a dinner somewhere nice to celebrate—don’t worry, I already made sure we ruled out that place you used to work. I wondered if Ryan even remembered the name of the restaurant I’d worked at for four years. Looking forward to seeing you, and congratulating you in person. I’ve missed you, and maybe we can find some time tomorrow to talk, just the two of us.

  The last thing I wanted was to talk alone with Ryan…or maybe it was the second-to-last thing I wanted. No, it was definitely last, because as much as I dreaded facing Fox and figuring out if we could even be friends moving forward, I longed to talk to him about Ryan’s message and hear him call Ryan a prick and hypocrite.

  I still felt like a horrible person when I roused myself to join Echo and Jen in the kitchen for coffee, but the promise of caffeine assured me I would be able to survive the day—even if it involved Ryan.

  As it turned out, it wasn’t Echo and Jen I’d heard stirring in the kitchen, but rather Echo and her boyfriend, Cole. She was busy measuring out scoops of ground coffee into the filter while he stood behind her, shirtless with his hands on her hips, kissing her neck. From his profile alone, I couldn’t help but stare for a moment. He was awfully pretty.

  “Oh,” I blurted, startling them all the same. “Sorry. I, uh…I’ll just…go take a shower…” I muttered.

  “It’s all right, Sash,” Echo assured her, amusement in her voice. “We’re behaving, I promise.”

  There was a low murmur from Cole that earned him a playful slap from Echo. He took over prepping the coffee machine, glancing over his shoulder to greet me with a brief smile but keeping his body turned away from me. I’d seen Fox do the same thing enough times to recognize and appreciate his attempts to conceal his morning wood. Echo flew into distraction mode, ushering me over to a cabinet where I could pick from several breakfast cereals.

  “Have you heard anything from Fox?” I made myself ask.

  “No,” Echo admitted. “But Dax said he and Asha are going to Fox’s game today. He’s going to try to talk to him. I mean…from an objective perspective, the story you did is great. And I’m sure Fox wouldn’t want you to compromise your skill or the possibilities for your future by not doing a story just because it was uncomfortable for him. It’s your job.”

  “I know, and that’s exactly why I should have just told him about it before,” I reiterated as I poured Corn Flakes into the bowl Echo had retrieved. “But I blew it. Both with my timing and with how I told him.”

  “Now that he’s had some time to let it all sink in, I think he’ll be over being angry and hurt,” Echo said with forced optimism, pulling open a drawer and grabbing me a spoon. “Dax’ll help talk him around. If you don’t know that Fox was what inspired that story, you wouldn’t be able to tell just by watching it. Sure there’s some footage of him, but he’s not the main focus. The story shows some tryouts, a win, and a defeat, but your footage focuses mainly on the teenage athletes.”