She bit on her lower lip, considering.

  She couldn’t keep tearing up letters, dodging telegrams and moving. Maybe she should just have dinner with him, make it clear it could never work between them. Say goodbye with class. He didn’t deserve it, but she did.

  Tapping a comb against one palm, she said slowly, “I’m staying at Ruby’s. You’ll have to pick me up there.”

  He grinned at her. “Deal.”

  15

  KATE PACED up and down Ruby’s small apartment. “Do you think this dress is too short?” she asked anxiously.

  “You’ve already changed three times,” Ruby answered in exasperation. “The man knows you’ve got legs, forget about it.”

  She had settled on the green dress she’d worn to her birthday dinner. It brought back painful memories, but it was the best thing she owned to wear to a fancy restaurant.

  “Does my nose still look swollen?” She touched the tender spot where she’d applied an extra coat of foundation to cover the redness.

  “You look gorgeous.”

  They heard a car approaching. He was right on time. Kate turned to her friend in panic. “Oh, God, Ruby, I’m going to throw up.”

  “No you’re not. You are not going to the best restaurant in town smelling like vomit. Breathe.” Ruby stood up and demonstrated, waving her arm theatrically: “In—one, two, three. Out—one, two, three. In—one, two, three…” The doorbell pealed and she moved to answer the door. “Out—one, two, three.”

  “In—one, two, three,” Kate gasped. “Out—one, two, three.”

  She was panting like a thirsty dog on a hot day.

  She heard Ruby and Darren at the door making wary chitchat.

  In—onetwothree. Gasp.

  She stumbled forward.

  And forgot to breathe at all.

  Darren was standing there—and so was Dean. His lightweight navy suit was superbly cut. That was definitely Kaiser, as were the rest of the clothes, shoes and posture. But the face belonged to her Dean, and his hair was her creation.

  When she looked into his eyes, she knew him. The expression was warm as those gray eyes looked back at her, but he treated her like an old friend. No kiss or touch, just a “Hi” and then they were off.

  “Where’s your car?” Kate asked, looking for the old clunkmobile.

  “Here,” he said, gesturing to a late-model Ford. “It’s a rental. I flew in last night.”

  Of course he wouldn’t drive the beater anymore. He’d gone back to his old life. She had to remember that. But then why was he here with her? What part could she possibly play in the life of Darren Kaiser of Kaiser Image Makers?

  Her feeling of disorientation continued as they walked through the crowded restaurant to a window table. She could see women’s heads turning to look at Darren. It had never happened before when she’d been with him and she didn’t like the twinge of possessiveness she felt.

  Finally they were seated and she was sipping a glass of wine while Darren swirled a Scotch on the rocks.

  “How is your father?” she asked politely.

  “He’s home now and out of danger.” He put the drink down with a dull thud on the white tablecloth, causing amber liquid to splash out of the glass. “I was a jackass to go like that and make it so hard for them to find me. He could be dead now.”

  Of all the feelings she’d expected to experience in his company, this sudden surge of empathy and remembered pain were a surprise. She nodded, knowing exactly what he was going through.

  “You always feel guilty—and angry—when they die.” She drew a little pattern on the white cloth with her fingernail. “My dad promised me he’d dance with me at my high school prom. He promised me I could be anything I wanted to be when I grew up.”

  Her voice was growing husky. She paused, swallowing. She remembered the rage she’d felt after her father’s death. It had shocked her, and made her feel guilty.

  She remembered the bitter reality. Prom season was a busy time at the beauty salon, and every year it came around, Kate felt like Cinderella dressing her stepsisters for the ball she couldn’t attend.

  “He lied to me,” she whispered at last. “He didn’t mean to, but he lied. It seems a habit with the men in my life.”

  She dipped her head to her glass, blinking the sudden moisture away.

  “Kate, I never lied to you.”

  “Your whole life here was a lie.”

  “No! You saw the real me. Oh, not the phony glasses and those insane shirts, but the guy who shoots straight to the moon every time he gets his hands on a computer. That’s more me than a desk in an advertising agency.”

  She gave a noncommittal grunt.

  “I’m also the guy who loves you. All the time we spent together, all the hours we made love…damn it, didn’t that tell you anything?”

  “Dea—Darren, please…”

  “Okay, so I look a little more presentable and have a few bucks, is that so terrible?” He waved a hovering waiter away with a quick gesture, holding Kate’s eyes with his own.

  “I don’t see why you didn’t just go off and do a computer thing as the real you.” She leaned forward.

  “It was knowing that if I did I could always run to my dad if I got in trouble. That if I tried to get a loan, I wouldn’t know if I got it on my own merits or because my dad plays golf every week with the bank manager. Coming out here gave me a clean start, and whatever I did I would do on my own. It probably sounds nuts to you. It sounds nuts to me now, but at the time, I had to do it. That’s all.”

  “You should have told me.” Her voice vibrated with pain.

  “And have you run away even sooner? Everything’s a risk, Kate. And love’s the biggest risk of all—I love you, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to give us a another try. How about you? Are you too scared to take a chance?”

  All through dinner, when she ate delicacy after delicacy, which all tasted like sawdust, and drank expensive wine that could have been tap water, she tried to avoid answering his question. Darren must have realized he’d given her enough to think about, for he backed off and asked about school, her family and her plans for the future.

  Just as he’d promised, he drove her back to Ruby’s apartment before midnight. He didn’t even suggest taking her back to his hotel room.

  She was relieved. Of course, she was relieved.

  Darren turned to her. In the glow of the streetlight his face was vague, so she had to rely on his voice and eyes, both so very familiar to her.

  “Kate, I have to go back East in a few days. Dad needs me at KIM for a while. I can’t let him down again.”

  Her heart sank. So he thought she didn’t need him? “I understand.”

  “Come with me,” he said.

  “Are you crazy?”

  “You could go to university in the East. There are some great schools.”

  “And you or your Dad would pull some strings?” She couldn’t keep the scorn out of her voice.

  He chuckled softly. “Now you know how I felt. No, you have the marks to get into a good school all by yourself.”

  “You’re asking me to leave everything I know and move to the other side of the country for you. To do that, I’d have to trust you, and I can’t.”

  “You know, one advantage to being That Darren Kaiser is that I can afford to make things easier for you and your family. You could come home and visit whenever you want, in time we could help your mother find a better place to—”

  “How dare you?” she lashed out in blind fury. “We’ve never had to turn to charity yet, Darren, and I sure as hell won’t take it from you.”

  He reached for her hand, forcing the connection between them she didn’t want to feel. “Forget about all the surface stuff. Trust your heart. In your heart you know me.”

  She felt as fluttery as a trapped moth. “I don’t know you…I don’t.”

  “Trust this,” he said, and, leaning forward, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. She made a little moaning sound of despair in the back of her throat as her body leaned in closer to his embrace. She could feel his life force flowing through her, and her answering response flow back to him.

  He pulled away at last, and she felt bereft without his warmth.

  He got out of the car and walked around to Kate’s side to open her car door. He walked her up the path to Ruby’s door. “Sleep on it,” he said. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  The door opened to reveal Ruby in a crimson bathrobe, a towel wound into a turban around her head. Before Kate could reply, he had waved to both women and was walking back to his car.

  Sleep on it, he’d said. Hah. Sleep was farther than it had ever been. How could she trust him, how could she be sure he wouldn’t desert her when she needed him?

  Ruby’s old pullout was about as comfortable as a bed of nails. She lay staring at the ceiling, more frightened and confused than she’d ever been.

  She imagined going off with him to some cold marble mansion in the East, far away from her mother and Ruby and Mona, far away from everything and everyone she knew. God, she’d miss them all. Even Mrs. Hodgkins seemed like a surrogate grandmother when Kate thought about leaving her.

  Her life wasn’t perfect, not by a mile, but at least it was familiar and predictable and safe.

  Suddenly she couldn’t stand lying there in pain and misery any longer. She hauled herself out of the pullout, which groaned and squeaked before disgorging her from its lumpy depths with the painful poke of a popped spring.

  Kate rubbed her bruised backside and silently dressed.

  She arrived back at the duplex just after 3:00 a.m. It seemed forlorn and cheerless with moving boxes scattered around, most of the ornaments and books already packed away.

  She walked into the bedroom and flopped on the bed

  “What am I going to do?” she whispered to the ceiling. She curled up in a ball on the bare mattress, staring into the dark.

  WELL, AS REUNIONS WENT, last night hadn’t been a complete fiasco, Darren thought as he drove the quiet Sunday streets. The night hadn’t ended the way his body had ached for it to end, but she hadn’t slammed the door on his hopes, either.

  If he knew anything for certain anymore, it was that he and Kate belonged together. When she’d told him about her father’s death, quite a few things had begun to make sense.

  “He lied to me,” she’d said.

  A big searchlight went on in his head when she’d said those words. It was like the moment when you discovered the source of a computer bug—that wonderful eureka moment that was the first step to solving the problem.

  Not that Kate was like a computer—God, she was a lot more complex than that—but he had the key to her fear now, and her thing about lies. When it was just him and the computer, he always felt he had logic on his side. With Kate, he had to contend with emotions and feelings. He’d have a better chance winning at chess with Deep Blue than convincing the most stubborn, hot-tempered woman he’d ever known that she loved him.

  He couldn’t make her trust him. He hammered his hands against the wheel in frustration.

  He drove aimlessly, thinking. He was willing to take a risk, couldn’t she see that? What if, instead of asking her to trust him, he could show her how much he trusted her?

  His heart began to pound. Why couldn’t he show her he trusted her with his life?

  He checked his mirrors and then jerked the wheel around for a U-turn. His blood hummed with anticipation as he headed the car in the direction of the duplex. She’d be home now, he was sure, now she didn’t have to hide from him at her friend’s place.

  The car slowed as he entered the street where she lived. He felt suddenly dry-mouthed and hollow-bellied. What if he couldn’t convince her?

  Parking across the street, he marshaled his arguments. His palms were damp as he counted off on his fingers all the reasons why she should take a chance and trust him with her happiness.

  In the end, he knew there was only one reason that counted. Did she love him? The answer to that question terrified him.

  ACTION, THAT’S WHAT SHE needed. It was a lesson Kate had learned from her mother. “There are few problems that can’t be solved with a scrub brush in your hand” her mother loved to say. Well, there was plenty of scrubbing and cleaning to be done before she moved at the end of the month. Kate scrutinized the small apartment. Sunshine streamed through dusty windows. That was a good place to start—with the windows.

  Dragging one of the dining chairs over to the living room window, she climbed up, unhooking the drapes. She sneezed twice as dust tickled her nose. She pulled out the drapery hooks and piled the dirty drapes into her wicker laundry basket. She’d put the drapes on to wash now, then come back and wash the windows. She’d have the curtains washed and ironed and hanging over sparkling clean windows by nightfall.

  Hiking the curtains into the laundry room, she crammed them into the washer and checked her watch. The washer would take about thirty minutes.

  Back in her apartment, she tied her hair back out of the way and changed into old sweats and a T-shirt that had a hole in it. She put soap and vinegar into the bucket, added hot water and dug through the storage closet for her window washer.

  She dipped the squeegee into the hot soapy water and began washing the windows. Up and down, then a swipe with the rubber end and the glass pane was clear. If only her fears could be cleared away as easily. She fell into a soothing rhythm, which allowed her thoughts free rein. They were anything but soothing.

  She knew one thing now for certain.

  She loved Darren. Whatever and whoever he was, she loved him.

  And he’d come back for her.

  But how could she trust him?

  She remembered Ruby’s words. “Be a grown-up, Kate” she’d said. Kate wasn’t the girl she’d been half a year ago, when she’d seriously thought about spending her life with someone like Brian. She had grown up since then. It was Darren who’d helped her see who she really was, who’d encouraged her to take a risk and go back to school.

  So what if she went with him and it didn’t work? So what?

  Swish up, swish down, squeak of rubber and on to the next strip.

  She could always come back to Seattle, get another job. She’d be all right.

  But if he broke her heart again, she didn’t know if she could survive.

  Back and forth her thoughts chased one another like the rubber swiper chasing drips down the window. He was going to phone today, and she had no idea what she was going to say to him.

  She finished the last of the inside windows, emptied the bucket and dried her hands. She checked her watch. It was time to put the curtains in the dryer, then she could start on the outside of the windows. She stretched her arms over her head, rotating her shoulders, then headed back to the laundry room.

  She stopped dead. Her heart lurched to her throat. There was a note taped to the washer. The cramped black sprawl as familiar as her own heartbeat.

  Occupant of Apartment B,

  Will you marry me?

  Darren Edgar Kaiser

  There was only one answer. It was time to trust her heart.

  She looked around for a pen or pencil, anything to write with. The closest she could find to a writing implement was a dust-covered sliver of yellow soap lying in a corner.

  Digging shaking hands in her sweatpants she pulled out an old lipstick and uncapped it. It was bright red. Perfect. She walked slowly over to the washer and wrote Yes! across the note in huge crooked letters, framing her answer in a thick, gooey red heart.

  She felt his presence even before she turned around. “I hope you can read that far without your glasses,” she teased, her voice husky through her tears.

  “I have perfect vision. That’s how I found you,” he said softly.

  “Kiss me, husband to be.” She held her arms out, smiling through misty eyes. He was quick to comply.

  From Matchmaker magazine’s October issue

  Kaiser Meets His Match

  Runaway Match of the Year, Darren Edgar Kaiser Jr., heir to the Kaiser Image Makers empire, is no longer missing. Sadly for this magazine and hopeful single women across the country, he’s no longer a bachelor, either.

  Darren Kaiser met his match, Kate Monahan Kaiser, on a recent trip to the West Coast.

  The couple currently reside in Boston, where Kate attends university and Darren is working with a charitable education foundation to improve reading skills with a software program he developed.

  ISBN: 978-1-4603-7232-6

  UNDERNEATH IT ALL

  Copyright © 2004 by Nancy Warren.

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.

  All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.

  This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

  ® and TM are trademarks of the publisher. Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and in other countries.

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  Nancy Warren, Underneath It All

 

 

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