He was staring into her eyes. He wanted to see if he could find any signs of her feelings toward him and what they had.

  That he wasn’t feeling this alone.

  That maybe she was falling in love with him as he was with her and she’d be upset if they walked away from each other.

  “I hoped we would work it out,” she said. “And yes, I’d be upset if we didn’t, but it’s not the first time in my life I’ve been upset about things.”

  It wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it was more than he had before.

  “Then let’s eat dinner and I’ll get some clothes for tomorrow. I’m sure you’re not going to be too tired for a while if you slept today.”

  “I only slept until noon,” she said. “As I said, I knew I had the day off. I wanted to be rested up so we could have some makeup sex.”

  He laughed. “I like the way you think.”

  21

  Tight-Knit Family

  “Your first Paradise Place picnic,” Christian said to her two weeks later.

  “It is,” she said. “Are you sure just making cookies is fine?”

  She’d seen pictures of this picnic on the development’s website. It looked like a good time, but if she wasn’t dating Christian, she was positive she wouldn’t have attended.

  Liz wasn’t someone to get to know her neighbors and hang out with them. She barely said hi to the few she had now.

  The house across the street was going to get a new kitchen and some other work done on it. Christian had told her that was what he was doing there when he’d witnessed her mailbox being hit. Guess they were just getting around to starting in a week or so. She was glad the work would be inside and not be too noisy and keep her up during the day when she had to sleep.

  “Yes,” he said. “There are so many people there. There are multiple repeats of salads and desserts. My family takes care of the grilling. They normally do hamburgers and hot dogs. It’s easy enough to fit a lot on the grills they bring in.”

  Christian had stayed at her house last night and gotten up early to go help set up. Guess the whole family did it. She’d offered to help and he’d told her she didn’t need to.

  She wanted to argue but then realized she’d just be in the way when he said none of the wives were there. They were home with the kids, but she didn’t have any kids.

  It wasn’t worth arguing about, so she decided to bake her cookies this morning rather than last night. She’d made a double batch of lemon bars. She felt that was a nice summer dessert and she wouldn’t have to worry about them melting in the heat.

  “I think it’s great that they’ve done this for years,” she said.

  “It is. Be ready to have a lot of people come talk to you.”

  “Because I’m with you?” she asked.

  “Yes,” he said. “You’ll get a lot of questions too.”

  “I figured some of my neighbors will come talk. I’ve waved to them but haven’t spoken to anyone. I’m only around on the weekends and outside mowing the lawn or something if they are.”

  He pulled on her ponytail playfully. “I remember you used to be so much more outgoing.”

  “Not really,” she said. “I think I forced it more than anything else. In school it's just so hard to get along with people.”

  “But you did,” he said.

  “By chance,” she said. “Playing sports helped, but you know as well as I do that girls are harsh and things were said. I wasn’t always good enough for some groups.”

  She didn’t dress like they did. Her family didn’t have the money.

  When some started to say she was trying to move up by dating Christian, it was just too much attention on her and she’d had enough.

  Over the years she might have regretted breaking up with Christian, but he never fought to get her back either. In her eyes it hadn’t meant much to him. Nothing more than a first love or sexual experience.

  She didn’t let it bother her too much and just moved on with her life.

  Funny how here she was though.

  “You’re good enough for me,” he said, kissing her on the lips. “You ready to go meet your neighbors?”

  She sighed. “Yes. There is alcohol there, right?”

  He laughed at her. “You don’t drink much, but there is beer. I’m sure Shannon or Zoe has wine. Some bring it. I’ll stick with beer. Many bring their own drinks, but there will be a lot of water and juice boxes that the family supplies too.”

  Which was just another great thing about Christian’s family.

  “Don’t want anyone to get heat stroke,” she said. “I don’t want to be put to work.”

  “Do you know how many doctors, police, firemen, nurses and EMTs live in Paradise Place?”

  “No,” she said. “Do you?”

  “No,” he said, grinning. “But I can give you the list of those I know personally. I bet it’s close to twenty.”

  “No,” she said.

  “Now you’re going to force me to do it. You—”

  “I’m not family,” she argued.

  He closed one eye at her. “You are to me.”

  She smiled and this warm heat filled her belly fast. “The same,” she said.

  “Let’s start with law enforcement. The chief of police of Colonie lives here. I don’t know him as well as my parents do. But Ruby Turner, who sold you this house, her husband, Josh, Josh’s best friend, Nathan, and Nathan’s brother, Dylan—who is married to Zoe that is Ryan’s sister-in-law—are all employed by the State Police. Trey is a fireman. You’re a nurse. Harris’s sister, Sarah, is a nurse; Kaelyn is a physical therapist, so still medical. Then Evan’s brothers-in-law are both doctors. Addison a pharmacist. And Sarah’s sister-in-law and her fiancé are both vets. That counts, right?”

  “Wow,” Liz said. “So that is family or sort of connected to your family.” She started to recap it on her hand. “That’s twelve.”

  “Those are the ones I know closely. Do you want me to list all the other ones I know and have talked to?”

  She smirked at him. “No,” she said. “I’ll take your word for it. If someone goes down with heat stroke, I can sit back and continue to drink.”

  “That a girl,” he said. “Just relax today.”

  She grabbed her lemon bars that she’d put on a big disposable tray and they got in his truck and drove to the park in Paradise Place. They passed several that were walking and pulling coolers or pushing strollers, carrying chairs or walking dogs.

  Having never grown up in what she’d call a tight-knit extended family, it felt odd to her to see so much of it surrounding her today.

  She reminded herself that no one knew what else went on in someone’s life. That many put on a front for the world to see. She’d been guilty of that herself for years. No more though. She wasn’t hiding or pretending anymore.

  That meant that she really should tell Christian how she felt about him.

  More so that she wanted to tell him. She was tired of holding so much in.

  They got out of his truck after he drove it on the grass and parked over by where his family seemed to be. She was going to ask why, but then he went to the back and she saw there were bags of ice there and Evan came over with Ryan to unload them.

  “Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked Christian’s mom.

  “We can take a walk to the dessert table,” Judy said. “The men tend to have most of it covered by now. The women, we were here just setting it up and putting the signs up now.”

  Liz wasn’t sure what Judy was talking about until they got closer to the tent with all the tables under it. There were tables marked salads with mayo and those without. She could see why, as there were tins with ice in them and then kiddie pools under the table holding even more ice for people to put their salads in. Guess they were serious about no one getting sick.

  There was a table with desserts and then a spot to put any desserts with nuts.

  “This is great,” she said. “So considerate of your family.”

  “We’ve been doing it for years. I remember the first time I came to one. There weren’t nearly as many people as there will be today. But few had allergies or food restrictions like now. We just worried that nothing spoiled in the heat more than anything else.”

  “It is a completely different world than it was when we were little.”

  “In some ways, yes,” Judy said. “In other ways, no. Christian seems very happy.”

  “I don’t know that I’ve ever known him not to be,” she said. “But then I have to tell myself we were kids back then. Weren’t we all happy to the point that our issues were more trivial looking back?”

  Judy put her hand on Liz’s arm. “Not everyone’s was trivial.”

  She wondered what Judy might know about her mother but then pushed it off. She’d think that Christian would be aware if Judy knew and it hadn’t come up once.

  Not even ever asking why she went into nursing.

  Abby knew that it was so she could help people. That she got it from her father and wished she could have done more for her mother.

  She learned at a young age her mother didn’t want to be helped.

  It was sad in her eyes that she lived a life like that herself.

  Then she reminded herself that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t that she didn’t want help when she was married to Tanner, it was that she thought she had it under control...until it was out of control.

  “You’re right,” she said. “They weren’t. But I’d like to think most are in a good place now.”

  Judy smiled and nodded her head. Liz put her dessert down and then followed Judy back to where the rest of Christian’s family was.

  As the day went on, she met more people than she could have imagined. She tried to remember those that were her neighbors or on her street at least. The rest were faces that she’d pass driving through and wave at.

  She was lucky enough that she’d gone to two weddings with Christian and was able to meet his family or at least some of his extended family ahead of this.

  “Liz,” Ruby Turner said. “I’m so glad that you could come to the picnic. Though I’m sure Christian wasn’t going to let you miss it.”

  She wasn’t surprised Ruby knew about her relationship with Christian when Ruby had such a close working connection to the Butlers.

  “I’m glad he talked me into it,” she said. “And who is this little guy?”

  “This is my son, Caleb. He’s about eighteen months old and instead of walking, he wants to run everywhere. My husband, Josh, is the one keeping guard for the moment on the little jailbreaker.”

  She laughed. “Seems fitting since Christian was giving me a rundown of people here. You work for the state police?”

  “An investigator,” Josh said, shaking her hand. “With this one right here.”

  She turned her head and saw another man a few feet away. “Hi,” she said. “You’ve got to be Nathan. I met Dylan and Zoe already and you look like your brother.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Nathan said. “Christian’s girlfriend. Sorry, didn’t catch your name other than he had a girlfriend.”

  “Liz,” she said, shaking the man’s hand and hearing the laughter next to him.

  “Ignore my husband. I’m Brina, Nathan’s wife. This is our daughter, Mya. She’s fifteen months old and trying to learn to walk. I was hoping that being around Caleb would help, but he isn’t staying still long enough.”

  “Don’t wish too fast,” she said. “Then you’ll have Nathan chasing her like Josh.”

  Brina laughed. “I like you. And I know we didn’t get to meet before, but you were at my sister’s wedding.”

  “What?” she asked.

  “Hannah. She married Cash Fielding.”

  “I feel like such a fool,” she said. “I knew you looked familiar. I mean you were in the wedding party, but your hair was up.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Brina said. “Our cousin is Blair and her family is here too.” Brina moved her head around. “Over there.” Brina started to wave her hand and she saw another couple with a little girl and toddler making their way over.

  It went like that for a few hours. More names and faces than she’d ever remember.

  “How are you holding up?” Christian asked, moving over to her. The burgers and dogs were being grilled. She’d just gotten done helping make sure the salads were out and ready to be served by whoever wanted to help themselves.

  “Better than I thought.”

  “Liz. Liz Sherman. Is that you?”

  She turned her head. She hadn’t been called Liz Sherman in a while. She was going to start the paperwork to fix that soon. She saw Martha Overton a few feet away and moving quickly to get into her personal space. Just like Martha did in high school.

  “Yes, it’s me. How are you doing, Martha?”

  “I thought that was you. I heard Christian had a girlfriend, then someone said her name was Liz. Imagine that, you two are back together again. I thought you moved out of the area.”

  “I did,” she said. “I’m back now.”

  “And you’re here visiting the picnic with your boyfriend,” Martha said. “My husband and I bought a house here a few years ago. I always wanted to live here growing up and now it’s a dream come true. It’s such a hard place to get into. But you get a taste of it being with Christian.”

  Now she knew why she wanted to avoid this party. People like Martha. Those that made her feel she wasn’t enough in school and didn’t deserve to be with Christian.

  Before she could say anything, Christian jumped in, “Actually, it’s more like I’m the one here with her. She lives in Paradise Place, not me.”

  “What?” Martha asked. “You live here?”

  “I do,” she said. “I bought a house a few months ago. All by myself too. It’s good to see you again, Martha. I believe Parker is waving me over.”

  Liz turned and started to walk, Christian by her. “That was funny. Good for you. I’m surprised you said that though.”

  “It was petty. I know. I shouldn’t have.”

  He stopped and made her face him. “No, you totally should have. It was great.” He leaned down and kissed her and Liz realized that maybe she had come much further than she ever thought she’d be.

  The old her—before Tanner—would have walked away. The new her stood her ground and wouldn’t let someone make her feel as if she wasn’t enough.

  Maybe it was time to let Christian know where she stood too.

  22

  Say This Now

  “You’re not still bothered by what Martha said, are you?”

  “What?” Liz asked Christian when she unlocked the door to her house later that night. It was seven and still daylight, but it’d been a long day of setting up and cleaning after the picnic ended.

  There were still plenty of people hanging out and would be for hours more, but Christian and his family picked up everything they’d set up earlier and hauled out all the trash in their trucks too. He knew that there would be maintenance checking things over on the grounds tomorrow to make sure everything was back to the way it should be.

  “Martha,” he said. “You’re quiet. I asked if you were upset about what she said. You didn’t seem it at first but then got quiet as the day went on.”

  She turned and put her arms around his neck. “No. I’m not upset at what she said. I expect things like that from her. From people like her. I’m quiet for another reason.”

  “What reason is that?” he asked. He hadn’t been by her side the whole day. She wasn’t one that needed it and he didn’t want to hover. He’d felt like they were in a good place in their relationship, but maybe he was wrong.

  “I got thinking that it’s time you knew something else and I was wondering if tonight was the right night to tell you.”

  “What’s that?” he asked. “You can tell me anything. At any time. Don’t ever feel like you can’t.”

  “I don’t feel that. Which is why I know it’s right to say this now.”

  He started to grin. He was hoping it was what he’d been waiting to say too.

  “Are you going to tell me or make me wait?” he asked.

  “I used to be afraid to say things,” she said. “But I told myself I can’t be afraid anymore. I mean what’s the worst that can happen? You don’t say it back? You don’t feel the same way?”

  “I’m pretty sure I feel the same way and will most likely say it back,” he said, giving her a little squeeze and kiss on the forehead.

  “That I’ve gone and fallen in love with you. I didn’t know if I had it in me to fall in love with anyone again.”

  “I know that feeling,” he said. “Not that I didn’t think I had it in me but that I’ve fallen in love with you too. I knew it a while ago. I think before our fight. That is what hurt so much.”

  She frowned at him. “Then why did you stay away?”

  “What do you mean? I told you why. That you’d been through so much. A lot of what I didn’t know. I didn’t want to put pressure on you and thought you needed your own time to work it out.”

  “Would you have made the step if I hadn’t?” she asked. She moved out of his arms and he wasn’t sure what was going on now.

  “Yes. I would have that weekend. You were working and I didn’t want to bother you. Or distract you. I would have reached out by Friday afternoon, no later than Saturday. Do you not believe me?”

  “You didn’t reach out to me when we were younger. When I broke up with you, you just walked away like it wasn’t a big deal.”

  “I don’t remember it that way,” he said.

  “It’s the truth. What do you remember? I told you that I thought we should take a break. You got quiet and said if it was what I wanted and that was it. We never talked again except passing in the halls or seeing each other at parties. It just told me that was the right decision.”

  He ran a hand over his face. “Liz. You blindsided me. I thought things were good with us. But we were kids. You were playing sports. You were helping your father with his business and the house. You had a part-time job and you were caring for Abby. In between that you had school and were dating me. I just thought you were being pulled in a bunch of directions.”