“What I am is fucking obsessed with you.”

  “You’re obsessed with me?”

  “To the point that I used to think of nothing but fucking or killing you, but then I started to like you, so I decided it was better to keep you alive and by my side.”

  I leaned away and stared at him. He’d admitted that so casually like it was an everyday topic of conversation.

  “Eventually we’ll fall in love,” he added after making note of my expression.

  I almost laughed. I wasn’t sure he could fall in love. Ciaran had some stellar psychopathic tendencies. He couldn’t be a full-blown psycho because he did seem capable of loving.

  He could feel something close to remorse as well if his attitude towards his brother was anything to go off.

  I wasn’t the most stable person up top and had a moral compass that occasionally stopped ticking, so I couldn’t judge. As for this plan he had concocted? I didn’t know where to begin with that.

  “Have you perhaps forgotten I’m a Serpine? Those snakes you hate so much?”

  “You’re not a snake, you never have been.” He pulled me closer until his face was a breath away from mine. “The only thing that you are now is mine.”

  Trying to temper the pounding of my heart, I let my eyes dip to his lips, flying back up when I realized those were too much of a distraction. “I don’t understand.”

  “I know. Right now, you don’t need to” He settled back against the headboard and guided my head to his chest.

  I didn’t know how to navigate the minefield of this situation. There were so many complexities to sort through.

  “Are we sure we can do this?”

  “We are doing this,” he assured me, his husky voice seeping into my consciousness. I briefly closed my eyes, and he ran a hand through my hair. “I’ve got you, Puppet. I promise.”

  I let myself feel the safety of his embrace and then lifted my head and peered up at him. “What happens now?”

  “Now?” He reached down and gripped my ass, maneuvering me until I was straddling him. “Now I teach you how to play at the Devil’s Playground.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  My life did not get any easier after making a deal with the devil. If anything, the months thereafter were ten times harder. I felt like I’d gotten the lead in a Broadway-worthy play and if I made a single error then that would be it—curtains closed. The problem was no one gave me a script. I was doing the best with what I had, and I didn’t have much.

  Resting an elbow on the dining room table, I studied the calendar on my phone. I was trying to pinpoint Lamia’s due date and couldn’t narrow down exactly how far along she was. I’d had no news of her since the night of the oath. Ciaran had recently become radio silent too, for longer than he usually did.

  The last time we saw one another was an event I’d been forced to attend for some fundraising event, raising money for a restaurant called Blight House or something. I’d pretended nothing had changed between us and that was a feat in itself.

  I’d heard long-distance relationships were hard. I would take one of those over the one I had to hide from the world. There were no texts, emails, or letters to re-read during times of longing. You didn’t have a phone call to look forward to. Even whispered conversations could be overheard.

  Our time together came with thorough detailed planning of overnight excursions I never actually went to. Instead, I was off with him and our friends. What was dating when you were having an illicit affair that ensured you’d be decoding riddles and learning the many ways to survive hell on earth?

  The downside was how we had to space everything out to keep from being caught. It had become one of the hardest parts of all this. I expected hardships. I never thought one of them would be missing him

  Aside from the faded lines on my palm the only memento and proof of our relationship was the copy of the photo he’d brought me a few weeks ago, the one from the night of Sainte’s party. I stashed it in a secret space inside my bathroom for safekeeping.

  I understood now why Lamia had risked everything for a relationship that would never be accepted by anyone aligned with the Serpines. I was doing the same damn thing. I wondered if that made us selfish.

  I wouldn’t change a thing, regardless. Over the past few months despite how hard it was being in such a complex relationship Ciaran had taught me a lot.

  Dormant demons I’d always carried were starting to wake.

  I’d never felt better about myself. He made me see things in a new light. I knew I was capable of rising up and taking everything away from those who’d hurt me and making it my own.

  I wouldn’t be alone, but it was nice to realize I wasn’t as powerless as I’d believed. Nights together always ended with our bodies tangled together. It didn’t matter how grueling his ‘lessons’ were. We needed the physical connection.

  Hearing the click of Pandora’s heels, I exited the calendar app I’d begun staring at while lost in thought and did a quick check of my texts, frowning when I saw there’d still been no reply from Mel or Grace.

  Pandora breezed into the dining room with a smile on her face. “Sorry, hija. I got caught up on a phone call with Papá.”

  “It’s fine.” I eyed her suit outfit. “Is he okay? He’s been gone for a while.”

  She sat her cellphone on the table and waved off my concern, reaching for the cloth napkin that went over her lap. “He’s good. A lot of higher-ups had to fly out and see our new build site.”

  “Mm.” I nodded as if I truly cared about this city they were reconstructing. They never told me enough information about their work for me to become invested.

  The longer Matheus stayed gone the better. Living in this house with my family was a daily battle of wills. I reached for more Caesar dressing and drizzled some across already saturated lettuce.

  I’d been working on this salad for fifteen minutes. I had little desire to do these luncheons and even less of an appetite as I pretended that we were normal.

  “Did you know Ciaran Belair had a brother?” she asked without seeming particularly interested in the topic. It was an act I knew well.

  If I hadn’t been so on guard, I would’ve choked on the baby tomato I’d just bitten into. I chewed as I normally would and then wiped my mouth. “No. Haven’t his parents been married forever? Did someone cheat?”

  Pandora began tapping away at the screen of her cellphone, sliding it across the table towards me. “Watch this.”

  “What is it?”

  “Watch,” she urged with an airy laugh. “I want to know your thoughts.”

  Unsure what I was about to see, I took a mental breath and hit play on the video. The speaker immediately erupted with intelligible shouting. It wasn’t a perfectly clear video. Certain aspects were blurred but it looked to have been done purposely, not a quality issue. I could make out at least three people in masks. There must have been a fourth because as they chased a group of people through the woods the camera bounced.

  One person specifically drew my attention. My mouth went dry, a heaviness spreading through my chest as her features became more evident. The video momentarily cleared as someone off-camera fired an arrow. A guy with a striking resemblance to Ciaran grabbed my sister and pulled her out of its path.

  The arrow found a mark in one of the girls that had been running with them, slamming into her temple with such impact it came out on the other side. Whoever was recording had gotten close enough by this point that I saw the blood and something resembling a sponge be expelled from the hole the tip of the arrow had formed.

  The tomato I’d just eaten was suddenly much too acidic. I blindly reached for my water, watching as the girl staggered. When the camera panned to a side profile view, I recognized her too.

  I swallowed a gasp as Lamia’s best friend disappeared into a patch of thick overgrowth. The video cut off abruptly, silencing my sister’s hysterical screaming.

  I went through no less than four emotions in the span of a few seconds, ending with rage. I swallowed repeatedly and took another pull from my glass.

  “Did you know Ciaran had a brother?” she repeated her prior question with no vocal inflection to hint at her mood as she reached across the table and took back her phone.

  That’s what she wanted to lead with? Not an explanation why her pregnant daughter was being hunted down by masked psychopaths?

  My pulse was racing so face I felt it throbbing in my neck. I couldn’t articulate words. When I could finally speak, I was unable to keep the fury from my voice. “Where is she?”

  “She was on an island. It’s been shut down for the time being. There are talks to bring it back in a few years. It depends on how well this next project does.”

  I sat back in my chair and stared at the woman across from me. She was speaking of her in the past tense, and as casually as us discussing her day at the office. If I had any doubts about my family knowing why Lamia went off the grid, Pandora just cleared them all up.

  “How could you do this to her?”

  “She did this to herself, my love. Haven’t I always told you every choice you make big or small will matter at some point or another? We gave her a choice and she chose the island. Between you and I, be glad she isn’t of the time our next venture will be. She’d never have made it.”

  “She’s your daughter.”

  Her brown eyes lost a bit of their light at the reminder. “You’re my daughter too.”

  Clearing her throat, she sprinkled parmesan cheese on her plate of food and picked up a fork. “I’m surprised Ciaran didn’t tell you all of this. That video isn’t recent.”

  I wasn’t going to engage in her wordplay about him. She could be lying or twisting the truth to pit me against him. I tried to think of what I should do, and how to handle this. Dealing with Pandora, I knew she’d be steps ahead of me and already implementing a countermeasure.

  My parents didn’t get where they were by sitting on their hands or going on the defense. I couldn’t text or call anyone for help. I was on my own right now.

  “Why did you show me that video?”

  “In light of recent events we’ve decided it was time for you to know the fate of the girl so we can move on.”

  The we’ve was a unified front with the rest of my family. She would never act without first conferring with them.

  My fingers wanted to curl into the arm of my chair. I kept them relaxed and held my composure. Pandora tilted her head to the side and offered a slight smile. “You’ve gotten better.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  Her brows lifted in response to my language. She didn’t care if I swore like a sailor, but it was never allowed to be directed at her. That would be too disrespectful.

  “I’ll let that go because I know you’re angry. I’ve been in the same exact situation. It does get easier. I lost two daughters, Liliana. I’m not particularly joyous about this. I refuse to lose a third. You might hate me now, but I promise I’m doing this because I love you.”

  Shockingly, she did seem genuinely upset about this. But I didn’t understand anything else she was talking about. Wasn’t I the second daughter?

  “If you don’t like it then why are you doing it?”

  “Because even someone as affluent as I must acquiesce to the syndicate’s rules,” she replied with a touch of bitterness.

  What kind of monarchy bullshit was this? She gave me a tight smile and reached for her own glass of water. “I should have been more careful. I thought you’d be fine enjoying life like a normal girl.”

  “Normal?” I echoed disbelievingly. “Nothing about my life has ever been normal.”

  “You couldn’t be kept completely ignorant of certain aspects, no. Your initiation would be a disaster and over before it began if we sheltered you completely.”

  What initiation? I began to crack, running my hands over my face in frustration, pulling in a deep breath of air.

  If I countered with every question that I had, we’d be here for the next two years. “I don’t know half of what you’re saying. So why don’t you tell me what you want Pandora.”

  Her features became pinched with a deep frown. I’d never called her by name before and it clearly struck a nerve. “You really let that vile boy get to you.”

  “At least he told me the truth.”

  She laughed derisively.

  “Oh, Hija. I’d never aim to trample your heart, but a rule of thumb is that men are never as transparent as they pretend to be.” Shaking her head, she reached into the pocket of her suit. “I thought you knew better. I blame myself too, I see now where I went wrong which is we’re both going to do better.”

  She removed a bottle of pills and sat them on the table between us.

  There was no name or label for me to discern what they were. I looked from them to her questioningly.

  “We’re going to start over. It won’t be pleasant at first but in the long run, you won’t remember that.”

  “What do you mean? What are those for?”

  “That’s nothing but a means to an end. The real work starts with ECT and sessions with a crew of highly qualified individuals that only work for our family.”

  I sat taller, preparing to bolt from the table if necessary.

  Every word out of her mouth painted a grim picture of my indefinite future.

  “You want to experiment on me?”

  “Absolutely not!” she objected as if genuinely offended. “This is a tried and so far, true method that we’ve been using for close to a year if the individual is worth it. A few of your friends from Sainte’s have already begun the process. Melantha and Gracelyn will be joining as well. Your compliance would do them wonders.”

  In the end, it was the mention of them that stopped me from doing anything rash. Her threat was wrapped in faux words of encouragement. They hadn’t been texting back because their families had already moved on them.

  “How did you know about Sainte’s?” I found myself asking.

  “A birdie came and told me all about it a few weeks ago. I’m proud of you, by the way.”

  Her praise meant fuck all to me. I wanted to know who came running to her and why. Weeks? It had been months since that night. I swallowed a bite of lettuce that tasted like lead. There were only six people that survived Judicium. That left three possible choices.

  Gnawing my inner cheek, the severity of this situation began to sink in. In an attempt to help my sister, I’d screwed myself. Or maybe this wasn’t about Lamia at all.

  “Is this family feud really worth all of this?”

  “They’ve taken enough from me.” She looked into my eyes to drive home her answer. “You have no idea what was done. It’s like history keeps repeating itself and every time the ending is a goddamn tragedy.”

  Upon hearing those words, a sense of Deja-Vu swept over me. I’d had a thought of this same degree months ago. I was a tragedy waiting to happen. That was coming to fruition at the expense of the people I loved.

  I looked around the room, turning that over in my head. “What exactly are you going to do to me?”

  “Your family won’t be doing anything but guiding you through reprogramming. We want you partially ready for what’s to come. Your medical team is responsible for removing the bad memories.”

  I laughed incredulously. “You’re going to remove my memories?”

  “Most people always have that reaction. I’d say you’ll see, but you won’t even remember this conversation happened.”

  She was being serious.

  I wanted to say she was full of shit, but I knew that wasn’t likely the case.

  With the right people and method, I’m sure it could be done. Worse, Mel and Grace had already been dragged into this.

  “Why do we have to forget?” I asked quietly.

  “His true intentions will break you in the end if he doesn’t kill you himself. You’re not going to let that happen.”

  “What do you know about his intentions?”

  She didn’t elaborate, simply took a few more bites of her food. I was beginning to understand something had happened at some point between her and the Belairs. That didn’t give her the right to project her trauma onto me.

  It didn’t erase the fact she dumped my sister somewhere to be killed. She spoke about her in the past tense, I refused to believe she was dead. It wasn’t a possibility I was willing to accept.

  As for Ciaran, I knew he wasn’t being wholly honest with me from the beginning, but he would never kill me. He made me feel safe whenever I was by his side. This entire time he was making sure I would survive.

  My conflict came with the knowledge she wanted the same thing. Everyone was lying and hiding something. They wanted me for different reasons, and I only wanted freedom. No, that wasn’t entirely true. I couldn’t say I didn’t want him too.

  As if sensing the direction of my thoughts, Pandora studied me with something that looked like sadness in her eyes. “At least you won’t remember the heartbreak.” With a quick exhalation, she composed herself and motioned to the pill bottle. “You can take one after you finish eating or I can call in the men waiting outside to give you the first dose. I hope we can do this the easy way. I don’t want you in pain even if it will be forgotten.”

  She was so adamant someone was going to get inside my head and remove the things they had no rights to. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t somewhat terrified. My mind had always been my own. It’s what made me who I was.

  Arguing this seemed to be a moot point, she’d already come to a decision and was waiting for me to make mine. Robotically, I reached for my fork again, giving her my answer without words. I knew this wasn’t a battle I could win, but that didn’t mean I’d lose the war. No matter what happened to me I held firm to the belief that I would never fully lose myself.

  Melantha and Gracelyn, there was no way they’d break them either. Mel was one of the strongest people I knew, and Grace never got enough credit. I only hoped this didn’t destroy the part of her I wanted to protect.