I swept my hair backward so it was out of my face and took a better look around. I hoped there were clothes here somewhere. Putting the hideous sack of vintage back on wasn’t an option.

  As if someone from down below heard my plea, the door swung open and Samael walked in, carrying the equivalent of a gourmet feast. I didn’t spare a single second for his face. All I cared about was in his hands. I couldn’t tell you what the last thing was I ate.

  “On a scale of one to ten, how hungry are you?”

  “If you don’t give me that plate, I will fight you.”

  He held the dish towards me with a slight grin. I quickly grabbed it and scooted up to the headboard so I could prop myself up.

  “Did you make this?” I took a bite of the oatmeal first, savoring the warmth and hint of seasoning that had been used.

  “Just for you, my goddess,” he teased. “This too.” He tossed down a carton of juice.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled around another bite. “How did you know I was awake?”

  “I was coming to wake you up.” He sat down beside me, using the edge of the bed as his seat.

  With food in my stomach and plenty of sleep, my mind was much clearer than it had been in the last forty-eight hours. Everything began to replay on a loop, from the night I spent with him at the lodge to the one just yesterday. There’d been a lot of developments.

  Now that I thought about it…

  “Hey, you didn’t…”

  He gave me his full attention, and I lost the nerve to finish my sentence. I was suddenly acutely aware of the man sitting next to me. His stubble was freshly shaved. His dark hair was all nice and tapered. He was wearing a navy T that hugged his biceps perfectly and equally as dark jeans—colors that worked for his bronze skin and shaded tattoos. He was too gorgeous for words.

  His stare was another conversation.

  When he looked at me, it felt like he was taking a stroll through every private room in my mind, easily deciphering what they each contained. My face warmed, and I made a point to look at my plate.

  “Why are you blushing?” he asked with a laugh.

  “It’s you! Stare at the wall over there. Your beauty is too much for me right now.”

  He reached over and pinched my chin, turning my face back towards him. “You were going to bring up how good it felt when I came inside you.”

  “What?”

  “I feel the same. I think I’ll be spending a lot more time between your legs.”

  I shook my head from side to side. “That isn’t what I was going to say.”

  “I was going for once a day. You want it twice? Can you handle that?”

  “Stop it,” I trilled, trying not to laugh, “and don’t make a challenge you’ll regret.”

  “I’m going to keep that close in mind going forward,” he stated.

  His tone was casual. His stare was anything but. I could melt beneath it. Why did it feel like I’d just talked myself into a trap?

  “You’re really too much.”

  A slight smile teased the corners of his mouth. “I missed this.”

  “Me too,” I agreed quietly. He was always so serious and emotionally guarded. Getting him to be semi playful warmed my heart.

  He glanced away, appearing deep in thought for a minute. “I can’t forgive you yet,” he stated. “You leaving me isn’t something I can forget or get over, no matter how short or long you were gone for.”

  I swallowed and reached for my juice, needing to wet my throat.

  Normally I couldn’t care less if he saw me naked or not, but I felt overly exposed, having this conversation without wearing any clothes. I guess it didn’t matter all that much, though. Clothes or not, how we felt wouldn’t change. I would live with this regret for the rest of my life, hurting him so pointlessly.

  “I don’t expect you to. I know I hurt you. I feel like that’s all I ever do. And I love you, too. I didn’t get to say it back yesterday, so I’m telling you now in case I were to forget.”

  “It’s mutual.”

  “Huh?”

  “I hurt you too. I know what you need from me, Lils. I can’t give you that overnight either. Maybe never. Not fully.”

  “Mal—”

  “Shut up and listen.”

  I scowled and took another bite of oatmeal.

  “You’re my queen. I want to give you everything. I’ll paint this whole world red to see you happy. I’m still your best friend. I can keep you fed, keep you safe, make sure you have the best place to lay your head, and I can fuck you until we both disappear, but I can’t let you in right now. I can’t give that much.”

  I swallowed, tucking my lower lip between my teeth. This was a lot to take in. He’d just called me his queen. I knew what that claim meant for a faction. That title didn’t befit me at all. Queens were so much more than the mess I was. Hell, my sister was queenlier than I could ever be. I was happy enough just being his and him being mine. Still, this mood was terrible.

  “You know, when you put it like that, life doesn’t sound too bad,” I teased softly.

  This somberness would smother me. I didn’t think he’d ever expressed this much in his entire life. Pain seared my heart.

  No one was born with a fortress around themselves. Just what was it that made him this way?

  Our families?

  The ones that decided who and what he should be before he could choose for himself?

  No.

  I knew that was part of it, but this seemed so much deeper than that. Whatever it was, I was beginning to understand him better. Funny how it takes a shit situation for you to see the silver lining.

  “Hey.”

  I reached past him and sat my plate and juice box on the nightstand so I was free to scoot over to him.

  I wrapped my arms around his middle and laid my cheek against his back. “When you’re ready to let me in, I’ll be here. Okay? We don’t need to rush. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You say that so confidently. I haven’t had you back a day yet.”

  “I never wanted to go in the first place. I just felt we weren’t doing each other any favors by staying together.”

  Another pause.

  “You know better now, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Good. Don’t forget it.”

  I sighed and hugged him tighter. He and I were a match made in hell, ensnared in a confusing maze of pleasure and pain. Love and hate. We both knew that being together would sometimes hurt, but without one another we were destined to suffer.

  “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to be cut into pieces,” I tacked on light-heartedly. “But what about…?”

  Mal gently removed himself from my embrace and stood, turning so that he was looking down at me.

  “The thing with Dawn? That’s never been what you thought it was. I don’t have time to explain right now—just trust me.”

  I blinked up at him. “How did you know what I was going to say?”

  “Because I know you. Just like I know you can’t honestly forgive me yet; I haven’t earned it. Let’s take this one thing at a time. I’ll make it up to you in the meantime.”

  “…okay?”

  His eyes traveled from my face to where I held the blanket to my chest.

  “So much to do, and all I really want is to be fucking you.” He ran a hand through my hair, grasping the back of my neck to pull me up and receive his possessive kiss.

  I wanted him too. We’d spent so much time avoiding this part of our relationship. We were drugs to each other. One touch and the intoxication was instant. Up till now. we always stopped before the addiction consumed us.

  I knew that would be one of the things changing soon. Right now, however, my vagina was relieved she was getting a slight reprieve.

  “There’s a duffel bag with clothes in it on the floor. Get dressed and come down. We need to head out soon. We’re about a day away from the Savages’ compound.”

  “Oka—wait. What did you just say?”

  He smirked and stepped away, turning to leave the room.

  “Mal?”

  Ignoring me, he slipped into the hall and shut the door.

  I broke every record there was for how fast one could eat and get dressed. He did unsurprisingly well, picking me out something to wear—sans underwear. Those seemed to have been forgotten. He was lucky he’d grabbed my jeggings and no jeans. No way was denim rubbing against my kitty.

  When I got downstairs, I could hear everyone else was already outside. I took my time joining them. I was genuinely curious about this place—about Samael in general.

  I knew he was making a name for himself in the Badlands, but I never could have imagined this. It was the fact that he didn’t seem to be finished yet. Just how much power did he and Amo have?

  I took note of the contrasting wall murals as I walked out the door. He and I definitely still had a lot to talk about.

  “One thing at a time,” I said to myself.

  I blinked to adjust my eyes to the sunlight. It was another one of those days where the heat would seep into the bone.

  Both Brabuses were running and facing towards the road we’d need to take to leave here. Neither had body parts attached now. I didn’t see any sign of Amo or Mal, either.

  “Lils!” Takara charged me, enveloping me in a suffocating hug before I could return her greeting.

  “Okay, I missed you too.” I laughed and patted her back. I was glad she hadn’t gone through the same ordeal as me back at the arena.

  She drew back and eyed me critically.

  “What did he do to you?” she leaned in and whispered.

  She was referring to the handprint shaped bruise around my throat. I couldn’t do anything to get rid of it, so I’d be sporting it until it faded. I’m sure Mal was going to love that.

  “Use your imagination,” I replied.

  A look of mock disgust morphed her features. “Do you two fuck or try to kill each other?”

  “A bit of both,” I replied flippantly.

  “Have a good night?” Poet asked as he joined us. Cherry trailed a few steps behind him.

  Of course, he understood what it was right away. These two needed to find some dick of their own. Well, for Poet, the pendulum could go either way. More importantly, I checked him over from top to bottom, making sure he wasn’t hurt anywhere.

  “Hey, I’m tougher than I look,” he reassured me.

  “Let’s go,” Mal’s voice cut into our huddle as he and his head villains arrived on the scene. “Poet, you’re riding with us.”

  “You get to ride with me, barbie,” Amo beamed as he passed by with Brody.

  “Oh, I’m the luckiest girl in the world,” Takara deadpanned. “Come on. You’re coming with me.” She grabbed Cherry’s hand and followed him.

  I glanced over at Poet. “Think she’ll be okay with him?”

  “Eh. They were pretty chummy last night.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and guided me to our Brabus. “Couldn’t believe it myself, but it makes sense when you think about it.”

  He must’ve figured out something I hadn’t, because it didn’t make sense to me in the slightest.

  “Get your hands off her,” Mal demanded.

  “Oh, come on. That guy’s harmless,” Rory chided him before climbing into the backseat.

  “Right?” I threw a hand up.

  Poet still let me go, going as far as taking a step away.

  “So much for being tough, Poe.”

  “I value my health,” he joked, circling around to the other side of SUV.

  “See what you did?” I directed at Mal.

  “I don’t want men touching you.” He took my hand and walked me to the passenger side.

  Since when was Poet men? Passing in front of SUV, I got a better look at the person in the third-row seat. It wasn’t someone I recognized.

  “On the subject of men, who is that?”

  “Jin. He was with us yesterday.”

  He was?

  “Oh, the proselyte? You’re only bringing one?”

  “I would never take my people where we’re going. Jin’s the best choice for this.”

  Ah! I’d almost forgotten why I rushed down here in the first place.

  He opened my door for me and helped me climb up before circling back around to the driver’s side.

  Another proselyte walked up and spoke to him for a few minutes, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I toyed with the AC vent, and that’s when something dawned on me.

  I twisted around and peeked at my sister. She looked back at me expectantly. My Satanas. I couldn’t get over how much she resembled our father and Cam.

  “When did you get here?”

  “Last night.”

  Did she get dropped off?

  “Who did you come with?”

  She smiled at me. “If I’m not doing something for Mal or Amo, I tend to travel alone.”

  I was taken aback. Had she always done this?

  I really didn’t know much about Rory, which was my fault. Either way, that was amazing. I let her know as much.

  She shrugged it off like it was no big deal. “Yeah, I’m thinkin of starting a female revolution.”

  Mal climbed into the driver’s seat just as she finished her sentence.

  “Then we’d all be fucked.”

  “No more than we already are,” I shot back. “But never mind that, tell me where we’re going.”

  “I already told you. We’re going to visit the Savages.”

  “You know where they are?” I wanted to ask how, but this seemed more likely to get a response.

  “I do. Travis didn’t.”

  He put the Brabus in gear and pulled past Amo, taking the lead of our two-car envoy.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  He was meant to mislead me.

  This was the only conclusion I come to regarding Travis. He never would’ve been left to rot in the pens if Samael knew he had valuable information.

  It was frustrating when someone knew all the answers but wouldn’t give them.

  Why was he suddenly so passive about this? He never gave when it came to our families. I’d brought up going to see them multiple times in the past.

  Settling back in my seat, I crossed my arms and looked out the window. We’d been driving for nearly thirty minutes now, getting closer to what civilization was.

  From what I saw thus far, the lodge was like a palace. Death seemed to cling to every corner. The first body was nothing to bat an eye at. A man or a woman strung up like a scarecrow wasn’t anything unusual for the Badlands. It more a sign that a faction had been through the area already,

  Sticks were in the ground with decapitated heads atop them, many being children…that was a different story. I’d never seen anything like this before. Some were recent. Their flesh hadn’t peeled away and rotted yet.

  If you looked closely, it appeared as if the heads were moving due to the sheer number of bugs eating away all the things the naked eye couldn’t see.

  With the temperature as hot as it had been recently, these body parts were essentially baking.

  The buildings I saw were in complete ruin. Some of them had not one but three tags from different factions layered on top of each other.

  So, they were essentially wiping themselves out.

  After approximately fifteen minutes another body appeared, strung up like the first and near a mile marker on the side of the road. I could tell it was a woman easily enough and assumed she had been dead for at least three days. It was hard to pinpoint with all the other variables that came into effect.

  The environment in which she died and the temperature in the Badlands would make a difference to her level of decomposition, but it was apparent she’d been pregnant.

  There were vultures desperately diving their beaks into the sockets where her eyes once sat, tearing away rotting flesh and muscle.

  On the heated pavement lay what would have been her baby. In the mess that hadn’t been eaten by some wild animal yet, there was the tiniest hand and foot—neither attached to the fetus anymore.

  The volume of gas and rising pressure within her would have forced various body fluids to exude from all her natural orifices, which is how her uterus would’ve prolapsed. It was basic things we learned growing up. About death and decomposition—not coffin births.

  There were no rules or moral guidelines in the Badlands. Men, women, the unborn and the living…they were all the same. Gender and age weren’t salvation. If anything, it worked against you.

  Generally, though, only the most barbaric kinds of humans made a sport of hunting the weak.

  “What’s happening around here?”

  “It’s foreplay for war.”

  “Like battleships?”

  Snickering came from the back seat.

  “Lilith.” He said my name flatly. “It’s gang wars. Turf wars. The tension’s been building for years. The more civilized the area, the more likely you are to run into a hostile situation. Everyone wants to be on top, control key resources and hot spots.”

  “But the Savages do that.”

  “The Savages do some of that,” Aurora corrected. “Do you know how large the Badlands is?”

  “They’re involved in this too. You’ll see,” Mal continued. “It’s a control thing. That faction is still growing, along with the other top contenders. The Savages need the space and resources too. You think Romero would give up his faction’s position so another could take its place?”

  “Certainly, not,” I replied without even having to think about it.

  “But…where does that leave us?”

  He didn’t reply right away, so we ended up driving along in silence.

  “I have that worked out. It isn’t something you need to worry about.”

  I glared at him.

  “How can you say that? I have to be worried if it involves you and the others.”

  “No. That’s why I’ve kept your ass far away from all this. I would never drag you into the same war I’m going to protect you from.”

  I couldn’t find fault with that. Samael had never not protected me. Even with this spectacular fail of an escape I’d made, he still kept me safe. I wanted to stand beside him, though. Not behind him.