“But if you want to wrap those beautiful lips around my dick, I have no objections.”

  “Hell no! You don’t deserve the perks and after that dead pussy comment I’m concerned I let you fuck me raw.”

  He tilted his head and looked at me with amusement swathing his usual obscure expression. “I fucked a total of three people before we happened. All were very much alive. And I have never touched anyone without a condom, until you.”

  That’s it? I’d never asked because it wasn’t something I felt the need to know. If Judas was faithful, then what good would knowing the details of his past escapades be? That was just another thing to torture myself over.

  He had never asked me about Dax either. There were just some things your person didn’t need to know. Still, I expected his bedpost notches to be much higher. He certainly knew what he was doing as if they were.

  He turned his head away and relaxed, staring straight ahead through the windshield. There wasn’t anything out there but fluffy green grass and trees.

  This was unlike him.

  He should’ve been dragging me through the parking lot by now.

  I unclipped my seatbelt and leaned closer, breathing in his cologne’s comforting fragrance as I laid a hand on his solid arm to get his attention.

  “Judas, what’s wrong?”

  He didn’t answer me right away. His amusement had faded and left behind a blank stare. He turned his head and looked at me, staring straight into my eyes.

  You’d think that I would be used to the intensity those silver orbs always reflected back at me. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be. They entrapped me, pulling me into an iron cell and then slamming the door.

  “Nothing for you to worry about.”

  “Somehow, that makes me feel like I should worry more.”

  He smiled and lifted a hand to cup my cheek. “That’s cute.”

  “Judas.”

  His smile spread into a grin, revealing two perfect rows of ultra-white teeth. It was unfair how gorgeous he was.

  He traced the outline of my lips with the pad of his thumb, studying them as if they held some kind of secret all their own.

  “You have the most kissable, fuckable mouth.”

  I laughed and knocked his hand away from my face. “I don’t know how I feel about that kind of compliment.”

  “Blessed,” he shot back matter-of-factly.

  “Whatever, don’t think I missed how you deflected just now.”

  “I didn’t deflect. If I wanted, you to know I would tell you.”

  Sighing heavily, I leaned away. I swear with him it was all baby steps forward and then within a matter of hours I’d be knocked right back to where I started.

  “Are you ready to go in? We’re going to be in trouble.”

  “No, we won’t.”

  He sounded rather certain about this. Then again, I suspected no one said much of anything to Judas around here.

  “Just sit with me for a minute.”

  “…okay.”

  I wasn’t sure what was going on with him right now, but if he needed someone to simply be there, he didn’t have to ask me twice.

  My phone buzzed twice, notifying me of a new text. I retrieved it from my bag and checked to see who messaged. Audrey, asking where I was. I quickly replied that I was here but running behind. Judas remained silent on the other side of the car. I wanted him to open up to me, but it wasn’t like I could force his vocal cords to form words. I tried again anyway.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you?”

  “It’s better you don’t know…right now.”

  That right now seemed added like an afterthought. His reply in general confirmed he did have something preoccupying his thoughts. It was pointless to argue or push him I knew he wouldn’t tell me. His mind was made up before I ever gathered the courage to ask.

  I played with the hem of my uniform’s skirt as silence regrew between us.

  I wished he would let his walls down. I wouldn’t betray him; I think he knew that. I hoped he did, at least. Sadly, I couldn’t confidently say the same for him. The quiet and lack of explanation had a small kernel of concern wheedling its way into my brain. How badly would I be hurt when I knew the depth of his secrets and the reason for his ominous silence?

  You know what, Jesus be a fence.

  (–15h–30)÷(h+2)

  I didn’t know how to get the answer to this question. I hadn’t been able to figure out the correct response for the two before it either. Was I dumb? Or was this complete bullshit? Probably both. I didn’t foresee polynomials helping me survive the real world. I withheld a sigh and randomly colored in a multiple-choice bubble just as the final bell sounded.

  I could have wept for joy. No lie, I might have shed a tear. I shoved the tip of my mechanical pencil in and stood up, flexing cramped fingers. The other students filed by me, carrying their tests to the drop-off bin. I did the same, placing the paper face down so none of these geniuses could bear witness to my stupidity.

  Having no reason to go to my locker, I made my way to the first floor and found Audrey waiting in her usual spot by the school’s mascot statue.

  As soon as she saw my face, she had to hold back a fit of laughter. “You look like life just fucked you dry in the ass.”

  “That would have been more enjoyable than the math quiz I forgot about.”

  She pocketed her cell and looped an arm through mine so that we could walk side by side to the main entrance. “I’m sure you didn’t do as bad as you think.”

  “Oh, I know. I did worse.”

  “Rhia,” she admonished, laughing lightly.

  I found myself doing the same, realizing how much I missed my best friend. The ones like Audrey were rare and precious, worth their weight in gold. She wasn’t angry at me for the day before and didn’t seem to be holding any grudges. If she did, she would have no problem telling me exactly how she felt. That was one of the many things I loved about her.

  It fucking sucked a group of criminal overlords was coming between us.

  Outside, the sun beamed down and had me wishing for autumn. I couldn’t stand the constant heat. I preferred colored leaves and chilly days. Audrey walked with me to the edge of the sidewalk until we reached where we had to cross.

  Someone had pulled into the center of a row and was now surrounded by a small crowd of people. Recognizing Gabby Dawson amongst them, I realized Judas was the inconsiderate asshole in the center. How fast did she move to get down here before me?

  I’d been staring at the back of her head less than twenty minutes ago, every time I looked up to think about how to solve for an answer. I tried not to let her eagerness bother me. Was she one of the girls he’d slept with? Damnit. I wish he’d never said anything.

  Ignoring Judas and his small posse, I turned to Audrey knowing she and Gavin had come together.

  “Where’d you guys’ park?”

  “Two cars over from that crowd.”

  Oh, great. “So, there’s no avoiding this then?”

  “Nope,” she popped her lips. “Let’s brave the masses.”

  We crossed to the other side of the parking lot and weaved between the various cars that had yet to pull off. Judas noticed me long before I reached him, but he made no signs of acknowledgment other than sweeping his eyes over my person from top to bottom.

  He was standing near the driver's side door, slightly leaning against his roof. A guy I didn’t know, and Owen were closest to him. Gavin was on the opposite side of the car. They were deep in conversation about an upcoming football game.

  I waited to hear a mention of Erin Moore but there wasn’t one. All-day I’d tried to keep my ears trained for any mention of him. According to Audrey, yesterday the halls were flooded with whispers about Pesadilla’s missing jock. Today there’d been hardly any.

  It was weird.

  “About time you got your ass out here,” Gavin said to Audrey when he finally took notice of us.

  “I was waiting on my friend. Since you insisted on being a chauffeur you will wait on me.”

  “Do I need to remind you of our conversation this morning?”

  She flicked him off and gave him her back. “What are you doing today?”

  “Who knows?” I shrugged, adjusting the strap of my satchel. There hadn’t been an opportune time to tell her about my home situation.

  It wasn’t something I wanted to casually discuss through texts or where just anyone could overhear.

  “What are you going to do?” I asked to take the attention off me.

  “I have to help my mom get ready for some bake sale she decided to participate in.”

  “Judging by your tone I can tell you’re ecstatic.”

  “Yeah, can’t picture anything else I’d rather be doing.” She turned to look at Gavin. “You almost done? I have to meet my mom and we need to discuss a cover story for why my car is nowhere to be found.”

  “Yeah, let’s go,” he replied, sharing a look with Judas that meant something only they could understand.

  I walked with Audrey until I got to the passenger side of Judas’ car, still not having spoken a word to him yet.

  “Call me later,” I demanded softly in parting.

  She nodded and walked off to get into Gavin’s SUV. Without her here and no desire to jump into Judas’ conversation there wasn’t any reason to stand outside in the heat. I tugged on the door handle, relieved when it opened. I wouldn’t have to draw any further attention to myself by asking Judas to let me get in.

  I slipped into his car and heard the purr of the engine. He’d hit his remote start without remark. That earned him one gold star. Now I could shut myself away with the AC on high until he wrapped up his chit-chat. If I listened close enough, I might even learn something valuable from my eavesdropping.

  CHAPTER NINE

  I think he made me wait on purpose.

  There was no other reason for him to make me sit and listen to him talk everything from football to prom of all things for damn near thirty minutes other than his own amusement.

  And now I was waiting again, this time in his giant ass living room for him to spit out whatever was so important he couldn’t tell me on the drive to his house. I was glad he didn’t need to be told I didn’t want to go back to mine. I wasn’t sure if I could go back.

  After what happened with mom—Evie—I hadn’t the slightest inkling to find out just yet. I was still majorly pissed off and hurt by her and my dad’s behavior. The downside was that all my things were there. I couldn’t sport another one of Brianna’s uniforms and no way in hell would I survive long-term without my arsenal of glam gear.

  I watched Judas from where I sat on the L section of the plush leather sectional. He was seated on the straight-away. His mood seemed to be better than it had been earlier but as always with him, I wasn’t entirely sure my assumption was right.

  “You’re looking at me as if you’re trying to find something important.”

  “Maybe I am.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “You don’t need to know…right now,” I crossed my arms and replied nonchalantly, throwing his previous words back at him.

  He smirked and gave a slight shake of his head. “You know one day you’ll thank me for all I’ve kept from you.”

  “You don’t believe that.”

  “I believe it because I mean it and it’s the truth.” Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees.

  He’d ditched our school’s uniform jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his white button-down. In this big room filled with furniture and décor that easily cost more than my poor broken down Kia and chilled air full of pregnant suspense, he resembled more of a crime lord than a high-school student. It was an unnerving yet perfect fit for him. He also looked crazy good right then.

  I tried not to let his smooth, inked skin and the way one strand of silky, dark hair had broken free and now rested on his forehead distract me from the importance of the conversation we needed to have.

  It was more of a struggle than I would ever admit.

  “You know relationships built on distrust and secrecy don’t usually last, right?”

  “It’s our secrets that tie us together.”

  “Those same secrets will break us apart,” I retorted, “And I’m not keeping anything from you. It’s the other way around, remember? You literally just said it.”

  He palmed his hair back into its usual flawless style and sat up. “You and I will never be apart, not permanently.”

  Um, what? “You mean if we break up it’s only going to be temporary?”

  “We don’t break up, we just break. We fall apart maybe even hate each other but we never separate without coming back together. It’s not possible.”

  Wow. This was getting deeper than I imagined it would.

  I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and shifted deeper into the couch, pushing myself against stubborn leather, turning his words over in my head.

  “Judas…” I began tentatively, “People split up all the time. Aren’t we kind of--.”

  “We aren’t people.”

  “That doesn’t change the fact that we’re--.”

  “We don’t,” he swiftly cut me off for a second time.

  I laughed despite how serious he was being and the finality in which he spoke those last two words. I couldn’t picture my life without him now that he’d come crashing back into it. I never wanted to let Judas go. My heart hurt and I felt sick even entertaining the idea.

  The first time Judas and I met, we sparked and ignited into an all-consuming inferno of illicit passion.

  It was an encounter of pleasure after a hidden crime was committed by two familiar strangers. Things weren’t like that now. The secret we had back then was something we shared between us. These secrets he spoke of now were all guarded and kept me in the dark.

  I sighed and looked at him subjectively. He did the same to me, studiously.

  “Whatever it is you’re thinking, I don’t think I’m going to like it,” he said softly.

  “You won’t,” I replied honestly.

  For however whacked I might have been, I hadn’t completely lost my inner voice of reason. Judas was hinting at a future I couldn’t fathom having together no matter how badly I wanted to be with him, I simply couldn’t envision that for us. The way we were going wouldn’t lead us to a happily-ever-after. It would lead us to a brutal ruin.

  It would be easier if I let him go, probably the wiser thing to do, but I couldn’t. Judas and I were two fucked up individuals going about life as the world expected us to. Somehow in the middle of all the chaos, we’d found each other. Giving him up would be dangerous, a risk to both my physical state and my mental. But keeping him could be just the same.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I murmured, diverting my gaze to his tempered coffee table.

  Less than forty-eight hours ago I thought I knew exactly that. Just like I was sure I could handle lying to Audrey until I realized she was already close to figuring out the truth. What if I was wrong about everything? I wanted to be strong and never waver in the choices I made. I’d hate to look back on my life with aged bitterness because all I had were regrets.

  I swear it all felt like too much sometimes. Either way, I saw it right now the outcome was the same.

  Someone was going to get hurt.

  That someone would most likely be me.

  Judas shifted so that his body was more angled towards mine. “What are you so unsure about?”

  Something in his tone made me hesitant to immediately respond, shelving the answer that first came to mind. Why did he sound slightly amused?

  “This discussion is heavier than it should be,” I replied with forced pep, “I’m only eighteen. I don’t know what I want to eat for dinner most nights. How can I realistically plan out a distant future?”

  “It's not as distant as you think.”

  “What?”

  He stared at me with that damning obscure expression and I couldn’t be sure if I was meant to hear that or not.

  No, I think that it was intentional. He was adroit at getting inside my head and making it a mess.

  “Your future isn’t something to worry about because just like you, principessa, it belongs to me.”

  I half scoffed half snorted. “Judas, I don’t belong to you. At the very most you’re a temporary shareholder.”

  “Do you believe the lies you speak? We both know my name is etched onto your twisted little soul.”

  “Whatever you say.”

  He suddenly stood and began to come towards me. “I think I need to pin you down and fuck some rationality into that pretty head of yours.”

  His predatory stance, the way he was looking at me, and the clipped tone had me on my feet just as fast. I didn’t know where to go unless I ran away like the prey, he loved making me into.

  This would be a perfect time for Owen or Bri to come waltzing into the house. They’d at least intervene or serve as a helpful distraction. Gavin’s psychotic ass would sit and watch the entire show. Unwilling to back down, I steeled my spine and held myself at the end of his silver daggered stare.

  “I think you need to find some logic before going off a caveman tangent. I’m not going to up and leave everything I know for something I have no certainty of.”

  “I am everything you know and if I’m not, don’t worry, I will be.”

  My brows furrowed. “Is that some kind of threat?”

  “No, bella. It’s me reiterating the promise I made to you.”

  I knew precisely what he was referring to. I ground my teeth and glared at him. “You think I’m going to go standby and let that happen? My fam--.”

  “How much more clearly do I need to say fuck your family before you get it? Should I go and put a bullet in Evie’s skull? Bring Marcus to the garage for a round of show and tell? Me telling you again and again with each piece of him that I dismember? Would that clarify things better?”

  I wasn’t sure if I managed to stop the shock that I felt from registering on my face. I was genuinely taken aback. He meant every word of that. He had no qualms taking them away from me.