Tex locked eyes with Scarlett, who was shaking her head. “I didn’t say nothing, Dr. Tex! I swear! I don’t even know these people!”

  He had a sneaking suspicion he knew exactly who this ‘Scarlett Cannon’ was.

  “What did the person who invited you look like?” he asked.

  “A nice old lady,” said one man. “Little white curls. Looks like Estelle Getty. I met her at the bus station. I like to hang out at the bus station. It’s always nice and warm out there.”

  “I met her at the train station,” said another man. “She even gave me your card.”

  “Lemme see that,” grumbled Tex, and took the card from the man. It read, ‘Scarlett Canyon, Unlicensed Receptionist, Dr. Tex Poole,’ and even mentioned Tex’s home address and phone number. “Vesta,” he muttered under his breath, crumpling up the card.

  “Hey, that’s my card!” said the guy.

  “You’re going to treat us, aren’t you, Doc?” asked a cross-eyed woman.

  “Yeah, a promise is a promise,” said another woman, who looked like a hobo.

  In truth, they all looked like hobos. Probably because they were all hobos.

  Scarlett was eyeing Tex with a knowing look. ‘I told you,’ that look said. And she had. And even if she hadn’t, he should have known Vesta wouldn’t leave well enough alone.

  “All right,” he said resignedly. “The first one come with me.”

  And he returned to his office, determined to murder Vesta the moment he saw her.

  Chapter 21

  I was in Odelia’s bedroom when she finally arrived home that night. I had no idea where the others were nor did I care. After the bombshell Milo had dropped on me—the second one that day—I had a feeling I’d never really known these cats. They were like strangers to me. Except for Harriet, who apparently was my sister, even if she looked nothing like me, and Brutus, who was my son, and, again, looked nothing like me.

  I had a hard time processing all these revelations, so for the rest of the afternoon I’d been hiding in Odelia’s bedroom, behind the bed, my only companions the dust bunnies Odelia had missed when she’d last vacuumed there. Or maybe she didn’t like vacuuming behind the bed, which was entirely possible, and those bunnies had been there forever.

  Milo had come looking for me, but I’d managed to outsmart him by holding my breath. Tough, too, with those dust bunnies tickling my nose.

  Finally, a familiar voice sounded. “Max? Where are you, baby?”

  In spite of the sneaking suspicion I had that Odelia was prepared to get rid of me and exchange me for Milo, a big smile lit up my face and a warm tingle spread inside my chest.

  My human was home, and she would help me make sense of a senseless world.

  “Odelia?”

  It was Milo’s voice.

  “Yes, honey?”

  “Can I have a quick word before the others arrive?”

  “Sure. What’s wrong?”

  “A lot. You wouldn’t believe what I’ve been through today.”

  “Oh, my God. What happened?”

  “It’s Max and the others, though mainly Max. He hates me.”

  “Hates you? What do you mean?”

  “He’s been torturing me all day! Denying me food and water, telling me I should probably jump under a truck and rid the world of the ugliest feline it has ever known. It’s been awful. Awful!”

  The bed shifted, and the box spring groaned. Odelia had taken a seat. “Jump up. Tell me all about it. This is not the Max I know, Milo. I don’t know what could have happened.”

  I was too stunned to move an inch—or even to utter a single word. Instead, I just lay there, my ears pricked up, and listening to every horrible utterance from Milo.

  “It all started when they held a meeting—Max, Dooley, Brutus and Harriet—and decided that from now on they won’t be helping you out anymore.”

  “They won’t? But why?”

  “Frankly they hate it. They never wanted to tell you this but they hate this whole sleuthing thing.”

  “But I thought they loved it!”

  “Trust me—they hate it. The only reason they went along with the scheme is because they got extra kibble when they caught a killer or provided you with a clue.”

  “I didn’t know,” said Odelia, and she sounded distraught.

  “So I asked them about it, but they said I should butt out. That I was an intruder and I’d be gone soon enough if not sooner and they didn’t want me here—they never wanted me here and yadda yadda yadda. And that’s when Max really went to town on me. First he told me I was too fat and that all I did was lounge about and steal his food and his milk and he wasn’t having it anymore. So no more food for me. Then he said his human didn’t want me here, either, but was too nice to say no to my stupid human which is why I should do everyone a favor and jump under a passing UPS truck and make the world a better place.”

  At this point, Milo took a breath and Odelia gasped in shock.

  This was just too much. This cat was lying through his teeth!

  “I’ll talk to Max,” said Odelia. “This kind of behavior is intolerable.”

  “I didn’t want to tell you at first,” said Milo. “I figured it would upset you to know what Max is really like.” He sighed dramatically. “In fact I thought you wouldn’t believe me.”

  “Oh, I believe you. And I’m going to deal with this right now. Where is Max?”

  The box spring moved again. Odelia was getting up.

  “No idea. I haven’t seen him since he told Dooley to smear his poop all over the carpet and the walls.”

  “He did what?!”

  “Yeah. Max can be really mean sometimes. He figured you’d punish Dooley and kick him out of the house.”

  “But Dooley is his best friend!”

  “Not anymore. Dooley’s been digging into Max’s Cat Snax and Max went ballistic when he found out. Told me he hated that stupid cat. That Dooley was even dumber than me and that he was going to make sure you kicked him out once and for all.”

  “Oh, I don’t believe this.”

  “I knew you wouldn’t, Odelia.”

  “Oh, no. I do believe you, Milo. And I’m glad you’re telling me all this.”

  “You should probably talk to Brutus and Harriet, too.”

  “What have they done?”

  “They hate Max, and they hate each other, and Max hates all of them, too. In fact if I were you I’d separate them. Make sure they don’t kill each other, I mean.”

  “I can’t separate them. They all live under the same roof.”

  “Then I guess there’s only one solution.”

  “You’re not asking me to…”

  “I know the pound has a bad rep but it’s really not such a nasty place as they say. Aloisia got me from the pound, and a wonderful time I had there, too. Made lots and lots of great friends. Just look at it as a place where cats can find a new and happy home.”

  I shook my head disgustedly. I finally had Milo’s number. My first impulse was to crawl from under the bed and tell Odelia the truth. But would she believe me? This cat was such a skilled liar she might not. So then I got a better idea. The only solution to the Milo problem. The solution I should have thought of sooner, if I hadn’t believed his lies myself.

  Chapter 22

  I walked into the TV nook and found Odelia ensconced on the couch, Milo on her lap, Grandma next to her, and no sign of Brutus, Dooley or Harriet. Odelia & Co were watching the adventures of Kit Katt & Koh, though judging from the frown on Odelia’s face she wasn’t really following the story. And Grandma wasn’t looking too attentive either, her thoughts clearly miles away. Only Milo was having a grand old time, enjoying Odelia’s loving caress.

  I now knew what his endgame was. To usurp my position in Odelia’s home and heart.

  So I casually strode up to them, ignoring the foul smell emanating from the wall where Dooley had done his business and which no one had bothered to clean up, and plunked myself down at Odelia’s feet.

  She gave me a dark frown. “Max,” she said. “I’ve been looking for you.”

  “I know, I know,” I said, bowing my head. “I have a confession to make. But first I want to apologize to you, Milo.”

  “To me?” asked Milo, clearly surprised.

  “Yes. I know I haven’t always treated you the way I should have. The fact of the matter is that I felt threatened when you first arrived. I guess…” I shrugged, and gave Odelia my best Puss in Boots face. “I guess I don’t feel as secure in this relationship as I thought I did. I saw Milo as an intruder—someone who would take my place—and I lashed out. And for that I’m deeply, deeply sorry. In fact I feel so ashamed I only managed to work up the courage to face you now, Odelia.”

  “Oh, Max,” said Odelia, softening. “It’s so nice of you to apologize. What do you say, Milo?”

  Milo wasn’t saying anything. A suspicious expression had rearranged his face into a frown, and he was staring at me intently. Then, finally, he gave me a slight nod, almost like a Godfather nod. “Thank you, Max. It must have taken a great deal of courage to admit this.”

  I held out my paw. “Friends?”

  Milo touched his paw against mine. “Friends,” he agreed.

  “Oh, you guys,” said Odelia, wiping a tear from her eye. “I love you both so much. And I’m so proud of you. Especially you, Max. Like Milo said, it must have taken a lot of courage to own up to your mistakes like that. So now how do you feel?”

  “Better,” I said. “Like a weight has been lifted from my heart.”

  “See?” asked Odelia, scratching Milo behind his ears. “Max isn’t so bad. And I’m sure you guys will be best friends from now on.”

  “Don’t count on it,” Grandma muttered.

  “What?” asked Odelia, confused.

  “Nothing,” said Grandma. “I didn’t say nothing.”

  I entered Marge and Tex’s house through the kitchen and immediately went in search of my former friends. Milo was at Odelia’s, who was giving him some of my favorite food, and I hoped he’d stay there. So far he’d limited his domain to Odelia’s, but I had a feeling he might expand his reach as soon as he felt he’d conquered my human’s place.

  I traipsed through the kitchen, and was surprised to find Marge home alone, Tex nowhere in sight. She smiled down at me. “Dooley is in the family room, Max.”

  “Thanks,” I told her. I walked through to the family room, where Dooley was watching on as Kit Katt instructed Koh to infiltrate a mobster’s lair and talk to a pair of mice.

  “Mice!” Koh growled. A black cat with distinct green eyes, Koh always growled for some reason. Possibly because it made him look more butch. “I hate mice.”

  “Please talk to them, Koh. You’re the only one who can,” implored Kit, an auburn-haired beauty played by the popular up-and-comer Virginia Salt. “Only you can save that little girl now. I know she’s in there somewhere, and those mice might lead you to her.”

  “All right,” Koh snarled. When he wasn’t growling, he was snarling. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “Thank you, Koh,” said Kit. “You’re the best.”

  “No, you’re the best.”

  “No, you’re the best.”

  Figuring this lovefest might go on for a while, I walked up to the couch and hopped on next to Dooley. He didn’t even look up.

  “Hey, Dooley,” I said.

  “Don’t bother, Max,” he growled—probably got that from Koh. “I know what you really think about me so just go away.”

  “What did Milo tell you? That I hate you and that I think you’re ugly and dumb and blah-blah-blah?”

  His frown deepened and his whiskers twitched, indicative of a powerful emotion.

  “He said you knew I was dying and you didn’t even bother to tell me because you figured I just couldn’t handle the truth. But you don’t care about me and that’s the truth.”

  “Wanna know what he said about you?”

  He continued morosely. “What?”

  “He said you tell everyone who will listen that I’m possessive and obsessive about Odelia and want to keep her for myself. You also tell them I’m deeply, madly in love with Harriet.”

  Dooley looked up for the first time. “What? I never said that.”

  “That’s what Milo told me you said. He’s been lying, Dooley. Setting us up against each other. And do you know what he told Odelia just now? That we hate sleuthing and that the only reason we go along with it is because of the special treats she gives us when we come up with a clue.”

  “Well, there is some truth to that,” he admitted. “I like those super-special treats.”

  “But that’s not the reason we do this! He also told her I tortured him today—made his life a living hell—even denied him food and water and told him to jump under a UPS truck. And then he said we all hate each other and Odelia should just do herself a favor and dump us all at the pound.”

  Now I really had Dooley’s attention. “The pound!”

  “Yup. That’s been his plan all along. He wants us out of here so he can take over.”

  “But he has a human. This Aloisia person.”

  “Maybe she doesn’t treat him as well as Odelia does? I don’t know. Fact of the matter is that he’s been setting us up with a bunch of nonsense.”

  “What nonsense?” asked a voice from my rear. When I turned I saw that Harriet and Brutus had snuck up on us and had jumped onto the couch, too.

  “It’s Milo,” said Dooley. “He told Odelia how much we all hate each other and how she should drop us off at the pound.”

  “Milo also told me that you’re my son, Brutus,” I said. “Which, now that I’ve had some time to think about it, seems impossible. For one thing we’re the same age, and when I had… relations… with… that cat… I wasn’t a kitten and neither was she.” I blushed. Luckily no one saw it, on account of my blorange fur. “Oh, and he also said Harriet is my sister. Which seems unlikely, as we look nothing alike.”

  “Milo said you used to be in love with me but now you hate me so much you want to kill me, Max,” said Harriet softly.

  “What?! That’s crazy!”

  “Yeah. He also said Dooley poops the walls because he’s in love with me, too,” she added with a sly smile.

  “I only poop the walls to get rid of all of those worms!” Dooley cried.

  “What worms? Who gave you that crazy idea?” asked Harriet.

  “Milo,” said Dooley, understanding finally dawning. “Oh, boy. I’ve been punked.”

  “Milo told me you’re my brother, Max,” Brutus grumbled. “And Dooley is my son and Harriet is my aunt. He also told me you’re a raging nymphomaniac, Harriet.”

  “What’s a nymphomaniac?” asked Dooley.

  “Um, someone who likes nymphs,” said Harriet, looking startled.

  “Oh, I like nymphs,” said Dooley.

  “This cat’s been having a big laugh at our expense,” I said.

  “Do you see me laughing?” asked Brutus.

  “Is that why you were acting so cold and distant, buttercup?” asked Harriet, placing a paw on Brutus’s face.

  “Yup,” he said. “I thought you were in love with Dooley and Max and—hell—every male cat out there.”

  “Oh, snookums. He was lying!”

  “I know that now,” he said, looking a little embarrassed.

  “We need to get back at that cat,” I said.

  “We need to get that cat out of our lives,” Brutus grunted.

  “No more lies,” said Harriet. “From now on we take everything he says with a grain of salt.”

  “More like a truckload of salt,” Brutus agreed.

  “Problem is, Odelia believes everything he tells her,” I said. And then I told them my bright idea. They seemed to agree it was the goods, and soon we arranged the whole thing—just like in the old days. The days before Milo entered our lives and started spreading his poison.

  Chapter 23

  Odelia was surprised when her four cats walked in through the kitchen pet door. She’d just started dinner and looked up when the procession made the door flap.

  “Hey, you guys,” she said. “I figured I wouldn’t see you again.”

  The foursome took up position right next to the kitchen counter and Odelia looked down. “We have held a meeting and have decided something,” said Max.

  “Uh-huh?” she said as she licked her fingers. She’d been chopping tomatoes. “What did you decide?”

  “We want to formally invite Milo to join our small band of feline sleuths.”

  This was the absolute last thing she’d expected but it warmed her heart. “Hey, that’s great.” Then she was reminded of Milo’s words. “It’s just that… I know you don’t really like this sleuthing business all that much. That you just go along with it for the treats. No, you don’t have to deny it. Milo told me how you feel,” she added when Dooley made to speak.

  “We want to do this, Odelia,” said Max emphatically. “And we want Milo to join us. I know we didn’t always see eye to eye in the past but we feel we should put all that behind us and make a fresh start.”

  “I like it,” she said decidedly. “In fact I love it.” Then she hollered, “Milo! Come here a minute, will you?”

  Milo came walking up, cool as a cucumber, until he saw the four cats seated side by side. He looked a little startled, and Odelia didn’t wonder. They’d given him a really hard time.

  “Hey there, Milo,” said Max.

  “Max and his friends have a proposal for you,” said Odelia.

  “Is that so?” said Milo with a touch of suspicion.

  “We want you to join us on our sleuthing quests,” said Harriet.

  “Join the gang,” Brutus added.

  “Be part of the team,” Harriet finished.

  “And I think it’s a great idea,” said Odelia proudly. “So what do you say, bud?”

  Milo narrowed his eyes at Max for a moment, then seemed to smile. Sweetly, he said, “Of course. Of course I want to be a part of your sleuthing gang.”