He had things he should be doing but he couldn't drag his gaze away from his wife sitting at her mother's grave. At one point she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, scrolling and then holding it up as if showing Annette Foster something on the screen.

  Photos of their children? The dog? The cat? The house? Perhaps. He didn't know the last time Misty had been here. Had she visited regularly before they moved? He was bothered by the fact that he didn't know this one fact about his wife. Did it make her feel better to talk to her mother? Their relationship had been complex to say the least. Misty had loved Annette, but the woman hadn't been the greatest mother. It spoke to how deeply his wife could forgive that she didn't hold a grudge regarding her upbringing. She always spoke of it matter-of-factly. But then again, when they'd first met she'd always expected the worst from people. Now she had a much more optimistic view of human nature.

  Before he knew it, Misty was walking back to the car. He checked the digital clock on the dash and was surprised to see that forty minutes had gone by. It hadn't felt that long. She climbed into the vehicle, tucking her phone into her purse which she'd left on the passenger side.

  "Okay, we can go."

  That was it? She wasn't going to say anything about it?

  "Do you want to talk? I'm here if you want to."

  She shook her head. "Not right now. Later."

  Since meeting her father, she'd kept telling him she was processing.

  They drove back to the ranch and Jared pulled up to the main house where Ty was living with his husband Kyle. He hadn't wanted to take over, happy with his smaller home close to Jared's but Royce had been adamant that he didn't want to live there. They hadn't wanted to let the house go empty and unused either, so eventually Ty and Kyle had decided to move in about three months after their father had passed away.

  What Jared hadn't expected - but should have - was that Ty and Kyle would make changes to the house and its decor. When they'd arrived last night with the kids for dinner, he'd been shocked to see a brand-new kitchen and updated bathrooms. The carpets had been taken up and gleaming hardwood had been put in their place. His mom's knickknacks had been taken down and replaced with photos and more modern framed paintings. Kyle had an artist friend in New York City, and he'd done several of the paintings throughout the house as a wedding gift.

  Even their old couch had been replaced with a new leather set. Silently, Jared mourned the loss of his childhood memories. In every nook and cranny of this house, every stain on the carpet and sofa, he had a memory that made him smile. What an amazing childhood he'd had.

  Kyle had Lizzie, Nate, and their dog outside. Misty dropped a kiss on Jared's cheek before rushing out to join them. Ty grabbed two beers from the refrigerator and held one out to Jared.

  "You look like you could use one of these."

  "I could. What's your excuse?"

  "I won't let you drink alone. I'm a humanitarian that way."

  "Like Ghandi."

  "Fuck, yeah."

  Accepting the bottle, Jared twisted off the cap and took a long draw. The cold liquid felt good on his parched throat.

  "How was it?" Ty asked, leaning a hip against the brand-new marble countertop. There was a copper backsplash and fresh white cabinets.

  "It was fine. She talked to her mother for a little while and then we came home."

  Something flickered across Ty's expression, but it was gone in an instant. "What did she say?"

  "I don't know. She talked with Annette alone."

  "You didn't go with her?"

  "No, it was personal, obviously."

  Ty took another drink from his beer. "Maybe she might want the support."

  "Maybe she wanted to do this herself," Jared countered. "This isn't the kind of thing that you share with a spouse. We weren't going for ice cream or buying a new sofa."

  Ty's brows shot up. "So we finally get down to it. I was wondering when you were going to bring it up. I saw your expression last night when you walked in. Go ahead, big brother. Tell me that I've changed your shrine of a childhood home."

  Jared didn't like his little brother's mocking tone. He also didn't like that he was so fucking transparent that Ty knew that he didn't like the changes.

  "I don't care," Jared replied as blandly as possible. "You can do whatever you want to the house."

  "Thank you for acknowledging that."

  But...

  "I just think you might have given us a heads up or something. We might have had input."

  "Input? What do you mean?"

  Ty's tone was dangerous, as if he might go off any second, but Jared wasn't going to take any shit from him since he was the one that brought up the new decor to begin with.

  "This is our family home. That's all I'm saying."

  Ty slapped his bottle onto the counter. "So you have a home here on the ranch and one outside of Seattle, and I don't get a say in what you do to those, but somehow you get a say in what I do here. We agreed that this was going to be mine and Kyle's home. I didn't realize that it came with strings."

  "It doesn't come with–"

  "Then why are you talking about getting your fucking input? Why do you think you get a say in how I decorate my goddamn house?"

  The heat had built up on the back of Jared's neck and the next words out of his mouth were not what he had intended to say.

  "Because it's our goddamn house. Everything is goddamn changed."

  Groaning, Ty scraped his fingers through his hair. "Everything changes. Eventually."

  "I don't like it," Jared shot back. He needed to keep his mouth shut but for the life of him he couldn't seem to do it. Words were falling out of his mouth at a rate he couldn't stem. "Everybody says that change is inevitable, but I think that's bullshit. It's bullshit, Ty."

  There was a long stretch of silence where neither of them said anything. Jared tried to breathe deeply and calm himself down, but it wasn't working. For whatever reason, he was angry and at this point he didn't care. He had no fucks left to give.

  Eventually Ty spoke first.

  "I know that you're not taking any of this very well–"

  "Any of this. What does that mean?"

  "You know what it means."

  "Apparently, I don't. Do please enlighten me."

  He sounded like a sarcastic shit because he was one.

  "Fine," Ty replied, his own tone aggressive. "You're not dealing with Dad's death very well. You're not dealing with any of the changes that his death brought on. You're not dealing with shit which is just your way. You think you can ignore the shit out of something, and it will all just eventually go away. Well, reality sucks, man. It doesn't work like that. Dad will still be dead next month, next year, and next decade. You can pretend he's not all you want but you're only fooling yourself. The rest of us have to live in the real world. You can go into your man cave and play cops and robbers and leave us little people to deal with it all."

  Ty had never been closer to getting his face punched out than this moment. Jared's fist itched to connect with his pretty-boy brother's jaw, but his wife and kids were twenty feet away on the other side of a flimsy screen door.

  "I deal with things."

  Ty snorted, a grin spreading across his face. "No, you don't. Do you even hear yourself talk? You went to the cemetery where our parents are buried, and you didn't even visit their graves. You didn't take flowers. You didn't do shit. Did you ever think about going over and talking to them? It might make you feel better."

  Jared couldn't imagine how any of that would make him feel even the tiniest bit better. This was a bunch of crap and he didn't have to take his brother's bullshit about it.

  "Dad and Mom aren't even there," he heard himself saying. "It's only their bodies and a headstone. I'm not talking to a fucking stone."

  His throat had choked up at the end, the words strangled as they came out. He was close to stomping out of the room, but he didn't know where to go. There was no escape in this house; his past was here even with new floors and paint.

  "So talk to Dad and Mom wherever you are," Ty suggested. "I have some of my best conversations with them while I'm sitting on the back porch in the evening after dinner and drinking a beer. You're right, bro. Mom and Dad aren't in a cemetery, they're everywhere that we are. We're their legacy. Us. Don't you feel them watching over us? I do. I feel it every day. Maybe because I'm here on the ranch. They might hate Seattle for all I know."

  Ty was trying to make a joke, but it fell flat. Jared wasn't in the mood to laugh or even smirk. He was far down the rabbit hole and only getting deeper.

  "You talk to them?"

  "Sometimes. When I have questions or have something to say."

  "Do they answer?"

  His question came out almost a whisper, but his brother heard him loud and clear.

  Chuckling, Ty nodded. "Not in the way you think. I don't hear voices or anything, but I feel better. I guess that's an answer. To me, anyway."

  "Kyle doesn't think you're crazy?"

  "Kyle is crazy so we're a perfect match. Is that what this is? You think that Jared Monroe is too dignified and mature to talk to himself?" Ty rubbed at the back of his neck. "Do you think it was easy? Doing this? Tearing up the carpet that we spilled Kool Aid on and getting rid of the couch where we made forts? Let me tell you, asshole, it wasn't. I cried like a fucking baby for days. Kyle was a saint for all of it too. He kept saying that we didn't need to change anything, even though he and I both knew that all this stuff desperately needed to be replaced. At first, it was like I was throwing out all of our childhood but then I realized that I still remembered it. All of it. I didn't need a stained couch to keep that in my heart. Neither do you, Jared. It was just stuff. Things. I didn't get rid of what really mattered. Family. It's what matters. It's all that matters."

  "I know that."

  He sounded defensive though, which was the last thing he wanted to be.

  "I know you know. I just think that you're hurting, and you've forgotten it a little."

  Jared was already shaking his head before his brother had finished speaking.

  "I'm not hurting. You don't need to worry about me. I just have a lot on my plate. I'm worried about Misty. She's been through so much."

  Straightening, Ty walked over to the screen door, his gaze on Kyle, Misty, the kids, and the barking dog running around the yard and laughing.

  "I do worry about Misty, but I worry about you too."

  "You don't have to."

  "I'm your brother. I get to whether you like it or not."

  Fair enough, but Ty was wasting his time. Jared was fine. Busy as hell, with plenty of responsibilities, but fine.

  He could take care of everything and everyone, and still take care of himself. That's what a man did, right?

  He had it all under control.

  22

  Jared had been acting strangely since their visit to the cemetery. Misty had half-expected it, to be honest. She'd been feeling that he hadn't really dealt with his father's death this past year, stuffing his feelings way down and hoping they'd simply go away. It wasn't, however, a subject that she could lecture him on because she wasn't so sure that she'd dealt with her own parent's death. Now with Adam's passing, it had all come up again.

  She was beginning to wonder whether a loved one's death was something that she was even supposed to "get over" at all. Perhaps there would always be a little bit of pain whenever she was reminded. It might not be a bad thing. She didn't want to forget Annette Foster or Adam Reynolds. They were both important to her, although for far different reasons.

  The kids were in bed and Jared was puttering around in the kitchen, pouring them each a glass of wine. They'd eaten dinner with his family at the main house and she always enjoyed seeing Ty, Kyle, and Royce.

  But it was nice to have some quiet time, just the two of them. In their busy lives, they didn't get much chance to simply relax and spend time together. Even now, Jared had worked on his laptop for a few hours before dinner.

  He padded out of the kitchen on bare feet and handed her a glass of Chardonnay. They were both dressed casually in sweatpants and t-shirts, although Misty's feet were covered with comfy socks to keep her toes warm. Jared had offered to light a fire in the fireplace as it cooled down so much at night, but she'd told him not to bother.

  He sat down on the couch and she leaned into him so he could curl around her, her head cushioned on his chest. The wine would make her drowsy and with any luck she'd fall asleep right here in her husband's arms.

  They were quiet for a long time, but she could practically hear the wheels in Jared's head turning.

  "Something on your mind, handsome?"

  He didn't say anything for a long time, but his embrace tightened and he dropped a kiss on her temple. His breath was warm on her cheek and she reached up to caress his stubbled jaw.

  "What did you say to your mother today?" he finally asked, his voice soft as if he didn't want anyone to overhear. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I know it's personal."

  It was personal but she was fine with talking to him about it. There were few people on this planet that she could say that about. Him and Rayne. That was about it.

  "I can talk about it. I told my mother what has been going on in my life. About you and the kids, and the dog, and the cat, and my painting, and then I finally told her about Adam. I asked her if she thought he was my biological father. I asked her if she loved him, and if she ever thought to tell him she was pregnant. I told her that he died, but that he was nice to me."

  He didn't say anything else, seemingly digesting her words.

  "I didn't expect her to answer me or anything," she said. "But it made me feel better to talk to her even though it was one-sided. I hadn't visited Mom's grave for a long time."

  "I wondered about that."

  "It was after we were married. I brought Lizzie to show her. I know it's sort of silly, but it does make me feel like she's sort of there even though she'd been gone for so long."

  "Ty says he talks to Dad and Mom. Not at the cemetery, but on the back porch. He says he feels like Mom and Dad are all around, watching over him."

  Her poor husband. He didn't have a clue how to deal with his emotions most of the time. Gerald had drilled into his children that they shouldn't show them. As the youngest Ty had received less of that message and his personality simply wasn't the type to hide what he was feeling all of the time. Jared, on the other hand, was the middle child and as such he worked to not make waves. Emotions upset people and that was something he didn't like to do.

  "And you don't feel that way?" she guessed, running her fingertips on the bare skin of his arm in what she hoped was a soothing motion. He was all tied up in knots lately.

  Since the letter had shown up and reminded him about Gerald. Up until then, he'd successfully ignored his own grief and pain.

  "I guess that I don't."

  "Do you want to feel that way?"

  "I don't know. Sometimes. I just don't know how I would talk to them when they're not here."

  "If you're alone there's no one to judge you," Misty pointed out. "No one is going to tell you that you're doing it wrong. I don't think there is a right or wrong way, honestly. Just talk to them."

  "About what?"

  "I don't know. The price of groceries. The weather. How bad traffic is or the funny things the kids say all the time. Anything that you would have talked to them about before."

  "We talked about the ranch. Or my job, mostly."

  "Then talk to them about that. They're not in a position to complain. This is about you."

  She'd tried to lighten the mood, so she was glad to hear Jared chuckle a bit.

  "I guess they're not. That would be a switch. Dad always had something to say whenever we talked."

  "Then think of this as a chance to say all the stuff that you always wanted to."

  He leaned down and brushed his lips over hers, sending a jolt of pleasure up her spine.

  "You're a great wife, do you know that?"

  "Yes."

  She felt the rumble of laughter in his chest next to her ear. "I bet you do."

  "You're a pretty decent husband too."

  "I try. You know there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for you and the kids."

  She did know that. He showed her how important they were every single day.

  "Then can I ask you a question?"

  She'd been thinking about this and it wouldn't go away.

  "You can, of course. What do you need?"

  "I'm not sure I need anything except to talk to you about Adam's death." He stiffened and she sat up, turning so that they were face to face. "It's not anything bad. At least I don't think so. It's just...damn."

  "Go ahead," he urged. "It's just what?"

  "It's just that I'm having a hard time dealing with Sandra's confession. I just...I don't get why she'd do it. Not after all these years. He was going to die in a few months. It doesn't make any sense."

  "It doesn't make any sense for anyone to kill him."

  "It makes even less sense for her to do it. She'd been putting up with him for so long. She didn't tell us anything specific that made her snap that night. There was nothing out of the ordinary."

  "They argued. And he was abusive."

  "When they were married. That was a long time ago."

  "He was a total bastard," Jared reminded her. "He kept her from her own children supposedly."

  "I just don't get the murderer feeling from her," Misty said with a sigh.

  "Did you get that feeling with anyone else?"

  "David," she admitted. "I got it from him. Also Tom. He had a whole bunch to hide."

  "Do you know how much I love you? Do you have any idea?"

  "I think I do. I love you that much too."

  She wasn't sure why he was changing the subject, but she always enjoyed telling him how much she loved him. She liked hearing it back too.

  "I love you so much that I'll call Eli and ask him to send me the files for Adam's murder."