That was what came of marrying the wrong man. Or, if you listened to the people in this community, that was what came of jumping the fence and marrying an Englischer. And Amanda had to agree—if Mamm hadn’t died, everything might have been different.

  3

  Tabitha picked up her father’s plate from the table. The screen door bounced as he headed back out to meet the cattle trailer that had just pulled up. It beeped as it backed up, Daet waving the trailer in. He would be selling some beef steers at auction, and it still rankled Tabitha a little bit when her father refused to give her that kind of basic information. He didn’t have to be that secretive. They were a family, after all. They were all working together.

  Daet looked older these days, though. It still took Tabitha by surprise when she noticed the stoop in his shoulders and the complete whiteness of his hair. No more iron gray. Her father was tired, but he did seem happier when all three of his daughters were around. And perhaps he ate better when Tabitha could share some of the cooking duties too.

  There was something about being a family again that was comforting for Tabitha.

  Amanda pulled out a paper bag of baking flour and a package of dry yeast. A small glass bowl thunked onto the counter next, followed by a big metal bowl. Amanda’s lips were pressed together in a firm line. She filled the glass bowl with some warm water and poured the yeast into it. Then she stood there with hands flat on the counter, seeming to stare straight through it.

  “What do you think of the Menno situation?” Tabitha asked.

  Amanda straightened and reached for the flour. “It’s interesting. That’s all.”

  Rose stood to the side, her attention focused out the window, watching the truck pulling the cattle trailer drive down the dirt road toward the cattle barn. Tabitha picked up an apple, rubbed it over her clean apron, then took a bite.

  “Do you want to help me hitch back up?” Rose asked. “I promised Aaron I wouldn’t be too long, and if I don’t go now, I might get blocked in by the truck.”

  Rose’s gaze flicked toward Amanda, but Amanda didn’t look up.

  “Oh, of course.” Tabitha took another bite of the apple and followed her sister out the side door. She’d give the rest of the apple to the horse. He’d like the treat. From inside the house, she could hear a whisk start up inside the metal bowl.

  “Do you think Amanda might still have a chance at finding a husband?” Rose asked as the screen door banged shut behind them. A breeze cooled Tabitha’s neck, and she flapped the front of her dress to let in a bit more cool air.

  “I have no idea,” Tabitha replied. “Did I really hurt her reputation that badly?”

  Rose sobered. “Yah.”

  Not the answer Tabitha had expected, and she felt a wave of defensiveness. “Really? You’re married. You’d think I would have done just as much damage to your life as hers, if that was the case.”

  “There was a bit more time for things to die down before I was old enough to start courting. Besides, Amanda is . . .” Rose licked her lips, then lowered her voice. “She’s not known for her great beauty, is she? Then you count something like our older sister jumping the fence, and there were risks men wouldn’t take.”

  Rose wouldn’t quite meet Tabitha’s gaze, and her face colored.

  “So just my visits—”

  “You were flaunting the fact you jumped the fence by wearing blue jeans. You didn’t have to. You could have worn a dress, even if it wasn’t a cape dress. Then there was the time that Michael sat outside with our cousins and tried to convince them to jump the fence. He was telling them how much happier you were now that you were free of the Amish restrictions.”

  “He didn’t!”

  “Yah, he did. We thought you knew.”

  “No . . . I didn’t.” Tabitha sighed.

  “And he was rather . . . flirty with Amish women.”

  “He didn’t understand our boundaries—” Tabitha started to say, and then she felt heat hit her face. “I always defended him. I didn’t want to see what he was doing, because if I really faced it, I’d have to do something about it, and I didn’t know what to do. I do remember him being flirtatious with our cousins. We used to argue about it on the way home again, and I’d be so frustrated with him. He always said he was just being friendly and it was a cultural difference, that was all. He made me feel like the stupid one. I guess I hoped you all hadn’t noticed.”

  Rose pressed her lips together. “We noticed.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “You don’t have to apologize for your husband’s bad behavior,” Rose replied.

  “So I was a bigger problem than I realized. We were. My visits, at least . . .”

  “It was complicated,” Rose confirmed.

  Rose was being kind. It was more than complicated. Tabitha could see how her visits home would have shaken people up. No one would want Michael as a part of their extended family, causing trouble where there hadn’t been trouble before. And Tabitha was the one bringing him home on a regular basis because she missed her family, and they should be able to visit.

  “Maybe now I can help her,” Tabitha said.

  “How?” Rose raised a hand to shade her eyes from the sun.

  “Maybe I can help her find a husband. I visit enough farms. I might find someone who’d be a good match.”

  “Like who?” Rose asked.

  “I’m not sure yet. But I might spot someone who’d be good for her.”

  “She’s made her peace with not marrying,” Rose said.

  “And that’s just sad. I’m the one who has to make my peace with it, not her. Maybe she’s afraid of more rejection, but I’m not giving up on her.”

  Rose just shook her head. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  They fetched Rose’s horse from the corral and brought him over to the buggy to hitch up. Rose held out her hand to the horse. He nuzzled toward her, and she stroked his nose.

  “Why is finding a match for Amanda such a bad idea?” Tabitha asked. “Amanda is hardworking, a great cook, and, like you say, I held her back. I’m in a unique situation here. I’m not going to have a husband or a home of my own. I’m back with Daet, and I can take over helping him out and let Amanda have her chance at a family of her own.”

  “Amanda has gotten . . . prickly,” Rose said.

  “Prickly? I don’t see that in her.”

  “Trust me. She’s gotten used to doing things her own way.”

  “She can adjust,” Tabitha replied. “Any of us can adjust to changes, especially if it means getting the very thing you’ve longed for. Don’t you remember when we were little girls, and we used to pretend we were getting married?”

  “And we’d make the dog stand in for the groom, and we’d take turns being the bride,” Rose said with a chuckle. “And Mamm told us we’d be better off practicing our homemaking skills than marrying the dog every afternoon.”

  Tabitha remembered those hot summer days when she and her little sisters used to put on their best white aprons, promising Mamm they wouldn’t get a speck of dirt on them, and go stand in a row by the chicken coop and take solemn vows of fidelity and faith to their black lab named Thunder. They’d set up wedding dinners with biscuits and jam at the kitchen table, and they’d give each other marriage advice that they thought was very wise indeed. Mostly it consisted of feeding their husbands well—it was the only thing they knew made a husband happy.

  Tabitha laughed. “And when Aent Marie got married, and we sat at the table with her husband’s cousins. Do you remember that boy who’d been quite keen on Amanda?”

  “It didn’t last.”

  “No, but she was only fourteen or something like that,” Tabitha replied. “All I’m saying is that men have found her attractive before, and she wanted marriage as much as you and I did. I messed up my chance at a united Amish marriage, but she’s been a good daughter and a good sister. She deserves the same happiness you have.”

  Rose met Tabitha’s gaze, and something uncertain swam in the depths of her brown eyes, but then she nodded.

  “She does. And you’re a loving sister to try to help her,” Rose said.

  “I really believe Gott wanted me to come home,” Tabitha said. “And I don’t think that is just for me. I mean, I missed you all, and I missed the life I was raised to, but I think that Gott has more for me to do that obviously doesn’t involve a husband and kinner of my own. Maybe I’m supposed to help Amanda.”

  “Maybe so,” Rose said thoughtfully. “Gott’s ways are above ours. Maybe there is a plan at work.”

  “There is always a divine plan at work,” Tabitha replied with a small smile. That was one thing she’d become most sure of during her time away. Her life was not over, even though her marriage was. There was a set of verses that had sunk deep into her heart as she’d struggled with her own mistakes: “If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.”

  Philadelphia wasn’t so far that Gott couldn’t reach her. Divorce wasn’t so shameful that Gott couldn’t give her a new future.

  “I’d better get back home. It’s wash day, you know,” Rose said. “Just be careful when it comes to Amanda. I think your heart is in the right place, but she’s more sensitive than you think.”

  Fine. She’d heard the warning, but she wasn’t giving up on her sister either.

  “I’ll see you, then,” Tabitha said. “Tell Aaron I say hello.”

  Rose nodded and pulled herself up into the buggy.

  Tabitha was home in Shepherd’s Hill again, but there was nothing simple about making a place for herself in the community she’d left. Everyone had changed. Her father was older, and her little sisters had both grown up, and Tabitha was no longer the eager, optimistic young woman who thought that life would treat her gently just because her family had. If she’d learned anything, it was that life was not gentle, a man couldn’t be her savior, and the only one she could truly rely on was Gott above. Gott was the One with the plan.

  4

  For the next few days, the Schrock sisters were busy. Amanda and Rose went along on several farm visits with Tabitha, and the rest of Amanda’s time was spent catching up on household chores and doing the weekly deep clean to prepare for a restful, worshipful Sunday.

  That Saturday, Amanda bent over a bowl of bread dough. The smell of warm, foamy yeast had always soothed Amanda’s heart in a way nothing else could. And yet this morning it wasn’t enough to smooth over her jostled emotions. She poured the yeast mixture over the flour in the big metal bowl and watched as it soaked in. Eggs were next, then milk. Then oil. She used a strong wooden spoon and some muscle to stir.

  The clock ticked comfortingly from the kitchen wall. Next to the clock was a calendar, and next to the calendar was a large piece of embroidery that had been made by their mamm. Amanda’s memory of her mother was foggy, and she couldn’t quite recall her face anymore. But she remembered her hands—the long, slim fingers, and the way she’d wear a thimble when she worked on a piece of stitching. Amanda remembered her mother working on that very piece of embroidery—the full twenty-third Psalm, surrounded by leaves, vines, and flowers. Her mother’s initials were stitched neatly at the bottom: VS. Vannetta Schrock. Her mother’s touches were still around the house—quilts she’d stitched, scarves she’d knitted, baskets she’d woven. Amanda treasured those handwritten recipe cards, too, little pieces of Mamm left behind that reminded her how much Mamm had loved them all.

  Amanda leaned into stirring the dough, scraping flour from the side of the bowl into the soft, sticky mass in the center. Scrape, fold, scrape, fold. She changed hands and repeated the process.

  The side door opened, and she glanced up as Tabitha came inside.

  “I stopped by Rose and Aaron’s place on the way back from the Bernhart farm,” Tabitha said. “And Rose will come with us to do those calf vaccinations at the Peachy farm Monday morning.”

  “I thought she’d be busy with her own home,” Amanda replied. “Monday is wash day. Rose never misses wash day.”

  “It’s wash day here too,” Tabitha said. “We’ll make it work. Isn’t it nice to do something as the three Schrock sisters again?”

  But it was odd. Rose had been coming along for almost all of the veterinarian visits she could. She even went when Amanda was staying home to bake and scrub floors. If Amanda had her own husband and home, she wouldn’t be running off with Tabitha to vaccinate cattle, that was for sure. Even though she enjoyed it. Even though she felt like she was good at it.

  “What’s going on?” Amanda asked.

  “I don’t think anything is going on. She wants to help.”

  “It just seems strange to me,” Amanda said, leaning into the mixing again. “Why wouldn’t she be working on her own home and garden? What about Aaron? If she has extra time, she could be sewing him an extra shirt or going out to keep him company. I mean, a man always needs someone to open and shut the gates—”

  “Amanda, she’s fine,” Tabitha interrupted. “She wants to help. What’s wrong with that?”

  Technically, nothing.

  “You two used to hide things from me when we were kinner,” Amanda replied.

  “Oh, those were just silly things. We were teasing you.”

  Amanda met her sister’s gaze, and Tabitha blushed.

  “I’m sorry,” Tabitha added. “I suppose we were being cruel back then. I’m not doing that now.” She paused. “I was telling Rose that I wanted to find you a husband.”

  Amanda blinked. “Me?”

  “Why not you?” she asked. “You’re plenty old enough to marry, and I’m here now to help with Daet.”

  It was true. Tabitha being home again did free Amanda up, but that thought was both exciting and terrifying. Taking care of Daet had given her a job to do. With Tabitha back home and repairing the family name, if a man still didn’t want her, it would sting more. It would feel like a more personal insult.

  “It might not be taking care of Daet that is holding me back,” Amanda said.

  “Then what?” Tabitha asked. “I want to help. I know I made things worse for you when I married Michael, and I want to help set things right.”

  “I’m twenty-seven.” That was a fact, and it needed to be faced. Women in their community tended to get married young. When Rose got married at twenty-three, she was considered a little on the old side.

  “And you’re also not dead yet,” Tabitha retorted, meeting her gaze. “Englischer women get married at all ages. In fact, they’re getting married much later these days because they’re getting educations, starting careers, and pursuing things that interest them. When I was married at nineteen, I was considered shockingly young to have taken those vows.”

  “I’m not Englische,” Amanda replied. As interesting as it was that the Englischers did things so differently, it didn’t affect their community.

  “But you are an attractive woman who can bake up a storm,” Tabitha said. “What man doesn’t want a wife whose food tastes as good as yours? And while you’re perfectly pretty, a face only lasts so long, but quality strudel? That’s for life! So let me help.”

  Amanda couldn’t help but laugh at her sister’s description, but it did make her feel a bit more hopeful.

  “The problem is, there aren’t a lot of men to choose from out here,” Amanda said. “Unless you can whip up some men from other communities and transplant them in Shepherd’s Hill . . .”

  “Actually, that’s not a bad idea. We could reach out to a matchmaker,” Tabitha said, brightening. “You’ve just got to let me sell you a bit, point out everything you have to offer.”

  “I don’t like the idea of being sold,” Amanda said, making a face. “But maybe I should put myself out there more.”

  “You should,” Tabitha said.

  “It’s hard, though,” Amanda said. “If I do that, and they still don’t want me—”

  “Don’t think like that,” Tabitha replied. “You’re wonderful, and the right man will see it.”

  Tabitha’s return had brought some excitement back to this old house, but it also brought whole new dynamics between the sisters, and maybe that was a good thing. Amanda had settled a little too comfortably into her rut, and maybe it was time that things changed for her.

  She pressed her lips together and continued stirring. There was one man she knew of who was looking for a wife . . . and Menno was kind. She remembered back in their childhood when some of the boys at school had been teasing Amanda, Menno had stood up for her. They’d turned their teasing onto him then, but he hadn’t seemed to mind. She’d never forgotten that he’d taken the brunt of a day’s teasing for her.

  And then there had been a youth group event at a deacon’s farm when they were in their young teens, and a cat had given birth to kittens. One was a runt, and it didn’t look like it would survive. Menno had asked permission to take it home and bottle feed it. He’d had a gentle heart back then, and if that kindness was the foundation of his character, she couldn’t imagine that he’d be so bad now.

  “I meant to ask you earlier,” Tabitha said. “What’s going on with Daet and Nathaniel Peachy?”

  Her sister’s question pulled her out of her thoughts. Amanda poured a drizzle of oil around the edge of the bowl to loosen the sticky dough, and she used her fingers to pull the dough off the spoon.

  “Nothing more than usual. They still don’t like each other,” Amanda replied.

  “But why?”

  Amanda looked up at her sister and considered for a moment. “I honestly don’t know. You’re older than me. Do you remember what went wrong between them?”

  Tabitha shook her head. “No, Daet was never one to talk about those things, was he?”

  “Daet doesn’t talk about anything,” Amanda replied.