Chronicles of a lizard n.., p.8
Chronicles of a Lizard Nobody,
p.8
The rocking turned to falling.
“Oh, no,” said the pelican.
“Look out!” shouted Alicia.
Without even thinking, Zeke grabbed Pelicar-nassus and threw him under himself, shielding him with the body of a larger-than-average monitor lizard. He was bigger than the pelican. It was the obligation of the stronger to help the smaller and that’s all there was to it.
It wasn’t going to work. The suit would flatten them both, but in that instant, that was what Zeke chose. He folded himself over Pelicarnassus and waited to be crushed—
But they weren’t crushed. In fact, what Zeke felt fold over him was not the barbed cage of a giant robot pelican suit, but the tough muscles of a wombat. Everything went dark, and Zeke heard a HUGE crash above him somewhere.
Then it all went silent. And he was still alive.
“Are we still alive?” Pelicarnassus asked below him.
“I think so,” Zeke said. “But how?”
And somewhat distantly, through layers of Principal and wreckage, he heard Daniel shout, “She really DOES have an armored butt!”
Principal Wombat gave Zeke back his Hall Monitor sash that very day, not even an hour after she had saved him and Pelicarnassus with her armored butt.
“Does this have superpowers, too?” Zeke asked as she snapped it over his shoulders.
“When you need it to,” she said with a wink. “But you didn’t need it today, Zeke. I saw how you saved Pelicarnassus. That’s heroism right there.”
“How though?” Zeke asked.
“BECAUSE YOU CHOSE NOT TO BE A TYRANT!” Miel said.
“He’s right,” said Principal Wombat.
“That’s what you contributed today, Zeke!” Alicia said.
“And we’re all Hall Monitors again!” Daniel said.
“Even if there aren’t any more halls.” Zeke looked around at the wreckage of the Principal’s office.
“I’m still not your friend,” Pelicarnassus said. “We’re still archenemies.” Then he breathed a calming breath. “But I suppose we can call a truce for now, yes?”
“BECAUSE ZEKE IS LARGE ENOUGH TO BEAT YOU UP!”
“That is not why!” Pelicarnassus snapped, though it was obviously why.
“I called your mother,” Principal Wombat said, her face very serious.
“You can’t!” Pelicarnassus looked horrified. “She’s in Europe!”
“They have phones in Europe,” Principal Wombat said. “She was very surprised to hear that she’d arranged an invasion of France.”
“Uh-oh,” Pelicarnassus said.
“She’s going to pay to repair the school,” Principal Wombat said, “if I agree to leave your punishment to her.”
Now Pelicarnassus looked stricken. “Oh, no. She’s going to take away my computers!”
“That’s what she said.”
“NOOOOOOO!!!!” Pelicarnassus cried, because how can you plan world and/or school domination without computers to help?
So that was all good. The villain was defeated and also grounded. Zeke was a Hall Monitor again, which suddenly seemed way cooler now that he knew the sashes could shoot lasers. And he was there with his friends—with Alicia, with Daniel, with Miel. It was good. It was all good. A good day.
But that’s not the good day we’re talking about there in the chapter title. It would be nice to think that the really good thing happened on that day, too, but life doesn’t always work that way. It was more than a week later that the really good thing happened. A good week, to be fair, as they went to class in temporary buildings (also provided by Pelicarnassus’s exasperated mother), Zeke walked a little taller, got a few nods from elk and gophers and seals. He even submitted to another lesson on France, now that he’d learned (maybe) that it was actually amazing (maybe) and not embarrassing (perhaps).
But that good week passed, and the good day was still to come. Zeke had been told about it in advance by Alicia’s mom, and even though Zeke was optimistic and even though it had been a good week, he was still a little worried.
But he faced it anyway. He said goodbye to his friend the hawk on the bus, then he said goodbye to his friends the clouded monitor lizards in their driveways of the little cul-de-sac where they all lived, and then he stood in front of the door of his own house, gathering his courage.
He didn’t find much. He found enough.
He opened his door. “Hello?” he asked.
He didn’t hear anything at first, so he walked down the hallway to the kitchen.
The first thing he saw was the black dog asleep in a dog bed. It didn’t wake, though, and Zeke noticed that it maybe didn’t look quite so scary now.
The second thing he saw was . . .
“Hi, Mom,” he said.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she said, and she came over, and she kissed him on the forehead, and she took him into a big, big hug.
And that’s where we’ll leave Zeke for now.
On a good day in a good week.
In a moment of pure joy.
No one would ever say he didn’t deserve it.
Patrick Ness is the award-winning and best-selling author of the Chaos Walking trilogy, which inspired a major film. He is also the author of the critically acclaimed novels A Monster Calls, which was a #1 New York Times bestseller, More Than This, Release, The Rest of Us Just Live Here, And the Ocean Was Our Sky, and Burn. He has won numerous awards, including two Carnegie Medals and an Olivier Award for the stage production of A Monster Calls. He also wrote the screenplay for the film version of A Monster Calls and the BBC’s Doctor Who spin-off Class. Follow him @patricknessbooks.
Tim Miller is the author-illustrator of Moo Moo in a Tutu; What’s Cooking, Moo Moo?; Tiny Kitty, Big City; and Izzy Paints. He is also the illustrator of Horse Meets Dog by Elliott Kalan, Snappsy the Alligator (Did Not Ask to Be in This Book) and Snappsy the Alligator and His Best Friend Forever! (Probably) by Julie Falatko, Margarash by Mark Riddle, and the middle-grade series Hamstersaurus Rex by Tom O’Donnell. Tim Miller lives in New Jersey with his wife and three rescue cats.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or, if real, are used fictitiously.
Text copyright © 2024 by Patrick Ness
Illustrations copyright © 2024 by Tim Miller
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, taping, and recording, without prior written permission from the publisher.
First US electronic edition 2024
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number 2024930417
The illustrations in this book were done in ink.
Walker Books US
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Candlewick Press
99 Dover Street
Somerville, Massachusetts 02144
www.walkerbooksus.com
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Patrick Ness, Chronicles of a Lizard Nobody
