Ying, Yang and Ambivalence

Ying, Yang and Ambivalence

Paul Vayro

Humor / Science Fiction

When Brick and Spiritwind drunkenly head out into the universe for a dance and takeaway food, they awake enrolled at Evil University, and after the Vice-Chancellor takes a liking to the pair's philosophy, he sets about making them the new ideological hope for all mischief.Given a tip for a galactic hot spot, complete with dance floor and attached takeaway, Brick and Spiritwind head towards Fluffy McCoy's with a smile and a chat up-line beneath each sleeve; unfortunately, They's drunken memory tells their ship to go to Huffy LeRoy's by mistake: a bus depot with a dilapidated pub, hanging on for sanity and rare custom.Determined to have fun wherever they are, Brick and Spiritwind pull up a chair at Bozo and Schmuk's booth, two beasts of defiant size who are off to start a henchman training course at Evil University; as politeness spills forth and drink flows, the heroes offer the monstrous duo a lift. When they awake the next morning, they find themselves enrolled on the megalomaniac course, under threat of a thousand pinches and eternal headlocks should they try to leave. Adopting the pseudonyms of Dag Nammit and Corsetry Overload, they opt for study over pain.Nicole Extravaganza and Suzy Fantastic had recently been promoted to grade three heroes, and as such had to cash in their outdated nemesis at Velos 19, the hub of hero admin and ego driven rhetoric. Discovering their nemesis had given up day to day Evil, they hear he now works as the Chancellor at Evil University, and head to the planet that houses the academia of the naughty. Whilst there, they stumble across Brick and Spiritwind's room and overhear the pair mentioning their true identities as grade five heroes. Convinced they could gain further promotion, they offer to help.Hugo Cortizone, the popstar of the hero world, has a monumental crush on the two female heroes, a crush they repeatedly spurn. When his scanners see their ship at Evil University, he considers it his duty to pay them a visit and check they're safe, and maybe to hang around long enough to try and woo a snog out of one of them, or both.Dip Sing Doolally, the chancellor and nemesis in question, decides the institution needs a figurehead for potential students to aspire to, and to increase revenue. He instructs his vice-chancellor, Spon Dooliks, to find one from the current intake and elevate their reputation through manipulated drama.Spon had always envied Good's professional and well thought out approach to the battle of light and darkness, not like Evil with its flawed plans and flippant security measures, so when he spots the heroic nature of Brick and Spiritwind, he believes he's found a duo who can not only be the new hope for bad, but also shift the entire ethos towards greater success. Dip finds the pair little more than annoying and insists they can only be used if they are martyred after achieving whatever Spon intends them to achieve. He wishes to use their memory as an icon rather than the duo themselves.The final assessment for the megalomaniac course is to take over an Earth planet in the early twenty-first century. From their Evil base, a pub by a picturesque canal, Brick and Spiritwind plan to steal the internet and infect it with the news that they now rule the world.With countless pseudonyms and missions overlapping, heroic narrative struggles to make sense of the unfolding adventure, but with a pen and paper, and the odd shot of rum, it slowly falls into place as Good and Evil battle with their own identities as much as each other.
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T is for Time

T is for Time

Paul Vayro

Humor / Science Fiction

When aliens attempt to take over the Earth, by freezing time and stealing all the tea and coffee, two hapless misfits are charged with saving humanity.Brick and Spiritwind were unaware of the wider goings on of the universe. Had they known alien’s were heading their way, intent on freezing time and stealing all the tea and coffee, chances are they would console themselves with a debate on the merits of hot beverages and wait to be placed in stasis. Fortunately the Earth’s owners are more practical and instruct Fate to activate the planets in-built heroes. Unfortunately Fate saves their next door neighbours, Brick and Spiritwind, by mistake. Realising his error, Fate gathers his closest friends, including girlfriend Karma and brother Coincidence, to offer the hapless pair assistance.Zarg, a teenage alien, has insisted a band of heroes will rise and thwart his people’s plan; when captured by Brick et al, the irony isn’t lost upon him. Forming a relationship with the humans, akin to sniping siblings, Zarg agrees to aid their quest: the reward of being proved right is enough to betray his species.With no weapons other than idle banter and slipshod philosophy, Brick and Spiritwind amble their way through the frozen Earth, piecing together clues and formulating a solution. Join the Earth’s only hope as they straddle the line between idiocy and genius.
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Unintended Heroes

Unintended Heroes

Paul Vayro

Humor / Science Fiction

When Insidious Chi threatens the universe with apathy, all its heroes are gathered to do battle. Unfortunately two bumbling Earthlings qualify for an invite.Insidious Chi (Sid) knows attacking the universe with force is futile. The law of inevitability states a small band of unlikely heroes would avoid the initial attack and ultimately thwart his plan. Instead he decided to wipe out any resistance by saturating the ether with apathy, leaving any fight-back in bed, having a lie-in.Brick and Spiritwind never needed an excuse for a lie-in, or to accept The Heroic Guild's invitation to partake in the mission to thwart evil's plan. The duo believed they could follow their usual work ethic of showing their faces at the right times and places while everyone got on with the actual job, leaving them to enjoy the complimentary buffet. Destiny, however, had other plans.Joining a crew of misfits, led by the perpetually intoxicated Jam Shandy, they're sent to explore numerous Earth franchise planets that are spreading the lazy sentiment throughout all that is. Hugo Cortizone is the pop star of the hero world, and Sid knows the likely fly in his takeover ointment. Capturing the Emperor of good, via a compound that makes him believe universal peace has been declared, Sid offers Hugo sanctity to come to terms with his unemployment. Guarded by a henchman disguised as a damsel, love soon becomes Hugo's new purpose, and social awkwardness the henchman's normality.With good's main hope embroiled in a futile romance, a vacuum needs filling at the pointy end of heroics. Sadly a vacuum has no quality control over who it sucks into it.
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