I nod, looking at her delicate fingers adorned with rings, but none of them of any significance like a wedding or engagement ring. For a moment, I wonder what kind of engagement ring she’d like. Gold? Platinum? All diamonds? She seems like the vintage type, but I’m not sure. Or why the hell I’m even thinking of this either.

  “You know what they say about big hands.”

  She giggles and tugs on my hand, my arm pulling away from my side. “It’s big feet. C’mon.”

  “One dance,” I mumble.

  The dance floor is packed and it’s almost all Fury players, their girls, and random puck bunnies. Jana wraps her arms around my neck and sways her delicious hips to the beat.

  Tedi puts her arms around both of us, although she can’t reach my shoulders. “I love seeing this. Go home and get some.” She smacks both of our asses.

  I shake my head and look around the dance floor until I find who I’m looking for. “Tweetie?” I nod at his girlfriend.

  “Got her.” He comes over and diverts Tedi away.

  The music changes to a slow song. I’m about to leave, but Jana tightens her hold on me.

  “One dance,” she whispers into my ear. “Just one.”

  Something about the way she asks makes it so I can’t say no.

  I stand in place and our bodies sway to “Strangers” by Maddie & Tae. She rests her head on my chest, and I inhale the scent of her shampoo. The same scent that would cover my skin after a night spent with her.

  Having my hands on her feels so right. I hate that I close my eyes for a moment and wonder what it would be like if she really was mine. She’s always pushing me away, and right now, it almost feels as though she’s offering herself up to me. I want to take her up on it more, I realize, than I’ve wanted anything in a long time. But not when she’s been drinking.

  The lyrics of the song ring true, because although there’s so much Jana doesn’t know about my past, she’s the only one I feel truly knows me. Who I am on the inside. What I’m thinking most times. Where I’m coming from.

  As the song winds down, I tighten my arms around her, not wanting it to end. She draws back and looks up at me. My dick twitches when it registers the lust filling her eyes. Her hand falls in mine and she turns us toward the hallway that leads to the bathrooms. She tucks us into the dark hallway and presses my back to the wall. My hands grip her hips, wishing we were somewhere private.

  “Kiss me.” She licks her plump lips.

  My cock strains the confines of my dress pants. Her words are the ones I’ve wanted to hear since she cut me off months ago. I bend down, ready to taste her again, but she loses her equilibrium and stumbles to the side.

  It’s the reminder I needed that she’s drunk.

  I shake my head, and she frowns. “Not here. Not tonight.”

  “Come on. You know you want to.” She grips my biceps and leans into me.

  The press of her ample tits against my hard flesh makes my voice waver. “Want isn’t the issue. You’re drunk.”

  “I was drinking seltzers. They’re like wine coolers.” She straightens up, licks her lips, and runs her finger down my chest and past my waistline.

  I’m not surprised when she grabs my dick and applies the slightest pressure. I suck in a breath. It feels fucking fantastic to have her hands on me again.

  “Jesus, Jana. We can’t.” I grip her wrist.

  “Why not? We did it before when we’d both been drinking.”

  “That was different, and you know it. Let me take you home. Get you to bed.”

  “No.” She draws back and crosses her arms. “You’re really denying me?”

  “That’s not what I’m doing. I’m just not going to take advantage of you.”

  Annoyance flashes across her face. I prepare for the lashing she’s probably going to give me, but the minute she points her finger at my chest, her head circles as if it’s grown too heavy for her to hold up and she falls into me. I catch her, then pick her up over my shoulder.

  Grabbing my cell phone from my pocket, I arrange for an Uber and tell them to meet me in the back. I text my brother to meet me by the back door with her purse. He shows up five minutes later.

  “Whoa, what happened? She’s a lightweight, huh?” He opens the back door.

  “Let’s just get her home.”

  “You really like her, huh?”

  He gets in the front of the car, and I sit in the back of the Uber with Jana’s head in my lap. She looks so peaceful and relaxed.

  “Why do you say that?” I ask without looking away from Jana’s face.

  “Because normally you’d have handed a woman off to her friends. Plus, I’m your brother. I know these things. You’re not fooling anyone with the way you look at her.”

  I feel a line form at the bridge of my nose. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Everyone in there knows the two of you want each other.”

  “Says the man with four women hanging off him tonight.”

  He shrugs. “I’m on the market.”

  “So am I.”

  He laughs as though I just told the funniest fucking joke he’s ever heard. “After what I witnessed tonight, I’d say you’re very much off the market, big brother.”

  The Uber drives toward Jana’s, and I stare at her long blonde hair in my lap. She’s so beautiful it hurts to know she might never be mine.

  Barbara must be rubbing off on Kane. Instead of texting me, I get a message on the hotel line that says he’d like me to meet him up in his room for our weekly meeting at six thirty.

  We’re in Chicago, and although I didn’t want to come—I’ve been dodging Kane for an entire week since I got drunk and made a fool of myself, handing him the opportunity to reject me—I have to attend this meeting.

  Since I have no choice but to be there, I decide to dress not to impress. I stay in my workout clothes after I visited the gym downstairs, still reeking of sweat, but I throw a sweatshirt on over top. Instead of putting my gym shoes back on, I glide my feet into the pair of slides I usually wear around the hotel room. This way there’s no possibility of Kane thinking my advancements were anything other than I drank too many damn seltzers. Of course, the shots didn’t help either.

  Leaving my room, I take the elevator to his floor and knock on the door.

  He opens it, and the monster of an ache that’s been living and breathing inside me since I called off our casual hookups roars to life. He’s wearing gray sweatpants that hang low on his hips, a threadbare hockey T-shirt that he’s probably owned forever, and he’s barefoot. His eyes soak me up as much as mine do him. The tension we both ignore zaps to life like a power switch being turned to the on position.

  “Come in.” He steps aside and motions for me to enter his room.

  He has a suite similar to mine. Bedroom and bathroom closed off, and a living space with a desk and television to entertain.

  “I made the choices for dinner. I hope they’re okay.”

  He walks over to the room service cart and lifts two silver domes to reveal a steak with a baked potato dish, and a chicken with rice and pasta dish. “If you’d rather have one to yourself, I’ll take whichever you don’t want. Or I figured we could share family style.”

  I sit down. “We can share. I’d never eat one of those meals by myself.”

  “You should try it sometime.” Kane cuts the steak and potato in half.

  “I don’t have an eating disorder, if that’s what you’re suggesting?” I grab a fork and knife and cut the chicken.

  “Not at all. I’m just saying I’d like to see you enjoy life a little.”

  I stop cutting and stare at him. “You think I don’t enjoy my life?”

  He never looks up from cutting the steak. I want to call him a chickenshit, but I refrain since we’re trying to keep this working relationship intact.

  “I think you have a lot of pressure on you. I think you find it hard to let loose. That’s why it was so nice to watch you from the sidelines the other night.”

  Except he wasn’t on the sidelines. His dick was in my hand, and he denied me.

  “I was drunk. And just so you’re aware, you aren’t exactly a ball of sunshine yourself.”

  He gives me a wicked smile. “I know. I have a chip on my shoulder. I’m pissed off at a lot of things in this world when I should be thankful for the position I’m in. Do you know why you’re not as happy as you could be?”

  We end up splitting the plates and keep the pasta between us.

  “I don’t know.” I reach for my water and take a sip.

  “Bullshit.”

  I cut off a bite of steak and shove it in my mouth because it will take me longer to chew and give me an opportunity to think about how I want to answer his question. “Are you really asking me to throw years of therapy in your lap? I don’t need fixing, Kane. I’m not looking for a relationship, especially marriage.” I’m sure that’s his angle.

  He chuckles. “Who said I was?”

  “Look at you. You’re meant to be the patriarch of a family. The caregiver, protector, wearing a Father of the Year T-shirt. You take care of everyone, make everyone around you relaxed enough to be themselves because they know you can hold the weight of their problems.”

  He shakes his head and forks a piece of the vodka pasta. “Would it surprise you if I told you I don’t want kids? Marriage, yes—if the right person comes along—but I don’t want a family.”

  He’s got to be kidding me. “Your brother—”

  “Doesn’t know shit. He wants me to have a family because he thinks that’ll make up for our childhood. A do-over.”

  I don’t want to pry, but I have a million questions I want to ask him. But if I ask him, I have to be okay with him asking me things. But maybe it’s best we clear the air. Get all the reasons we shouldn’t get involved out in the open. Talk about all the baggage we’re both carrying through life. Perhaps that will make it easier to resist the man sitting across from me.

  “What was your childhood like?” I ask, low and unassuming in case he shuts me down.

  He looks up from his plate. “Are we really going to do this?”

  Our eyes meet and I nod once. “I think so.”

  For a moment he says nothing, just holds my gaze. “My dad died in a work accident when I was really young, and my mom never picked up the pieces.” He cuts into his chicken. “She fell into a depression, and though my aunt got her medicated, she rarely leaves the house. My aunt takes care of her now that Lee and I are gone, but growing up, it was me. I was the oldest, so…”

  “You took over raising Lee, and that’s why you don’t want kids.”

  He shakes his head. “No. Raising Lee was hard when I was just a kid myself, but I don’t want to bring a child into this world, into a family that’s so unpredictable. My aunt always tells me my parents wouldn’t have wanted this life for me. They would’ve wanted me to enjoy my childhood and not have to worry about making dinner, making sure the bills were paid and that my brother and I had clothes that fit us. I just decided at a really young age that I wouldn’t have kids on the off chance they could end up in a similar situation.”

  Silence coats the room like a fresh coat of paint.

  My heart aches when I picture a young Kane with so much resting on his shoulders. But I know Kane doesn’t want my pity, so I clear my throat. “That sucks, and I completely understand. It’s funny how your youth can dictate your future, right?”

  He nods. “Are you about to tell me why you’re so uptight?”

  I throw a piece of my roll at him. “I’m not uptight, but you’re right that I rarely let loose.” I shrug. “I told you about how my dad wanted a boy.”

  “I doubt that.”

  Dipping my head, I look at him from under my brows. “I didn’t interrupt you.”

  He chuckles and holds up his hands in defense. “Carry on.”

  I lay my fork down beside my plate. “My dad taught me to hide my emotions from a young age. I remember when I was seven or eight, we were in a department store, and I wanted something. My mom said no for some reason. She rarely ever said no, and I threw a fit in the dressing room. My dad heard it, and when we got in the car afterward, he lectured me about how people were always watching us, judging us. Did I want to be the brat they assumed I was? And he was right. People were always paying attention to what I said and did because they knew who my dad was. The following Monday, a boy at school brought it up, and when I asked how he knew, he said it had traveled from some other person who saw it to his dad when he was at a party that weekend. I realized eyes were everywhere, and I didn’t want my dad to have the bad press.”

  His large hand covers mine. “I liked your crazy side the other night. The carefree way you did what you wanted without thinking.”

  “Thank you for taking me out the back door.”

  “Anytime.”

  We continue to eat for a few minutes.

  “Do you want a family?” he eventually asks.

  I shake my head. “No.”

  “No kids?” He seems surprised.

  I shake my head again. “And screw them up like you said? Mostly it’s because I’m not cut out to be a mom. I’m not a nurturer. It’s just not in my DNA.” I shrug as though that doesn’t bother me, but at the same time, I’m completely aware of the prick in my chest.

  “I doubt that.”

  “If you saw me with a kid, you’d know. Ford and Lena’s Annabelle cries every time I hold her. And when Paisley babysat when we were younger, the kids always complained about me being there. They’d say I wasn’t fun. Once I worked at a camp because my dad said I had to learn the value of a dollar and a kid cut himself. I told him it was just a scratch and to continue playing.”

  He chuckles. “Maybe it was.”

  “He had to have two stitches after he complained to another counselor. I’m just not maternal, and I’m not going to invite something into my life that I’m going to fail at. Especially when it involves another person.”

  “So that’s it then? You’re scared to fail?”

  I sip my water again. “Isn’t everyone scared of failure?”

  “I was for a long time, but you learn quick when you play a professional sport that you have to be okay with failure. It’s inevitable. But it’s still one of the hardest things to learn. I wouldn’t have made it where I am without realizing I might fail, but I have to learn from it. The second time a situation presents itself, I should know better.”

  “So, fail the first kid but have a second one and I’m good.”

  We both laugh. It’s a welcome sound after so much serious talk. When we finish our meal, I make my way to the couch while Kane rolls the cart back out into the hallway.

  When he returns, he sits next to me. His thigh touches mine and he places his palm on my cheek. “I want to make something clear about the other night.”

  Our eyes meet, and my breath hitches in my throat. He’s one gorgeous man.

  “I didn’t reciprocate that kiss, but not because I didn’t want to. You have no idea how bad I did. You were drunk, and when I have you again, I want to know that you’re not going to walk away from me.” He lets his thumb drag back and forth across my cheek. “I know our time might not be right now, but there isn’t anyone else I want to be with. That might not have been clear the other night, and I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

  “The same page being what?” My voice is low and heavy with lust because I want to crawl into his lap.

  “Our time is coming, Jana. I know you want me, and it’s okay if you’re not ready yet. You just let me know when you are. I’m leaving the ball in your court. Come to me sober and open to seeing what this is between us, and you’ll make me the happiest man on this planet.”

  My heart speeds up and I open my mouth, unsure of what to say.

  “I kind of like you speechless,” he says, his hand slipping off my skin, causing the small hairs on the back of my neck to stand. “Now let’s talk shop.”

  He gets up and sits in the chair off to the side of the couch, giving me some space.

  I thought this man hated me. I mean, I knew he was attracted to me physically, but I thought he loathed the person I am. How does he expect me to process this?

  For the time being, I do what he says. I pull out my phone and open the notes app to make sure I go over everything we have to talk about.

  Business first. Pleasure… later?

  “We get three days off and I have to spend them with you guys instead of my wife and my newborn.” Warner falls back into one of the cushioned seats on the bus, looking dejected.

  We just flew into North Carolina for the team-building weekend, which means no women except for me. From what Kane has told me, Warner hasn’t been shy about his displeasure, acting like a teenager who has to go to his grandparents’ for an entire summer.

  The only empty seat on the bus is next to Kane, so I sit down, putting my purse on my lap. We haven’t talked that much since he told me he’s in when I am, but he seems fine with that and hasn’t pressed the issue. It’s not even that I’m avoiding him per se. I just don’t know what to say. My head and my heart are at odds.

  The bus starts with a stutter forward and I lurch forward for a second then back.

  “Warner can’t shut up,” I whisper to Kane.

  “I’ll handle it.” He glares over his shoulder at Warner, who has his head buried in his phone.

  “It’s not like we had a choice. Dad made us plan it.”

  “He’s a grown man who gets paid millions of dollars to play for this team. He can suck it up for three days.”

  Some of the guys are in good spirits on the ride, making jokes about who will win what and letting their true competitive nature shine.

  A half hour later, the bus pulls down a heavily wooded gravel road where a sign says, Adventure Quest—Where your employees start thinking as a “WE.” It’s a colorful sign with little words around the logo like vision, support, goal, plan.

  After we’ve made our way down the long drive, the trees clear and the main building appears, surrounded by little cabins sprinkled through the area. A man and woman are waiting, waving ecstatically.