They walked into the shop at virtually the same time. Kari strolling, Lily striding. Di started making coffees in takeaway cups, Lily’s eggs already packed up in our last Coffee & Cream-branded paper shopper bag. Di and I had decided not to spend so much on packaging any more; we were using plain white bags with a rose-gold C&C sticker rather than the full Monty of branded bag, ribbon and tissue paper. It still looked great.

  Kari started hugs all round, but Lily didn’t have time to waste – she launched straight in.

  ‘Do you feel shit about Jerry saying no? Pretty big thing to ask him to go with to Passover after all the fights you’ve had about it?’

  ‘Well,’ I scrunched my face, ‘I asked about Shabbat; I didn’t exactly ask him about going to Passover when he told me about it. There’s no ways I can go to Passover as my great comeback moment.’ I shook my head and closed my eyes at the memories. ‘It was a disaster – like a dee-saaa-starrr – the first time, and last time, I went. It’s when his mother and I had that massive falling out that made her hate me.’

  ‘Eish,’ Di said, ‘I didn’t know that happened on the Passover night.’

  I told the story.

  51

  ‘We’d been together for a couple of months, four or maybe five, something like that, but already we’d decided to get married. Jerry wanted to introduce me to his family so he planned this little trip for us over Easter. He says nothing about Passover, tells me it’s a few days with his family, then Sun City for a couple more days. I’m excited, you know – I haven’t had a holiday for a while and we’re thick in the love-your-pants-off stage. We visit his mother on the day we get to Joburg, which is the day before first Passover, except I don’t know that – all I know is that I’m shitting myself, I’m so nervous. Massive house, all the brothers and their wives pitch to check out the youngest brother’s new fiancée.

  ‘I know the stories of how important Jewish mamas are to their sons, so I suck up hard. I overdo it completely, and all she does is look at me in that you’re-not-my-chosen-one-for-my-son way. I’m desperate, right? When she asked me about what I thought about converting, I said, “Absolutely no two ways, I am absolutely going to do it,” or something stupid like that. I tell you, I knew nothing about converting; I didn’t even think about it – I just spouted on about how important family was to me. That did the trick, and the more I talked like that, the more Miriam loved me. I’m her new best friend marrying her favourite son. She tells me it’s Passover and invites me to the Seder – that’s the supper – the next night.’

  ‘God, I’m getting nervous just listening to this story. If Dirk told my mother he was converting, she would love him so much, she’d find an imam before he could blink. But it’s quick to convert to Islam – you just have to say the Shahadah. You don’t even need an imam and you’re in. But isn’t the Jewish conversion thing more of a mission? A lot of studying and tests and it takes forever?’ Kari asked. She’d given Adam her phone to play with at one of the coffee tables. It might’ve been the first time I’d seen her without a bag of colouring books and crayons for him.

  ‘Yep, a year for reform, two years for orthodox, Miriam told me. I didn’t register what that meant; I figured it’s some kind of trial period that you wait out, so I answer “orthodox” because that sounded fancier to me. The longer, the better, I thought. But I start understanding it’s about more than time when that night Jerry tells me about the weekly classes and observing all the Shabbats and the holidays. Like a full-on immersion in all things Jewish and the orthodox conversion is stricter, so it’s harder, and that’s why it takes longer. And you can’t just do it on your own – like, the rabbi actually comes to inspect your house to see if you are keeping kosher. Jerry could see I was having second thoughts about it. He said, “You don’t have to convert for me, love, I don’t care, and my mother will get over it.”’

  ‘Hell, tell me you didn’t announce at the Passover dinner that you weren’t converting?’ Lily asked, standing with her takeaway coffee in hand, Coffee & Cream shopper looped over her other arm.

  ‘Welll, I didn’t get up and make an announcement to the room at the Seder, but it was pretty close. First, we all went to a shul and, like you said, the women sit separate from the men, so I didn’t have Jerry close to help me understand what was going on. I was also seriously underdressed, which you know I hate, but I had only packed holiday clothes; I wasn’t packing for shul. In those days, I didn’t have cash to just pop to Sandton.

  ‘Anyway, the shul thing goes on forever, and afterwards Miriam introduces me around to all the women as Jerry’s fiancée who is going to convert. I got checked out properly. When it’s done, I figure, cool, okay, that part’s over; now we get to the part where we just relax, eat and get drunk. Fun, right? But at the house everything looks very formal. Set up with these long tables, white tablecloths, candles, flowers, beautiful crockery, real napkins. The works.

  ‘Those coloured Spilhaus glasses like the ones I’ve got now, but then all I could do was to look at them in the shop windows. Miriam had probably thirty of them sparkling on the tables. The whole thing was stunning. Kids sat at one table, adults at the others, and I got introduced around again as Jerry’s fiancée who was converting. At least at dinner I could sit next to Jerry, so already I thought it was going to be better than shul. Then I noticed that there were these prayer books at each plate, and his father says he has marked off passages for everyone—’

  ‘Wait, Jerry has a father?’ Lily interrupted. ‘Blow me over, I think that’s the first time I ever heard that.’

  ‘Oh ja, Irving is around. But his job is to make the money; Miriam is the one who rules everything. At some point the kids ask these questions about what the night means and why they’re eating what they are. But it’s not like they’re interrupting, Jerry said they were supposed to ask, it’s part of the Seder. Kids are very involved. I can’t remember when exactly, but everyone takes a turn and starts reading; some read in Hebrew, some in English. Oh my God, I nearly died. I’m not a good reader at the best of times – it’s why school was so hard for me.’ I saw Di frown. I’d never told any of them this before, but I carried on before they could ask about it: ‘And it’s worse when I have to read out loud. The minute I realised what was happening, I could feel the sweat jump out on my face, everywhere. When it was my turn, I was so bad. So bad, I wanted the earth to swallow me up.’ I could feel myself sweating just with the memory of that night.

  ‘What happened after that?’ Lily checked her phone hurriedly in her hand. I could see she needed to go. ‘I’m fine, I want to hear what happened.’ She tossed the phone into her bag.

  ‘Duh, it went properly downhill. I couldn’t keep track, and Jerry took over reading my section of the prayer book. It all felt completely over my head. I couldn’t follow the Passover story and what everyone was saying, and what everything meant. All the symbolism of everything was totally beyond me. There’s even this plate on the table that has things on it that represent the Passover. It felt like school all over again, and the thought of having to go to classes once a week and having to be tested … I just thought, Hell no, I am so not doing it. The meal itself was a complete feast, just without bread ’cause they’re not supposed to eat anything leavened for the week. And there were these hard-boiled eggs in salt water on the table, but I didn’t want one. His mother tried to make me have one because she said the salt water represents the tears that Jews are used to shedding for all their suffering, and that the egg symbolises how they just become more determined despite the pressure. You know, ’cause when you boil an egg it just gets harder? Well, when she offered it to me for the third time, I couldn’t keep it together. I cracked, tried to make a joke. Said I’m more for a scrambled egg with bacon than a salty Jewish egg.’

  ‘Nooo, Shelley, you didn’t?’ Kari said, while Lily and Di laughed. ‘I told Dirk he can’t even say bacon when my mother is around,’ Kari added, starting to laugh along with the others. ‘How come you’ve never told this story before?’

  ‘Because what happened after that was definitely not funny. Jerry laughed, but his mother pressed her lips together so hard they nearly disappeared. She said I would have to learn to eat one. I couldn’t stop myself – I was already so frazzled, I blabbed right out that I wasn’t going to convert, anyway. Everyone at our part of the table, including his two boring brothers and their wives and Mervyn, who was still living in Joburg then, overheard me. I wasn’t exactly whispering.

  ‘His mother moved on quickly to serve some other people and I thought I got away with it because then the kids started singing these Hebrew songs and everything just carried on and there was another round of praying. It was eleven-thirty when I’d had as much of the sweet Passover wine as I could sneak in and it was finally time to go. His mother followed us to the car to tell me and Jerry that I was very inappropriate, and that I should think before I speak, otherwise I would never fit in. I just said it straight out again: I wasn’t going to convert, and that was that. I swear she grew taller as she pulled herself up and stood there staring at me.

  ‘“If that is the case, I will not approve your marriage to my son,” she said, as if she were in Days of Our Lives.’

  ‘Gawd. Okay. Then Jerry told her and the brothers to fuck off and married you anyway and now she hates you forever. You can still go to Passover with Mervyn – his mother won’t be there?’ Lily said as her phone started ringing in her bag. She ignored it.

  ‘No ways, Miriam or no Miriam. There’s still all the prayers and I still don’t understand any of it and I do not want to read anything out loud to anyone. Ever. And Jerry’s right – it is a massively long night for the kids and they won’t have a clue what’s going on. It’s not like a Friday night dinner. Anyhow, I think that night has become a bit of legend in his family – I don’t want anyone remembering it and they just might if I pitch for the first time on Passover.’

  ‘Hmm. Fine. Just Pass Over it and offer to go to Friday night supper another night. And don’t talk bacon to anyone. Bye, gotta go now.’ And with that and an exaggerated wink that made us laugh, Lily fairly bolted from the shop. She hated being late for anything, and I knew she’d wanted to listen to me if she was willing to be late in order to do it.

  After that, Di and Kari asked me more about the night. How easy it was to laugh with them now about how awkward it was, but that night had caused such problems and created such heartache for me and Jerry and his family. Telling them about it made the night seem ridiculous – something we should’ve all got over a long time ago.

  For tonight, though, it was agreed: Jerry was right. This time Passover needed to be passed over.

  52

  Him: Hi Shelley, I don’t think you want to talk to me but could we meet? In half an hour at The Hart in Melkbos? I don’t want to meet in Table View in case I see anyone who knows me. I know it’s late to ask but I wanted to talk to you before I go home.

  Wayde. My heart thundered as I read the message. It was eight-thirty. The kids had fallen asleep in my bed where I’d let them watch a movie. Jerry wouldn’t be home from Passover dinner until twelve, maybe.

  Me: I’m not sure that I can come meet you. What do you want to talk about? Your mother is looking for you. She filed a Missing Person’s report.

  For so many reasons I wasn’t sure about meeting him – not just that the kids were asleep, but how would Jerry feel if he knew I went to see Wayde, and what about the CCMA case?

  Him: I know about the Missing Person’s, it’s why I’m going home. I want to talk to you about the CCMA before I see my mom. Please, Shelley, it won’t take long.

  I thought about it. I’d seen his mother; I’d seen how angry she was and that was even before the Missing Person’s report. It would be good for us to talk before she got to unleash herself on him.

  Me: I’ll let you know in five minutes.

  Him: Thank you.

  Our first WhatsApp conversation without emojis.

  53

  Half an hour later, Owen and I walked into The Hart on the little strip of restaurants in Melkbosstrand. I’d never been in the area at night and I was surprised to see it so festive. Like the parking lot, the restaurant was busy, Friday night full with couples and friends and families. We couldn’t hear our steps on the outside wooden deck or on the cement floor as we went inside towards the bar, the low hanging lamps lighting up the stemmed gin glasses stacked to the side on the counter. A waitress approached us, smiling as she pulled two menus on clipboards off the bar behind us.

  ‘Table for two?’ she asked, still smiling, the beads on the end of her neat black box braids catching the light. She couldn’t be from Cape Town – service with a smile is not often the done thing here.

  ‘Uh no, I’m meeting someone,’ I said. I nearly didn’t recognise him, but I spotted Wayde sitting on the green padded leather bench at a table in the far-left corner of the restaurant. A single wooden chair across from him. He was facing me and he smiled, raising his hand in greeting. Light from the single long dinner candle shadowed his face as I lifted my hand to wave back at him. He hesitated when he saw Owen.

  ‘I need a table for one,’ Owen told the waitress. ‘That one will be good.’ He pointed at a small table close to the glass doors we’d just come through. It had a view of the NSRI building across the road and some of the dark sea was lit up by the streetlights. It also had a view of Wayde’s table. The waitress led Owen away as I made my way to Wayde, who stood as I walked over. It had taken some doing to get to The Hart.

  First, I’d sent a screenshot of Wayde’s message and my replies to Jerry. I want to hear what Wayde has to say before he talks to his mother. What do you think? I asked him. I knew he would be in the thick of the Seder but he would surely see the message on his watch and reply? Then I sent the Wayde screenshot to ABS. Thankfully the replies were instant. Kari and Dirk were still in Walmer Estate with Shireen. Kari thought I shouldn’t go, that I should rather arrange to meet him next week when Jerry could be with me. Di was in Muizenberg; she said to wait until the morning and we could meet him together. In the end, we all agreed with Lily’s suggestion. Get it over with and go to The Hart to hear what Wayde had to say, and take Owen along. Lily would stay with the kids rather than Owen, ‘because if I go with you, I’ll want to take over. Owen will be much more chilled about the whole thing. He can drive with you and sit at another table to keep watch, some kind of witness to make sure that things don’t get out of hand.’ I was just to listen to Wayde. At that point, there was no reply from Jerry, so I’d sent Lily’s suggestion to him and waited. ABS, with passed-along messages from Shireen and Dirk and Andile, also agreed I shouldn’t do anything unless Jerry was fine with it.

  Finally, Jerry replied:

  OKAY

  It was all in caps so I knew it was one of the reply options he could tap straight from his watch. Surely, he had more to say to me? It had to be the Seder that stopped him from a proper reply, I reasoned.

  ‘Sparkling water for me, please,’ I said to the waitress as I sat down across from Wayde. All his hair was gone, cropped close to his head, like a short pile carpet that I could see his scalp through. And he must’ve shaved his beard completely; it looked like it had only a day or two of stubble. Without the surfer hair, everything in his face was exaggerated – the full lips, the big eyes, the sharp cheekbones. He seemed incredibly young. When he started talking, I saw it wasn’t just his face that looked bare; he seemed to have stripped himself of every bit of the bravado I’d come to expect from him.

  ‘Thanks for coming to see me – I wasn’t sure that you would,’ he said, holding on to the tall glass half-full with Coke, the open can next to the glass.

  ‘You said you wanted to talk about the CCMA,’ I said. Keep it formal, Lily had coached me on the speakerphone while Owen was driving us to Melkbos. ‘And your mother had a Missing Person’s for you – I wanted to see that you were fine.’ I couldn’t help it. Lily said not to talk about anything personal, but I had been worried about him. Filing a Missing Person’s report was a serious thing to do; as a mother I could just imagine the horror of doing that for my child. And, as awful as it was to admit, Wayde had a right to bring a CCMA case against me. What had happened was my fault. I’d been wrong. I could hardly punish him for that.

  ‘Ag, ja.’ A strangled laugh escaped his lips, nothing like the big full Wayde laughs I was used to. ‘I should’ve told her I was going to J-Bay with James. Got a bit gatvol of telling her everything and of her telling me what to do, so I just gooi’d. She tracked me down yesterday. I’ve got to go home and fess up now.’

  ‘I’m sure it was hard for her.’

  ‘About the CCMA case …’ Wayde began, as if he were trying to pull himself together, to focus on what he wanted to say. ‘Like, I wasn’t that into it originally – my mom came up with it when I told her what happened. She got wild, making it into some frikken race thing, but that isn’t … Hell, I never thought about it like that. I was just like bummed about being fired and that, and she said if I did the case, I could ask for my job back. It’s not like, you know, the job I want for my whole life, but I need the bucks, to get out my mother’s house for a start. You know …’ He shrugged. I did know; he’d sent enough WhatsApps complaining about his mother.

  I didn’t answer. ABS had warned me a million times not to interrupt, not to interrogate, just to listen to what he had to say.

  ‘And okay, so I dunno like how to say this, but like in the beginning I was just kinda chaffing you because, ag …’ – because I could … Wayde and I each understood it, even if it was unsaid – ‘and then it went on when I had the job at the shop. And I know, like, I shoulda stopped the chaffing and all that but,’ he shrugged, as if he’d also spent time trying to figure out his actions, ‘I just carried on. I liked that you were so clever and all that. You didn’t talk to me like I was young and stupid. But then it became more and more weird, and it looked like you were getting into it and I didn’t know how to stop it. I liked the job and the surf gig was sweet. Ja, then that thing in the storeroom.’ He looked down to swirl the half-glass of Coke. He didn’t have to tell me about what happened then. ‘Like I couldn’t just go on. James said you were a hot mommy – I just should’ve done it.’ He tried to force a little laugh. Stopped himself as he realised it wasn’t a good idea to say that. I bit my tongue.