“Since we’re not married any longer, it would be improper for you to share my bed,” Seea told him, but the words were more an excuse than an explanation. “I’m sure you understand the point as well as I do.”

  Oh, he understood, all right, but not the point Seea had mentioned. For some reason that had nothing to do with propriety, Seea didn’t want to share his bed. Derand thought furiously as he rose slowly to his feet, knowing he couldn’t go along with her excuse, and the proper counter to her attack came as soon as he began to consider the matter tactically.

  “But we’re supposed to be still married, and at this point in the game we have to be careful about what we do,” he said, keeping his tone mild. “It’s necessary that we share a bed, even if we do nothing else but sleep. You can see that, I trust?”

  Seea obviously wanted to argue his stance, but the flash of frustration in her eyes told Derand that she couldn’t argue what was patently true. She hesitated a very long moment, then surrendered to the inevitable with a sound of annoyance.

  “All right, then we’ll share the bed for sleep,” she stated, looking at him with less than friendliness. “You’ll stay on your side, and I’ll stay on mine.”

  Derand granted her the qualifying terms with a small bow of his head, keeping his smile completely on the inside. Then he went around turning down the lamps while she removed her robe and slipped into bed.

  With the lamps taken care of he made his own way to the bed in the dark, removed his wrap, then got in under the covers.

  It took quite some time before Seea was deeply asleep, but Derand waited, not quite patiently, until she was. He waited an additional five minutes or so until he was certain that he wasn’t mistaken, then he reached over and gently slid her over to his side of the bed without waking her. She was bound to protest what he would soon be doing, but with her on his side of the bed he’d be able to insist that she had come to him. Derand desperately needed to make love to his wife even if she thought she wasn’t his wife any longer, and desperate need calls for desperate action.

  Derand got her nightdress skirt moved all the way up to her waist before he took her gently in his arms.

  She actually snuggled up to him as though in encouragement, so he quickly put his left hand on her bare bottom before starting a kiss. Once their lips were together he slid the middle finger of his left hand between her nether cheeks, a substitute for the bead that he didn’t dare use right now.

  And Seea responded almost instantly! A moan forced its way from between her lips into his mouth as her body began to squirm, and then she was kissing him back with all the passion he himself felt. Derand let himself drown in that kiss only for a minute, and then he moved over that squirming body without taking his lips from hers or removing his finger from her bottom. As soon as he was between her thighs he entered her, and her fingers clawed at his back as her body’s motion matched the movement of his. Her mind may have rejected the idea of his making love to her, but her body most certainly didn’t agree.

  Derand made the time last as long as possible, but he finally had to join Seea’s latest release. He touched his lips to hers a final time before withdrawing and lying flat on the bed again, trying to gather his mind together enough to remember the excuse he’d prepared for what he’d done. He waited for the accusations to start, but when they didn’t come immediately he was taken over by exhaustion and sleep.

  When he woke again in the morning he automatically reached out for Seea, only to find that he was alone in the bed?

  Chapter 19

  Elissia awoke feeling marvelous, but seeing that she lay more on Derand’s side of the bed than her own brought back enough memories to change the feeling to depression. She’d thought she’d be able to trust herself having him in the same bed, but obviously she’d been lying. She couldn’t be trusted to do the right thing and stay away from the man who had granted her freedom, a weakness that left her disgusted with herself.

  Getting out of bed quietly enough to keep from waking him, Elissia went to her bathing room and saw to her morning ablutions without calling for any of the maids. While she washed and dressed she silently railed at herself for the way she’d behaved, her thoughts as sharp and bitter as bad tea.

  How can you possibly pretend that you have even a shred of honor? she demanded silently of her shameless inner self. You know you can’t stay here with him, not when you can’t make up your mind about the least little thing and you take that problem out on him. Your only option is to get yourself out of the lives of everyone who cares about you, and the start you made with your parents and Gardal will see to it that they don’t mourn your loss for long if at all. Why can’t you manage to do the same with him?

  Elissia had been trying to make Derand stop caring about her, certain that if she made him break his word about not getting angry with her he’d hate her for forcing him into being forsworn. But every time they talked she found herself being helpful, or gentle, or funny, just as if she expected to stay with him for the rest of their lives. Just as if she weren’t a moody fool who would eventually turn any loving feelings of his into impatience and dislike if not actual hatred?

  Finding that she was fully dressed in breeches, tunic, and short boots came as no surprise to Elissia. She hadn’t been paying attention to what she did, so even finding herself standing half naked in the middle of the room wouldn’t have been a surprise. She used to be a lot harder to distract, but lately the least little thing was able to take her attention away from what was important.

  “And right now there are two things of importance that I can’t afford to be distracted from,” Elissia murmured as she picked up a brush and ran it through her hair. “The first is finding out who’s behind the attacks, and the second is figuring out where to go when I leave here. If I can’t find somewhere to go where I’ll actually want to be, I’ll have to choose my only other option? “

  And although the idea of dying was frightening, the idea of continuing on in an impossible situation brought even more dread. How much easier everything would have been if only Derand hadn’t killed that hunting cat about to leap on her in the woods?

  “Well, good morning,” Elissia heard Derand say from behind her, the words just short of being hesitant. “I wondered where you’d gone? Look, about last night - “

  “It’s all right, I know the ? incident was my fault,” Elissia said at once, putting down the brush before turning to him. “I apologize, of course, and I’ll try very hard not to let it happen again.”

  He stood barefoot in his wrap and stared at her, just as though he couldn’t think of what to say. There also seemed to be painful confusion in his eyes, which wasn’t in the least surprising. When a woman first pushes you away and then forces herself on you, confusion is the least that can be expected.

  “Look, I’m all ready so I’ll wait for you out in the sitting room,” Elissia said as she moved her gaze from him. “If I go to breakfast alone, it won’t look right. Just ? take your time and don’t rush on my account.”

  And with that she made her escape from the bathing room, more than relieved that he hadn’t said anything or tried to stop her.

  Derand found it impossible to do anything but stare as Seea hurried out of the room. For the second time he’d been all ready to defend himself from accusation, but instead of putting the blame for last night where it belonged, Seea had apologized as though she were at fault! His plan had worked even better than he’d hoped it would, but instead of feeling relieved and elated he felt -

  “Guilty, small, dishonorable, disgusted with myself?” Derand muttered, running down a list of only a few of the emotions raging around inside him. Seea was horribly unhappy, but instead of trying to make things better for her all he’d managed to do was get laid. If he’d made this poor a showing during the wars, he’d either be on the run as an outlaw right now or lying dead and rotting in a field somewhere.

  “But how can I make things better for her if she won’t tell me what the problem is?” Derand muttered again as he automatically started on getting ready for breakfast. “She made me promise things that I thought sure would be hell to stick with, but I haven’t had a moment’s trouble. She hasn’t taken the least advantage - and now seems even more miserable than she was before. Why can’t I figure out what’s wrong between us? And how can I get her to tell me what’s wrong if I find I can’t figure it out?”

  Derand felt as though he were knee-deep in quicksand and going down fast, so he paid attention to washing and shaving to keep from ending up in a screaming fit. Seea complained bitterly about it being a man’s world, but if she threw a screaming fit no one would even blink. If he tried to take the same liberty, though, seven kinds of hell would instantly break loose. People might disapprove of women stepping out of their usual roles, but men who tried to do the same rarely survived the reactions of those around them.

  A man had to be a man at all times, other people’s idea of what it meant to be a man. Talk about unfair?

  Stopping for a minute to rub at his closed eyes gave Derand a chance to regain control of his rampaging thoughts. He couldn’t believe he’d been about to complain about something that now made absolutely no sense to him. If he didn’t find a way to settle matters between him and Seea fast, Arvin would have a babbling maniac as its High King. An unmarried babbling maniac?

  That last unpleasant truth sobered Derand enough that he finished dressing in record time. Some small part of him was afraid that Seea would not be in the sitting room waiting for him, and when he walked into the room to find her quietly sipping tea he felt vastly relieved. She was still here, so it shouldn’t be too late for him to find a solution to whatever was bothering her.

  But now wasn’t the time to start a personal discussion when their guests were probably waiting breakfast.

  So he and Seea walked to the dining room in what would, under other circumstances, be a close and comfortable silence?

  Elissia walked into the dining room and almost stopped short in surprise. She’d been the least bit distracted on the way here, but surprise bordering on shock brought her back to her surroundings. All of Derand’s guests were gathered in the room, but only three of the women, Kaylea, Tomia, and Elissia’s own mother, were in gowns. The rest, including Derand’s mother, were wearing breeches, tunics, and short boots like the ones she wore!

  “Oh, oh, now you’ve done it,” Derand murmured from behind her. “You’ve started a revolution, and if I’m not mistaken some of my kings are seriously considering calling in their fighters to help stop what they’re apparently helpless against.”

  Derand was obviously teasing her, but it was almost more than Elissia could do not to flinch. The women in breeches looked absolutely delighted, but the men’s expressions said they didn’t quite share the enjoyment.

  “Well, Derand, I hope you’re happy,” Derand’s father, Almis, said morosely as the newcomers moved closer to the people gathered in the room. “This is what comes of letting women run wild, but you would let Elissia have her own way. Our whole world is being turned upside down, and all you can do is snicker behind your hand.”

  “I’m not snickering, Father, I’m laughing outright,” Derand actually answered with a wide grin, shocking Elissia a second time. “I’ve discovered that although I prefer to see my wife in a gown, I prefer even more to see her happy. If it makes her happier to wear breeches instead of a gown, how am I harmed by that choice?”

  “It makes you look like less of a man,” Vandrin growled, for the moment forgetting about showing the world how handsome he was. “Tomia also tried to put on breeches, but I refused to allow something that inappropriate. My kingdom is run by a man, not by a woman.”

  “Worrying about how you look to others is what makes you less of a man,” Derand countered at once, the look in his eyes belying his easy and gentle tone. “If you think that having my wife in breeches has taken anything away from my ability with a sword, you can test the theory later during the games. I’ve made provision for us as well as for our fighters, but right now I want some breakfast. Doesn’t anyone else have an appetite this morning?”

  There was a lot of grumbling - or giggling - agreement from the guests, but everyone did start to move toward the table. Derand’s father looked less upset than he’d claimed to be when they first got to the room, which made Elissia study the other men as they took their places. If Almis had only been pretending to be upset, maybe one of the others was doing the same. After all, continuing with secret attacks was more important than thinking about some silly clothing?

  “I really have to find some way to thank you, Elissia,” Hileen said as she sat to Elissia’s left. Proper seating arrangements had gone by the boards again, but no one seemed to notice or care. “Paltin was furious when he saw what I was wearing, but I haughtily pointed out that I was just as much of a queen as you were. When I demanded to know how many things Derand was allowed to do that my own husband wasn’t, that settled the matter. I’ve always hated gowns, but never had the chance - or the nerve

  - to wear something else.”

  “Lovar grumbled as well, but this was too good a chance to pass up,” Sissile bubbled in agreement from the chair to Elissia’s right. “I wasn’t sure I would enjoy wearing breeches, but once I tried them I discovered that they were marvelous. I only wish you’d set the new style sooner.”

  “Where in the world did you all find breeches to wear?” Elissia finally managed to ask. “I brought mine with me, but I doubt that you did the same.”

  “The palace servants found mine somewhere,” Hileen answered with a dismissive gesture of one hand.

  “It’s possible that some poor man will be found unconscious and naked in a corner, but as long as he doesn’t demand his clothing back? “

  “Oh, Hileen, you’re terrible,” Sissile said with a laugh while Elissia simply laughed. “The servants also brought me my breeches and tunic, and I had the impression they went to a man close to my size. Or, considering how good a fit the clothes are, they more likely went to a boy. But whoever the servants went to, they didn’t look surprised when I made my request. It’s nice to see how quickly they adapt to new situations.”

  “Servants in a palace had better adapt to new situations or they’ll find themselves out on the street,” Blissi put in from Sissile’s right, looking less annoyed to Elissia than she had yesterday. “I demanded breeches and a tunic, and when I got them and put them on, Sholon barely noticed. I’ve come to the conclusion that if I want his full attention I’ll have to attack him with a weapon.”

  That comment brought more laughter to the women, even to Tomia, who sat dejectedly to Hileen’s left.

  The mousy little woman obviously hadn’t been able to do as the other women, which made Elissia feel sorry for her. But maybe, if the fool Vandrin faced Derand during the games, Derand would be able to knock some sense into the man’s head. Tomia didn’t deserve to miss out on what others were happily trying.

  The servants were already bringing food to the table, so while those around her decided on what they wanted to eat, Elissia was able to consider another woman who had missed out. Kaylea sat next to Monil at the other end of the table, and the beautiful blonde looked horribly disturbed. It wasn’t likely that she had been refused breeches, not with the way her husband felt about her; her being in a gown was probably a matter of the thought of breeches never entering her head.

  Elissia sighed as she remembered what she’d said to Kaylea the day before. The woman had looked so horribly embarrassed at the feast that Elissia hadn’t been able to stand it. So she’d walked over and said,

  “Don’t think you’re the only woman in this room who’s had that same punishment. My guess would be that you have more than a little company, so just let it go. No one will torment you about what happened, you have my word on that.”

  Kaylea hadn’t responded in any way, so Elissia had simply walked away again. It was perfectly possible that the blond woman had no interest in responding, or that she blamed Elissia for what had been done to her. Well, no matter. If Kaylea wanted to blame Elissia for things, there might as well be more calling for blame. Elissia spoke softly to a servant, then paid attention to her own breakfast.

  “All right, my friends,” Derand said in a loud voice once everyone seemed to be finished eating. “I think we have time for one more cup of tea before we attend the games. They’ll start when we get there.”

  “That’s the kind of schedule I can approve of,” Almis said from his place beside Rildin, his queen. “You can all thank me later for raising him properly.”

  Most of the people at the table laughed, and that included Derand. It was nice to see that everyone was in such a good mood, Elissia thought. It’s much harder to ruin a bad mood?

  “I think one other thing needs to be done before we leave,” Elissia said, her own voice just loud enough to reach the other end of the table. “Tramping all over the meadow will probably ruin the clothing of anyone in a gown, so I’ve arranged for breeches to be brought for those who didn’t arrange for their own. Ladies, if you’ll retire to the next room to change, we’ll sip tea while we wait for you.”

  Tomia looked suddenly delighted, Kaylea frowned as she stared at Elissia - and Elissia’s mother, Liminia, shocked and startled Elissia by rising to her feet. Never in a million years would Elissia have expected her mother to even consider wearing breeches, not when “delicate” usually required the proper setting.

  Distantly Elissia noticed that her father looked as shocked as she felt, and then her mother spoke.

  “I do hope that one of those outfits will suit me properly,” she said, apparently speaking to the world at large. “I would certainly dislike looking less ? appealing than the other ladies. Come, girls, and we’ll see how well these servants have chosen.”

  Tomia rose at once, carefully making no attempt to look at her husband, and even Kaylea got slowly to her feet. Elissia noticed that the servants weren’t upset by having three women to tend rather than just two, which reminded her of her choice of words when she’d sent for more outfits.