Tynan said nothing, leaving the air still and heavy with anticipation.

  Now what? Between the shock and exhaustion, my legs shook, and I didn’t know how long I could stand for. Did Tynan want me to sit or to stand? Was he waiting for me to start some conversation, or was he going to say something?

  “So … was there something you wanted to talk about?” I hesitantly asked.

  “Yes. Sit down,” Tynan replied as he motioned to the chair directly in front of him.

  I felt Tynan’s piercing gaze as I slowly walked over and gratefully sat in the chair, cognisant of how close we were. I waited for Tynan to start the conversation, but he remained quiet.

  “So, this thing you wanted to talk about?” I asked.

  This stirred Tynan into action. “Yes, um … after I saw you in your state, and after destroying that Republic fleet … and after the destruction of Akka … I’ve had this feeling, and I don’t know what it is,” Tynan said slowly as if struggling to admit what he was feeling. “I’ve felt nothing like it before.”

  “Okay,” I replied as I nodded slowly. “What did this feeling feel like?”

  Tynan didn’t respond, his face twisted into a look of concentration.

  He’s really having to think about this one.

  “Sorry,” he said. “I’ve been … unable to concentrate. My … my chest has felt suffocated or … heavy. And my heart goes through periods where it throbs incessantly. I’ll feel hot and flushed and … almost ashamed.”

  Holy shit, is he experiencing guilt?

  “It’s almost like I’m feeling ashamed, but … different. My mind keeps replaying those events, but not just replaying the events as they were … but how they could’ve been had I done this or had I done that. These events are haunting me, and I need to know why!”

  Holy shit, he really is feeling guilty. Is this … is this the first time he’s ever felt that?

  “Can you explain what’s going on?” Tynan’s voice was quiet as he looked at me, his eyes pleading for an answer.

  I nodded slowly. “Um … yeah, I think I can shed some light on that.”

  “Thank fuck!” Tynan said with a nervous chuckle. “I thought I was going mad. I couldn’t turn to anyone else, obviously, least they think me weak.”

  The advisors’ disdain for their failed science experiment flashed through my mind.

  They already think you’re weak.

  “I think you’re feeling … guilty,” I said, ignoring my thoughts.

  “Guilty?” Tynan said indignantly. “I don’t feel guilt. I am never guilty. I’ve never felt guilty about anything in my life!” he snapped as he pointed his finger aggressively at himself, then at me.

  Cognizant of Tynan’s wrath that I’d experienced the week before, I stayed silent. Tynan kept his gaze on me, but the anger on his face softened as the minutes passed.

  “Why would I be feeling guilty?” he puzzled. “I’ve no reason to feel guilty – you’re my enemy, you deserve to be treated like shit and the same goes for that Republic fleet. And the citizens of Akka … well, shit happens, doesn’t it? I did what I could; I tried to help them, to save them! Why should I feel guilty for their deaths?” he sneered.

  “Do you want an honest answer or the answer you want to hear?”

  Tynan scowled. “This is a private room. It’s a safe space for now. I call a truce, okay?”

  The honest answer then if he’d put that offer on the table.

  “You’re feeling guilty because you’re a fucking arsehole that’s treated me less than human for months. You destroyed an entire Republic fleet and murdered the thousands of crew on board, and that allowed Akka’s citizens to die by prioritising your own hubris over their lives!”

  Tynan threw a right hook, striking me on the jaw. My head snapped to the side, and the world spun – weakened as I was, my body didn’t have the resilience to receive such blows. I slowly straightened up and, with all the strength I could muster, threw a punch back, hitting Tynan in the eye. His head recoiled back slightly, and after a moment of shock, he raised his fists to strike me again.

  “This is a safe space!” I cried out, raising my hands defensively.

  Tynan huffed and slowly lowered his hands. “Hit me again, and all bets are off!”

  “Yeah, and if you hit me again –” I responded, but Tynan glared at me. “Never mind.”

  A begrudging silence filled the air between us as we both sat back, staring at the other.

  “Fuck!” Tynan hissed. “See, now I fucking feel guilty for hitting you!”

  I stifled a smile, quietly pleased that he felt guilt so quickly.

  “Returning to what you said … even if those are the reasons for my guilt, I’ve never felt guilty before in my life for actions just like those. So why would I feel guilty now?”

  That was a good question. Why would Tynan experience this now when he’d always been a cruel, calculating man? What had changed?

  I watched Tynan closely, trying to piece together the answers we both sought, and I realised how young he looked. His was a fresh, cloned face – one that’d spent its life in a vat, free from all harm. Nothing to break bones, nothing to form scars. The body was a blank slate. But his mind was, too. This wasn’t the original Tynan … this was a reconstructed Tynan, a personality built from interpreting scar tissue in my brain.

  A personality built from my brain.

  “The technology that was used to … build your consciousness. How much do you know about it?” I asked.

  “Only what the advisors explained to me. Copying a body is easy. They had tissue samples and the technology to clone you … me. But the mind … the mind is not so easy to recreate. They told me they’d worked it out for our situation and our situation alone but that it was potentially a one-time scenario. There would be no opportunity for trial runs and the possibility that there would be no second attempt.”

  I nodded slowly. What Tynan was saying made sense. My brain had recovered from the surgical trauma now, but it was fair to assume that the procedure could’ve killed me or led to complications after the fact. I was the master copy; if you lost me, you lost the source.

  “Have they checked you over at all? Health checks, you know?”

  Tynan nodded. “Yep. Everything is healthy, normal even.”

  Well, that was something at least. But if Tynan was technically healthy, something else must be at play.

  “Maybe … because it was an untested technology, maybe it didn’t quite work as intended. You – the previous you – never felt guilt, whereas I have felt a lot of guilt for a long time. To hazard a guess, I’d say when my scar tissue was being read, other parts of me were being read as well.”

  Tynan frowned but didn’t say anything. I could just imagine the gears turning in his head, understanding what I’d said and the implications of it … and possibly trying to decide where to assign blame.

  “I have heard the whispers, you know.”

  “What whispers?”

  “The crew. Gossiping among themselves. A few loyalists told me what the advisors said: that I’m a failed science experiment.”

  “That is what the advisors said.”

  “But here’s the thing: the technology did what it was supposed to – it brought me back from the dead. So, what you’re telling me is … it’s your fault I’m feeling guilty?”

  “Ah, no – that’s not what I said at all. Yes, I feel guilty about my choices and the fallout from those actions. That you seem to have inherited that capacity for remorse isn’t my fault. You want someone to blame? How about yourself for cooking up a resurrection plan? Or your loyalists for executing it? Or the engineers that built a machine that they couldn’t verify the functionality of?”

  Tynan’s expression darkened as he frowned, and I could feel the heat of his anger radiating off him. No doubt, the blame resting upon his shoulders was not the intended outcome.

  “How do I get rid of it?” he asked.

  “Get rid of what? The blame?”

  “No!” he barked. “How do I get rid of this … this guilt?”

  I let out a hearty laugh, only to be greeted by an icy glare from Tynan.

  “You really don’t know how this works, do you?”

  Tynan clenched his fists and sat forward.

  “Okay, calm down,” I said as I held up my hands, gesturing for peace. “Safe space, remember?”

  Tynan huffed and unclenched his fists. “I’ll ask again. How do I get rid of it?”

  “Let’s go back a step because I think you lack a fundamental piece of understanding. I think you aren’t even entirely sure what guilt is or why you’re feeling it.”

  Tynan averted his eyes, and I understood why; to look at me would’ve allowed me to see that I was right. Tynan didn’t want to appear any stupider than he already felt.

  “Guilt is a feeling of anxiety or unhappiness caused by the thought that you have done something immoral or wrong, such as causing harm and suffering to another. Your treatment of me and all the Republic crew members you murdered, and the citizen of Akka that you failed, they’re why –”

  “Yes, I get it! Just tell me how to get rid of it!” Tynan yelled, leaping to his feet and towering over me.

  I felt adrenaline surge through me, and I leapt to my feet, bringing myself face to face with my double. “You can’t get rid of it!” I yelled back.

  Tynan took a step back, surprised by my outburst. After taking a moment to collect himself, Tynan snapped back. “And how do you know that Mr Goody Two-Shoes?”

  “How would I know?” I murmured, pointing at myself. “How would I know?” I said, raising my voice. “Let me tell you how I know!”

  I shoved Tynan in the chest with both hands, thankful for the strength provided by the adrenaline rushing through me and pushed him backwards into his chair.

  “I was born out of the consequence of your lust for control. And when I had life, all I wanted was a simple life; I wanted to run a farm with a beautiful woman beside me and a child or two to raise and nurture. Do you know what I didn’t ask for?”

  Tynan looked up at me, his face pale, his eyes wide, shaking his head in response to my question.

  “I didn’t ask for this face! I didn’t ask for the tainted history it was stained with! I didn’t ask to carry the responsibility of solidifying your legacy or dismantling it! Nor did I ask for the power to make good on the choice that was demanded of me! But they gave me power, and I made a choice, and I have spent every day since living with the guilt of those actions, wondering if there had been another way! Wondering if I could’ve done things differently!”

  Tynan remained seated, his body rigid as he fixed his fearful gaze on me, unable to look away.

  “You see it now, don’t you? You see the monster! This is how the world sees you, Tynan. And it terrifies you, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes,” Tynan whispered. “Does it not scare you?”

  “My whole life, I’ve never been afraid of monsters … because there weren’t any hiding in the closet or under my bed – all the monsters I knew lived inside my head! The only time I see a monster is when I look in the mirror, because all this time the monster has been me! Only it isn’t me, it’s you. It’s always been you! Your face, your actions, your mind. And all I ever got was the resentment, the burden, and the responsibility of dealing with your shit!”

  I turned around and walked over to the observation window, then leant against the sill as strength gave way to weariness as my adrenaline faded. I watched the light cone flicker and dance as I tried to quell the rage inside me.

  “From the moment of my inception, I think I instinctually tried to be everything you weren’t, and for a time, I think that worked,” I said quietly.

  “What changed?”

  “I was given an impossible choice. Alter the minds of billions of people against their will, without their knowledge. I could do it as me and make them good. I could do it as you and make them bad. I could do nothing and have it all happen anyway.”

  I closed my eyes and watched the light waltz over my eyelids as I focused on the past.

  “I didn’t like any of those options. Control over people’s thoughts like that … that is a power man should not have – only gods. So, I made a choice, but that wasn’t enough; I also had to be the one pulling the trigger. Not just once but repeatedly. Afterwards, I asked myself, how do you destroy a monster without becoming one?”

  “How do you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  The room filled with silence as we each quietly considered all that had been said. After a few moments of consideration, I realised I still had more to say, and I turned to look at Tynan again.

  “The more time that has passed, the more I have come to realise that I will always carry you within me – the original you. I fight daily to control the dormant evil inside of me, and I am terrified that I will lose myself somewhere inside that darkness. You asked me how you get rid of guilt, and I said you can’t.” I paused as I planned my words. “It clings to you like never-ending honey – you can try to lick it off your fingers all you like, but your hands will always be sticky. It just becomes … part of you, it’s a burden you must carry. Life goes on, but it is never the same again.”

  Tynan seemed to deflate, his bubble of hope burst, popping any thoughts of escape from these feelings.

  “And besides, even if you could get rid of the guilt and the pain … I don’t know that one should. Because without that feeling to remind you of the impact your actions have, you would just repeat them. Hurting, harming, and killing without a second thought, just like the old you. Maybe we feel guilty so that we think twice about an action before we make it.”

  “That’s what makes you weak,” Tynan said, a note of confidence in his voice again. “A powerful leader acts decisively, instinctively. While a weak one second guesses each step before they take it. I have always been strong. These feelings are your weakness! It shouldn’t even be inside me. I will speak to the scientists and see about having it removed.”

  “You can’t leave well enough alone, can you? After discovering you’re more human, post-resurrection, your first instinct is to pull out the mind manipulation technology and start playing god again. Have you learnt nothing from everything I’ve been saying?”

  “I’ve learned lots,” Tynan said, getting to his feet and his tone turning condescending. “I’m Raith – poor me. I had to make some hard decisions, and now I feel bad every day. I’m ashamed of my noble face and the legacy associated with it, and I’m afraid my family will think I’m a monster.”

  “Leave my family out of this.”

  “See, more weakness. You are so bound to them and their fate. Tell me, how does it feel to be beholden to the welfare of another?”

  I looked at Tynan’s cruel smile and felt a surge of anger. Where he saw weakness, I saw strength. Yes, I was bound to my family, and their fate was my fate. This man, no, this monster was a constant threat to me and my loved ones. If he died, the danger would reduce significantly.

  And we’re all alone. There’s no one here to stop me from taking him out.

  A second surge of adrenalin coursed through my veins, and I rushed over to Tynan, grabbed him by his coat and hoisted him up into the air, surprising myself with my strength. I continued to walk forward until I’d slammed him into the wall.

  “That’s it, Tynan!” I snarled. “Keep pushing my buttons – keep winding me up – and let’s see where things go, aye?”

  The colour vanished from Tynan’s face; his fear was almost palpable.

  “Because as much as I fear the darkness asleep within me, it can do things I can’t, things I sometimes wish I could. So, keep pushing! Push me far enough, hurt those I love, and I will let that darkness out to play, and when you come face to face with the real you, then you will discover just how much of a pale imitation you are!”

  Tynan reached out to the wall beside us, feeling around until he found the room’s control panel. He slammed his fist onto it, simultaneously turning on all the lights and opening the doors. Blinded by the sudden illumination, I let go of Tynan.

  “Guards!” he screamed.

  Seconds later, I heard footsteps moving toward me before several hands grabbed me and wrestled me to the ground.

  “Are you alright, Your Grace?” asked a concerned soldier.

  “Yes, I’m fine. Just get this pathetic maggot out of my sight! Freeze him! Freeze him with the others!”

  “Yes, Your Grace.”

  As the soldiers hoisted me back up, my eyes adjusted, and I turned to Tynan, watching him as they dragged me from the room.

  “This isn’t over!” I hissed.

  “No … no, it isn’t,” came the disgruntled reply.

  Chapter 9

  An Uneasy Alliance

  2160, Common Era – Planet Gaia, Outer Rim, the Republic of Humanity

  It turned out Tynan had mercy so long as there was some benefit for him, perceived or otherwise. He’d ordered I be put back in cryo for the rest of our journey to Gaia. As I vomited up cryofluid, I assumed we must be approaching our destination, but I noticed that they’d only woken me.

  “Can you walk yet?”

  I tilted my head back to find First Officer Faberson towering above me.

  “Faberson. Hello, I –” I broke off to cough up more fluid. “Yeah, I think I can walk.”

  “Good. Ty … His Grace wants you on the bridge – immediately,” Faberson said, offering a helping hand.

  I grabbed his outstretched arm, and he pulled me to my feet, then helped me walk out of the room.

  “Do you know what’s going on?” I asked.

  Faberson averted his eyes and stayed quiet. I assumed he’d been punished for his previous actions.

  “Please, Faberson. Trust me now as you did on the bridge.”

  “I can’t.”

  “If you don’t help me now, I can’t help you later.”

  Faberson grimaced. “What makes you think you’ll be able to help me?”

  “Let’s just say I’ve got a solid hunch that things are going to change.”