The way he wildly gestures through the air, I’m almost willing to accept that Bill committed his brother because he has a legitimate problem with drugs and not because he wants to silence him like I’d originally suspected. I’ve witnessed countless addicts in various stages of withdrawal, and Eddie’s performance is spot on.

  “That thing!” he tells me, clearly agitated that I’m unable to read his mind. “The weird thing above your eyebrow! The clover! It’s not there!”

  “The birthmark?” Rocco suggests.

  “Yes!” Eddie exclaims, all at once overly excited. He pumps both fists into the air. “A thousand times, yes! That’s what it’s called!”

  Although I suspect he’s still coked out of his mind, I appreciate that someone in my dad’s family has acknowledged that I’m not Josephine. Maybe my theory of being abducted isn’t so wild after all. “Why did Bill bring you here, Eddie?”

  He stands and swipes at his nose several times. “He says I have a problem…a problem with cocaine…or whatever.” He approaches Rocco and slaps his shoulder with the back of his hand. “I say it’s not a problem if you’re having a good time. Am I right?”

  “Take it easy,” I say, bracing an arm between them and forcing Eddie back a step. “I’m guessing you were high when he brought you in?”

  “Higher than Mount Everest,” he confirms with a wink before dropping back into the armchair. “If you’re really JoJo, then you must know William has more problems than I do.”

  “Such as?”

  Eddie throws his hands out like a Blackjack dealer when he elaborates, “Too much booze, extramarital affairs, getting fired, his crumbling marriage. Take your pick.”

  “Why was he fired?” I ask.

  “He was accused of embezzling obscene amounts of money. To save the bank’s reputation, they let him go in lieu of pressing charges. Ol’ Bill walked away with millions.”

  Interesting, I think. With that kind of money, he would’ve had the freedom to stalk helpless victims at his leisure. “Did he tell you about your father?”

  “You mean, did he inform me that Roger’s dead?” Eddie clarifies with a sharp laugh. “Yeah, of course, I know the old bird is gone. Why do you think I took a bump? Nothing hurts when you have cocaine as your friend. It’s all numbness from here on out.”

  Maybe Bill’s involvement in his little brother coming here had been innocent after all. “Were you close with him?”

  “I was never his golden child…that’s for sure.” He mumbles something to himself while repeatedly stabbing a hand inside his messy hair.

  Rocco clears his throat. “Do you have a history of use, Eddie?”

  Grinning with the ease of the Cheshire Cat, Eddie asks, “Why, you wanna know where to score some, brother?”

  “I’m just asking a question,” Rocco responds with irritation flickering through his scowl.

  “A history as in earlier today? Yesterday? The day before?” Eddie’s gaze darts back to the window. “Hey! Did you know there’s a tree behind this building? It looks a lot like the tree behind my place! I bet there are squirrels and birds and all sorts of creatures living in there!”

  Rocco snags the side of my coat and leans in. “He appears to be in good shape overall, and he’s on the heavier side,” he whispers against my ear. “I ran into my share of cokeheads in the past…none of them looked this healthy or acted quite so coherent.”

  I nod in silent agreement. Eddie could be a past user who relapsed with the news of their father’s passing. Bill could’ve slipped him the drug as an excuse to have him locked up before I could get to him. What other secrets is my family hiding?

  I watch Eddie, deciding there’s no better time to extract information from someone who may or may not be lucid enough to spew actual facts.

  “Eddie, do you remember a woman by the name of Marianna Haley?”

  “Curvy blond with killer eyes?” He pauses to flex his jaw several times. “How could I forget?”

  “How did you know her?”

  His eyebrows wiggle. “In the Biblical sense, of course.”

  “What about Frank? Was he involved with her?”

  “Frank?” He vigorously rubs the palms of his hands together. “Sure. As far as I know, anyway. Bill, too.”

  Rocco’s eyes briefly widen on mine. “Your brother Bill?”

  “Am I supposed to know a different one?” Eddie releases a hearty guffaw. “Pompous ass was involved with her for years before I found out. Those two had some kind of arrangement. Guess ol’ Mary wanted to experience the sentiment of brotherly love.”

  “Gross,” I mutter with a shiver.

  “What kind of arrangement did she have with Bill?” Rocco prods.

  Eddie scratches his head so hard that I expect to see blood. “I think it was something involving her daughter…Lizzy. He helped take care of her. You remember little Lizzy, don’t you, JoJo?”

  I respond with a brisk shake of my head. “Bill claims Diane and Frank left because Diane knew about Frank’s affair with Marianna. Do you think it’s because he was the father of Marianna’s daughter?”

  “You’re asking if Frank ever fathered a child?” Eddie asks, releasing a stony chuckle.

  “I mean someone other than…Josephine,” I clarify.

  “Frank’s not Jo’s birth father. The man’s infertile. Always has been.”

  “What?” Rocco and I exclaim simultaneously.

  Eddie throws me a scolding look. “If you were the real Josephine, I would think you’d know these things already. Your mother would’ve spilled the beans by now.”

  Hardly. “Diane’s dead.”

  “Who’s Josephine’s birth father?” Rocco asks.

  “How should I know?” Eddie’s voice drops. “I missed out on half the things my brothers did back when I wasn’t around.”

  Like the man in the journal, he was on the road a lot. I can’t decide if he’s reached the age of retirement, so I ask, “What do you do for a living, Eddie?”

  “Al little of this and that. Back in the eighties, I’d sometimes play my guitar on the streets in the bigger cities. For a decade or so, I drove taxis. I worked under Frank for a few years, peddling encyclopedias to rich folks. I’ve done it all, baby.”

  Being a door-to-door salesman gives him the potential to be the killer Marianna spoke of in the journal. I cross my arms and cast him a leery look. “Do you believe that you may be the father of Marianna’s child?”

  He pins his shoulders back. “What does it matter?”

  “What does it matter?” he repeats in an elevated voice. “What does it matter? Listen, I don’t know who you are you what you’re trying to prove by coming here, but I have nothing to do with her disappearance! Do you hear me! I had nothing to do with Marianna’s sudden absence from the face of the earth!”

  I hold both hands out in a peaceful gesture. “Settle down, Eddie. I never said you were involved with her disappearance. I’m simply seeking answers. If I’m not Josephine, do you think there’s a chance I could be Marianna’s daughter? Lizzy?”

  “And they say I’ve lost my mind!” he shrieks. “Get a load of you standing there with your self-righteous attitude, judging me for being here! Lizzy’s gone, just like Marianna! They’re probably both buried in that godforsaken forest up north!”

  My breath hitches. “The forest in Elk Neck?”

  A young man in white scrubs enters the room. He’s nearly as wide as he is tall. “I’m going to have to ask you two to leave now,” he informs us, glaring at both me and Rocco. “Visitation time has ended. They shouldn’t have let you in to begin with.”

  “Thank you for your time,” I tell Eddie with a dip of my chin. “I hope detox goes well.”

  As we usher ourselves out of the room ahead of the orderly, Eddie calls out to us, “Bill was right about your parents, JoJo, or whoever you are. Your mom made your dad hightail it out of Baltimore because of Marianna Haley. Diane was protecting you from the ugly truth.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  BEFORE

  Josephine

  Idespise going home for the holidays. Everything about my life has changed dramatically since I left Ames to attend community college in Des Moines. Coming back only reminds me of all the reasons I couldn’t wait to escape. I can’t even say why I feel compelled to visit my parents, except my dad once made a comment about how I could show them some respect by stopping by because they’re paying for my tuition. That’s not exactly true, however. I pay for most of my classes on my own with grants and scholarships. I bust my ass, putting in hours at the campus bookstore and a burger joint to cover just about everything else I need since my parents only send enough to purchase my required textbooks.

  There’s one pretty significant reason I actually can’t wait to visit, though, and he’s standing at the edge of his driveway when I park my crappy old SUV in front of my parent’s house.

  Ever since Rocco graduated two years ahead of me, he’s been working as a salesman at the sporting goods store his dad manages in the mall. Sometimes he comes over to my apartment in Des Moines and we spend entire weekends together. A few times, I’ve snuck back to Ames and we spend a night or two together on the couch in Chris’s apartment. I don’t care where we are, as long we’re together and it’s nowhere near my parents.

  Flutters fill my stomach when Rocco catches my eye from his spot in the driveway and bursts into a massive smile. I know I’m biased, but I’m pretty certain my boyfriend is the best-looking guy in all of Iowa. Whenever my friends at school introduce me to their boyfriends or point out their crushes, I warm from head to toe with the reality that they’re not anywhere near as good-looking as the man I love.

  I swear he’s even better looking every time I see him, especially now that he spends a lot of free time working out at the gym with his friend Chris. His biceps and chest bulge against his long-sleeved Nike t-shirt, even though I swear he just bought it a couple of weeks ago because his other shirts were all too small. He started growing his dark hair out last year and his natural curls are becoming wilder. Now that it’s down to his chin, he looks a little like the lead singer from Soundgarden. It drives his dad nuts—he’s started referring to Rocco as “a punk.” During our countless phone conversations, Rocco has told me he secretly loves getting under his skin.

  The second I open my vehicle’s door, Rocco plucks me from the driver’s seat. He gathers me inside his strong arms and lifts me into the air. “Hey, beautiful,” he croons against my ear before feathering his lips over mine.

  I clasp my arms around his neck and allow myself to become a liquid puddle against him. I still don’t know if what we have is extraordinary compared to other couples, but I swear I can feel the earth moving beneath us when his lips do their magic. If this is what true love feels like, I don’t ever want it to end.

  He sets my feet back on the pavement and grips onto my backside while deepening the kiss. I eagerly kiss him back, giddy with excitement and anticipation. I can’t wait to tell him I started taking birth control from the free clinic on campus. We’ve been careful up until now, but I can tell he’s paranoid that he’ll have to support a family before we’re ready.

  “Get your perverted hands off her!” Diane roars from our front step. “Get away from her, or I’m calling the cops!”

  Groaning, I pull away from Rocco and rest my forehead against his chin. Although we’ve taken care in sneaking around since I left home, my parents have known for years that we’re together. Especially after they were aware that Rocco had taken me to my junior and senior proms. It’s my mother’s ridiculous comments and accusations that push us to keep our relationship under wraps. It’s not the first time she’s threatened to involve the police, either.

  Part of me is completely over it. Why should I care what she says?

  I release a noisy breath. “This weekend is going to be a total nightmare.”

  “You don’t have to go over there,” he reminds me. “Nonna said there’s more than enough room for you at our place. She’d make me sleep on the couch, but she’s a heavy sleeper. Papá, too.” Slipping his hands back around my rear, he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “We’d have all night to fool around.”

  “Get inside, Josephine!” my mother interrupts. “Now!”

  “We’ll still have all night to mess around,” I promise Rocco, standing on my toes to give him one last lingering kiss. “Meet me in your backyard at midnight.”

  When I spin away from him to grab my things from the car, I catch Diane glaring in my direction with so much hatred I can feel it in my bones. It’s not the first time I suspect she wishes I didn’t exist.

  Later, after Rocco and I make love, we stay wrapped in each other’s arms. Cuddled inside his thick sleeping bag beneath the tangle of bushes in his backyard where no one could possibly see us, I never want to leave. Between the warmth of his body and the fresh aroma of fall all around us, it’s going to take an actual miracle to get me back into my childhood bed.

  This must be what heaven is like.

  “I think I’ve figured out what I want to do with my life,” I tell Rocco as he’s drawing circles against my back with his fingertips.

  “Become my wife and raise our children?” he answers in a voice so seductive it curls my toes.

  My throat thickens. Although it’s not the first time he’s mentioned marriage, the idea hits a little differently now that I’ve chosen a new path. As much as I would love to marry him one day, it’s too soon. I know he’s eager to start a family because he’s older and ready to leave home, but the timing isn’t right for me.

  “I want to become a police officer,” I say.

  He rises to his elbow, looking me directly in the eye with a somber expression. “Are you dead serious?”

  “I’m taking this class on social services, and we’re talking about careers that work with abused children. I want to help other kids in situations even worse than what I went through. I don’t want them to suffer in silence the way I did.”

  With a warm smile, Rocco sets his hand on my cheek. “Your big heart is one of my favorite things about you, Jo. I don’t know how you became that way after everything they put you through. It probably would’ve made most other people hard and cold. But not you. It makes me love you even more.” He dips down to kiss me softly before drawing back and shaking his head. “But why do you want to become a cop? Why not a social worker or some kind of crisis counselor?”

  “I want to look crappy parents like mine in the eye and tell them what they’re doing to their kids is wrong.”

  “Maybe you simply need to tell your parents that now…get it out of your system.”

  “It’s not enough.” My jaw hardens when I imagine how freeing it would feel if I were to finally confront my parents. “I want the authority to take people like them to jail for their actions. I want there to be consequences.”

  “That’s admirable, but there’s a lot more to being a cop than saving abused kids. You’d be putting yourself in never-ending dangerous situations involving hardened criminals.” Moisture in his eyes catches in the moonlight as he brushes my wild hair away from my face. “This is it for me, Jo. Being with you is all I’ve ever wanted. Nonna and Papá would be annoyed if we eloped without them, but they’d get over it. What if we said screw it and got married tomorrow? Would you drop everything and run away with me to start a family of our own?”

  I half choke on a gasp when I catch his expression. “You want to get married tomorrow? And where would we go? Roc, I can’t just take off before the end of the semester.”

  “Georgia.” Running a hand through his thick bangs, his gaze averts mine. “I’ve been meeting with an Army recruiter and⁠—”

  “You’re thinking of enlisting?” I sit upright and pull the sleeping bag over my bare chest, fighting back tears as I wait for him to look at me again.

  “I’ve already signed the paperwork, Jo.” He takes one of my hands inside his. “I leave for boot camp after the first of the year.”

  A profound sense of betrayal settles in my bones. We’ve talked about our future for several years. This was never a part of the plan. Shaking my head, I jerk my hand away. “When were you planning on telling me?”

  “This weekend. I didn’t want to say anything over the phone because I worried you’d get upset—like you are now. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you first. I want to do this because I think it will be the best way for me to care of you, Jo. If we’re married, the military will pay for our housing and insurance in addition to my salary.”

  “I have to go,” I mumble, scanning the ground for my discarded clothing.

  “Jo—”

  “We’ll talk about it more tomorrow,” I say with a firm shake of my head. “I need time to think. I can’t do this with you right now.”

  “Don’t be mad,” he begs as I’m getting dressed. “Don’t just take off without talking to me.” Sadness strains his voice when he says, “I love you so damn much, Jo. We can make this work somehow…even if we have to be apart, so you can finish school somewhere other than Georgia. Please, don’t leave!”

  My heart physically aches as I walk away from him.

  Later the next morning, as I hunch over a bowl of Fruit Loops, my eyes are swollen into slits from crying all hours of the night. I’m not angry that Rocco wants to fight for our country. It’s noble, and it makes me love him a little more, even though I’m worried about him getting sent away if there’s another war. I’m upset because there’s no way I’m tagging along with him to Georgia. I’ve already looked into a police academy in Minnesota and was planning to send an application as soon as I’d filled Rocco in on my plan. Quite frankly, it hurts that he didn’t mention his idea to me before making a final decision.

  The possibility that Rocco and I might break up draws a fresh set of tears. I’ve never been into mushy stuff—I hate love songs and sappy movies. But I don’t remember anything about my life before Rocco. He’s been a pillar of strength through every milestone of my life. What would I do without him?