Lil takes a shuddering breath. “Is it bad if I say yes?” She lets it out slow and easy. “I don’t regret that we saved this place. It’s too much a part of me. But now…the world is gone forever. I spent my whole life here, and I told myself it was enough. Mom made the choice for the both of us and it’s…” She ignores traffic signals and stop signs, cruising the middle of the road. “I used to dream about college. Then I dreamed about having a life with Jason, and I never did any of it. I want that,” she admits in a rush. Her fingers flinch on the wheel. For a moment, she’s filled with the passion of her teenage self again, when she was so hungry for freedom, before she learned to quiet herself. “I want the years of my life back that I never got to live, because I was all alone here. I want to go back to school. I want stupid twenties in a big city, making bad decisions. I want to fall in love again. I always wondered if I could be more than this purpose, and now I’ll never get to find out.”

  Sasha feels the pain of this confession in her own chest, rubbing her sternum since she can’t wrap her arms around her twin as she drives. Lately, Sasha has been a fountain of emotions, tears prepared for any occasion. Something in her has cracked open too, and it feels right. But Lil—with all the secrets their mother forced upon her, all the sacrifices she made for Sasha’s liberty, for the orchard…even in this preserved place, where they seem to stay young and safe forever, is this town her locked closet? Her readied grave? “Lil…you deserve all those things,” Sasha murmurs. “You deserve everything you want.”

  Lil glances at her with a tightness to her eyes. “I’m making my peace with it.”

  “To hell with that.” Sasha begins to plot. The crack hasn’t destabilized their protections, but it may have bent the rules. She’s never been able to get off the boat on the far shore, but…“I still have one riverboat. We can crash it into the dock on the other side and maybe—”

  Some far-off siren begins to toll in her mind, and Sasha frowns.

  Lil senses it too. The truck drifts to a stop. They’ve come to the turnoff to the south, and before them is the bridge that’s been closed as long as Sasha can remember. The earth movers, bulldozers, and mounds of steel supports are gone. Before them, a flat expanse of open land and a long thin highway. They’ve found the crack.

  Lil’s breath catches in her throat. It’s the only sound—other than the rush of distant cars, over on the interstate. It’s only a few miles now. That city where the fresh starts await is just over the horizon.

  “Well, your twenties are basically over,” Sasha remarks, giving her a slow smile. “But there’s still your thirties.”

  “I…hear your thirties are supposed to be better anyway,” Lil manages.

  “Definitely.” Sasha doesn’t wait. She kicks open the passenger door and hops down from the truck. She’ll walk home from here.

  Lil looks down at her, indecision warring with confusion. She’s still gripping the wheel, the truck rumbling like it’s ready to run. “What are you doing?”

  “Go.” Sasha blows her a kiss. “I’ll take care of this place.” She swallows the emotion building in her throat. “We’ll be here when you get back.”

  Lil’s eyes dart between her and the crack, and hope flushes over her face.

  The road is open.

  Reading Group Guide

  Like many small towns, Lil and Sasha’s hometown has steadily declined over their lifetimes. Their memories of their home, and the reality of its current state, are drastically different, yet both versions of the place are real to them. Do you have places, or even people, from your life who have undergone such transformations over time? How do the characters cope with this in different ways?

  Lil is stubbornly loyal to her land and the covenant her mother passed on to her. How does this responsibility impact her life? Is her relationship to the orchard a gift or a burden?

  After Sasha returns home from New York, she keeps very busy doing odd jobs around town. She runs the ferry, does survey work, picks up tasks at local businesses, and works on her photography—but she never helps with the orchard. Why do you think she stays so occupied? How do the twins approach work in different ways?

  Though Theon initially appears as a rich man trying to buy land, he is slowly revealed to be a shape-changing monster, driven by his hunger to consume everything in his path. At what point in the book did you begin to suspect Theon was more than he initially appeared? What do you think he represents?

  Jason is the old flame Lil never let go of, in part because her life has been brought to a standstill. Though he is real to her, the only Jason who appears in the book is his memory. Where do you think the real Jason is in the present? How is his haunting weaponized against Lil?

  Autumn’s friend Matt refers to the “Homecoming Effect,” the pressures a person might feel to conform, blend in, or become an earlier version of themselves when they visit home. Have you ever felt this pressure? How does the Homecoming Effect impact Autumn and Sasha in the story?

  The pecan children, like Wyn and Neel, are marginalized outsiders in the town, overlooked by the residents and easy victims to dark forces. How did the people of the town manage to ignore them for so long? Who in your community is most like the pecan children?

  The Autumnal Interlude is an abrupt break from the world that Sasha and Lil know. It’s also a coming-of-age story for Autumn, who searches for her identity as both a queer woman and, eventually, a child of the pecan trees. What stood out to you about the many lives she leads? What do you think this interlude says about the journey we’re all on to discover who we are?

  Sasha and Autumn both often reflect on their last night hanging out in their tree house as teenagers. What happened that night, and how did it have a lasting impact on their relationship? What secrets have they kept from each other, and why?

  Is there local folklore that you remember learning about when you grew up or that was passed down in your family? How do you think we’re shaped by our homes and the stories we grew up hearing?

  Lou, the oldest child of the pecan trees, has an interesting relationship to time. As a Black man in the South, he’s lived through deeply painful history. Yet he owns a shop for old things and willingly goes through the time loop again and again to be with Russ. How would you cope with living forever? What do you think is next for Lou?

  From Theon’s fate to Lil and Sasha’s final choices, every character ends in a different place from where they began. Did the characters’ endings feel earned? What do you imagine happens to Lil, Sasha, Autumn, and Wyn after the epilogue? What feeling lingered with you at the end of the book?

  Acknowledgments

  There are so many people we would like to thank for joining us in our pocket universe these last years. To our agent, Amy Stapp (the third Quinn!), thank you for always fighting for us. And to our editor, Mary Altman, your love for this book has given us more courage than you can imagine.

  Thank you to Sourcebooks Landmark: our marketing team, headed by Cristina Arreola; our designer, Erin Fitzsimmons, for producing another perfect cover; and our copy editors, Jessica Thelander and Meaghan Summers. And to our sensitivity readers, thank you so much for your insightful notes and your time.

  To the booksellers, librarians, archivists, event organizers, and, most importantly, the readers who have come along with us from Lake Prosper to this old pecan town, you have our most sincere gratitude. Finally, our truest thanks to each other. From one Quinn to another: there’s no one else I’d rather be trapped in a time loop with.

  Alex: All my love to my parents, big sister, and the rest of my extended family. Thanks and love as well to my found family: my closest friends (you know who you are) and my mentors, who have guided me here. And finally, the loved ones I’ve lost. You live in my heart.

  Robyn: I am so blessed with the folks in my life who have continued to support me unconditionally. My most heartfelt love to my parents, my best friends, my aunts and uncles, and my professional mentors and colleagues. You inspire my work in every way.

  About the Authors

  Quinn Connor is one pen in two hands: Robyn Barrow and Alex Cronin.

  Both writers from a young age, Robyn and Alex met at Rhodes College in Memphis and together developed their unique cowriting voice. Whether Robyn is doing art historical fieldwork or Alex is reading on a subway in Lower Manhattan, they write all the time. It’s their preferred form of conversation.

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  Quinn Connor, The Pecan Children

 

 

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