* * *

  If the roles were reversed and you couldn’t be with me, I still wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.

  * * *

  Why? You’d rather be alone? She texted back.

  * * *

  He knew sending her this next text was taking a huge risk, but he wanted, needed, her to understand how serious he was. He wanted her to be safely away from Tucker until Elias could wrap her in his arms and give her that first kiss, because it would be his to give. So, he typed out the text slowly, knowing she could see the little bubbles letting her know he was responding.

  * * *

  The idea of touching a woman that isn’t you is nauseating to me. Your voice is a melody to my ears, and all others are like little annoying parakeets. Your scent captivates me as if it were a perfume made specifically for me. If we were characters in a book, you would be the woman written to be mine and only mine. You’d fit perfectly with me. So, why the bloody hell would I want an imitation if I can’t have you?

  * * *

  He hit send and then leaned his head back against the headrest of his seat and closed his eyes. He was beginning to realize that Tara was the one being on earth who could utterly destroy him. And that was an incredibly sobering thought.

  Chapter 14

  Tara stood frozen in her room, staring down at her phone, re-reading the text Elias had just sent. She could hear Carol calling her name and knew she should respond, but her brain had temporarily shut down and was going to need a minute or fifty to come back online. How was she supposed to respond to that? How was any eighteen-year-old girl who’d met a guy a week ago supposed to respond to a text like that from aforementioned guy? She was pretty sure a restraining order would be the wisest course of action. But though the words were intense, she didn’t feel like she was an obsession to him, well, at least no more than he was an obsession to her.

  “Are you all right?” Carol’s concerned voice came from behind her.

  Tara turned around and plastered on a smile that she hoped looked like one of her ‘I’m not super happy, but I love you so you get a smile”’ smiles. “I’m good.”

  “How was your date? You said Tucker Adams, right? He’s a good boy. Lost his parents when he was young, too.”

  Tara frowned. “Really?” How did she not know that? He seemed so normal, so untouched by such a trauma.

  Carol nodded. “When he was younger he went through some tough things, but his foster family, who has since adopted him, got him in counseling and that changed a lot for him.” To Carol’s credit, she didn’t say, “See, counseling really does help,” though Tara knew she’d probably like to. Tara had refused to talk when Carol had taken her to a counselor. Eventually, Carol had just stopped taking her and instead made her sit on the back porch and listen while Carol talked instead. She talked about anything and everything and, in some weird way, it was a form of counseling. Eventually, Tara began speaking, too. It was a safe place to talk, the refuge that Carol had created for her.

  “It was a fun date,” Tara said. “I learned how to throw an axe.”

  Carol’s eyebrows rose so high they disappeared behind her bangs. “Wow. In my day we just went to a picture show. And if you were really scandalous, you would share a drink.”

  Tara laughed. “My, my, Mrs. Carol, that is scandalous. I’m sure you never partook.”

  “Ooh, girl, you won’t be getting any dishing out of me. Dinner’s ready. Wash up and come to the kitchen.” She left the room chuckling and muttering, “Never partook … ha ha, you don’t know the half of it.”

  Tara smiled and looked back at her phone. The smile faded as she looked at the texts. Elias had sent another since she hadn’t responded to the one that had frozen her.

  * * *

  Scared?

  * * *

  Her eyes narrowed on the obvious challenge. Was she scared? She’d have to think about it because she didn’t really know what she was supposed to be afraid of. Afraid that he felt that strongly for her? Afraid that she could never be with him and she felt just as strongly for him? Afraid that it meant she was destined to be alone? All of those things. Okay, so that wasn’t as hard as she thought. Hell to the yes, she was scared.

  Can’t text right now. Tucker is calling.

  * * *

  He totally wasn’t calling, but Elias didn’t know that. Now she was the one poking the bear.

  Before she set the phone down, Tara checked her text messages from Shelly. There were five of them.

  * * *

  If I don’t hear from you soon I’m going to report you missing and tell them to check Tucker’s basement.

  WHY. HAVEN’T. YOU. TEXTED???

  I’m dying … literally. If you don’t send me a text right now, I will leave this world not knowing how your very first date went. And if that happens, you will be the worst BFFF in the history of BFFF’s, and I will demand you put your necklace in my ashes and then take my ashes to the highest mountain you can climb, which we both know will be that stupid ridge you call a mountain, and scatter them to the wind. And a song. I want you to sing me a song. Like, hmmm, sing ”Say Something” because teat-less female dog, I’m giving up on you.

  Ugh. You’re fired. We are no longer BFFF’s. I’ve got a new one. Found her at the intersection of Main and 2nd Street. She doesn’t make fun of the way I talk or say rude, snarky things. So, basically, she suuuuuuuuuucks. Come on, Tara-bear. Don’t leave me to this BFFF hell.

  That’s it. You’re dead to me. DEAD. TO. ME.

  * * *

  Tara was laughing so hard that she had to sit down on her bed. Her stomach ached, and she had tears running down her cheeks. It was a much-needed break from the heaviness that had been dropped on her in the past half hour. A second later, her smile evaporated when a tap on the window caused her to jump up from the bed.

  Tara crept over to the window, wondering if she should call out to Carol. She decided against it because if it was a bad person, at least Carol would have a chance to get away. Slowly, she pushed the curtain out of the way and came face to face with… “Oh, okay, not a face,” she muttered. Someone’s chest and stomach were in front of her window. When she looked up, Tara could only see the back of his head because the man was turned around looking behind him. She knew immediately it was Elias. What gave him away? Probably the dark, perfectly messy hair and broad shoulders that tapered into a narrow waist. He turned back around and started to tap again but stopped when he realized she was staring back at him. He motioned for her to open the window.

  She shook her head.

  Elias mouthed the word “please,” though his eyes weren’t pleading. They were hard.

  Tara thought of all the reasons she should not open her window. But as if they had a mind of their own, her hands reached out, unlocked, and then raised the window on their own accord. Stupid, disobedient hands.

  Elias pulled the screen out. “All right if I come in?”

  “If I say no?”

  “I’ll probably come in anyway.”

  She let out a sigh. “Fine. Come in.”

  He smirked at her as he stepped through the opening. He had to crouch low to allow his tall frame to squeeze through, yet he still moved with a quick and quiet grace. Tara wondered if he crawled through a lot of windows. He seemed rather good at it.

  Once he was in, Elias turned, slid the window shut behind him, then faced her. His eyes drank her in as his jaw muscles clenched tightly. His hands opened and closed into fists as if he was trying to restrain himself, but from what?

  “Why are you here?” Tara finally asked. “I have to go eat dinner with Carol.”

  “I thought you were on the phone with that boy,” he said.

  Tara was a little surprised at the anger lacing his voice. “It was a short call.”

  “Go eat. I’ll wait.” His voice was clipped and deeper than usual.

  “If she finds you in here, she’ll probably hit you with a broom or something,” Tara warned.

  “I’m pretty sure a broom can’t take me out. But she won’t find out I’m here. Go eat, luv. We can talk when you’re done.”

  Tara stared at him for several heartbeats. She didn’t want him to leave, but she didn’t want to admit that to him either. Finally, she just shrugged and marched out of the room. Her stomach was tight with anticipation. She was wondering why he’d come, ridiculously happy to see him, angry because he wouldn’t give her straight answers, and some part of her just wanted him to leave her alone so she could move on with her probably-not-going-to-work-out-relationship with Tucker.

  All of dinner she was distracted. Carol asked questions, and all Tara could do was nod and say, ‘Uh-huh.’ She wasn’t sure if anything she said or did made sense. All Tara could think about was the fact that Elias was in her room right that very second.

  “That must have been quite a date,” Carol said as they put away the dirty dishes. “You’ve been in a daze.”

  “I’m sorry.” Tara sighed as her shoulders drooped. “I don’t mean to be bad company.”

  “It’s fine, Tara. It’s nice to see you smitten with someone.” Carol smiled and patted her shoulder.

  She nodded. “Thank you. I’ve got some homework to get done.”

  Carol shooed her away. “Get to it then, missy. I’m working a double tomorrow so I will probably go to bed in just a few minutes. Give me a quick hug since I won’t see you until Sunday.”

  Tara obeyed and wrapped her arms around her foster mom. Carol worked too much, but she wouldn’t allow Tara to get a job during the school year. Carol always said she just wanted Tara to focus on studying and being young.

  “Sleep tight,” Carol said and then headed for her own bedroom.

  Tara seriously considered just walking out the front door and texting Shelly to come get her. It would be kind of funny—okay, really funny—to leave Elias sitting waiting in her room. But her stupid heart was pitter-pattering because he was in her room sitting and waiting.

  As she walked back to her room, her phone rang. She answered it without checking the ID because she knew who it would be.

  “Hi, Shelly.”

  “HI, SHELLY?”

  Tara held the phone away from her ear as her friend screamed through it.

  “Hi, Shelly is all I get when I have been texting you and worrying about you and wondering if Tucker rocked your world and I get ‘Hi, Shelly’?”

  Tara stepped into her room still holding the phone out but not speaking. She let Shelly dislodge all the pent-up statements and questions before she even tried to respond. Elias was sitting at her desk looking at a piece of paper. Tara didn’t pay him any mind while she attempted to deal with an irate BFFF.

  “Do you know how hard it is to sit and wait for you to let me know how your very first date went?”

  “I bet you’re going to tell me.”

  “I have fretted and paced and nearly bit off all my fingernails because you refused to even consider my feelings!”

  “You sound like a narcissist. It’s not a good look for you.”

  “I am the Best Freaking Friend Forever! I get to know the things! I don’t just get to know things. I get to know them immediately. As soon as they happen. I shouldn’t have to wait longer than two minutes after the date leaves before I get my first report.”

  “Are you done, you crazy, freaking nutter?”

  “Nutter and crazy are the same thing,” Shelly pointed out, her breathing fast from her tirade.

  “I know. I said it two times because you are acting double the crazy you normally act.”

  “I’m on my period. It makes me irrational,” Shelly said.

  “Irrational and psychotic.”

  “Will you please just tell me how the date went?” she whined. “I’ve been bored out of my mind.”

  “It actually sounds like you’ve been quite busy becoming a raging lunatic.”

  Shelly huffed. “I concede. Now dish.”

  Tara glanced over at Elias and saw that he’d put the paper down and was now watching her. A single brow rose on his forehead as though challenging her to tell Shelly about the date while he was able to listen.

  She rolled her eyes and climbed up on her bed as she spoke. “It was actually pretty fun. He took me axe throwing.”

  “What? That does sound fun. I’m assuming you didn’t chop anything off on yourself or anyone else.”

  “No,” Tara agreed. “I didn’t cut off any appendages of my own … obviously.” She tried to put as much meaning into the word as possible without being too obvious. She glanced sidelong at Elias as she said it to see if his expression changed in any way. She couldn’t tell, but she thought his eyes might have narrowed almost imperceptibly.

  “Oh yeah,” said Shelly. “I guess you wouldn’t have been able to. But forget that, how was it?”

  “It wasn’t awkward like I thought it would be. He’s easy to talk to and has made it clear what he wants.” When Tara said the last part she made it a point to turn and stare straight at Elias with her own silent challenge. He simply glared back.

  “Did he kiss you?” Shelly’s voice was so eager that it made Tara laugh.

  “He was going to, but then there was this small earthquake that made us both fall on our asses. It was weird. The moment was pretty much gone after that.”

  “Bummer.” Shelly sighed. “What earthquake? There wasn’t an earthquake.”

  “Yeah, there was. Like I said, it knocked us down.”

  “I think I would have remembered feeling an earthquake a little while ago,” said Shelly.

  “I don’t know what to tell you. Must have only been in my part of town.”

  “Strange. Oh, well, I was hoping to hear all about this kiss so you could tell me if it’s as amazing as it sounds in books and looks in movies. I keep thinking there’s no way it’s as good as they act, but then I’m like, why would the idiots keep doing it if it’s not that good? We could just kiss each other and see what all the fuss is about.”

  Tara’s eyes widened, and she saw a smirk on Elias’s face. Had he seriously heard that through the phone? Not that Shelly spoke quietly or anything. Even her non-yelling voice was still pretty loud.

  “Okay, that’s where we’re going to end this convo. I’m going to get some homework done so I don’t have to do it on Sunday.”

  “You’re so weird,” Shelly said. “But I still love you, ya dirty woman of the street corner.”

  “Lame.”

  “Shut up. I’m tired. Bye.” Shelly ended the call.

  Tara sat the phone on the bed beside her, taking a slow breath before she once again looked at her uninvited guest.

  “Why are you here?” She repeated the question she’d asked before she’d gone to eat dinner with Carol.

  “I’ve been thinking.”

  “Anytime Shelly says that to me, it usually means I run the serious risk of being thrown in jail. Now, I get very leery when anyone utters those words.” She watched as he picked up the paper he’d been looking at while she’d been on the phone with Shelly. Tara’s eyes widened when she realized it was her poem. She lunged forward to snatch it from him, but he stood deftly and held it out of her reach, which wasn’t hard considering she was five foot nothing and he was a damn giant. “That’s private,” she whisper-yelled.

  “It’s beautiful and eye opening,” he said, keeping his voice low. And then to her complete and utter horror, he began to read it out loud.

  “He stole my breath and all my thoughts he now held captive.

  The life I had carefully built, I no longer wanted to live.

  I find myself wondering, could there be more than this?

  If I don’t take this leap, is there joy I might miss?

  Do I want to continue holding onto the pain and past?

  Or do I want to start anew, moving forward at last?

  The fear of change keeps me chained, bowing to its whim.

  It binds my hands and holds me fast, keeping me from him.”

  * * *

  Tara couldn’t look at him as he read. She felt as if he were peeling back the layers of her protection, leaving her raw and vulnerable.

  * * *

  “If I break these chains and let the walls come crashing down,

  Can I trust that in the aftermath he will still be around?

  Can I follow him into a future not planned and unclear,

  Giving up the safety of the anger that has been to me so dear?

  I have no answers yet. I have not decided my direction.

  Explore the world before me, or stay behind my protection?”

  * * *

  When he stopped, she realized he wasn’t going to read that last few lines, for which she was very grateful.

  “Tara.” He said her name gently. “Please look at me.”

  She took a deep breath and then raised her head. When her eyes met his, she didn’t see any mocking laughter or judgment. She saw relief and understanding.

  “I told you we couldn’t be together.”

  She nodded and felt her heart begin to pick up its pace as his beautiful eyes stared into hers. They were the color of the sea green ocean, and she wondered if she stared into them long enough if she would fall into them. Tara knew if she wasn’t careful, she could lose herself to Elias Creed and never be able to find herself again.

  “I wasn’t sure how you felt about me. And because I let my fragile ego get in the way, I made an assumption that I was the only one interested in the possibility of us getting to know one another better. But that’s not the only reason I said we couldn’t be together. It’s also because I will be leaving in a few days. I travel a lot because of my work. It’s not exactly conducive to a budding relationship. But this”—he held up the poem and smiled—“this makes me think that maybe you’d like us to get to know each other, too. Yeah?”