Though I guessed there was a possibility that it wasn’t about me at all. She may have just realized that she had better things to do with her time. Or that she didn’t care enough about me to keep trying.

  I jerked out of bed, hating the thought, and put it sharply to the side. Why was I even thinking about her? Why did I care if she’d decided she didn’t want to save me?

  I didn’t need saving.

  I didn’t care about her.

  She was better off without me. In fact, I was glad if she’d realized that. Maybe now she could move on with her life and do something worth her time.

  It wasn’t my problem.

  Today, I had other things to do.

  I looked out across the group of smiling faces and found myself grinning in a way I hadn’t smiled in a long time. God, I loved this part. Every time I went on tour I did my research ahead of time, cataloging the cities we’d be in and then searching for orphanages and group homes in the area. Most small towns didn’t have them, but every so often we played a city big enough to host these sort of establishments, and when we did, I got to do my favorite part of the job.

  “So where are you taking them?” one of the employees asked, her voice hushed.

  I turned to see an older lady, her face lined by what I knew had to be a trying job full of stress, and gave her my most charming smile. Her eyes immediately went glossy with that starstruck look I knew so well.

  Perfect.

  “Bowling,” I said quickly. “There’s a bowling alley just down the street and I figured it would be the perfect place. It’s big so there’s room for all of them.” I leaned toward her. “I also already have the place booked out for myself. And filled with gifts for them.”

  Her face lit up at that, and I almost laughed. These kids didn’t have much of their own and the places that hosted them were almost always underfunded. They might have wanted to do right by the kids but they might also not have the money, and they never said no to a day out for the kids and plenty of gifts for them to bring home.

  This was the best thing I could do with my money. I already had everything I needed: a house, a big bank account, and food to eat. I had my band—or at least I had—and I had a career. But all the rest of it? Millions in the bank that I’d probably never use?

  I’d never been able to find anything I’d rather do with it than helping the kids who didn’t have a mom and dad to help them.

  “We’ll get them ready,” she said breathlessly. “And organize chaperones.”

  I nodded once and watched her walk away... then turned back to the kids to see Matt, Anna, and Lila standing in the doorway. Lila and Anna looked hesitant and nervous, like they didn’t know what the heck they were doing here.

  Matt looked triumphant, the asshole. When his eyes met mine he shrugged and grinned like he had zero regrets for what he’d obviously done—telling the girls exactly where I’d be—and when his gaze slid sideways toward Lila, I followed it.

  And found her looking at me like the fucking sun was shining out of my ass.

  My heart stuttered and threatened to stop... and then started beating at triple its usual rate. I’d thought she had to be done with me after last night. That she’d given up and moved on. So seeing her here now, looking like I’d just become even more than she thought I might have been was...

  It was like a balm to a soul that had been ripped to shreds.

  And God, that scared me.

  The bowling alley was a bigger hit than I’d thought it would be. I mean sure, I’d thought bowling would be good for the kids and I loved the idea of taking them out for the day, but I hadn’t expected them to run shrieking toward the lanes, their faces alight with joy and their fingers grasping for the bowling balls in their racks. I certainly didn’t expect them to grab any adults in the vicinity—including Lila and Anna—and drag them along with them, chattering a million miles a minute and grinning up at them like they’d found a bowling alley that led straight to Heaven.

  My heart grew about ten sizes in the space of ten seconds, and when the woman who ran the orphanage touched my arm I nearly jumped out of my skin.

  “Sorry,” she said quickly. “I just wanted to let you know how excited they are about this.”

  “I noticed,” I said wryly. “They’ve never been bowling before?”

  “We don’t usually have the time or money for this sort of thing,” she answered. “They see the bowling alley every time they go out, though, and have been asking for years to come. We just...” She gestured vaguely at the building and all the kids, her actions telling me exactly how hopeless it all was.

  I bumped her shoulder with mine. “What if I set up a fund for them to go bowling once a month? I’d be happy to do it.”

  It wasn’t a lot. It didn’t guarantee any of them the happy homes they deserved. But it could make the wait a little bit easier. And I had a feeling that this particular orphanage needed that sort of thing. The place had been clean and well-cared-for, the kids healthy. I didn’t think this was the sort of place that needed extra food or oversight, to make sure the kids found their ways into better situations. But they could use entertainment.

  And that, I could do.

  I strolled away before she could answer, already knowing the answer was going to be yes, and before long I’d been pulled into a game with boys who looked to be about ten years old. They were telling me about the frogs that lived in the field behind the orphanage and the tadpoles they’d been raising in dishes inside when the creek dried up, and then about the birds they thought might be eating the frogs and a plan to build some sort of netting to protect said frogs. One of the boys, evidently an aspiring engineer, was going through the complications of the plan and my mind was frankly spinning in circles by the time I felt a hand on my shoulder.

  I looked down and recognized those fingers. The callus on the middle finger from playing guitar. The ring on the thumb. The particular color of bright pink polish.

  I looked up into Lila’s eyes and couldn’t stop myself from smiling in welcome.

  “Having fun?” she asked.

  I stood up and took her in. God, she was gorgeous, her cheeks flushed and her eyes shining. “Better than a party. I’m learning all about their plan to save the frogs in their field.”

  She made a face at that and eyed the boys behind me. “Saving the frogs? Have you already saved their tadpoles? You know they need to move into a safe spot before their water dries up.”

  That was all it took. The boys grabbed at her and pulled her into their midst, all of them talking at the same time and telling her about the tadpole aquariums they had set up, and when they thought it would be safe to release them back into the wild. She was laughing and giving them tips she’d learned from her own childhood, then telling them about one particular frog she’d thought of as a pet, and I’d never seen anyone look so excited about fucking amphibians.

  I’d thought the kids were over the moon when they were talking to me, but that didn’t hold a candle to how excited they were about Lila. They were looking at her like she was an angel, come to teach them about frogs, and if I’d thought my heart had grown by ten sizes before, I didn’t know a damn thing.

  She was taking to the kids like she’d had this whole thing planned right from the start, moving around them now to take her turn at bowling, and I wondered for a moment if she’d known we were going to be doing this today. Had she somehow found out early in the week that I was going to be doing this? Prepared herself to entertain a bunch of kids with no families and teach them the hard-earned lessons of her youth?

  No, I realized. She wouldn’t have had to do that. She’d probably learned about it just this morning from Matt, that turncoat.

  And she’d jumped right into it with both feet, ready to share herself with whoever needed a little sunshine in their lives. She wouldn’t have had to prepare. She just had to present herself. And she’d done it without thinking twice or looking back.

  Because that was just who Lila Potter was.

  RIVERS

  I kept the smile on my face and my hands to myself as long as the kids were there. I bowled and gave out gifts, shared plates of fries and made sure every boy and girl there had as much soda as they wanted. We had a day off from the tour and that meant I had all the time in the world to spend with them—lucky that it had matched up with a city where they had a group home—and I spent every last minute I had making sure the kids had a day they’d never forget.

  And I made sure they each left with at least one stuffed animal in their arms.

  As they were filing out, I made the call to my business manager. “Johnny, I need to set up a trust for the orphanage I just left. I want them to have plenty of food and a chance to go bowling once a month.”

  Okay, so I didn’t think the food thing was completely necessary. But I also didn’t see any reason not to include it.

  Johnny asked me a few questions—the name of the orphanage and what city it was in, along with how much I wanted to allocate to them every month. And then he told me he’d take care of it, and that was that. I hung up feeling a whole lot better about everything... and then turned to look for Lila. I’d noticed that Anna and Matt had left earlier, but I’d seen Lila still sitting with some younger girls, telling them a story, and had hoped that she’d stay the whole day.

  I wanted to talk to her. More than that. I was yearning for it like a druggie who needed a hit. Itching to hear what she’d say about how we’d spent the day. I wondered if she had ideas for what I could do for these kids or thoughts about how we could have improved things.

  I wondered if she had any idea why we’d done it at all.

  I spun, my eyes grazing every inch of the now-darkening building while my heart thudded at the thought that she might have left while I wasn’t looking. Had she decided she’d had enough? Escaped before she had to face me and talk to me? Maybe this had just been a good deed for her; something that was for the kids, not for me. Maybe this had⁠—

  But she was right there. I stopped moving and stared, the world around us growing still as I watched her. She was handing out stuffed animals to little kids on their way out the door, laughing with them and touching their noses with the stuffies before she handed them over. And when the last one stepped out and the door shut behind him, she stood for a moment watching the door like she was trying to process what had just happened. The only light in the area was right above her, highlighting her like she was on stage.

  Like someone up above us wanted to make sure I could see her.

  When she turned, her heart was in her eyes and her lips were parted, and I didn’t have to wonder what she was thinking. She’d been just as affected by the day as I had, and the memory wasn’t going to leave her anytime soon. She’d also been waiting for me to be alone. I didn’t know how I knew it but it was right there in front of me, a thought just waiting for me to grab it, and I reached for it, tucked it into my pocket, and started strolling toward her.

  “You gave them quite a day,” she said, when I drew even with where she was.

  I shrugged and looked at the door that had just closed. “They deserve more. I’ve set up a trust fund to make sure they get to come back once a month. And have plenty of food.”

  I watched her out of the corner of my eye, seeing quite clearly the smile that bloomed over her face. “The Rivers Shine Good Deed Fund.”

  “Don’t tell anyone,” I warned her, mock serious. “People will start to see through me.”

  She threaded her fingers through mine and squeezed. “Probably not. But I think I’m starting to.”

  I turned to her then to find her face tipped up to me, her eyes considering. She wasn’t shining. She didn’t look like she was about to beg me to take her home, like she had that first night when I met her. Instead, she looked like she was actually trying to see through me. Like she was starting to realize that something she’d suspected all along was more true than she’d realized.

  “Better be careful. I think the lady that runs the place is halfway in love with you already,” she murmured.

  I snorted at that. “No she’s not. They all look that way when you give money to their organizations. It’s not what they’re used to.”

  Lila tipped her head back and forth, considering. Then a corner of her mouth turned up. “She might not be, then. Other people, though...”

  My body both froze and caught on fire at the same time. I felt like a live wire that was being doused in water. Ice that had somehow burst into flame. “Other people like who?”

  “Well those kids, for starters. You’re going to be their idol for the rest of their lives. And the people who work with them. The people who work here, I bet.”

  “And what about you?”

  I couldn’t help it. I had to know. I knew I’d said I was no good for her and that she would be better off without me. I’d already started the paperwork to get myself out of the band and off this tour specifically so she could take my place. I didn’t doubt any of that. I knew it was the right thing.

  But she was also standing right there in front of me, glowing up at me like a tiny sun, and it was impossible not to want her. I could tell myself until I was blue in the face that I was no good for her, but the part of me that wanted her to want me, that needed the sunshine and happiness she brought with her, refused to give up.

  Fucking God, I wanted her to be halfway in love with me, and not only because of what I’d done for these kids today. I wanted Lila Potter to think of me in that way. I didn’t know how to turn that wish off... and I didn’t know if I wanted to.

  She brushed my cheek softly with her fingertips, her skin as warm as honey against my own. “I think there’s a lot more to you than anyone ever realized. And I think you deserve to be seen.”

  That was all I needed.

  I claimed her mouth with mine and dove into her, every inch of me on fire with need for this girl. I tipped her chin up to give me better access to her and she moaned, opening her mouth to me and taking me in.

  And that right there slowed me down. Yesterday in my room had been hot and very fast, nothing more than the instinct of needing her. But this right here...

  I wanted to take my time. I wanted to leave the world behind and pretend that we were the only people in the city. The only people in the universe.

  Stooping down, I slid my arm under her knees and lifted her up, making my way slowly toward one of the booths in the restaurant. She wrapped her arms around my neck and continued kissing me like she was drowning, her mouth hot and her breath coming faster and faster. Our tongues danced in a slow, methodical waltz and we breathed each other in and out, too entranced in the kiss to stop.

  God, I’d been wrong about her being only the sun. She was the earth and moon and stars, all wrapped into one. She was the best wort of heat and the only sort of warmth I needed.

  I got to the booth and sat with her in my lap, and a moment later she’d managed to move herself around so she was straddling me. She pressed down against my cock, so hard now that I could barely feel anything else, and I gasped at the sudden contact. When she reared back and gave me a sly, almost shy smile, I pulled her back toward me.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered against her mouth.

  “Rivers Shine, I thought you were some sort of Casanova,” she whispered back. “I would think it was obvious.”

  And with that, the time for going slowly was finished. I stood and pushed her down onto her back on the table, my hand stopping to cup her cheek as I started working at the button and zipper of my jeans. Her eyes darkened and grew wide, then darted around the room.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I would think that was obvious,” I said, feeding her words back together. I jerked my jeans down and made quick work of her jean shorts, then leaned over her again, taking in her tousled hair and wide, darkened eyes. “After all, we have the whole place to ourselves. Are you going to stop me?”

  “No,” she breathed.

  I didn’t need any more than that. I parted her legs a bit more and found her seam with the head of my cock. God, she was wet and ready and so, so hot, like she’d been waiting for this all day. She caught her lower lip in her teeth and gazed up at me, daring me to do it.

  So I did. I held her gaze with mine as I slid into her, making sure to go slowly enough that she could feel every inch. When I was fully seated, her eyes turned upward in pleasure, but I put a hand to her cheek.

  “Look at me, Lila.”

  She did.

  So I could see how it effected her when I started to slide back out... and then back in again. I saw exactly how much she liked the smooth, even rhythm. Her eyes got darker and darker the longer I went, and when I started to speed up they closed again, as if it was all too much.

  I didn’t stop. I moved in and out of her like my life depended on it, because in that moment it felt like it did. I gave her every inch of me again and again, reveling in the tight feel of her and the fact that she was grasping me as hard as I was grasping her, hanging on for dear life while we rode each other right to the edge. I didn’t know what this was. I didn’t know if it was love or something a whole lot like it. But I knew that she reached me in ways no one else had ever dared, and I knew her in a way that made me feel like I owned her.

  My tempo got faster again and she began moaning my name, which undid me completely. I looked down at her one more time, registered that she was about to come undone, and let myself go, taking her over the edge of the cliff with me and down into a darkness that only she, Lila Potter, could light.

  LILA

  The night ended far too quickly.

  I got a ride back with Rivers, who held my hand the entire time and then left me at the elevator. He kissed me softly, his eyes dreamy and his lips parted, but when I asked him to walk me to my room, had told me that I didn’t need anyone seeing us together after the announcement he’d made.