“It’s dangerous in mine, too.”

  His expression hardened on her. “Are you that eager to be away?”

  “It’s hard to be around you when you hate breathing the same air I breathe because of my name.”

  His scowl turned fierce. “I do not hate breathing the same air you breathe!”

  “You hide in your solar and scowl when you see me,” she argued. “Like now. I feel like Reg. So yes, I was eager to be away.”

  His gaze on her softened just a bit. “I did not mean to treat you like Reg. Forgive me.”

  She nodded and asked God for strength to be strong. He was leaving, garbed for war. This was who he was.

  “What are the other reasons?” she asked him. “You said there were many reasons to stay away. Tell them to me.

  “They don’t matter, Kes—”

  She turned away. She couldn’t get an answer from him. He couldn’t make up his mind if he cared or not and she promised herself she wouldn’t stick around if he tried to string her along.

  His fingers closing around her wrist stopped her from leaving. He pulled her into his arms, against his metal chest and bent to hover his mouth over hers.

  “They do not matter because only this does. I’m falling in love with you, Kestrel. I feel my heart giving in to it more and more each day, every time I look at you. I cannot stop it and it terrifies me to think of you disappearing as easily as you appeared and taking my heart with you.”

  What? He was terrified of losing her. “What about my name?”

  “I will change it,” he whispered and covered her mouth with his.

  She should fight him and not let him think he could be a jerk and then kiss it all away. But who was she kidding? She wanted to be ravished by Nicholas and only Nicholas. She opened her mouth to his plunging tongue and coiled her arms around his neck. She wanted him to hate leaving her, to refuse to fight for Richard.

  “I do not want to leave you,” he said against her.

  She smiled. “Was it the dress or the kiss?”

  “’Twas the heart. Mine,” he confessed. “And ’twas the kiss also,” he added and let his silvery gaze rake over her body. “And the dress. I don’t give a damn what your name is, Kestrel. I will not lose you over it.

  “Don’t go back yet, Nicholas. Don’t leave.”

  He held her by the upper arms and gazed into her eyes.

  “I still have two days. I will figure something out.”

  He kissed her again. It was a kiss of complete possession and mastery. This is how she longed to be kissed, as if his life depended on breathing her, tasting her, holding her. She held on to his shoulders in his armor, so wide and strong. He said he would change her name. Was that a proposal? Was he willing to wed her so she’d no longer be a Lancaster? Would she wed him for such a reason?

  “Come back to the castle,” he urged with a gentle bite to her lobe.

  “No. I think I should stay here. I don’t want you to leave for battle. We have much thinking to do. I’m falling in love with you, too.”

  He dipped his brows over his eyes as if he doubted the good of his ears. Then his eyes brightened, and he smiled. “I was hoping you were. Part of me was,” he added, almost as an afterthought.

  “Which part?” she asked while he covered her in his metal embrace.

  “That part that rejoices in you. The part that wants to think nothing but death could take you from me—and I will not let that happen. But what do I do against some spell that decides to hurl you into the next century? Or if you find the brooch and want to go back. I should stop us both from falling in love. ’Twill only lead to heartache.”

  She stared up at him, trying to ignore the burning in her eyes. “If you believe that then we’re already doomed.”

  “Mayhap we are,” he said, leaning his temple on top of her head. “Mayhap we should cherish every moment we have together.”

  She nodded and smiled and let him wipe a tear from her cheek. “I think that’s a good way to live our lives together, Nicholas. We will deal with whatever happens when the time comes. Until then, if there even is a then, we will cherish our moments. Even when I want to strangle you.”

  “Me?” He took a step back, breaking their hold. “You are just as stubborn as me. Mayhap even more so. Let me prove it. Come back to the castle with me.”

  “No, I think—”

  “You see?” He smiled, watching her when she laughed. “At least let me take you somewhere today.”

  Her smile brightened. “Where shall we go?”

  “Where do you want to go? In our century, of course.”

  Their century. Not his and not hers.

  “Swimming!” she told him. “I want to go swimming with you again.”

  “Very well. Let us change clothes and meet here.”

  “You won’t change your mind?” she asked playfully, but with a serious edge. He’d taken days to realize he didn’t care about her name. What if he—

  “I will not change my mind about loving you, for you have taken hold of my heart in a way that no one else ever has. What choice is there when love strikes?”

  Her smile on him warmed. Her gaze did the same. “You’re a romantic.”

  He looked ill, but then it passed. “I’ll return shortly.

  When he was gone, she looked down at her dress and sighed. She’d given in to him. She loved him. Did she love him enough to refuse to step through the veil in time if she had the chance to go back? He’d been ready to leave her, to go back into battle. But had he truly wanted to return, or had he been running from his emotions for her? She believed it was more the latter. She didn’t blame him for being afraid of it. She was, too. But more than fear, she wanted more with him. She wanted all of him. Would she give up home and marry him? She could never go back if she were his wife. She thought about it all while she changed into her white kirtle and teal overcoat, gifts from Elia.

  Kes wasn’t just falling in love with Nicholas, she was also beginning to love Elia and Walter. Everyone here. Claire wasn’t even angry with her for taking Nicholas off the market, so to speak. They were becoming close friends.

  She wouldn’t give up hope of seeing her father again but until she did see him, she liked building up a new family here.

  As promised, Nicholas returned to her for an afternoon at the waterfalls. They rode together on his horse. The beast was a huge warhorse and handled her weight without a problem. Besides, they traveled at a lazy pace under the blessed canopy that shielded them from the hot sun.

  “Would you have gone off to fight?” she asked him, sitting on his lap, leaning against his chest.

  “Aye. I felt it was the safest thing to do.”

  She laughed, but there was little mirth it. “Oh, great. Going off to battle is safer than staying here with me.”

  “No, ’twas not great,” he corrected, confusing her a little and making her conceal a soft smile. “But ’tis safer,” he continued. “You have the power to make me ache in my guts, my chest, my head. I have never felt the pain of being empty until you left. One day felt like a thousand. Two days, ten thousand. I felt I had to go back to the field, or I would go mad. But then I saw you.” He closed his arms around her and spoke into her hair. “I saw you and I knew I would die without you in my arms.”

  Kes covered his forearms with hers and sighed with delight. When had any guy ever spoken to her like this? Nicholas proved over and over again that he wasn’t like the men she knew. He’d been angry that she lied to him. But it also made him realize how he really felt about her.

  “You are enough for me to be happy here,” she told him, turning to look at him. “Never to forget the people I’ve loved, like my father, but able to live without them. You saved me from going nuts.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. Going nuts sounds painful.” He smiled. He often did. She was glad he found her amusing. She loved being the one who made him smile.

  “I’m sorry for not telling you the truth, Nicholas. I didn’t want to be someone you hated.”

  “I did not want that either. But I cannot hate you.”

  Now that he knew and had accepted the fact that she was a Lancaster, it felt as if a giant weight had been removed from her shoulders.

  She heard the waterfalls before they reached them. The flow was harder, and the basin was full thanks to the last storm. They set out a wool blanket on a large flat rock partially shaded by the trees. Nicholas had been thoughtful enough to bring wine and black bread and sweet butter. Walter packed some fresh fruit and cheese for them. Kes set out the food, but she wasn’t hungry. She was nervous about being with him alone, with him probably naked again. She didn’t trust herself.

  “Let’s swim first,” he said as if reading her mind.

  She nodded and straightened so she could begin undressing. Her bra and panties were clean and still holding up.

  Once again, he stripped first. This time, he wore thin breeches. She had but a moment before he took off running and jumped into the water with a loud shout. But it was enough time to view him in his somewhat loose fitting, knee-high breeches. The waistline fell to below his hips, showing off his tight abs. The sensual flare of his back muscles into his pecs and deltoids made her want to climb him.

  She blushed and followed him in. The water was surprisingly frigid for the early days of August. When she came up, out of breath, he gathered her in his arms and instantly warmed her. She didn’t fight him or make him suffer for how he’d treated her when he’d found out that she was a Lancaster. She understood they killed his family and it had been something he’d been dealing with for years. She was happy to be with him. She loved being held in his embrace. It was where she’d woken up when she arrived here.

  He kissed her with a mouth that tasted of passion and desire. His arms closed around her, one around her shoulders and the other to the slope of her behind. His tongue flicked and stroked around the inside of her mouth.

  A thought occurred to her. Did he think she was a virgin? Most unmarried women in this era were, weren’t they? Should she tell him she wasn’t? That she was sorry she’d done it with the guy she’d done it with? He was selfish and therefore terrible in bed and out of it. He didn’t deserve her.

  Did Nicholas?

  He released her and turned his scarred back on her. “Climb on.”

  Don’t tempt me, she wanted to tell him. She looped her arms around his neck on held on when he dipped and swam with her on his back through the waterfall.

  She wanted to laugh but water went into her mouth. He swam a little farther, behind one of the falls. “What is this?” she faintly heard his voice through the roar of the water. He turned a bend and swam into cave.

  “Oh, Nicholas, it’s huge!” Her voice echoed beneath the high rock ceiling. Sunshine coming through from the vaulted entrance faded to a golden incandescence. He stopped swimming and stood up, bringing the water with him. Kes let him go and watched the liquid flow down his body in rivulets, over hills and valleys. She stood with him on flat rocks, much like the ones outside.

  “Have you been here before?” she asked him, wondering how many women had been here with him.

  “No.” He shook his head and looked around. “I do not swim often and when I came here with Edward and his family, we did not venture through the falls.”

  She liked that they were seeing it for the first time together. “Do you think there are many visitors?” Finding deserted little paradises in the twenty-first century was rare. There would be twenty other couples in here with them if they were home.

  “I do not think there are any visitors,” he said, his voice, deep and thrilling against her ear as he stepped closer. “We are alone.” He scooped her hair away from her nape and kissed what he’d exposed. His arms slipped around her and pulled her close against him. He felt as hard as his armor, but he was warm, his muscles twitched and tremored when her flesh touched his.

  A few rays of sunshine shot into the cave before a billowy cloud passed the sun and cast them into its soft radiance. They smiled at each other, close enough to kiss.

  Instead, Nicholas bent his knee and took her hand. “Kestrel—”

  Her heart thundered in her chest and felt like it moved to her throat and lodged itself there. Was he going to ask her…?

  “Since you got here, you have taken over my thoughts. I think about you all the time. I want to be with you and nowhere else. I want to laugh with you and learn about your life and the people you love. I want to take pictures,” he stopped to smile at her, “of us and our children. Nothing in this life would please me more than to be your husband. Will you be my wife?”

  She brought her free hand to her mouth. His wife. His wife!

  “Yes,” she said in a dulcet whisper. She could give no other answer.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Yes, I’ll be your wife.”

  Was she crazy? Marriage? This meant she couldn’t leave here without him. It also protected her should anything befall him. But marriage? Her? She smiled thinking about what Lilith and Jack and the others would say.

  She watched her fiancé…or betrothed as they said here, stand up. Her mouth went dry when he scooped her up to cradle her in his arms. He carried her up the next few ledges, where the water barely reached, and set her down.

  “You will tell Elia whatever you wish for our wedding and celebration.” He sat beside her with her between his legs and gave her an indulgent grin. “Whatever you wish. I will spare no expense.”

  Goodness, he sure knew what to tell a girl. “And where did you come by so much money?”

  “Everything that was my father’s and his father before him, is now mine. I also have the pay from my service to the king and to England, and—”

  She held up her hand to stop him. Ok, he was rich I. She got it. “Well, I’m glad we won’t be starving.”

  “I will take care of you, Kestrel, and I will provide for our children. We will never starve.”

  “I want to help,” she told him, looking into his eyes. “In twenty nineteen, many women provide for themselves, as I did with my career as a historian.”

  “Very well, help then.”

  She almost gasped a smile at him. She never expected to hear him agree. She thought he’d beat his chest a little. But he didn’t.

  “Do whatever you can think of to keep yourself busy, and that will not get you thrown into a cell. I will put coin to your desire, aye? If you wish to continue your work as a historian, Walter has enough pieces of history in his house to log and keep you happy. Or open a shop at the market, with Elia, mayhap. Have your exercise classes, though I will have to station a man outside the door to protect you. Whatever you wish, my love.”

  She had to be dead and this had to be Heaven. She pinched herself. Nope. This wasn’t Heaven, she felt pain.

  Those were wonderful ideas. “Maybe,” she said, feeling like she might cry or leap around the rocks with happiness, “I will do it all.” She could help Cook cook, give some of the servants the night off, even if it meant her doing some serving. As the lady of the castle, she could get whatever anyone needed.

  She stared into his lightning-colored eyes and vowed to give him whatever he wished for “that won’t land us in hell.”

  He gave her a worried look. “Like what?”

  She giggled into her hand. “I’ll let you know if it ever comes up.”

  “’Tisn’t kissing you, for you let me kiss you already.”

  He leaned forward and kissed her, parting her lips gently with his tongue.

  All that touched her was his lips. It sparked lightning in her everywhere else. She wanted more and broke their kiss to sigh when he put his arm around her and gently pulled the back of her against his chest. She had to turn her face upward to kiss him, and she did so happily. She let him seduce her with his lips, his teeth, and one hand moving from behind her to cup her upstretched throat and then lower to her breast. His fingers disappeared beneath the lace and tugged at her nipple.

  Kes groaned and he rubbed the taut nub until her knees parted.

  “Nicholas, I’m not…I’m not a virgin.”

  He stopped for a moment, leaving Kes to wonder if he’d take back his proposal.

  “Neither am I,” he admitted.

  Goodness, he relieved her at every turn. It was as if nothing fazed him—except her name. How would he feel about the Lancasters after the last Yorkist king was killed? Would he want her around him then? He said he’d never change his mind, but just how deeply did he hate her ancestors?

  “Then there is no judgment,” she whispered. “Only pleasure.”

  “Only pleasure,” he agreed with a lazy smirk before his lips covered hers again.

  This time, he used both hands to expose and cup her breasts. He kissed her upside down and spread his rough palms over her flat belly to the small triangle of hair beneath her panties.

  Her legs opened with a will of their own. Beneath her, she could feel his erection in his wet breeches. She pulled free of his embrace and turned to tug the laces with her teeth. His huge, hard cock sprang forward.

  He moaned, deep and guttural. The sound heated her blood. She turned her head and opened her mouth to him. He drove himself into her but stopped just before she would gag.

  He pushed her down gently and pulled down her underwear. She watched him, eager for him, while he pulled out of his breeches.

  Poised above her, she nearly wept looking at him. He spread her with his knees and pushed against her wet opening. When she resisted slightly, he slipped his hand under her and cupped her bottom. He heaved himself up on his knees, taking her with him. He moved her under him, and she held on, unable to do much else as he eased his way into her and they rode his deluge together.

  Much to her surprise and delight, he only required five minutes to recuperate before he was ready again. This time, she took control and made him sit up against the slick rocks. He held on with his arms over the ledge behind him and waited for her.