Ben opened his arms, and Vance moved in tight. Sliding his legs beneath Ben"s, he tucked himself close and buried his head against the other man"s shoulder. Inhaling the warm scent of his skin, the hint of astringent or antiseptic and taco seasoning that clung to his shirt, Vance let the rest spill out.

  “I tried to be careful. I swear I did. She was so tiny I thought for sure I"d crush her.” The memories kept coming. “I touched her, tried to ease the sting they"d caused with their slaps and the knife. She kept thanking me for not letting them hurt her.

  78

  Qwillia Rain

  “They thought I was taking too long so they used the whip. I made sure they couldn"t touch her, but she cried, begged me to just do it so they"d stop hurting me. I tried to tell her it would hurt, that if she"d let me, I could make it better. That the whip didn"t really hurt, but she kept crying, Ben. And those sons of bitches kept laughing.”

  Cool fingers kneaded his scalp and his nape, but Ben remained silent.

  Vance continued. “One of the men grabbed my arm, said if I wouldn"t satisfy the little slut, he would. Aimee begged me. „Please," she said. „Just do it, so they"ll stop." So I did.” His fingers flexed against Ben"s back. “I pushed inside her, and she cried out. And the bastards laughed.”

  Diablo Blanco Club: Under Control

  79

  Chapter Seven

  “It wasn"t your fault, V. You didn"t touch her intending to do her harm.”

  Ben"s quiet assurance twisted the knot in Vance"s belly. He"d told his lover most of what happened, but he hadn"t revealed just what kind of bastard he"d become when he forced himself inside Aimee.

  “No, I didn"t intentionally hurt Aimee,” Vance agreed, pulling himself from Ben"s arms. He needed to let him go. To step away so that the pain of Ben"s hatred, his retreat once Vance told him what he"d done to Aimee, wouldn"t hurt as badly as Vance knew it would. Taking his time, not wanting to see the disgust in Ben"s eyes, Vance stumbled to his feet and turned to face the house with his back to the older man.

  Behind him, he could hear Ben rise to his feet, but still he remained silent.

  Thrusting his hands deep into the front pockets of his jeans, Vance fingered the bit of jewelry he"d carried away from the mission to remind himself of his failure. The length of silver and stone had been pulled from Aimee"s ankle when her loose cotton pants had been stripped away by their captors. Stroking the stones and bells brought him a little peace, but it made him more determined to keep his needs under control. To control the beast that was his desire. Again, he said, “I didn"t intentionally hurt Aimee.”

  He took a deep breath. “But I did come inside her.”

  80

  Qwillia Rain

  This time he turned to face his best friend and the man he loved, needing to see his reaction. “I didn"t just rape her, Ben; I climaxed. I found pleasure in the feel of her body around mine, and I climaxed. Now, what kind of sick fuck does that make me, Ben?

  That I can come inside a terrified kid while other men are watching, taking pictures.

  Huh?”

  “It makes you human, Vance.”

  “Are you outta your fuckin" mind? Human? I held her down. I pushed her legs wider and I pounded into her like some goddamned stag in rut, and you call that human?”

  “And you kept her from being raped by two terrorists that wouldn"t have cared if she was wet or not.”

  “That has—”

  “Stop, dammit, just stop, Vance.” Gripping Vance"s face in his hands, Ben stared down into the younger man"s eyes and let him see the emotions he"d kept hidden.

  “There is nothing you"ve ever done to deserve the kind of punishment you"ve set yourself for. The whip, the gun—nothing you did to Aimee would justify you killing yourself.”

  “You don"t know…”

  Ben shook his head. “No, Vance, I don"t know what it felt like to hold that kid down and do what you had to do to keep her alive. But I do know you.”

  “How—”

  Pulling him close, Ben pressed his forehead to Vance"s, hoping in some way to get the man he loved to understand. “You tried to make sure she was wet, didn"t you?

  That"s why the tangos were using the whip on you.”

  “Yes, but—”

  Diablo Blanco Club: Under Control

  81

  “And I"m betting the entire time you talked to her. You told her you would take care of her, that you"d make it right. That you"d never let those bastards touch her.

  Right?”

  Vance didn"t bother to speak, he just nodded.

  “Did she come, V?”

  “What the fuck kinda question is that?” Vance pulled out of his hold and stomped up onto the porch. He grabbed the beer he"d left on the floor beside his chair. Ben watched him drain half the bottle"s contents in one gulp.

  Ben asked again, needing Vance to hear the answer more than he did. “Did she come? Did Aimee climax?”

  The answer was soft and reluctant. “Yes.”

  “And she did so before you did, right?”

  This time Vance only nodded.

  “And you are disgusted by that?”

  “Are you saying I shouldn"t be?” Vance"s distaste was evident in his tone. “A man that can find pleasure in the abuse of a woman isn"t a man. He"s a bastard. A monster.”

  “But you didn"t find pleasure in abusing Aimee, V. You found satisfaction in bringing her pleasure. At a time when she would have known only pain and degradation, you showed her something different.” Ben moved to the candles and blew them out.

  “Are you condoning what happened as a good thing?” The confusion and disbelief in Vance"s voice had Ben shaking his head.

  Returning to Vance"s side, he collected the .38 from the porch and wrapped his free hand around the back of the other man"s neck. “No. Rape is a violation that no one should ever be subjected to. But you didn"t set out to rape Aimee, nor did you make it the violent, penetrative act the terrorists would have made it. You"re a soldier. Doing a job. You aren"t Superman.”

  82

  Qwillia Rain

  Pressing his lips to Vance"s, he caressed the soft surface before tasting the tang of the beer mingled with the man"s own deeper flavor. Stepping back, Ben finished, “You can"t kill all the monsters, and you need to stop punishing yourself for the lives you couldn"t save.” Reaching down, he took Vance"s free hand and tugged him toward the house.

  Vance resisted, pulling away, unsure how he could justify his past acts the way Ben just did. Then Aimee"s soft voice whispered in his head, You should tell him how you feel. At the memory of pain that colored her cobalt gaze, Vance allowed himself to remember the words Aimee had said while he held her in his arms: “Love is the one emotion that is the purest form of God. God doesn’t sit in judgment of who you love; He only cares that you do love. Denying those emotions is denying Him.”

  In front of him, Ben waited, gray eyes cautious, wary.

  “I love you.” The words spilled out of his mouth.

  “Come show me how much.” Ben smiled, holding out his hand.

  Vance took his hand and followed him inside. Together they locked the back door and shut off the lights. Ben led him through the living room and down the hall, past the two guest bedrooms and the smallest bedroom that functioned as an office, and into the master suite. The king-size bed was situated beneath the east-facing window. To the left of the bed stood two wide French doors that led onto the porch that wrapped around the house. In the dark, Ben moved to the walk-in closet, where he set the gun and bullets in a cabinet and locked it before returning to Vance"s side.

  “You don"t have to worry that I"ll use it,” Vance assured his lover, his hands working the buttons of Ben"s shirt loose just as Ben"s were doing his.

  “I"m not. You already said you had three good reasons not to.” Ben grinned.

  “Besides you"re—”

  “A marine.”

  Diablo Blanco Club: Under Control

  83

  “Yup.”

  “Not anymore.” Vance tugged Ben"s shirt from his jeans.

  “Not anymore, what?”

  “I"m not a marine anymore. I signed my separation papers yesterday, remember?”

  Ben winked at him. “Sorry, V, but once a marine always a marine.”

  “Plus, I made a promise.”

  “A promise?” Ben"s hands smoothed the shirt over his shoulders before his mouth dipped to tease the pearled bud of Vance"s nipple.

  Vance moaned, “Yeah. I promised to make things right.” Taking less care with his lover"s shirt, he shoved it off Ben"s shoulders and down his arms so he could indulge in the feel of Ben"s skin beneath his fingertips. Vance eased his hands lower, dipping under the waistband of Ben"s jeans and boxers to explore the feel of his ass.

  “How— yeah, right there…ahh—were you going to make things right?” Ben arched into his touch.

  “By telling you I loved you.” Vance tugged his hands away from Ben"s ass and moved to the fastening of the other man"s jeans. “She made me promise to tell you I loved you when I saw you again.”

  That made Ben pull back. “How did she know?”

  “I told her.” Moving his lips from Ben"s throat to his chest, Vance eased to his knees, dragging the jeans and boxers to rest around his lover"s ankles.

  Feet bare, Ben stepped free of his clothing. “When? When did you tell her?”

  Still kneeling, Vance explored the planes of Ben"s abdomen with his lips. The sleek muscles and sprinkling of hair had him nipping at the tanned flesh, enjoying the musk of arousal that emanated from Ben"s body. “When I first touched her, she apologized and asked if I would be breaking any vows by touching her.”

  “God, that sounds like Aimee.” Ben laughed. His amusement was heavily touched with sadness, as if he"d suddenly remembered the girl he was thinking of was dead.

  84

  Qwillia Rain

  “Yeah. When I told her no, she gave me the strangest look and then said, „But you love someone, don"t you?"” Vance pressed his lips to the soft skin, peppered with hair, beneath Ben"s navel. Leaning back, he looked up to make sure Ben was watching him.

  “I told her I did, but I hadn"t told him yet.”

  “That musta shocked her.”

  Vance chuckled. “Nah, she just looked at me and said, „Promise me you"ll tell Ben when you get home."”

  Ben"s fingers threaded through Vance"s close-cropped hair as Vance moved his mouth farther south. The tiny pearl of precum glistened in the slit of his erection.

  Cupping his hands around Ben"s shaft, Vance licked the bead up, savoring the taste of Ben"s arousal as much as he reveled in the scent. “I did tell you, that first morning at the Club.”

  “No, you di—”

  “In my note,” Vance reminded him.

  Before Ben could protest, Vance rolled his tongue over the head of his cock, lapping up the new pearls of seed. Dipping one hand lower, he fondled the sac dangling between Ben"s legs, playing with his balls while he took the first few inches of him inside his mouth. The heat and scent of his body and the taste of his cum aroused Vance.

  Locked behind the zipper of his own jeans, he could feel the tip of his penis leaking, desperate to feel Ben"s hands around it, his mouth devouring his flesh.

  Drawing a deep breath saturated with the smell of Ben"s excitement, Vance tamped down his need, driving his desire under control, and continued his enjoyment of Ben"s shaft.

  He pulled Ben"s cock out of his mouth with a soft pop, ignoring the curses and demands being spouted above his head. Instead, he focused his attention on lapping up every inch of the thick stalk of flesh, starting at Ben"s scrotum. With the tap of his hand, Vance had Ben widen his stance, opening his body to his touch. Taking his time, he Diablo Blanco Club: Under Control

  85

  licked at the dusky flesh, noting the fine hairs that covered his balls were different from the coarser ones surrounding the base of Ben"s cock. Once inventoried, Vance tested to see which touch had the most impact on his lover.

  He started with a gentle lapping, over and around the sac, a tickle of the perineum that had Ben clutching at Vance"s head.

  “Oh God, baby. Do that again,” he gasped, but Vance ignored him.

  Next, instead of licking, he tried nipping. First at the edges of the flesh, close to where Ben"s sac connected to his groin, then between the two hard knots contained inside. Nibbling led to sucking, which inevitably lead to mouthing. The moment his lips closed over Ben"s balls, Ben swayed. Vance clutched his ass to hold him upright, but Ben saved his balance by grabbing hold of the bedpost behind him.

  “Fuck, please,” Ben begged.

  Again, Vance ignored Ben"s plea. Moving his attention from his balls to the base of his shaft, Vance laved the heated pole with his tongue, enjoying the quiver of excitement that coursed through Ben"s body. The pulse of his blood vibrated against his tongue and lips. Saliva pooled in his mouth and dribbled over his chin as he stroked his tongue over the thick length to the broad head.

  Sucking him inside his mouth, Vance used the moisture coating the shaft to smooth the slide of his fingers. Up and down, he gripped the flesh tight as he drew inch after inch into his mouth until the head tickled the back of his throat. Exerting only the slightest pressure, he scraped his teeth along the sensitive flesh as he pulled back and then eased forward again. Ben hissed above him.

  Keeping his tongue flat against the underside of Ben"s shaft, Vance teased the thick vein echoing with each heavy thud of Ben"s heart.

  “I"m gonna come, V. Shit, baby, I need to come.”

  Vance pulled back. “Not yet, wait.” At Ben"s nod, Vance suckled his cock, drawing it deep as he coated the fingers of his left hand with the spit glistening on the shaft and dripping from the corners of his mouth. Timing his motions, he worked first one finger, 86

  Qwillia Rain

  then two, and finally a third past the tight ring of muscles of Ben"s anus. Feeding them in then out as he advanced and retreated his mouth along Ben"s penis, Vance waited, his fingers searching until he found the spot he was looking for. Once detected, he squeezed the base of Ben"s length one last time, looked up to meet his lover"s silver gaze, and nodded to give his permission.

  Ben exploded with a primal growl. His cum jetted out, splashing against the back of Vance"s throat, coating his tongue with the salty flavor before he swallowed it down once more. Pressing against the knot of Ben"s prostate, he pushed his lover into a second, less intense orgasm. Suckling Ben"s softening erection, Vance enjoyed the pleasure swimming in Ben"s gaze as they watched each other. The muscles gripping his fingers fluttered and pulsed as the climax eased, and Vance carefully pulled his digits free.

  Finished and replete, Ben stumbled backward and dropped onto the bed. Vance stripped out of his jeans and boxers and reached for the lube and protection in the nightstand. His curses brought Ben"s head up off the mattress.

  “What"s wrong?” he croaked.

  Vance held up the empty box of condoms. “None left.” His fingers flexed, crushing the black cardboard in frustration.

  “It"s okay.”

  He met his gray gaze. “Have you ever…?”

  Ben shook his head. “I"m clean. What about you?”

  “Me too. I"ve never gone bareback.” Vance paused, then added, “Except Aimee.”

  Ben nodded, not seeming to need any more explanation. “Then we"re good.”

  Vance saw something flash in his friend"s gaze. “I want you to come inside me, V.”

  Vance"s fingers fumbled the lube, barely getting the cap open before Ben reached out and slid his fingers over Vance"s cock.

  Diablo Blanco Club: Under Control

  87

  “I need to feel what you feel like as you fuck my ass just as much as I want to feel what it"s like to explode inside you with nothing between your skin and mine.”

  Vance groaned and laughed at the same time. “You keep talking like that, babe, and I"ll blow my wad right now. Fuck gettin" inside you.” His hands trembled as he squeezed the lube into his palm. Closing and tossing the tube back onto the nightstand, he pushed aside Ben"s touch to spread the gel over his pulsing length.

  Ben didn"t wait for direction. He rocked back on the bed, his feet braced on the edge of the mattress, hands spreading his cheeks, exposing the wet hole for Vance"s attention. Stepping between Ben"s spread thighs, Vance stroked Ben"s waking arousal, shifted his balls aside, and set the head of his cock where he wanted it most.

  “How do you want it, Ben?”

  “Hard.” Ben smiled. “Hard and fast.”

  And Vance did just that. After taking the time to press past the first ring of muscles, Vance gave Ben what he asked for—a hard, fast fucking. In and out, he slammed, cursing and praising the clasp and grip of Ben"s channel, both aloud and in his mind. “So good, Ben. So fucking good. Tight and hot.”

  The force of his thrusts shoved Ben farther onto the bed, making Vance crawl onto the tangled bedclothes and crouch over him to maintain the heated connection of their bodies. Ben"s legs wrapped around his waist as Vance bent to hover over him. Vance"s lips nipped and caressed Ben"s, tangling their tongues even as he pulled the older man"s hand from his hair. Lifting up just enough to meet his gaze, Vance pressed their hands, fingers intertwined, into the cool sheets above Ben"s head.

  “Tell me,” he commanded.

  Ben"s lips quirked up on one side. “Tell you what?”

  A rumbling growl rolled through Vance"s throat as he leaned down and clamped his teeth into the sensitive curve between Ben"s neck and shoulder. Pressing hard enough to leave a sizable bruise, but not enough to break the skin, Vance waited.

  88

  Qwillia Rain

  “Ow, watch the teeth, V.” Ben laughed.

  Pulling up, Vance stilled the pistoning of his hips. “Say it, or no more fucking.”

  Ben arched beneath him. “Oh God, not that.” This time his tone was serious rather than teasing.

  “Say it.”

  “I love you. Is that what you need to hear?” Ben held his gaze, the emotions in his velvet gray eyes clear to see.