It was strangely relaxing being forced to sit. To not do anything or rush anywhere. It was like being on a beach vacation but without the beach part, which was good because there wasn’t the hassle of getting your hair wet or getting sand all through your clothes. Friday was beginning to see how a few weeks of babysitting her mum might be very pleasant after all. It was relaxing. She hadn’t relaxed for so long.

  Friday’s eyelids started to feel heavy. It was getting hard to follow the history of the construction of the ATLAS Detector. It wouldn’t hurt if she just let her eyelids rest for a few moments. It was so quiet and peaceful at CERN. All the scientists were at work in their various offices. In the far distance, Friday could hear the sound of cows lowing to each other in the fields.

  ‘Miss Barnes?’

  Friday jerked awake. She hadn’t realised she was asleep. But there was a young woman standing over her, blocking the sun, so she must have been to not notice her approach.

  ‘What’s going on?’ asked Friday.

  ‘Phone call for you,’ said the young woman.

  Friday’s brain was taking a moment to come back up to speed. She realised that the young woman was holding out a mobile phone.

  ‘For me?’ said Friday.

  The young woman nodded. Friday had a lot of follow-up questions, but she decided the easiest way to get the answers was simply to speak to the person on the other end of the phone, so she took it.

  ‘Hello?’ said Friday cautiously.

  ‘Friday? Is that actually you?’ The voice sounded familiar, but there was a lot of clanking and whirring going on in the background so it was hard to be sure.

  ‘Halley?’ asked Friday. She was Friday’s sister. The third of the five Barnes siblings.

  The clanking got louder for a moment and Halley seemed to be talking to someone else. Then she heard her sister yell, ‘I don’t care if it blows out the timeline! We can’t operate if the magnets aren’t aligned. If the beam goes off course who knows what it will cut a hole in? Best-case scenario – the side of a Swiss mountain. Worst-case scenario – the skull of a research scientist. Actually, that’s probably best-case scenario.’

  Friday looked up at the young woman who had handed her the phone. ‘Is this Halley, Halley Barnes?’

  The young woman nodded. ‘I’m Midori, her grad student.’

  ‘I’m so sorry, Midori,’ said Friday. ‘But I’m sure if you put in for a transfer you’ll get one eventually.’

  ‘Friday?’ Halley called into the phone.

  ‘I’m here,’ said Friday.

  ‘Do you still play girl detective?’ asked Halley. There was more clanking in the background and the sound of people arguing.

  ‘I’m an investigative consultant with Interpol’s art crime unit,’ said Friday, bristling slightly at her sister’s patronising tone.

  ‘Good, then you’ll know how to deal with this ridiculous narrow-minded bureaucratic claptrap,’ said Halley.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ asked Friday.

  ‘My boyfriend has been accused of sabotaging the equipment,’ said Halley.

  Friday wasn’t sure what part of this statement she found most surprising. There was a lot to unravel. But she decided to start with the most shocking detail.

  ‘You have a boyfriend?’ asked Friday. Halley was incredibly good-looking but she was very abrasive and, like everyone else in the Barnes family, she was totally obsessed with her work, so she had never had a “boyfriend”. She usually had lots of boy friends who she treated badly.

  ‘Yes, I am capable of maintaining a committed relationship,’ said Halley.

  ‘Okay,’ said Friday. ‘Good for you.’

  ‘Look, I don’t have time for family chit-chat,’ said Halley. ‘Just get down here. You’re needed.’

  Halley hung up.

  Friday looked at the phone in her hand.

  ‘A new case?’ asked Melanie.

  ‘I think so,’ said Friday.

  ‘You look perplexed,’ said Melanie.

  ‘I just can’t believe Halley has someone in her life that she refers to as her “boyfriend”,’ said Friday. ‘She wants me to get down there.’

  ‘Where?’ asked Melanie.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Friday. ‘She didn’t say.’

  Friday handed the phone back to Midori. ‘Do you know where this problem is?’

  ‘You’d better come with me,’ said Midori.

  Friday hesitated. Just three days earlier, Halley hadn’t even taken her call. In the last fifteen years, Halley had never done anything for Friday. Not even the most minimal sisterly customs had been observed – no shopping trips, no nails getting done, no driving her to the movies. Now she was rudely being told to step in and save Halley’s boyfriend.

  Melanie could apparently read Friday’s mind.

  ‘You know you’ve got to help her, right?’ said Melanie.

  Friday sighed. ‘Yeah.’

  As Midori led them across campus she explained where they were going. ‘Dr Barnes is working on the PAN experiment.’

  ‘There are a lot of Dr Barneses in our family,’ said Friday. ‘It would be better if you referred to her as Halley.’

  ‘Oh no, I couldn’t possibly do that,’ said Midori. ‘PAN is one of the smaller experiments taking place at CERN, but it’s very exciting. We use the Detector to observe a cross-section of scattering and diffraction processes. Dr Barnes is a world leader on elastic scattering research.’

  ‘Wow!’ said Melanie, before leaning closer to Friday and whispering, ‘Is “wow” the correct response to that?’

  ‘Yes, “wow” is both adequate and pleasing to anyone who works in the field,’ said Friday.

  ‘Ever since the 2008 explosion, everyone has been very concerned about sabotage,’ said Midori.

  ‘Explosions will have that effect,’ observed Melanie.

  ‘It was accidental,’ said Midori. ‘It’s to be expected when you’re constructing such complicated experimental tools. But the bureaucrats never understand. Given that we are testing the limits of atomic knowledge, they’re always paranoid we are going to blow up Switzerland or the entire planet or something.’

  ‘To be fair,’ said Melanie. ‘That does sound concerning.’

  Midori led them into the CMS building. It was a large complex. She took them down several flights of stairs until they were deep underground, then down a long corridor that opened out into a huge room. In front of them was a massive cylindrical machine. It looked like a distributor cap in a car engine, except a thousand times bigger. It was the size of a doubledecker bus. At either end of the machine a two-metre-wide tube disappeared into long tunnels.

  ‘Awesome!’ said Friday. ‘That must be the Detector!’

  ‘The what?’ asked Melanie.

  ‘The Detector,’ said Friday. ‘The tunnel is part of a twenty-seven-kilometre ring. That tube is used to guide the hadrons as they accelerate.’

  There was an open hatch on the side of the Detector and a cluster of people standing in front of it. There were two young scientists, handing equipment to someone inside the Detector. Ms Dekker was also there with two uniformed security guards, and they were all being berated by a supermodel. At least, that’s what it looked like. Although Friday knew she wasn’t really a supermodel – the tall, gorgeous brunette in the lab coat was her sister Halley.

  ‘I haven’t got time for this!’ yelled Halley.

  ‘You need to make time,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘This is a serious accusation. We need to speak to Dr Chowdhury now.’

  ‘I’m busy saving a multi-billion-euro project from failure,’ called a voice from deep inside the Detector.

  ‘I don’t care,’ Ms Dekker yelled into the machine. ‘You’ve got questions to answer.’

  ‘Can I help?’ asked Friday.

  Halley turned. ‘Friday? What happened to your hair? Have you been exposed to some sort of chemical leak?’

  ‘In a way, I suppose I have,’ said Friday. ‘Peroxide is an industrial chemical. But I don’t think you can call paying a hairdresser to smear it all over my head a “leak”.’ Friday looked about at the room she was in. ‘So what happened? You said some essential equipment has been sabotaged. Was it the collider? PAN works mainly with the CMS Detector, doesn’t it? Is there a problem with that?’

  ‘What?’ said Halley.

  ‘No,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘This is the sabotage.’ Ms Dekker took a tablet computer out of her shoulder bag, opened a picture on the screen and showed it to Friday.

  It was a picture of a perfectly ordinary vending machine. ‘It’s just a vending machine,’ said Friday

  ‘Look closer,’ said Ms Dekker.

  Friday zoomed in on the picture and now she noticed there was something odd. The vending machine was designed for soft drinks. It had big marketing signs on the outside showing what beverages could be purchased. But the machine had a glass front, and you could see inside there were no drinks. Every rack was full of toothbrushes.

  ‘Why do you have a toothbrush vending machine?’ asked Friday.

  ‘Minty fresh breath is important,’ said Melanie.

  ‘It’s a prank,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘The PAN and the MINERVA teams share the use of this Detector. And like all small children they’re terrible at sharing. The MINERVA team is jealous of the PAN team because they just got an increase in funding. And the PAN team is jealous of the MINERVA team because their building is closer to the cafeteria, and they always get there first on Taco Tuesday so the only thing left for the PAN team is vegetarian tacos. This has been going on for months. Last week the MINERVA team put axolotls in all the PAN team’s water coolers.’

  ‘Were the axolotls alright?’ asked Melanie.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘They’re scientists. They made sure the water in the water coolers was pH balanced and contained all the microbes necessary for a healthy axolotl habitat. The PAN team have actually adopted them all out and they’re being cared for. It’s probably actually good for the staff. For some of them it would be the first time they’ve had to learn how to care for another living organism. But anyway, now in an act of retribution, the PAN team has done this.’

  ‘But it’s just a prank,’ said Friday.

  ‘No, it’s industrial sabotage,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘We’re going through the video evidence. Once we can prove how it was done, I’m going to press criminal charges.’

  ‘Really?’ said Friday.

  ‘Are you sure you’re not overreacting?’ asked Melanie. ‘Perhaps because the scientists have been so annoying. I know Friday is very annoying, not to me, because I’m usually asleep so I rarely notice the insensitive things she says. But I have seen her drive other people to fits of incandescent rage that can make them react inappropriately.’

  ‘No, this is my calm, measured response,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘The scientists in this department are huge babies. If they don’t have access to sugary refrigerated beverages their productivity drops, by twenty-seven per cent. We know this because there is a team of statisticians in this department, and they provided me with the data.’

  ‘Surely wasting time collecting data on soft-drink consumption would also hinder productivity,’ said Friday.

  ‘Yes,’ agreed Ms Dekker. ‘When their blood-sugar levels drop, their behaviour drops too. There is an increase in HR complaints. Everything from harassment, to name calling, to stealing from the stationery cabinet. Sabotaging this vending machine may be one simple act. But I see it as the thin end of the wedge. Those toothbrushes are a serious attack on the entire CERN program. And when I prove that Dr Chowdhury did it, he will be fired and deported.’

  ‘You can’t do that! Brad’s essential to the PAN project,’ said Halley.

  ‘Then he should focus on that,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘And not take time out of his schedule for pranks.’

  ‘You’ve got no proof,’ said Halley.

  ‘This isn’t a court of law,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘We don’t need to prove it beyond reasonable doubt. Unreasonable doubt will do just fine. He has a terrible track record. We have proof that he set fire to Dr Branson’s research.

  ‘He was trying to light a barbecue,’ said Halley. ‘Notebooks are very combustible.’

  ‘And he was caught skinny dipping in a public fountain,’ said Ms Dekker.

  ‘It was World Archimedes Day,’ said Halley. ‘He was re-enacting Archimedes discovery of the concept of displacement.’

  ‘Two hundred students from a South Korean Christian University were touring the campus at the time,’ said Ms Dekker.

  ‘They were here to learn about science,’ said Halley. ‘Human biology is science too.’

  ‘Why is Brad your only suspect?’ asked Friday.

  ‘Because there is no evidence,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘No physical evidence. There are no dents or scratches on the lock where it was picked, there are no dents on the door where it was levered open, and the computer log shows that the door has not been opened since it was refilled yesterday. Therefore, the only way the stock could have been swapped out was by going through the chute at the bottom.’

  Friday looked at the bottom. There was a large drawer that cans would drop into, and a flap that could be pushed open to retrieve a purchase. But it was also designed in such a way that pushing open the flap would block the chute, making it impossible to reach up into the vending machine and steal anything.

  ‘But that’s not possible,’ said Friday. ‘These machines are specially designed so that a human arm can’t reach into them.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ said Melanie. ‘My brother Binky reached into a chocolate-bar vending machine one time. You remember.’

  ‘Yes, and his arm got stuck,’ said Friday.

  ‘It wasn’t his brightest idea,’ said Melanie. ‘Thinking isn’t really Binky’s thing.’

  ‘Exactly,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘If someone had inserted their arm, the arm would still be stuck in there, presumably with the rest of their body attached.’

  ‘So what are you saying happened?’ asked Friday.

  ‘They used specialist equipment,’ accused Ms Dekker. ‘To steal something by going up through the chute, you could use an endoscope.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Friday.

  ‘What’s an endoscope?’ asked Melanie.

  ‘It’s a tool surgeons use to look . . . you know . . .’ said Friday.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Melanie.

  ‘Look inside people and . . . you know . . . do things,’ said Friday.

  ‘Why are you being so unspecific?’ asked Melanie. ‘That’s not like you.’

  ‘She doesn’t want to talk about butt holes,’ said Halley. ‘Surgeons use endoscopes to look up people’s butts.’

  ‘Yes, but that’s not their only purpose,’ interrupted Friday. ‘They also use endoscopes to perform keyhole surgery. They cut a tiny hole, then feed in the endoscope. It’s just like a thin tube. When it gets to the diseased gall bladder or appendix, tools at the end of the endoscope are pushed out to perform the operation.’

  ‘Nifty,’ said Melanie.

  ‘Exactly,’ said Friday. ‘They’re very handy tools. They’re also used by tradespeople. Plumbers use them for looking into underground pipes and clearing them out.’

  ‘Yes, well, we need you to bring the endoscope out here right now so I can take it in for testing!’ Ms Dekker yelled into the Detector.

  ‘Testing to prove what?’ called Brad, still deep inside the Detector.

  ‘That you used it to break into the vending machine,’ said Ms Dekker.

  ‘My fingerprints are all over it because I’m using it right now,’ said Brad.

  ‘Then stop using it, you’re destroying evidence,’ said Ms Dekker.

  ‘I’m saving the accelerator,’ said Brad.

  ‘You really should stop yelling at him,’ yelled Halley. ‘What he’s doing in there is very delicate. There is a blockage causing electromagnet 315B to miscue. That could put the hadron beam out by a fraction of a millimetre, which could lead to it cutting through the protective shielding and burning a hole through anything in its path.’

  ‘You can’t intimidate me with your doomsday threats,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘I get it every day from the HERA team. I can’t tell them off for parking in disabled zones or the world will end. I don’t believe you!’

  ‘Found it!’ cried Brad.

  ‘The blockage?’ asked Halley.

  ‘Yep,’ said Brad. ‘I’m extracting it now.’

  ‘Can you hold off yelling at him just while he does this?’ asked Halley. ‘It’s forty metres down the tube. It will take a while.’

  ‘Sure, he’s just demonstrating how he committed the crime,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘This is exactly how underpaid surgical residents use endoscopes to steal snacks from hospital vending machines.’

  ‘Then why aren’t you accusing the doctors down at the infirmary?’ demanded Halley.

  ‘The CERN infirmary doesn’t have an endoscope,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘According to the equipment database there is only one endoscope on campus. It belongs to the engineering department. And it is currently assigned to the lead engineer on the PAN experiment – Dr Bradley Chowdhury.’

  Friday looked at the picture of the vending machine. Ms Dekker was right. There were no tool marks. Then Friday zoomed out and looked at the surrounding area.

  ‘Do you have CCTV footage?’ she asked. ‘That looks like a camera up there on the ceiling.’

  ‘Yes, that’s a camera, but we don’t have footage,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘I’ll show you why.’ She took the tablet computer back from Friday and brought up a CCTV file on the screen. ‘Here’s the vending machine being filled yesterday.’

  The angle wasn’t great because the door of the machine was open. But they could see the sales rep stacking the last shelf with stock from a big cart on wheels before she locked the machine, turned to the cart and started slowly pushing it away.

  ‘That was at seven o’clock last night,’ said Ms Dekker. ‘There was an all-staff barbecue on the founders lawn at that time. Scientists are like rats when it comes to free food. So the building was empty until midnight when this happened . . .’ She fast forwarded through the footage of an empty corridor until, suddenly, the footage went blank.