His eyes adored me, or at least his gaze made me feel like I was the only woman in the universe. “I love you, too.”

  Whatever else had gone wrong in my life, I would never forget that for this time, I’d been the most loved person that ever lived.

  I walked back to the table and watched the door. Was I just going to sit here and wait? Wade wanted me to strap in, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. This might be a moment for action. Did that make sense? I had no idea. For all of my gumption, I’d never done anything like this before. I’d never even really lied except to make someone feel better about, say, a bad meal or an honest mistake before all of this took place. By nature, I was an honest person, and my years acting like a spiritual advisor to others and taking away pain had made me more truthful, not less.

  Although, perhaps it wasn’t wrong to argue that I’d been a bit of a fraud in my role to begin with. It wasn’t as though I’d ever really felt like I knew what I was doing.

  “Do you think everyone feels like a fraud?” I asked Wade, aware it was random and probably out of place, considering where we were and what could be happening out there.

  He stretched out his legs. “Yes. Sometimes.”

  He didn’t even blink at my question, and that was just another reason I adored Wade. He rolled with things.

  “Good.” I walked toward the door. If it wasn’t just me, then perhaps there was the smallest chance that I might get through this without getting us all killed. I heard him suck in his breath, but Wade didn’t say another word. That was good. He could very well have given me away, and then I’d be done before I even got started.

  What I had to hope was that in those moments, I was the least of anyone’s problems. I was breaking the doctor’s rules. He could hurt or kill everyone because I was doing this. That meant I couldn’t fail.

  I rounded the corner following the path by memory for the cryo chamber. Yes, the woman who couldn’t turn on the lights was going to figure out how to turn off the devices keeping her guys asleep. I’d wake them. That was a good place to start, and then I’d take down everyone I could in the process. With no idea what I was doing, I entered the bland room that housed my guys.

  I didn’t want to hurt anyone accidently. No, I was going to be quite methodical in my dishing out pain. I rounded the corner and abruptly stopped. There should be a guard, at least there had been earlier, and it took me a moment to realize why he was missing. On the other end of the room, about to face off with two Super Soldiers was Trenton.

  For the briefest of seconds, I was filled with joy before that turned into utter horror. He was never going to get past those Super Soldiers. They weren’t ones I’d seen before, and I only knew Xavier’s name anyway. Okay, I’d add two, and probably a ton more, to the count I’d made earlier.

  Fine. I stared at the two about to launch themselves at Trenton, and I zapped the heck out of them. The energy buzzed in my head and took them both down. I didn’t know that I’d ever given such force to my zapping before, but it worked. Both Super Soldiers were down for the count. I had no idea for how long, but we’d have to make do for however long that was.

  I was saving my real power for a larger group of them. It wouldn’t do to start out in small numbers.

  “Trenton,” I shouted, but he was already running toward me. We met in the middle, right by Anders’s pod.

  “You’re okay!” He tugged me toward him. “That was quite a distance you blasted.”

  I hadn’t thought about it. “I’m okay. So glad you are.” He’d been in bad shape when last I’d seen him, and he was still wearing Dev’s device that gave him some ability to hide from the Super Soldiers. “We need to catch up, but while those guards are out cold, we need to wake the others.”

  Trenton whirled around to stare at where I indicated. “I wondered where the fuck they were. How about Wade?” He was already moving away from me to count the pods in the room and spot all of our guys.

  “Locked in a glass box in medical. I left him there. He’s not going to be happy.”

  Trenton made a sound in the back of his throat that I was pretty sure was a noise of agreement. Yes, he thought Wade was going to be pissed, too.

  My engineering-oriented love started pushing buttons on each pod. “This will wake them. We’re going to keep the rest of the Super Soldiers in here out cold. Let other people deal with them. I’m only going to concern myself with our people for now.”

  The door opened, and ten Super Soldiers ran in, followed by Dr. Patrick Blume, the idiot I hoped I never had to see again when this was over. Maybe he could just dissolve into space.

  But I didn’t want to hurt Trenton. “Get in the pod with Blaze.”

  “What?” He swung around, seeing the rush of Super Soldiers as he did, because he grabbed my arm like he was going to pull me away from them. I yanked my arm back.

  “Just do it, Trenton. Trust me. Now.”

  I didn’t wait to see if he’d listened to me. I had no time for that. Usually this was the kind of thing that I’d brace for, but I just had to do this, I had to take on the emotional pain of everyone on this ship until they were all sucked so dry they couldn’t stay upright. I fisted my hands. Truthfully, I didn’t know if I could even brace myself. I’d never attempted anything like this, ever.

  I was going to take down Wade, and I had no idea if Trenton getting in with Blaze would work. It was possible all the sleeping Super Soldiers were going to get hit as well.

  This was just the best I could do, the only hope we had.

  I opened myself up, letting down my guards until I was fully opened to take on the pain of anyone who breathed the same air as me.

  I closed my eyes.

  The rush that hit me was beyond that of anything I could ever have imagined. So many people and so much distress. I’d known that the Super Soldiers lived in hell. Certainly, I’d experienced Anders’s version of it when I’d done this with him.

  But really… I’d had no idea.

  Locked away on my tiny planet, we hadn’t known this kind of agony. People lived simple lives. It wasn’t that they didn’t hurt, but somehow this was so different I couldn’t even recognize it as the same thing. These were emotions, they were wounds that would never be closed no matter how much time or help they got.

  Or maybe that wasn’t true. My guys were getting better every day they were out of Evander. Other Super Soldiers had.

  I hit the ground, my knees aching for a second before I couldn’t feel them anymore. There was just too much everything. I couldn’t think. Tears flooded my eyes, for what, I didn’t know. What wasn’t I crying about seemed more accurate. Everything was dark. Pain. Murder. Abuse.

  Why did anyone bother trying? Why did any of us keep going when there was no point to any of it ever? Why? Just why?

  I lost track of time. The ship tilted left and then right, or maybe it was me swaying. I’d lost my footing.

  There just wouldn’t be anything to…

  Strong hands lifted me from behind. “Sienna, enough.”

  Trenton’s voice reached me. I didn’t know from where since it seemed like there was no reality anymore, just the edge of the universe where, in the end, everything was misery and destruction.

  Blackness flooded my vision.

  I woke up to the sounds of beeping and the whoosh of a medical machine. I was inside of one. Claustrophobia hit for a second before a cooling sensation flooded my body, and I closed my eyes, not caring one way or another whether I was inside a tube or for how long I’d have to stay there. Sleep was a balm I was glad to take however it came.

  The next time I roused, I was in a bed. It was soft beneath me and the room quiet. I opened my eyes, and the sound of shuffling greeted me. Corbin stared down at me, a furrow to his brow, before he climbed into the bed and scooted us both around until he had his arms around my waist and my head on his chest. I nestled down into him, glad for his presence in the cold, cold world.

  He smelled like coffee. Did Super Soldiers drink coffee? I’d never seen them have a cup.

  Corbin stroked my back, gently. “How are you doing, Sienna?”

  Not well. I closed my eyes without answering him, knowing I wouldn’t sleep. I hadn’t given any thought to the aftermath of what I’d done, just that I had done it. I needed to take down our captors to give Trenton the chance to take control of the ship and hope that the others woke up and could help. Clearly that had happened, or some version of it, or I’d not be lying here now with Corbin.

  “Hurts.” I didn’t mean physically. My body felt fine. I wasn’t even sure why I’d been in the med machine. It was just that I was so bone-tired and yet wide awake, so weary and yet… not at the same time. I didn’t know how I was ever going to come out of this.

  He stroked my hair. “I bet.”

  I managed to pick up my wrist. The level read nine. That wasn’t good, but I couldn’t even bring myself to care. I had no feelings left of my own, just the ability to somehow process all the ones I’d ingested.

  “Wade wants to put you back into cryo for a while, get those numbers down. We tried the med machine but, as before, there is nothing we can do in there. We had hoped the machines here, since they’re Evander made, might have some of the cures. They don’t.”

  I closed my eyes. That just figured. Nothing anyone could do. “I don’t want to go into cryo and wake up to a new world, new people, with no idea who anyone is. I don’t think I can start over like that again and again.”

  He kissed my forehead. “I wouldn’t let that happen to you. None of us would.”

  That was sweet, but I’d long ago learned that things happened whether anyone intended them to or not. “Are you okay?”

  “Me? Sure, that fucking ray they used on us to take us down really sucked, but we fought back from it pretty well until we couldn’t anymore. I’m going to figure out how to get resistance to it. That’ll be my main task for the next however long it takes. Thanks for getting us out of cryo.” He stopped his hand stroking. “Even if we’d all have preferred you didn’t almost sacrifice yourself in the meantime.”

  I closed my eyes. They just felt too heavy to keep open even though I wasn’t going to sleep. “I can only do what I can do. I’m not strong like all of you, or capable with the ship. I don’t know how to do much of anything, but I have these two things I can do. I won’t be any less than any of you. If I need to use my skills to save you, that’s what I’ll do.”

  He made a sound that didn’t seem happy, but I wasn’t going to lift my lids to get his facial expression. I just couldn’t. “Are we going back for Artemis?”

  “No need. She’s on this vessel. We are bringing the whole thing, Artemis included, back to Mars Station to regroup. Our mission objective is done, thanks to you. We have the Evander ship and the Evander people who were left on this side of the galaxy all in cryo. This was what we wanted.”

  That made me open my eyes. “That’s good news, right?”

  I really needed some good news right now. In a major way.

  “It is. So now we just need to figure out what to do next.” He ran his hand over my wrist where my indicators were. Aha, I understood. They had to decide how they were going to make me healthy.

  I leaned on my elbow and stared down at him. “Corbin, level with me. Wade is worried that I’m at a nine, isn’t he?”

  “Worried doesn’t begin to cover how we all feel about it. Yes. But he’s going to get the best possible help in healing you. So try not to worry.”

  I nodded. “I’m not sure I could worry right now. I’m having trouble feeling anything through the… awful that’s inside of me right now.”

  He ran his finger down the slope of my nose. “That’ll pass. I promise.”

  I wished I could have Corbin’s faith in that. I absolutely did not.

  4 Dark Days

  When I finally could muster up enough energy to leave the room with Corbin, it was to go to the glass enclosure where I had left Wade. I was getting a little bit too close to being infectious to Trenton and Wade. I had to stay away. Technically, it would need to be at ten for me to make them sick, but there was every reason to think the number would continue to rise, and we didn’t want to find out it had happened after the fact.

  Corbin, however, shut himself in the glass room with me as though he meant to stay.

  I lifted an eyebrow but said nothing to him. He shook his head. “I’m not leaving, Sienna. I’m a Super Soldier. I don’t believe you can make me sick.”

  I wasn’t sure that was true. “We don’t know that.”

  Wade walked into the other room. I hadn’t seen anyone else yet, and it was strange to be on this ship without Evander running around. Not that I’d been here very long, but the ship itself seemed like it was coated in the essence of Evander. I hated this place.

  “I don’t want to go back in cryo.” I hoped Wade could hear me through the glass.

  He tilted his head. “I’m glad to see you, too.”

  I winced. He was right. That had not been the nicest greeting. I wasn’t myself, and I didn’t know if I’d ever be again. “Sorry.”

  He nodded. “You know, if you wanted to kill yourself, there are easier ways.”

  Corbin groaned. “He’s a little bit upset with you. Took beautiful care of you once he roused from the stupor he was in. Make no mistake. Wade is in love with you, same as the rest of us, but you scared the shit out of him while he was locked in this room.”

  I’d known that was a factor, and I’d done it anyway. Rage flooded my system, and it was mean, not to mention misdirected. Even understanding all of that, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. I shouted at Wade through the glass. “I’d do it again.”

  “I know you would.” He wasn’t backing down on this, holding my gaze like he was ready to go round for round with me if that was what I was going to do.

  Corbin sighed. “Come on now. This isn’t helpful.”

  I rounded on him. He was even closer than Wade. “Don’t tell me what to do. Everyone is always telling me what to do.”

  The door to the med bay opened and Blaze strode in, followed by Devil. They would’ve already know what was happening. The way they could hear everything, know everything, it was akin to the problems I’d had with Evander’s Super Soldiers. There was no such thing as privacy.

  “That must be some noise in your head.” Dev walked toward me, and Blaze winced. He probably wouldn’t have said that to me, or at least not like that.

  They stood side-by-side, staring at me through the glass. I was suddenly reminded of the time the space-faring zoo had arrived on our planet. For twenty-four hours, we’d observed animals we’d never seen in our lives through glass cages. They hadn’t stayed long because the authorities were after the owners for some kind of credits they owed. Still, I’d been sad for the animals trapped inside the cages, and I’d left early.

  In that moment, I was the animal in the cage.

  I pounded on the glass. “Keep staring. Better yet, go get your tablets and take a picture of me. It’ll last longer.”

  Dev and Blaze stared at each other for a moment before they both looked at Wade. He shook his head. The silent communication was going to make me nuts. I paced to the other side of the enclosure, having to move around Corbin.

  Wade shook his head. “Corbin, I’d prefer if you would come out of there. We can’t be sure she can’t make you sick.”

  My stomach dropped. I wouldn’t be responsible for him dying. I pointed to the door. “Out.”

  “I’m good. I don’t get sick. Advanced genes and all that.”

  I leaned against the wall. “I just spent a huge amount of energy and received a lot of pain to keep you all safe. Do you think you could please not make that for naught by possibly getting sick when we could prevent that?”

  The door opened and closed; Kellan and Anders entered, followed a second later by Trenton. I supposed I could ask who was flying the ship, but it always seemed to be some kind of remote thing they did by their tablet. At the very least, I trusted them not to leave the ship floating in space where we could get hurt.

  If that was even possible. We’d beaten Evander, hadn’t we? I’d taken them down. There shouldn’t be any more problems in that regard.

  “Must be nice to be done with having to fight Evander?” I asked the room, not caring which one of them answered me. And Corbin still hadn’t left the enclosure with me. I guessed he really wasn’t going to, and I didn’t have it in me to keep trying to make him.

  Anders placed his hand on the glass, and it was so sweet I walked back so I could reach mine up to do the same. “Several of them got away. We had to all wake up. It was just Trenton trying to handle everything. But we have the ship, so it’s mostly over.”

  I closed my eyes. “I did all that, and we didn’t even win. How did they wake up so fast?”

  “They were on the other side of the ship. Didn’t get hit with the first effect, I think.” Kellan sighed. He paced between Wade and the glass enclosure. “You have to fix this, Wade. I can hear she’s not okay.”

  Trenton shook his head. “Kellan.”

  “I told you she wasn’t going to be okay,” Wade yelled at the top of his voice. It was such an un-Wade thing to do that it startled me. For a second, I stared wide-eyed at him while he slammed his hand down on the table. “She completely overexerted herself. It turns out that they gave her illnesses they were making to try to take down Super Soldiers, and I don’t have the slightest idea how to fix that. I can’t fix any of it. So, please, tell me again how I have to fix this, Kellan, because I am one hundred percent sure that I’ve just been lazy and not in the mood.”

  Sarcasm dripped from his voice, and he sounded so lost to himself that I couldn’t help but feel like I should fix it. Like I should be responsible for making Wade feel better. But the truth was I’d done everything I could do to keep us alive, and I had nothing left to give. I was an empty jar, and the lid was closed.

  I was sorry Wade was suffering, but that was as far as I could go.