"It's not," I said automatically. "It was her choice."

  "She did it for me, though."

  "It doesn't matter why. The point is that she did it willingly. It isn't your place to question the decisions she makes."

  As the words left my mouth, I had a total holy shit moment. I was saying exactly what everyone had been telling me about Seth. I was saying exactly what Seth himself had been telling me for so long.

  "I guess. I don't know." He sighed. "It's so fucking stupid too. All these years, we've been so cautious to stay at arm's length, so she wouldn't fall. We were so good—holding back from what we wanted. And then, we get the same results from a stupid moment of confusion and passion. It just happened so fast, you know? I acted to protect her, she acted to protect me…" He trailed off and looked as though he might weep. I kind of felt like that myself. It's a pretty big club, Dante had said.

  "But…if she's already fallen…well. Maybe you guys can be together now."

  Vincent shook his head and gave me a small smile that made him look sadder than when he hadn't been smiling. "I don't know. I don't even know if she'll meet with me now. Something tells me she won't want me to see her like that."

  "And how do you feel?"

  "I love her unconditionally…or, well, at least…I loved Yasmine the angel unconditionally. She's not that woman anymore. I mean, she may hate what's happened…she may be miserable. But eventually, she'll settle in. They always do. And then she'll be one of them. She won't be the same Yasmine, and I don't know if I can love her or if she can love me. Part of what made her such a great person was that she resisted that temptation…and I think she felt the same about me."

  I forgot Vincent for a moment as my attention turned inward, toward my own situation. Again, it was like Seth and me, I realized. The continual tension in our arrangement was a pain, yet the morals it was based on were part of what attracted us. He might have said he was okay with us not having sex, but I think some part of him loved me because of my continual refusal to give in to that. Likewise, I loved his stead-fastness—not only in abstaining from me but from other lovers as well. It was part of what had made the fight so shocking. I didn't expect him to be weak.

  And yet…even if we admired each other for our principles, was it worth it? And had that really been weakness on his part? Vincent and Yasmine had been together much longer than Seth and I had, torturing themselves in the same way. In the end, it had done them no good. Things had unfolded as they had.

  "Star-crossed love isn't as glamorous as it seems," Vincent said, perhaps guessing my thoughts.

  "I never believed it was."

  "Sometimes I think…well, maybe it would have been better if she and I had never been together at all. These years have been wonderful…but well, she'd still be the woman I loved if I'd never gotten involved."

  I didn't know about that. Surely, brief moments of joy were worth the pain that might follow? Wasn't that why I was with Seth, despite knowing he'd eventually die? Maybe Seth had been right about taking chances. Life was short. Maybe you needed to seize what good you could. It was all so confusing, and all of a sudden, I wanted to talk to Seth about all of this—about living life and taking risks, about what made us love one another, and about what made our relationship worth fighting for. I didn't want to make the mistakes Yasmine and Vincent had. Seth and I needed to sit down with open minds and make this thing with us work.

  "What are you going to do now?" I asked Vincent. I didn't think now was the best time to argue relationship philosophy with him.

  He gestured vaguely behind him. "Leave town. Even being masked, I know they're looking for me. I need to hide out somewhere."

  I nodded. I was sad to see him go, but I knew what the other angels and demons would do if they found him. So, I wished him well and shared a brief hug before he departed. As I watched him leave, I again pondered the cautionary tale he represented. Growing anxious, I hoped this airport trip would go quickly so that I could call Seth.

  Wandering to the other side of the store, I found Maddie paying for her purchases.

  "Who was that guy?" she asked me, handing over her credit card. "He was cute. Bedraggled…but cute."

  "He's had a long day," I told her. And a long eternity to go. "He's just a friend."

  "Is he single?"

  I thought about it. "Yeah, I guess he is."

  While I waited for her, I looked over at a nearby mirror. Maddie was still going strong with her new cute and stylish self. She'd gotten a haircut too, the layering of which made her face appear delicate and lovely. The slacks and sweater, though simple, looked sleek and elegant on her.

  By contrast, I looked kind of like the ugly stepsister. Oh, I still had the nice figure and pretty face born of shape-shifting, but I'd thrown on jeans and an old coat, not really concerned with high fashion today. I also hadn't bothered to shape-shift my hair. I'd simply brushed it into a high ponytail. Most telling of all was my face. I wore as much grief as Vincent. There was a hollowness to my eyes that startled me. It counteracted all the other beauty of my features. Glancing back at Maddie, I realized she was the hot one today.

  When we finally hit the road to the airport, traffic was as horrible as I'd expected. I-5 was at a standstill, and with my luck lately, there was probably an accident up ahead to compound the rush hour and holiday mess. Sighing, I settled back into my seat.

  "Okay," I told Maddie, desperately needing distraction. "What's the report? What adventurous things have you done? I'm pretty sure you've more than met your quota."

  "Well," she began. "There's the new clothes, of course. You've seen a lot of them, and I own more lingerie than I ever have in my life. I was always kind of afraid of it, but there's so much cute stuff out there, you know?"

  "Yup. I sure do."

  "I got a bunch of high heels too. I'm still kind of learning to walk in them, but I'm doing okay, I think." She groaned and looked like the snarky feminist writer she was. "I feel like…well, like a girl."

  I smiled and looked at the cars ahead of me. All the variables were in place for an accident, so I had to be careful. In this kind of stop and go, people tended to cease paying attention and fall into a lull. That was how cars got rear-ended. It was also an oddity that Seattle drivers had trouble driving in the rain.

  "You seemed fine in the heels to me. What else have you done? Other than shopping?"

  "I signed up for a judo class."

  "You did not."

  "I so did," she said, laughing. "It was the craziest class I could think of. Besides, I can finally get back at Doug after all those years he used to pull my hair."

  "Well-deserved," I said. I moved over to the farthest lane, with the futile hope that it might move a fraction faster. "Anything else?"

  "Mmm…well. I started looking for my own place."

  "That's a good idea."

  "And checking out flights to some places I've always wanted to see."

  "Another good idea."

  "And I slept with Seth."

  I nearly drove into the median.

  "What?" I said, jerking the wheel back to my own lane. Maddie had her hands stretched out protectively. "Did you say Seth?"

  "Yeah…"

  "Seth Mortensen?"

  She sounded incredulous. "Of course. Who else?"

  It was one of those things that was so ludicrous, I couldn't even fully react. It was like saying, "Hey, did you notice the earth just exploded?" It wasn't real because all the rest of the data in your known world said it was impossible. My brain wasn't going to bother processing it yet. Wasted cells.

  "How…I mean, what…" I shook my head. "Explain."

  I could see by her face that she was dying to. This was what had been bursting in her in my office yesterday.

  "Well, two nights ago, I ran back to the bookstore after closing because I'd left something. I saw Seth out in the parking lot. He'd been out somewhere and was coming back to get his car."

  "Somewhere" was my apartment. That had been the night of the fight.

  "Anyway," she continued. "He looked kind of down, and I remembered what you'd said about taking risks. Plus, he still owed me the date, right? So, I asked him out for a drink, and he said sure."

  I tried not to drive into the median again. "He didn't drink, did he?"

  "No, not alcohol. But we stayed out really late, and we had a great time. You can't even imagine how great he is to talk to. He comes across as shy, but once you get to know him…" She sighed happily. "He thinks like I do too…wants to do all sorts of things, go places…Anyway, the place finally closed, and he asked if I wanted to go hang out at his place for a while."

  I couldn't even look at her now. "Seth…asked you back to his place?"

  "Well, if we went back to mine, we'd have to hang out with Doug, and we just wanted to talk more. And we did…except, well, after a while…we stopped talking. And one thing kind of led to another." She exhaled, like she still couldn't believe it herself. "I never do things like that. Not so soon. But, well, he's a nice guy, you know? And I wanted to do something adventurous…"

  No, no, no. This really wasn't happening. This was a dream. This was Nyx getting back at me for not helping her. She was sending me a nightmare, one I hoped I'd wake up from soon.

  I didn't realize how long I'd been quiet until Maddie hesitantly asked, "Georgina? You still with me? You don't think…you don't think I was too easy, do you?" There was fear in her voice, fear of my disappointment and disapproval.

  "Huh? No…no…of course not." I took a deep breath. "So, um, it was good?"

  "Oh, yeah!" She gave a nervous giggle. "I can't believe I'm even talking about this. But, yeah, Seth's a great lover. He's really attentive."

  "Yeah, I imagine he would be."

  "God, I can't believe this happened."

  That made two of us. "What's going to happen now? Was it…a fling?" After all, what else could it be? Seth was with me, right? I had no reason to be upset. I'd given him the go-ahead to get sex elsewhere. In fact…I had told him to that night. If he wanted to sleep with her, that was fine. But obviously, it meant nothing. It had to be a fling, right?

  Right?

  "I don't know," she admitted. "I hope not. I really like him…and it was so great. I feel like we really connected…like the auction hadn't just been because he felt sorry for me. He said he would call and we'd go out again sometime." Once more, she turned timid and unsure. "You don't think…you don't think he's the kind of guy who'd just say something like that and not mean it, do you?" She was the Maddie I'd known before, the one who looked up to me and wanted my guidance. The one who didn't trust men.

  I stared ahead and decided maybe the heavens were weeping for me now. After several moments, I finally said, "No, Maddie. If he says he wants to go out, he means it. That's the kind of guy he is."

  CHAPTER 24

  I knew I was going to live forever, but sometimes I had a hard time really understanding how long forever was. During that ride to the airport, however, I got a taste of what eternity might feel like.

  Maddie spent almost the entire time talking about Seth. In fact, I'm pretty sure the only time she didn't was when she stopped to check her watch and ponder whether we would make it on time. I knew we would make it on time because I would stop the car and carry her on my back before I'd risk her missing her flight and needing to ride back with me to the city. Once she'd decided we were still okay with time, it was back to Seth. Seth, Seth, Seth.

  I'm pretty sure there were only about three people in the world I wouldn't have suspected of fucking with me if they'd come telling a story like this. Unfortunately, Maddie was one of them. She was telling the truth. It was written all over her, and something in me—maybe the part that really understood how serious the fight between Seth and me had been—could feel it.

  After a while, my mind sort of went numb, and I stopped thinking about it all. I finally dropped her off at the airport and went home, barely aware of the traffic I once again had to fight my way through. When I got back to my apartment, I ate dinner and watched A Christmas Carol. A long, hot bath followed, and five shots of vodka finally put me down for the night. I slept on the couch because I couldn't bear to go in the room where an angel had fallen. Some Christmas Eve.

  Seth came over the next morning to take me to dinner at Terry and Andrea's. Uneasiness radiated around him, but he still smiled when he saw me.

  "You look great."

  "Thanks."

  I knew I did. I'd spent two hours getting ready, the last thirty minutes of which had been me simply standing in front of the mirror. I'd stood there, taking in every detail of my appearance. The clinging red dress. The curve of my neck under the glittering black choker. The way my golden-brown hair, worn sleek and smooth today, hung down my back. Gold eye shadow and black liner framed my eyes. My lips glowed under pale peach lip gloss. Even at five-four, my legs looked long and supple. My face, carved with high cheekbones and flawless skin, was beautiful.

  I was beautiful.

  Call it vanity or egotism, but it was true. I was so, so beautiful. More beautiful than Maddie. More beautiful than any mortal woman. Staring at that gorgeous reflection, I begged it to tell me that Seth would want me. He had to want me. How could he not?

  But I knew all the beauty in the world couldn't mask the pain in me. And after a couple more moments, Seth noticed too. His smile vanished.

  "How did you find out?" he asked.

  I dropped the coat I'd been holding. "How do you think? She told me. She couldn't wait to tell me."

  He sighed and sat on the arm of my couch and stared into space.

  "That's it? You have nothing else to say?" I asked.

  "I'm sorry. God, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out like this."

  "Were you ever going to tell me?"

  "Yeah…of course."

  His voice was so sweet and so gentle that it momentarily defused the anger that wanted to explode out of me. I stared at him, looking hard into those amber brown eyes. "She said…she said you didn't drink, but you did, right? That's what happened?" I sounded like I was Kendall's age and suspected I wore the pleading expression Yasmine had given Jerome.

  Seth's face stayed expressionless. "No, Thetis. I wasn't drunk. I didn't drink at all."

  I sank down into the armchair opposite him. "Then…then…what happened?"

  It took a while for him to get the story out. I could see the two warring halves within him: the one that wanted to be open and the one that hated to tell me things I wouldn't like.

  "I was so upset after what happened with us. I was actually on the verge of calling that guy…what's his name? Niphon. I couldn't stand it—I wanted to fix things between us. But just before I did, I ran into Maddie. I was so…I don't know. Just confused. Distraught. She asked me to get food, and before I knew it, I'd accepted." He raked a hand through his hair, neutral expression turning confused and frustrated. "And being with her…she was just so nice. Sweet. Easy to talk to. And after leaving things off physically with you, I'd been kind of…um…"

  "Aroused? Horny? Lust-filled?"

  He grimaced. "Something like that. But, I don't know. There was more to it than just that."

  The tape in my mind rewound. "Did you say you were going to call Niphon?"

  "Yeah. We'd talked at poker…and then he called me once. Said if I ever wanted…he could make me a deal. I thought it was crazy at the time, but after I left you that night…I don't know. It just made me wonder if maybe it was worth it to live the life I wanted and make it so you wouldn't have to worry so much."

  "Maddie coming along was a blessing then," I muttered. Christ. Seth had seriously considered selling his soul. I really needed to deal with Niphon. He hadn't listened to me when I'd told him to leave Seth alone. I wanted to rip the imp's throat out, but my revenge would have to wait. I took a deep breath.

  "Well," I told Seth. "That's that. I can't say I like it…but, well…it's over."

  He tilted his head curiously. "What do you mean?"

  "This. This Maddie thing. You finally had a fling. We've always agreed you could, right? I mean, it's not fair for me to be the only one who gets some. Now we can move on."

  A long silence fell. Aubrey jumped up beside me and rubbed her head against my arm. I ran a hand over her soft fur while I waited for Seth's response.

  "Georgina," he said at last. "You know…I've told you…well. I don't really have flings."

  My hand froze on Aubrey's back. "What are you saying?"

  "I…don't have flings."

  "Are you saying you want to start something with her?"

  He looked miserable. "I don't know."

  No. This wasn't happening.

  "What's this mean for us?" I asked.

  "I don't know."

  The anger returned, and I leapt up, much to Aubrey's annoyance. "What do you know?" I demanded. "Do you even know why you did this?"

  "There were a lot of things going on…" he said. "A lot of factors. It just happened…"

  I put my hands on my hips and stalked toward him. "Did it? Did it really? Because I'm not so sure."

  His distraught expression turned wary. "What's that mean?"

  "I think you were getting back at me for not giving in that night. I made you mad. I hurt you. So, you're trying to hurt me. Teach me a lesson."

  "I—what? Are you insane? You think I'd do something like this to teach you a lesson? You think I would want to hurt you? Just because you refused sex?"

  "Why not?" I asked. "Guys always want sex from me. Why are you any different?"

  "Georgina," he said incredulously. "You can't believe that. It's always been about more than sex. You have to know that. I've told you that over and over. I would never purposely hurt you. And yet…"

  "And yet what?"

  He looked away from me and focused on the carpet. "I don't know that we can keep going on without me hurting you."

  "Well, if you don't sleep with my friends—"

  "It doesn't even have to be that. There are so many things it could be. I could get hit by a car tomorrow or catch some disease. If you ever do crack some day and sleep with me, you'll hate yourself forever. And if I crack and sell my soul, that's going to upset you too. One way or another, you will get hurt. It's just a matter of when. I saw it that night in the kitchen—I saw your face when you were yelling at me. That's when I knew it was all true."