“Fuck this day,” Alex said, throwing her hands in the air.

  “Happy Thanksgiving, by the way,” Lennon said, her thick laugh spreading through the air and building with each passing second. Before long, Alex couldn’t contain herself and joined the laughter. “What are you thankful for?”

  “I’m grateful this damn day only comes once a year,” she finally said. “Have we lost our damn minds, standing here just laughing for no reason?”

  “I think there are plenty of reasons for it,” Lennon said as she plated each person’s French toast and topped it with fruit, a drizzle of syrup, and powdered sugar. “Besides I like your laugh a lot better than the frustration you’ve been showing today.” She reached over and grabbed Alex’s hand. A wave of relief rushed through Alex’s body at the contact.

  She took Lennon’s hand and brought it to her lips. “Thank you,” she said, planting a soft kiss on the smooth skin. “You’re rolling with the punches, and I think you’re the thing I’m most grateful for this morning.”

  “Looks like everyone in here is in better spirits,” Lindsey said, coming up behind them.

  “Breakfast!” Connor called, his eyes widening as he jumped up to the seat beside Alex. “Auntie Alex, is this for me?”

  “It is.” Alex’s heart warmed as she stared down at his big brown eyes. His goofy smile grew and she leaned down to kiss him on the top of the head. “Lennon made it.” She pointed across the table with a smile.

  He reached down and grabbed a syrupy piece and shoved it in his mouth with his bare hands. “Thanks!” he said, grinning with syrup dripping down his chin.

  “Connor,” Lindsey chastised.

  “I’ve got it,” Alex said, holding up her hands to stop any more drama from taking place in her kitchen.

  “Here, kiddo,” she said, handing him a paper towel and raising an eyebrow in his direction playfully. She ignored Lindsey’s continual chatter and focused instead on the silly faces he was making.

  As they ate, Lindsey made small talk with Lennon about the bar and the beach. Lennon filled her in on kayaking and fishing, as well as the intricacies of making a good cocktail, and by the time breakfast was finished, the awkwardness of the morning had faded somewhat.

  “Can he hang out with you for a few minutes while I put on my makeup?” Lindsey asked, for the first time turning her attention to Alex.

  “Of course,” she said, grabbing her sticky, grinning nephew and plopping him on her lap.

  “I’ll take care of the dishes,” Lennon said, standing and collecting the plates. Alex wanted to protest, but Lennon nodded to the living room before she could. “Go play.”

  Squirming in her arms, Connor drew Alex’s attention back to him. “I want to play,” he said, shimmying out of her grip and running for the living room.

  “Okay,” Alex agreed, grabbing a container of baby wipes that Lindsey had stashed on the counter the night before. “Let’s wipe you down first.”

  “No,” he protested, but he walked back toward her dutifully anyway. He grabbed the wipe and quickly ran it over his face and hands and tossed it to the ground, running back to the living room. “Do you still like cars?”

  “Of course I like cars,” she said, taking a place on the floor.

  “Good!” He grabbed his backpack and dumped its contents on the floor.

  Alex laughed. She was glad Lindsey hadn’t been in the room for that moment. There would have been a stern response and reprimanding for sure, and that would only ruin the fun she was having with him.

  “You get this one,” he said, handing her a red sports car, “and I get this one.” He grabbed a blue car and held it up toward the light as if it were a trophy. “This one is my favorite.”

  In the kitchen, Lennon put soft music on the Bluetooth speaker. It was a sweet gesture, one Alex knew was meant to put her at ease so she could enjoy the moment and not feel bad about not helping. As Connor jabbered on, telling her about how fast his favorite car was, she reached out and scooped him into a hug.

  “I’ve missed you,” she said, covering his cheeks in kisses.

  “Gross! Cooties!” he said, smirking at her as he wiped them off, but then he leaned in and let her kiss him again. She tickled him and then set him down, laughing. Grabbing his racecar, he ran it over her shoulders and face, giggling as she scrunched her lips in response.

  These were the moments she missed the most from her former life, although just a month ago she might have thought she missed other parts more.

  “Are we going to the beach?” he asked, pointing out her window.

  “We are.” She leaned over, trying to see how the waves and sand must look from his perspective. “We’ll go after lunch.”

  “Can I swim?”

  “Probably not.” She winced as his face fell. “It’s cold.” She wrapped her arms around her body and fake-shivered just to see the smile return to his face. “But we’ll find shells and look at the waves.”

  “I want to swim.”

  “I know you do,” she said, kissing him on the top of his head. “We’ll see if we can’t convince your mom to let us dip our toes in the water, but we can’t get all the way in.”

  He turned his attention back to his car, and Alex marveled at what a good-natured kid he was. Never one to insist on getting his way, he went with the flow more often than not. “I like your girlfriend,” he said out of the blue.

  “Oh yeah?”

  “She’s pretty.” He looked up at her and scrunched up his face, moving his eyebrows up and down exaggeratingly, a move he’d no doubt seen some ridiculous adult do.

  “She is pretty, isn’t she?” Alex said, smiling as she looked back to where Lennon worked in the kitchen. Her athletic body moved to the beat of the music as she stretched to put a mug up in a high cabinet. “I’m a pretty lucky lady.”

  “Lucky?” Connor cocked his head to the side, his brow furrowing. “Lucky.” He said it again, as if trying the word on for size.

  “Hmm,” she said, buying herself a moment to think it over too. It was too heavy a topic to lay on a child, but she felt like she’d maybe picked up the pieces of something horrific and turned it into a potential happy ending. “I think I’m just happy to have her in my life,” she said after a moment.

  “Mom makes me happy. You make me happy.” He closed his eyes for a minute. “That means I love you, and I love Mom.”

  It really was that simple, wasn’t it? Happiness and love went hand in hand. “I love you too,” she said, taking his tiny hand in her own.

  “You love her too,” Connor said, pointing with his free hand to the kitchen.

  His singsong tone made the words seem so whimsical, so free, and so true. She’d said it, and she’d owned up to meaning it. And now Connor was here speaking it once again into the world.

  As he returned to playing with his cars, she tried to focus on his rambling stories about dinosaurs and dragons, racecars, and candy bars, but the word “love” was pinging around in her head like a pinball in a machine.

  * * *

  Over the chatter of the members of her large extended family exchanging animated stories with one another, Lennon leaned back in her chair, sipping a cup of coffee and willing her overstuffed stomach to settle.

  “How is work, honey?” Her mom’s words cut into her thoughts.

  She smiled, looking across the table and staring into her mother’s eyes—eyes that matched her own, yet which would somehow always look wiser with their fine crow’s feet in the corners and a softness that must have come with extra years.

  “It’s going well,” she said, stifling a yawn. “Sorry,” she said, running her hands over her stomach. “Thanksgiving food coma has set in.”

  Her mom laughed and nodded. “I feel it too,” she assured her, before leaning closer, placing her forearms on the table. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

  “I know.” Lennon shook her head. “I’m sorry about that. Life has been really busy lately.”

  “Tell me about it,” her mom urged, leaving the open-ended invitation lingering in the air.

  “Alibis is keeping me pretty tied up,” she said, thankful her mother hadn’t put on one of her infamous guilt trips about the two of them only living twenty minutes apart. “Business is great. I may hire another staff member, though. I haven’t been taking many nights off, and…” She trailed off and shut her mouth. “How have you been?”

  Seeing right through her omissions, her mom narrowed her eyes. “And what?” She smiled. “What are you doing on those few off nights, sweetheart?”

  Lennon waited. Was it a trap? Had they come to a place where they could now banter about her seeing someone? Had her mother turned a corner, or was she still in denial and hoping whoever she was seeing was a man?

  She took a sip of her coffee, buying time, while her thoughts swirled. It hadn’t been that long ago that her mom had told her to keep information of that kind to herself. She didn’t want to know about who Lennon was seeing, and she didn’t need to ask any questions.

  “Is there someone?” Her mother’s question was a gentle, but pointed one. “I heard you mention to your brother that you were on your second Thanksgiving celebration of the day.”

  Lennon pressed her lips together and nodded, no longer able to lie to her mother. She watched as her mom balled up her napkin and smiled hesitantly. Her eyes clouded momentarily, but her smile didn’t waver. “Tell me about her,” she prompted after a moment of silence.

  Her. The word resonated within Lennon, the first time in the decade she’d been out that her mom had broached the subject so openly. Maybe there really was such a thing as a holiday season miracle. Or maybe her Aunt Bernadette had been making some headway in softening up her mom.

  “She’s…” Lennon looked up to the ceiling, searching for the right words. “Pretty great,” she said after a moment.

  “And?”

  Lennon let out a nervous laugh, clasping her hands together under the table to keep from fidgeting. “She’s beautiful.” Her cheeks blushed as if somehow admitting to Alex’s beauty was as bad as coming out to her mom in the first place. “She’s one of a kind. She sometimes seems to live in her own world but also adds beauty to the moment she’s in. She’s a fabulous artist. And she’s funny.” She shut her mouth before she could continue the tidal wave of praise.

  “I’m happy for you.” The words were quiet, and Lennon looked into her mom’s eyes. She wanted to question, but didn’t dare.

  “Thanks. It’s not anything too serious right now.”

  “Everything starts somewhere,” her mom answered, standing up from the table and crossing the distance to hug her daughter. “I’m going to help clean up the kitchen.”

  “I’ll join you,” Lennon said, standing and taking a deep breath. Talking with her parents about her relationships had been something she’d seldom engaged in, much less talking to them about something that she wasn’t sure had a long-term future.

  As she washed and dried the pots and pans, her mind swam with questions.

  What were they doing? Here she was telling her mom about their relationship, and she’d met Alex’s sister and nephew. Even if Lindsey hadn’t liked her, they’d met, and they’d shared an awkward Thanksgiving breakfast and lunch. And with the holidays quickly approaching, it all felt so intimate. Just months ago, she thought she’d be having this celebration with someone else, and while she had no interest in that future any more, was this the one she did want? Even if she did, was there a future to want?

  She thought back to the liquor store and the words that had been spoken there and Alex’s admission this morning that they held truth. Beside her, she heard her mom humming along to an old hymn. The sound comforted her, although she’d long ago stopped going to church and listening to hymns on her own.

  If circumstances had been different, she might have asked for advice, for some sort of guidance. She ran the dishtowel over the pan she was holding, turning her attention to the bar top in the corner of the old kitchen.

  “Are you guys going to help or just sit there?” she asked, playfully tossing the towel at her teenage cousins who sat playing games on their phones.

  She laughed as the soundtrack behind her shifted to banter, family gossip, and chatter, and for a brief moment, she let herself imagine how wonderful it would have been to have Alex by her side for this part of the day as well.

  She finished up her chores and looked around, smiling at the sight of the clean kitchen, somehow spotless amidst the chaos of the gathering. From inside her back pocket, she felt her phone buzz. Fishing it out, she saw Alex’s name flash across the screen.

  “I’ll be back,” she mouthed to her mom, making her way to the door as she answered the call.

  The evening air wrapped around her skin, cooler than normal but still damp and heavy. “Hello?”

  “Hey, babe.” Alex’s voice greeted her with such intimacy that she recoiled.

  What were they doing? She bit her tongue, suppressing the question. “Hey yourself,” she answered. “How’s your night so far?”

  “Not bad.” She could hear Connor chattering in the background and a TV show turned up too loudly. Alex’s voice rose over the noise. “Just missing you.”

  Lennon bit her lip. She’d been thinking the same thing, but to say the words out loud, to suggest that they spend the rest of the holiday together, it was just too much. “Yeah,” she said, dragging the word out, unsure what else to add. “I…” A door opened behind her, and two of her teenage cousins ran into the yard, bringing a lively and heated conversation about sports with them. “Sorry, there’s a lot going on over here.”

  “Here too,” Alex said. She lowered her voice, and Lennon knew she’d gone to another room. “I was wondering if you wanted to come by later.”

  “I can’t.” Lennon’s response was too quick. “I’m planning on spending a bit more time with the family, and then I’m probably going to crash out. I’m pretty tired.” She had so much more she wanted to say. They needed to talk about things. They needed to figure out what was going on. Was this love? Were they in too deep? Her thoughts jumped back to how freely she’d jumped into things with Leigh and how quickly it had all come crashing down. She shuddered, clutching the phone tighter in her grasp. She thought about asking if they could talk some other time, but the words caught in her throat.

  “Yeah, okay.” She could hear Alex’s voice break with uncertainty and she chided herself.

  “I…” Her words trailed off, and she bit her tongue. What was she hesitating for? This should be the place to share her concerns, and she had plenty of them.

  “What is it?”

  I want to make this work, but I don’t know how.

  I want some time to figure out if we’re headed in the right direction.

  I don’t want to get hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you.

  I’ve been down this road before, and I didn’t like where it took me.

  I’m drowning in uncertainty and don’t know which way to go.

  The ugly truths trembled on the tip of her tongue, and she played out how each of them would be received. It was too much. She was being too needy.

  “Hey, I’m going to go.” The excuse came quickly, silencing anything deeper. “But I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving night with Lindsey and Connor.”

  “I hope you do too.” Alex sighed. “Hey, Lennon?”

  “Yeah?”

  “What I said earlier…”

  “Let’s not right now, okay?” Lennon’s heart hammered in her chest. “We’ll chat in person tomorrow or the next day. For now, I’ve got to go. Bye.”

  She ended the call and stared down at her hands. It wasn’t a conversation she was prepared for, but she should have handled it better.

  “Shit,” she muttered under her breath, careful not to be overheard by the lurking teenagers who were now lounging in the garage, no doubt hoping to get into the beer fridge without being caught.

  She kicked the ground. It shouldn’t be this hard.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Soft moonlight backlit the palm trees along the cityscape visible outside the window and cast a magical glow onto the beach. Lindsey let the atmosphere calm her as she set to work. Using the jigger and shaker Lennon had left behind and recalling as much as possible of what she’d said about mixing flavors for a well-rounded drink, she mixed the liquids and poured them over ice.

  She stepped back, admiring her creation. It looked fancy, but time would tell how it tasted. She brought one of the glasses to her lips and slowly sipped.

  “Not bad,” she remarked, even though she was alone in the room.

  With Connor asleep and Alex on the phone, she took her drink and the one she’d made for Alex to the living room and set them on coasters next to the couch. She was about to take her seat when the front door opened.

  “This is for you,” Lindsey said, grabbing the drink and thrusting it toward where Alex stood in the doorway.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s called the ‘I’m Sorry I was a Dick,’ and it was just made fresh for you.”

  Relief flooded her veins when Alex laughed and accepted the drink. She glanced toward the kitchen and nodded in approval. “I see you took to heart some of the advice handed out earlier.”

  “Yeah.” Lindsey eyed her glass. “It’s not my normal vodka and Sprite, and it’s not just wine. I don’t know that it’s great, but it’s drinkable. And it’s sincere.” She reached out, touching her sister’s arm. “I am sorry.”

  She watched as Alex shoved her free hand in her pocket and nodded. “I’m sorry too. I probably could have stopped it from getting to the point that it did.” She walked past Lindsey, waving for her to follow as she took a seat on the couch. “So you really don’t like her?”

  Lindsey’s shoulders slumped. She knew she wouldn’t live that down. “It’s not that I don’t like her,” she said, taking a seat beside Alex. She grabbed her glass and took a drink, trying to find the right words. “I just…” She trailed off and looked down to the floor. “I don’t want to get back into it.”