Pippa shrugged. “This would be full-time Monday to Friday, but the salary would probably be more than what you make from both jobs. Plus, it includes great health insurance and dental and I could assist you in choosing a private pension investment plan that would be great for your retirement.”

  As I glanced around the table, it felt as if everyone was waiting with bated breath for my response. I wasn’t stupid. I knew that at some point soon I really needed to think about my plans for the future, but the thought of taking on a job that came with that many strings made me feel claustrophobic. It wasn’t a job I could just walk away from without upsetting Rafe’s family. “I—”

  “Think about it. You can take the week and tell me next Friday.”

  “Next Friday?”

  “Greg’s birthday dinner.”

  Oh right. I’d forgotten Rafe had asked me to that. Greg, unlike his wife, didn’t like a big fuss and just wanted his family with him at his favorite seafood restaurant up the coast. Rafe had also complained that the whole reason he needed to hire a third vet at the clinic was because his family was constantly filling up his weekends with social events.

  “So next Friday. You can give me your answer then.” Pippa pursued the subject determinedly.

  “Okay. Thanks.”

  She nodded, satisfied, and when my gaze hit Jen, I caught her exchanging a pleased look with Greg.

  Dammit.

  As much as Rafe’s parents might like me, maybe they wanted their son with someone who was serious about her career.

  Not that I wasn’t serious about my future. I was serious about my pursuit of happiness. But I just . . . I’d spent most of my life living under the beliefs my parents instilled in me. To be free of ties and obligations and to live life by the second.

  Between discovering Arlo’s hypocrisy, that both my parents paid for health insurance, and the realization that being in a committed relationship with Rafe didn’t scare me, I found myself floundering. What did I want? Did I want to continue living my life day to day, never knowing how much money was coming in? Or did I want a job I knew I’d have until I retired? An actual career. One that would allow me to save for that rainy day in the future. What if I decided to have kids? It was a possibility. Unlike Arlo and Dawn, I liked kids!

  As much as I hated the way he’d said it, Hugo was right. There would come a time when I would no longer be desirable as a Disney princess. That was the harsh reality of life.

  But what about my plans to travel across the country?

  Did I really want to do that, or had I only wanted to do that to escape having to think about my future?

  It all made my brain hurt.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “You’re quiet over there,” Rafe observed as soon as we got into his car to leave. “I hope Pippa didn’t freak you out. You know you can say no to her, right?”

  “I know,” I assured him. “It just took me by surprise. And . . . honestly got me thinking a little.”

  “About what?” He dropped his hand from the ignition to turn to me, giving me his full attention.

  I loved that about him.

  So I told him everything that was whirring around in my head.

  He considered my words once I’d finished. “Is there something you want to do with your life? A passion?”

  A tightness fisted in my chest. “I don’t know. Is that pathetic? I’m twenty-eight.”

  “Yeah, you’re really old,” he teased as he reached out to cup my cheek. “Hey, you have time to figure out what you want. But don’t let Pippa push you into something you don’t want just because you’re confused right now.”

  “When we first met, I meant it when I told you my only ambition was to be happy.”

  “I know that. And as much as I didn’t understand it, I admired your clarity. I still do.”

  “But everything I believed was built on the bullshit my parents passed on to me . . . and, honestly, I think now, looking back, that I’ve lived my life a certain way not just because of what they taught me but because of everything they didn’t give me. I’ve felt abandoned most of my childhood, and I think I’ve just been doing everything I can to not find myself in that position again where I’d feel abandoned. So no ties. To anything. No career I could pour my heart into only to fail at it or have a boss fire me. No guy to commit to in case he didn’t want to commit back.” Tears burned in my eyes. “Until you.”

  Rafe’s expression was so tender as he smoothed his thumb over my cheek. “That’s a big epiphany, Star. It’s a lot to deal with. But you know I’m here to talk things out. Or just to be here, whatever you need.”

  Those tears threatened to let loose. “It doesn’t bother you that I don’t know what I want beyond wanting to be happy?”

  He shook his head, eyes dark with affection. “Just honored I get to be there to watch you find what it is you want.”

  God, I liked him. So much. “I really like you.” I repeated my words from that morning.

  Rafe stroked my cheek with his thumb one more time. “I really like you too. And I meant what I said. If you need to talk about your parents, your childhood, in order to process everything, I’m here,” he repeated.

  “I think I’d like that.” A safe place to finally let go of all the pain I’d kept locked down for such a long time. Pain that flared to life every time my calls and texts to my parents went unanswered. I hadn’t heard from Dawn in months. Arlo’s nurse, Maggie, kept me updated on his progress via texts. But that was it.

  My parents were the worst.

  However, my boyfriend was the freaking best.

  Feeling more settled by his faith and reassurance, I blinked back my tears and relaxed as I watched him pull out of his parents’ driveway. About ten minutes later, however, he unexpectedly turned off the highway and drove down a narrow road into woodlands.

  “Where are we going?”

  He didn’t speak until we’d parked in the dark of a small makeshift parking lot in the middle of the woods. It was almost pitch-black. There was no one else around. Rafe switched off the engine and turned to me. “I didn’t want to sit outside my parents’ house talking about important things. We both know they were probably watching us.”

  I studied him, searching for the reason we were here. “What important things?”

  “Your parents. Talk to me about them. I know a little, but not a lot. It’s important to me I know where you’re coming from. I grew up in a home with parents who love each other and weren’t afraid to be publicly affectionate. Don’t get me wrong, they fought like all couples do, but we were pretty secure knowing that our parents loved each other and loved us even more. That’s where I’m coming from.”

  “I love that you had that. That you have that,” I replied sincerely. “But that’s not just where you’re coming from.”

  Rafe frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “You hired me to pretend to be your girlfriend to get your mom and Pippa off your back. How bad must it have been? Really?”

  Nodding slowly, Rafe sighed and unclipped his seat belt and relaxed into his seat. “Like Hugo mentioned, Camille was the last woman I lived with.”

  “She was your last relationship and she cheated on you. I remember.”

  “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Like I told you, I never loved her and I know that’s why she cheated, but it was still disappointing and hurtful.”

  “Of course it was.”

  “I’d been in several long-term relationships by that point and I was just exhausted waiting for it to feel like how it must feel between my parents. I decided I needed a break from dating to see if being alone was what I actually wanted.”

  Oh. Understanding dawned. My heart raced.

  “When things ended with Camille, my mom and Pippa took my despondency to mean that I’d really loved her and that I was broken. Eighteen months after the fact and I still hadn’t started dating anyone new. They got worried. They got impatient. Six months before you and I met, the matchmaking attempts started. It was just constant, Star. Every time I spoke to my mom, that was all she wanted to talk about. I told you about the women they sent to my clinic. They gave out my number without my permission, and I was at a breaking point. If I hadn’t met you, I would have had an explosive argument with my mom that I couldn’t take back. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but when someone you love can only see one thing when they look at you, it . . . it . . . just . . . it was suffocating.”

  Sympathy for Rafe, and anger toward Jen and Pippa, filled me as I reached for his hand. “I’m sorry they made you feel that way.”

  He searched my face. “I’m not, because look what happened. I know I don’t want to be alone now.”

  There went my pulse, pounding hard again.

  “Tell me about Arlo and Dawn. Your childhood.”

  I took a deep breath and answered honestly, “I don’t talk about it a lot because I’ve come a long way in finally letting go of a lot of that hurt, choosing to forgive them for my own sake, and I worry that talking about it will bring it all up again.”

  “It might come up again if you don’t talk about it. I see you looking at your phone sometimes and I worry it’s because Dawn hasn’t texted you back.”

  Wow, he paid attention. “I do do that sometimes.” I heaved another massive sigh. “But I have to let go. I know I do.”

  “Why? You mentioned weeks ago on our first date that they left you in a shop when you were a baby. Is that true?”

  I nodded unhappily. “I knew pretty young that things weren’t right. When I was around six, Arlo and Dawn were really good friends with this couple who were self-proclaimed hippies too. They had three kids, and when we visited, the mom was always sweet and attentive to me, as well as to her kids. I didn’t know what it was they were doing at the time, but her husband and my parents would get high. She never did. She was always there, looking after us, and I used to think even then, why didn’t my mom look after me? I’d see the way other parents were with their kids when we were out or when I was at school. I’d overhear them asking their kids a million questions, making sure they had what they needed, asking about their day. Arlo and Dawn forgot to pick me up so many times from first grade that social services were called.”

  “Jesus,” Rafe sneered. “Assholes.”

  “Yup. Pretty much. Dawn didn’t want ‘the man’ on her case, so she made an effort to make sure I got to school and back. But it wasn’t just one thing.” I shook my head sadly. “It was everything, Rafe. They left me to my own devices all the time. I raised myself.” Tears burned my nose. “I had no one to comfort me when I was sad because they didn’t like talking about sad things, and when Matt Remner broke my sixteen-year-old heart by dumping me after taking my virginity, Dawn got sick of hearing me crying in my bedroom.”

  Rafe’s fist curled in his lap.

  “She told me to suck it up. That it was my fault for believing people should be monogamous.”

  “You were sixteen and some asshole treated you like shit,” he bit out. “She should have wanted to kick his ass.”

  “That’s not Dawn.”

  Rafe shook his head, the muscle in his jaw twitching as he clenched and unclenched his teeth.

  “Talk to me,” I whispered, blood rushing in my ears. What did he really think about all of this? About me?

  “I . . .” He stared into my eyes and my breath caught at the emotion there. “I hate that you were alone for so long. That kills me.”

  A tear escaped at his words and I swiped it away quickly, but another followed. “I’m not alone now.” I gave him a watery smile.

  “No. You’re not.” It was a promise.

  My breath caught and a primal need I didn’t quite understand ignited my blood. “I want you.”

  “Now?” He cocked an eyebrow.

  “Ever had sex in your car?” I unclipped my seat belt.

  “No.” Rafe searched my eyes. “Are you sure you want this?”

  “I need this. I need you.” At the answering heat in his eyes, I felt a thrill tingle between my legs. “Front or back?”

  Rafe gave a bark of delighted laughter, and I caught the innuendo.

  I rolled my eyes. “I meant the car.”

  “Well, that’s a damn shame,” he teased, laughter trembling in his words.

  “Do you want to have sex in your car or not?”

  His answer was to slide his seat as far back as it would go.

  “Front it is.” I giggled as I clambered over the center console and into his arms.

  “You sure?” he asked again.

  “I’m always sure with you.”

  Something intense flashed in his eyes and then Rafe kissed me as he always kissed me, with his entire self. I was his entire focus as his lips moved over mine. No one had ever kissed me like Rafe. Like I was his oxygen. His kisses were seriously addictive for that reason alone.

  As his hands smoothed down my waist, he broke the kiss, but only to murmur against my mouth, “I like everything about you, Star Shine Meadows.”

  The way he said it made my breath catch. Because, seriously, it had almost the same impact as if he’d used the other L-word.

  Half-elated, half-terrified, I kissed him with my whole being, and what should have been an awesome quickie in his car was a slow, languid lovemaking as I rode us both toward bliss.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “Broadcast news analyst.”

  I looked up from my notebook and made a face at Roger. “What?”

  “Broadcast news analyst,” he read from his phone before taking a sip of coffee.

  Understanding dawned. “Did you just google a list of jobs and now you’re reading them to me?”

  Upon meeting for coffee with my best friend during a rare moment where our schedules aligned, I’d informed him I had a future to start thinking about and I wanted to make a list of careers that I might be happy to pursue.

  Roger quirked an eyebrow. “It’s easier than just sitting here staring into space, trying to think up careers.”

  “C’mon, isn’t there something that comes to mind when you look at me?”

  “Yes. Acting.”

  While that was sweet . . . “I mean a stable career.”

  “Then no. Everything I think of when it comes to you is arty and bohemian and absolutely unstable.”

  “I don’t scream ‘stable’ to you?”

  “I’m not falling into that trap.”

  “Roger.” I threw my napkin at him. “I’m serious about this.”

  “Well, what about the offer from Rafe’s sister? Interior design is arty.”

  “But I won’t be interior designing. I’ll be fetching.”

  “It could lead to more, though.”

  “You sound like Pippa.”

  Roger ignored that and scrolled through his phone. “What about . . . social media expert?”

  “I’m only on social media to keep up with work. I am not making it an integral part of my business if I don’t have to.”

  “Right. Um . . . public relations specialist. You are good with people.”

  “Hmm. Okay. I’ll write that one down. But wait, won’t I need a degree in public relations for that?”

  “Yup.”

  I scanned my small list of careers that interested me. “I think I might need a degree for all of these.”

  Roger cleared his throat and I looked up to see him giving me a careful half smile.

  “What is it?”

  “I think whatever you choose might involve going back to school.”

  Horrified, I gaped. “At my age?”

  “Because twenty-eight is so old.” His teasing reminded me of Rafe. “Star, it’s more than likely you’re going to need a degree to pursue a career.”

  “How the hell am I supposed to afford to go back to school?”

  He shrugged. “Loans.”

  My head hurt. Groaning, I dropped it into my hands and stared at my list. “I could kill my parents.”

  “Your parents?”

  “Yeah, I would like to officially blame them for everything that is wrong with my life.”

  Roger chuckled. “About time you started blaming them for something.”

  In all seriousness, I said, “What am I going to do, Roger? And shouldn’t I feel more panicked than I am? I’m only stressed because I feel like I should be more stressed.”

  “Why? You make enough money to pay your rent and buy food and clothes and books.”

  “But I work jobs that can’t last forever.”

  “Star, I’ve never met anyone who lands on her feet like you. When you set your mind to something, you achieve it. Just because it hasn’t been some fancy degree for a fancy career doesn’t mean you haven’t succeeded at your goals.”

  “What if I want a fancy career after all?”

  “Then I know you’ll do what you need to do to achieve that. And so do you. That is why you are not panicking. You have more faith in yourself than you know.”

  I loved my friends. “You’re the best.”

  “I’m aware. I take it the next coffee is on you as payment for my wisdom?”

  Grinning, and feeling far better about my pathetic little list, I stood to go get him a much deserved second coffee.

  * * *

  • • •

  Roger’s reminder was everything I needed to go about my daily life without a storm cloud hanging over my head.

  Until Friday night.

  * * *

  • • •

  On Friday morning, I’d come into the city for a job at a new bakery opening. The bakery owners wanted me dressed as a giant cupcake, which wasn’t exactly character acting, but they were paying the same fee as everyone else, so I was ready to don that cupcake costume.