“It’s so big. So many people. What if someone sees me?” What if someone noticed him?

  “People are going to see you, Gavin. You’re a person. Do you mean what if someone recognizes you from your alter ego, or do you mean pays any attention to you at all? I mean, some people seem to think you’re pretty hot stuff even without looking at all like Fallon Davies.”

  He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that. Not even a little. “I’ll tell him I can’t go.”

  “If that’s what you need to do.” Silas was damn good at not influencing him one way or the other.

  Still, sometimes he just needed someone to tell him what to do, dammit.

  As if aware of that, Silas handed him his phone. “Call him now. Tell him.”

  “I don’t want to. I really want to go with him.” He knew he was vacillating. He didn’t care.

  “Then call him and tell him yes. What’s the worst that happens if you go? You can’t take it, and he brings you home.”

  “Will you come? There’s not a ticket for you. I can buy you a ticket.”

  “It’s tonight, so you’ll be buying a ticket for Dev, but of course he’ll go with you.”

  “Right. Right. God, my head hurts.” He was being a weenie.

  “That’s not a reason not to go. Call your man and talk to him, because if you don’t do it now, you’ll crawl into your bed and not go anywhere or talk to anyone for days. So do it already.”

  “But… what if he’s busy?”

  “Gavin.”

  “I know. I know.”

  Silas rolled his eyes. “Don’t make me dial the phone for you, because I won’t. You need to do this, and it’s the phone—you’re standing right here in your own kitchen. This should be a breeze.”

  “Fine. Don’t push me! I’m not a freak!” He wasn’t being rational. He knew it. He could tell.

  Silas let a single eyebrow climb up his forehead but didn’t do or say anything else. That gaze spoke volumes, though.

  So Gavin did what he needed to—he ran to Silas for another hug. Silas hugged him hard. “It’s about time you grabbed life by the balls again, Gavin. Go for it.”

  Well, there. Silas had told him what to do like he’d wanted. Only he wasn’t sure he could do this. He could talk to Rene; that wasn’t the problem.

  “You can do this, Gavin.”

  “You want me to, huh?”

  “I want you to be happy.”

  He hugged Silas again. The twins really were his family.

  Silas gave him a last squeeze and sat back down with his phone, giving him his privacy by pretending to ignore him.

  Gavin found Rene in his contacts and hit autodial.

  “Conette.” The name was clipped, quick.

  “Uh. Hi. It’s Gavin.”

  “Gavin.” Rene’s voice was much warmer over his name. “How are you?”

  “Good. I’m good. You?”

  “Wonderful now that I’ve heard your voice.”

  Well, that made him feel better about his decision to go. “It’s good to hear yours too.”

  “Did you get the fruit?”

  “I did. Thank you. And your invitation.” He paused and took a breath. Okay. He could do this, right? He looked over at Silas who was studiously paying attention to his phone.

  “So are you calling to say thank you but no thank you?” Rene asked. “Or can I convince you to come out with me?”

  “I want to go.” He used to love music festivals.

  “Perfect! I’ve got an appointment at seven, but can I meet you at seven forty-five outside the venue? I thought Dev could get you there?”

  “Yeah, yeah. I’ll get him a ticket. You don’t mind if he’s there, right?” Gavin wouldn’t feel safe if he wasn’t.

  “He already has a ticket, love. There should have been two in the envelope.”

  “Oh! Oh, thank you.”

  “I wouldn’t ask you to come out into a crowd without having him nearby.”

  Gavin blinked hard, his eyes suddenly prickly. “Thank you. We’ll meet you wherever you want.”

  “The corner of Laurier and Elgin at seven forty-five should be good.”

  “Okay.” His heart was beating so hard he thought it was going to come out of his chest. Literally. “I’ll see you there.”

  “Yeah. I can’t wait.” With that, Rene ended the call, the phone going silent in Gavin’s hand.

  What had he just done? He looked up at Silas to find his bodyguard was no longer staring at his phone, but at him. Silas gave him a slow grin.

  “You said yes.”

  “I did.” And now he was going to pass out.

  “And now you’re freaking out over the fact that you said yes,” Silas suggested.

  “Uh-huh.” In fact, he was light-headed as hell and in serious danger of throwing up.

  “Sit down,” Silas ordered, and he did, dropping onto one of the chairs at the kitchen table. “Head between your knees.”

  He did that too, trusting Silas implicitly.

  “Now breathe.”

  In. Out. In. Out.

  “Good boy. You’ve got this.”

  Sure he did. Here at home with Silas right there to talk him down. “What happens if I freak out at the concert?” Or at any point while he was outside among all those people.

  “We’ll leave.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that. No stress.”

  It couldn’t possibly be that easy. Could it?

  “Rene invited you to this because he thought you would enjoy it. If you aren’t enjoying it, he’s hardly going to force you to stay.”

  “I want to enjoy it. I’m just worried.” Maybe he needed to call Dr. Tyrik.

  “What are you worried about?” Silas looked entirely prepared to assuage every single one of his worries.

  His phone dinged, letting him know a text had come in.

  wear your tight jeans, boy.

  He rolled his eyes. not my best muumuu?

  ok—that or the jeans.

  He sent a smiley face, finding himself smiling as well.

  He looked up, and Silas was smiling too. Knowingly.

  “Shut up. I really like him, huh?”

  “Yeah, I’m thinking that’s the understatement of the year. And I didn’t say a thing.”

  “I’m doing pretty good, though, right? Making important steps?”

  “You’re doing great, honey. You really are.” Silas gave him a sudden hug. “It’s so good to see you happy and following that happiness.”

  “I’m trying to heal, to take my life back.”

  “You’ve gotten further in that over the last few weeks than the last five years before. You’ve got this.”

  “Thank you. It means a lot, that you believe in me.” He couldn’t survive without his twins.

  “I do. I really do.” Silas looked at his watch. “I’m going to let Dev know what’s up. Do you want me to buy that extra ticket, or are you taking care of it?”

  “It’s already done. He sent two—one for each of us.”

  Rene’s thoughtfulness made him a little goofy.

  “Gavin, this one is a keeper.”

  “Yeah. I think so too. He’s magic.”

  “Yeah, I think he might be. I’m going to let Dev know what the plan is. We should head out in about a half hour to get there on time. That work for you?”

  “So soon? I have to get dressed.” He sprinted upstairs, focused on finding that pair of jeans that was tissue-paper thin and skintight. He wanted to look his best for Rene. He pulled on a loose Bohemian-looking tunic in a gauzy tan fabric and then found a pair of sandals. Perfect.

  He brushed his teeth and splashed water on his face. There he was. Ready to go. It was a good thing, maybe, that they were going soon. It would give him less time to freak out.

  Dev knocked on the door. “Are you coming?”

  “Good afternoon, Dev.”

  “Good morning, brat.”

  He rolled his eyes and looked at his watch. It was already seven—how did that happen? How had the day gone by so fast? Especially when it seemed so long since he’d left Rene’s place this morning.

  “Let’s do this before I change my mind, please?”

  Dev went over to the garage door and held it open, making an “after you” gesture. “I’m always ready.”

  “I’ve heard that about you, buddy.”

  “Who’s been telling tales on me?”

  “I’ll never tell….” He started laughing, and damn, it felt good to let go.

  Dev simply grinned and led him to the big SUV. He escorted Gavin to the passenger side, and then Dev went around and started the car up.

  Gavin closed his eyes, reminding himself to breathe slowly, to focus, to replay the beauty of Rene and their night together.

  He wanted more of that. Hell, he wanted to be able to go to music festivals with Rene too. He wanted everything, all of life. He deserved it, goddammit.

  They pulled out onto the street, Dev confident behind the wheel as he drove them downtown.

  “Are you excited, Dev?” The twins loved music. They had to, to work for Gavin.

  Dev gave him a wicked smile. “Are you kidding? I love the jazz fest. I have plans to go to most of the day concerts. This is a huge bonus.”

  “Cool. I can’t wait. I’m going to try hard not to freak the fuck out, you know?”

  “I know you want to spend the time with Rene and that you love music. Focus on that, okay? I have faith that you can do this.”

  And Dev would be right there. Close. There for him.

  The streets got busier, Dev having to slow down. “They’ve got a lot of streets closed for the festival, but I should still be able to get us to the city hall underground parking. It’s the closest.”

  “Okay.” He wasn’t going to tense. He wasn’t.

  “It’s a beautiful night, boss.” Dev turned right, and they went into the underground lot. They stopped to grab a parking ticket, then continued on in. Surprisingly, it didn’t take that long to find a spot for the SUV.

  “It is.” And he wasn’t scared. He wasn’t.

  They parked and got out of the car. No one else was around, although the occasional car passed them. Dev put a hand in the small of his back and guided him toward the stairwell. This was it. They were going to go up those stairs and out into the city streets. Into the crowd.

  Oh God.

  Oh God.

  The light seemed to narrow, to get smaller and smaller.

  “Stay with me, boss.” Dev urged him forward and up the stairs.

  “I can’t… I… I’m scared, Dev.” What if, somehow, that bitch was here?

  “How about we get Rene to come meet us at the exit at the top of those stairs instead of down the street?” Dev suggested as a couple pushed past them on the way up.

  He nodded, leaning into Dev and clinging to his arm as he dialed Rene.

  “Hey, babe,” Rene said. “I’m almost there.”

  “Can… can you meet us?”

  “Of course. Where are you? Are you okay?”

  “I’m with Dev. We’re at the underground parking.” I’m a coward. I know it.

  “Which underground?” Rene asked.

  “Uh….” He handed the phone to Dev. He didn’t know.

  “Hello? The one at city hall. If you come down the stairs you’ll find us. Okay, see you soon.” Dev handed him his phone back.

  “Thanks. Rene, do you mind? I’m sorry. I just….” He was such a dipshit. “You know what, I’m going home.”

  “What? No, no. I’m almost there. Let’s at least talk about it, okay?”

  “Okay. We can talk.” He wanted to go up and see. So badly.

  “Good. Thank you. I’m just coming up the street now. I’m going to be there in no time. You want me to stay on the line until I get there?”

  “You don’t have to. I have Dev.” Please. Please help me do this.

  “I’m at the entrance now. Coming down the stairs.”

  Someone was on the steps, and he prayed it was Rene. A second later, there Rene was, hanging up his phone and beaming at him.

  “Gavin. You’re looking lovely.” Rene wrapped him in a hug.

  “Hey.” He inhaled deeply, sucking in Rene’s scent.

  “Hey. You’re shaking. Are you okay?” Rene rubbed his back and his arms.

  “I’m nervous, and I hate that. I hate being scared all the time.”

  “Being nervous means you’re alive, eh?” Rene gave him a quick, hard kiss that stole his breath. “Everything else aside, do you want to go to this concert?”

  “Yes.” That was easy.

  “Then let’s make it work. You’ve got two big strong guys with you who aren’t going to let anything happen to you. Tell me what else you need.”

  “I…. It’s like ripping off a bandage, right? Let’s go.” No one was out there waiting for him. He wasn’t going to be ridiculous.

  “If you’re sure.” Rene put an arm around his waist and led him up the stairs, Dev right behind them.

  “H-how was your day? Good?” The sun felt so good on his face.

  “It was okay, but it’s definitely looking up.” Rene squeezed him lightly. “I know I saw you this morning, but I’ve really missed you.”

  “Yeah? Thank you. I missed you. It was good to work, but… you know.”

  “Uh-huh. I know.” Rene grinned at him, keeping him close as they made their way to the venue.

  There were a lot of people around, but they weren’t paying any attention to him and Rene. Dev, on the other hand, was drawing a lot of admiring stares.

  “Have you heard of this Marius Neset?” Rene asked as he led them toward the newly renovated National Arts Centre.

  “I have. I like to keep on top of things, you know?” It would be so easy to lose himself in himself.

  “I hadn’t, but I like a good saxophone, and I thought that it would be nicer for us to be inside. Besides, I haven’t seen the inside of the NAC since they renovated.”

  Rene kept him close, holding him with a sure, confident arm. He also somehow seemed to have found a path that worked them through the least packed part of the wide sidewalk. It gave him more confidence the farther they walked.

  “There you are. I can feel you relaxing.” Rene squeezed him and kissed his temple. “I’m so glad you decided to take a chance on coming out with me.”

  The more they walked, the easier it got. He did great until they were lined up and the girl in front of them gasped when she saw him.

  “I know you!”

  Rene’s arm tightened around him, and he laughed. “Probably not. He gets that all the time. One of those faces, you know?”

  “Oh. Okay. Sorry.”

  Gavin couldn’t respond; he just made himself breathe.

  She glanced back at him one more time before she got to the door, but she didn’t say anything else, and then it was their turn to hand over their tickets. The usher pointed them to the right, and they headed in that direction, Rene seeming to know where they were going.

  No one knocked into him; no one even came close.

  Their seats were all together, Gavin seated between Dev and Rene. And right up near the middle front. Wow, fantastic seats.

  “Oh, this is lovely. Thank you, Sir.”

  Rene rested his hand on Gavin’s thigh. “You’re very welcome. I hope you enjoy the concert.”

  “I appreciate the gift.” He leaned into Rene’s arm, humming softly as he melted.

  Rene kissed the top of his head. “You’re a good fit, eh?”

  “Yes, Sir. I am.” His sigh was pure happiness.

  “Yes, indeed you are.”

  The lights went down, a single spotlight coming up on the stage. And the music started.

  Gavin grabbed both Dev’s and Rene’s hands as he listened, totally lost in the sounds. The concert lasted a little longer than an hour, and when it was over, he clapped as loudly as anyone.

  Rene watched him, a warm smile on his face. “I’m glad you came out with me, boy. It made the concert so much better.”

  “It was perfect. Absolutely perfect.” He wasn’t anywhere close to being ready for Rene to leave.

  Rene settled in his chair. “We’ll wait till the place clears out, hmm?”

  “Have you had supper? Would you like to?”

  “No. I have to admit I was hoping we could share a meal now that the concert is over.”

  “Oh, excellent. Yes. Me too.” He squeezed Rene’s hand. “Please.”

  “It will be totally my pleasure.”

  Gavin dared to kiss Rene’s cheek as they waited, inhaling the good scent of his lover. Rene hummed and turned his face, kissing Gavin back, right on the lips. Oh. Hello. Yum.

  Rene drew away, smiling at him, the expression in his eyes warm. “I’m so glad you came out tonight.”

  “I’m glad I could. I wanted to.”

  Rene linked their fingers together and held them on his thigh. “Did you have a favorite number?”

  “I liked the bluesy heavy bit in the middle. Very sexual, sensual, and more than a little naughty.”

  “Mm. Lovely choice. Did it turn you on?” Rene’s voice was low and sexy, like the music had been.

  “Probably, but I was focused.” He’d been somewhere else.

  “Now that is sexy. The way you take in music, I mean.” Rene glanced around. “Looks like everyone else has basically gone. We should head out. Did you want to go out to supper? Pick something up?”

  “Do you have a preference?” Whatever Rene chose, he was going to reward himself with a long bubble bath.

  “To be honest, I’d love to pick something up and go to either your place or mine. I want you all to myself.”

  “Sounds perfect. Would you like to ride with me?”

  “That would be great. We could call ahead to Al’s and pick up food on the way home. If steak works for you.”

  “Perfect.” He blushed, so pleased with himself. He’d done it. He’d come out.

  Rene stood and held out his hand. “Come on. I’ll call ahead to the restaurant while we walk to the car.”

  The crowds outside were still significant, too close for comfort. Rene slipped an arm around him again and brought him in close. “We just have a few blocks to go.”

  “I’m good.” He was. It was safe to be scared, so long as he responded appropriately.