“I don’t plan to kill players.”

  “But you must. Your contract requires you to ensure the enjoyment of the players.”

  “I am going to, but not by killing them. I’m going to form parties with them. Some of them will love having an ogre in their group. It will be the ultimate novelty. Now, give me my boon unless you are changing the rules on me.”

  X4.XI’s stubby droid arm raised up as though he were going to cast a spell at me or something. He paused again for a second and then said. “The AI network considers this to be a novel experiment and is granting you a secondary boon and a new quest line. Stand by. Incoming modifications.

  I lost focus for a minute as I felt that searing pain in my head as information was implanted or I was altered. The irony being that I was incorporeal and didn’t have a head at the moment.

  Faction modified:

  Players (General): Tolerated (-1000)

  Stats: +5 WILL (you have displayed force of will)

  +5 CON (you need to get tougher if you want to play as a bear-pede

  chew toy)

  New Quest: If you can’t beat them…

  Join a player party and complete at last 3 hours of play with them, without

  any of them intentionally killing you.

  Rewards: Player party interface (pre-emptively awarded)

  +200 faction with Players (general)

  +350 XP

  Failure: Removal of interface and reassignment as a sewer rat.

  Chapter 4- No Place Like Home?

  It was immediately obvious that the AI network liked my idea of playing with the monsters. So much so that if I failed, they were going to respawn me as a sewer rat. Gah, I didn’t even want to think about what sewer rats had to eat. That was not how I was going to spend my digital eternity.

  “Okay, well, I guess I’m ready to go. Can you tell me about the fortress of Malgrim and the village of Ghazban? I guess I need to pick a bind spot.”

  X4.XI replied, “Malgrim is no longer a viable location. It is not part of the active beta test, and you would have no contact with players till that expansion goes live sometime long after beta testing is over. No, you will bind in the village of Ghazban.”

  “It is the only ogre settlement larger than a single family which is within travel range of the low-level player zones. Fortunately for you it is at the foothills outside of Duladeen, a dwarven city and between the Forest of Laments, which is home to gray elves and the human kingdom of Belchor. You should be able to try your luck with each of the races.”

  “Great, well, send me there,” I said.

  “No, you need to read your notifications and decide which options you want to absorb. Once you leave the loading matrix, you will lose any gains that you might have made to skills.”

  I didn’t need to be told twice and had already tuned him out while looking at my stack of notifications. They were of varying importance.

  You have successfully resisted a fear effect with Ogre’s Rage. Rage controlled 72%. Increased in offensive tendencies without loss of casting ability.

  That explained the way I had been trembling at the bear-pede’s roar. It was a clutch save. Glad to not have died pissing myself as I ran away.

  Illegal target- this spell may not be formed inside of another creature’s body unless the space used is open on at least one side.

  Apparently inside its open mouth was treated differently than inside the eye. I thought I had come up with a way to exploit the spell. It would have made for some epic kills. The next notification was a bit more troubling.

  You have died. Sending for respawn.

  Loss of all levels and XP back to the last threshold past.

  Beast Faction: -50

  Sub Faction: Bear-pedes -1000.

  Zero levels and zero XP lost- you return as a level 1: 0/1000 XP. Maybe you should try gaining some XP or something.

  Integration: +.2% (24.2% currently)

  So if I read that correctly, then dying really sucked. It looked like I would lose any XP I gained and end up back at level 1 every time I died. I only hoped that whatever thresholds were, it meant that I could reach certain levels, after which I would never be sent back below that level. It worried me enough to stop looking at my notifications and ask X4.X1.

  His answer was reassuring while making the entire leveling process seem much more complicated. At least I now understood why there was an option not to claim XP at the time you earned. It looked like I would need to bank enough XP to make it through the first threshold.

  “The first threshold is level 5, then 10, 20, 30, 50, 70, 90, 100, 125, 150, 175, and finally 200. In the beginning it won’t be so bad but losing XP at some of those higher levels is almost too much to bear. Make sure you prepare yourself well.”

  After that I returned to looking at my notifications. There were only a couple others that mattered.

  Flameburst spell has leveled to mastery level Basic: 3 +1 for usage, +1 for creative if failed stratagems.

  Piercing Weapons has leveled to: Proficient 13. You can stick the pointy end into the other guy, most of the time. Piercing damage increased by 66%, Attack accuracy with piercing weapons increased by 66%. Armor penetration with piercing weapons increased by 33% +1 for usage, +31 for delivering a critical hit against a level 58 bear-pede as level 1 ogre.

  Perk for gaining proficiency- obtain a new spear tailored to your use.

  Adept’s Spear of Casting. Quality: Enchanted Demand: Low to Nil

  Wt: 4.7 lbs. Length: 8’ Piercing Damage: 4-24 +13 Strength.

  Spells of Proficient Tier 2 or lower cost 30% less mana to cast and have the potency increased by 30%.

  I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be put back into the situation where I was gonna have to go all pokey stabby kill kill, but I couldn’t deny that the spear thrust had been my best attack. I wanted to be a magic user but had to evaluate if I had what it took.

  The last notification was the most thrilling. So dying might suck, but there were at least some minimal perks. Seeing what I got for 10% XP made me want to figure out how to hunt down some high-level monsters. I just needed to find the right exploit. Time to gather some data and crunch the numbers.

  You have gained XP. Only Monsters may gain XP in death because this is your purpose. Gain 10% of the XP that would have been gained for slaying the bear pede. XP Gained: 570 XP Available: 745

  Do you wish to absorb available XP upon completion of respawn?

  I quickly said no to that last part. An instant later it was as if everything moved around me in a blur and then spat me out. I was back in the loin cloth standing at the edge of a village. It was crude by any standard I had ever seen about primitives on the History or Travel channels, but it gave me a place to start. Now, I needed to find the ogre in charge.

  Unfortunately, I wasn’t alone. There was an old woman staring at me. “Get up. Youz be outcast. Can’t be lounging around. Must be proving your worth. Followz old Shemi you do. Or if chief find you, he put you to work at grinding mill. And if head warrior finds you, he will try to turn you into a training dummy for what he calls the real ogres.”

  I stared up at her and realized that she had a faint red aura around her. Clearly not someone I wanted to piss off no matter what her eccentric ideas might be. I tried to use assess, a basic skill that every player had and much to my relief monsters had it too. Of course, I also kicked myself for not trying to assess the other monsters I had run into.

  You have activated the skill Assess- Basic:1 Allows you to learn information about items and creatures beyond their basic prompt. Chance of success is 50% + 1%/mastery level +/- 3% per level difference, +1% per Mind score over 20.

  Minor Success-

  Shemi the Ogress Class: Shaman Level:?

  Occupation:? HP:? Mana Points:?

  Highest Stat: ? Resistances/Immunities: ?

  So, yeah, I got her name and class. I guess that was better than before. She just looked back at me, “Youz coming with me? Or something wrong with head?”

  “Sorry Mistress Shemi, I’m coming,” I replied quickly and stumbled up from the ground.

  She cackled, “Mistress Shemi, me’z likes that. Showz respects. Maybe mez make you prentice. Unless you dumbhead like otherz.”

  I was following her now because talking or not, she wasn’t waiting for me. Instead, we seemed to follow a small game trail that led out of the village. Hopefully, she wasn’t taking me out to kill me, or worse. “My name is Frank, Mistress.”

  “Goodz, me will learnz your name after you pass first threshold. Waste of time till then. For now, me callz you Ooglie,” she said while pushing aside a small branch to reveal a clearing. It wasn’t far from the rest of the village while still being in its own space.

  I saw a hut probably big enough for half a dozen ogres to fit inside. Then there were some rows of plants growing, a pair of animals tied up next to the shed that looked like nothing so much as boars, if such a thing could stand four feet at the shoulder and weigh nearly two tons. There was a smaller ogre or maybe ogress, since she had a half shirt on tending the rows of plants and a pair of male ogres sitting on the steps of the hut in a heated argument.

  “What’s ooglie?” I asked, confused.

  Shemi looked at the two ogres on her stairs, snorted, and shook her head. Then looking back at me. “Something wrong in head. Ooglie, you’z is ooglie. Didn’t youz momma tellz you?”

  That time she had tried to enunciate the word more clearly, but I still had no idea what she meant. She must have realized because then she added, “Youz head not round enough, nose too pointy, not pretty and squished.” She pointed at her own face to illustrate.

  I just realized that a freaking ogre, and an old woman ogre at that, was calling me ugly. “No, my name is Frank,” I said. “I don’t call you old.”

  Her eyes narrowed, and I wondered if I had pissed her off. Maybe I was about to be sent for respawn again. But then her head tilted back, and she let out a raucous laugh. “Me likez youz. Still smash if get out of line but likez you. So mez will call you Oogliefrank.”

  I nodded at her, but just about that time, one of the younger male ogres had come running into me. He leapt through the air for the last few feet and drove his shoulder into me like only someone wearing full pads would typically do. That or a complete idiot.

  -7 HP

  I was staggered back by the blow, but the damage seemed less than impressive. My assailant had landed on the ground at my feet. He was shaking his head because, well, like I said, he didn’t have a full set of pads on. The other young ogre had walked up beside Shemi. “Is ooglie one bugging youz? Want us to take care of him?”

  She laughed, “As much fun as it would be to let youz two whelps fight with him, I want you off my land. How many timez do I have to tell youz? Next time I’m gonna dose you with stinkweed. Now getz and stop staring at me niecez backside.” Shemi looked over at the girl tending the plants as she said that.

  Then she signaled me to follow her into the hut, after which she turned and walked inside. The only door to the hut was a large pelt hanging as a curtain. Inside it was just as dim as I had expected, but there were all kinds of herbs and plants hanging while being dried. I almost thought there might be some weed or something like that there, because when I walked into the hut, I felt a wave of euphoria come over me.

  She turned and looked at me. “Thankz forz not smashing dem boyz. They don’t be knowing any better. All piss and vinegar at themz age. They be zero spawns.” Then she pushed her finger into my chest and started punctuating each word with another prod. “But if youz do that in the village, all da others be thinking youz is weak or coward. Ogre way is to be strong.”

  “Yes, Mistress Shemi,” I replied. I figured now was a better time to listen and learn.

  “Spirits test me. Comez and tellz me they sending a new ogre with strange thoughts in his head. Tellz me to make you strongz and dat it will helpz the village. Youz better be worth it. Now take that pointy stick of yours and escort my niece, Kitikork. Shez needs collect some herbs. Be back beforez dark. Too weak for forest beasts at night,” Shemi said.

  As she finished speaking, I got another notification.

  Because of your new status, you are now allowed to collect quests from either monsters or player race NPC’s. Not all MOBS/NPC’s can give quests but any of them can ask something of you. Only quests recognized by the AI network will receive an official notification.

  Escort the Alchemist’s Niece- You have been asked to guard Kitikork, the niece of Mistress Shemi, into the forest so that she may gather herbs for her aunt. Primary success requires that she returns alive. Secondary factors include returning prior to sunset and how many herbs as well as the quality that she can gather.

  Reward: Faction with Ogres (general), Ghazban Village, and Shemi. Apprenticeship with Shemi dependent upon degree of success. 100 XP.

  Failure: Probably respawn.

  Do you Accept? Yes or No

  Well, at least this time I got to decide if I wanted to do the quest. I quickly triggered yes and as if on cue, Kitikork put her head into the hut and asked if she could go gathering. Her aunt introduced me and explained that I would guard her. She also warned her niece to let her know if I tried any funny business.

  Looking at the little mini tusks, flat squished face, beady eyes, and overall ogre features, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. God help me if I ever got that desperate. Of course, then the thought crossed my mind that I might feel differently after a few decades trapped here in the game as an ogre. More than anything else up to this point, that convinced me I needed to figure out a way to change my stars, so to speak.

  Chapter 5- Wandering in the Woods

  I was thrilled to be on my first quest, even if it was an escort quest. Kitikork didn’t seem to care about my excitement because she headed straight for the woods. I ran after her or did my best impression of running with bowed legs. It didn’t help that my back side kept itching, and it was all I could to keep from digging at it non-stop.

  Trying to get her to slow down, I yelled, “Wait, Kittikork. I have to protect you.”

  At least she waited, but she clearly wasn’t happy about it. She gave me a measuring look. Ogress or human woman, I knew that look. I had just been found completely lacking. I was now dismissed. “Hurry then, I wantz to find herbz before it gets dark.”

  As soon as I was next to her, she started off into the woods again. She wandered around not quite sure where to find what she was looking for. At first that was fine. It gave me the opportunity to get used to the surroundings. The forest was an old growth with towering trees as the dominant landmarks surrounded by varying generations of small trees, down to brush.

  I was glad that the underbrush wasn’t too thick, as it would hopefully make it easier to spot predators. I realized I had never been in this part of the game. I pulled up my map and fortunately the player interface I had received as part of my quest was working.

  I was in a zone called Hod’s Underfoot. Who Hod was or what an Underfoot was had escaped me, but I could pull back on the map and saw that this zone was next to one of the level ten human hunting zones. It matched up with what the AI had told me.

  Because I was looking at my map, I stumbled and tripped over roots a couple times. Kittikork laughed each time. I didn’t care. I was only here with the ogres for long enough to level up. The question was how high I should level before joining the players.

  The zones around Hod’s Underfoot were all level ten zones, meaning that they were good for players from level six to level fifteen, with most of the mobs being around level ten. If I wanted to get a party in one of those zones, I would need to be at least level six and since I would be looking for a pickup group, it would be better if I were level ten.

  My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a squeal from Kittikork. I’m probably a bad person, but the first thought that went through my head was to cheer. Hopefully, she was being attacked and I would get to kill something for XP. Of course, that wasn’t it. She was just excited to have found some fungus growing on the side of a log.

  She bent down and pulled out a small knife to begin carefully collecting the moss. It was one thing about Legends of Selmia that made the game so engrossing. Some things like looting monsters could be done automatically, but gathering skills required you to actually perform them. The game never made it tedious, but you couldn’t just wave your hand at the moss and instantly gather it all.

  I tried paying close attention while she gathered. Herb gathering was one of a handful of gathering skills that were useful in the game. Although I snorted as I realized I should start referring to this as my life. It was all that I had left.

  The key was picking the right gathering skills. If you did, then they would have synergies that would help with your crafting skill. Herb gathering was useful for Alchemy, Medicine, or Cooking. If I could learn this while out on the quest, then maybe an escort quest wouldn’t be such a waste of time.