Oh, fuck.

  But I need to tell her so many things. That I feel like the most stupidly righteous idiot on the planet. That I regret not being honest with her. But most of all, that I love her. Bethany isn’t ready to hear any of that now. I understand. I won’t give up on us, though. I may have fallen for her because I orchestrated this giant lie to ferret out her “crimes,” and I regret that like hell. But I don’t regret a moment of the time we spent together.

  “Did you call your siblings?”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t think the news of Barclay’s passing is something I should deliver over the phone. It would be better to gather everyone together and tell them face to face.”

  “You’re right. Grab your purse, and I’ll take you—”

  “No, I’ll find my own way. I don’t want to see you, spend time with you, or even be in the same room with you. I’m moving out of the apartment, so you can do what you want with the lease. It’s over, Clint. We’re done.”

  Her words hurt like a physical blow, but arguing is pointless now. I fucked up and all I can do is give her the time and space she needs while hoping I’ll someday have the opportunity to put us back together.

  “You don’t have a car, and even if they’ve discharged Stephen from the hospital, he’s in no condition to drive. I’ll get you to Maxon and Keeley’s place. I’ll even help you tell your siblings what happened so you don’t have to live through it again by yourself. Then, if you still want me to go, I will.” I can’t resist cupping her face. “But I’ll be back. I meant what I said when I told you that I fell in love with you and I had every intention of asking you to be my wife.”

  Bethany hasn’t cried all day, but now my words reduce her to tears. “Don’t. Just…don’t.”

  I’m pushing, and she can’t take it.

  Slowly, I drop my hand. “Okay. We won’t talk about it any more tonight. Just let me get you to your brother’s house safely.”

  She hesitates, then nods. “Only because it’s the fastest way there, and they deserve to know what’s happened.”

  We make our way out the bar’s back door, probably for the last time. I already told Andy I wouldn’t be back. No need to work this job now that my cover story is moot. I doubt Bethany will be back, either. She needs to grieve. And just like I can’t stand to be in my North Dakota home anymore, I doubt she’ll want to work in the place where she watched her father die.

  The drive to the inn is tense and quiet. She texts Maxon and tells him to gather the family at his place. It’s important, but she refuses to say why. He agrees, then she darkens her phone and zones out. Whatever she sees of the dark night out her window seems to hold her attention. Or maybe that’s just her way of avoiding me.

  We’re drawing close to Maxon and Keeley’s bed-and-breakfast, and I have this sense of a clock ticking away the last of my time with Bethany. I try to rationalize. She’ll still be on the island tomorrow. I won’t let her get too far from my side. I’ll find small ways to let her know I love her and that I’m here for her without pushing too hard. She thinks she doesn’t want me now, but someday she’ll realize that she wants a lover who will care for her, who will devote himself to her. I’ll be waiting. I’ll be ready to prove that I’m sorry and that I’m worthy. I’ll beg her forgiveness. Then I’ll do whatever it takes to convince her that she’s it for me. She’s the only woman I’ll ever love.

  Still, what if that day never comes? What if these are the last moments I ever spend with Bethany?

  Panic eats at my gut. If I don’t say something, will she leave thinking she meant nothing to me except revenge? Will I regret staying silent in these final moments for the rest of my lonely life?

  I reach for her hand. “I was proud of you tonight, Beth.”

  For once, she doesn’t wrench away. She also doesn’t reply.

  Into the silence, I go on. “I know from personal experience that what you went through tonight with your father was one of the hardest things to deal with—ever. A father’s death stays with you, and you constantly wonder what you could have done to save him.”

  Finally, she turns to me with a little frown furrowed between her brows. “I’ve already wondered that.”

  “The answer is nothing. Paul Daniels was on a mission, and you couldn’t have stopped him. Just like I couldn’t do anything to prevent my dad’s heart attack. Your father made enemies. My father didn’t take care of his health. Sometimes accepting that things are out of your control is the most difficult lesson of all. It’s a lesson I wish I would have accepted before I lost you.”

  Bethany pulls her hand free. “Don’t.”

  I back down. I have to. “You handled the police and their questions with poise and perfection. I’m not surprised. You’re strong, Beth. Hell, you had the spine and the independence weeks ago to realize you had to cut ties with your dad. You’ll carry on professionally now that he’s gone and I have no doubt you’ll succeed.”

  Slowly, she nods. “I’m not going to let my father take my future from me. He’s already tainted too much of my past. I’m damn good at investment counseling, and I love what I do. Multimillionaires and Wall Street bigwigs may never trust me again, but that’s okay. I’ll face the future on my own terms. That’s something I should have done all along.”

  “Where will you go?” I ask as we pull up at the inn.

  My time with Bethany is almost up—and it’s killing me.

  She shrugs. “I don’t know. There’s nothing but terrible memories in San Diego. I’ll probably sell my ridiculously expensive condo I can’t afford anymore and find someplace else to call home. You?”

  I’ll be wherever Bethany is, but she isn’t ready to hear that. “I’m going to leave North Dakota. The guy who’s been watching my business back there wants to buy it. I’m going to let him. The sale of my dad’s insurance agency should be complete in the next week or two. Both of my younger brothers are away at college. So I guess I’ll be looking for someplace to call home, too. And a new job to go with it.” Then I take a risk and grab her hand again. “But wherever that is, Beth, I’ll be thinking of you. And only you. You may never believe me because I know I didn’t show you the way I should have, but I love you. I love the way you make me think. I love the way you challenge me to understand you. I love it when you finally let me behind your walls and smile. I love that, when you give your body to me, you do it completely. Most of all, I love your strength and courage. I love the way you didn’t let your father or anyone else defeat you. I love that you’re real and true and that you taught me so much about ignoring my assumptions and listening to my heart.”

  She doesn’t say anything, just continues to look down, occasionally swiping at her wet cheeks with a shaking hand.

  “Beth…” I tilt her chin to face me.

  Her big eyes, the pain twisting her mouth, and the silvery paths running down her face all rip me apart. She didn’t let her asshole father break her, but I just might. I hate that—and myself for hurting her—more than anything.

  If Bethany never gives me a second chance, I have no doubt she’ll be my biggest regret.

  She closes her eyes as if she can’t take the intimacy of our stare anymore. I want to lean in and kiss her passionately, convince her I mean every word I say. We’re only inches apart… But that’s not what she needs now.

  Instead, I press my lips softly to hers—a breath, a brush. A good-bye.

  When I ease back, I see Maxon, Griff, Noah, and Evan all hovering on the lanai, looking grim. Just beyond, I spot the women gathered in the great room, heads bent together, hands clasped. I hazard a glance Bethany’s way. She looks relieved to see everyone and yet more than nervous now that the moment is upon her.

  “I’m here if you need me,” I vow.

  She shakes her head. “I’ve got this. It’s something I need to do. It would be better if you left and didn’t come back.”

  I’m hurt but not surprised by her answer. “Take care of yourself. If you need or want me for anything—ever—all you have to do is call.”

  “I’m done being blindly loyal. And you’ve proven that I can’t trust you.”

  Before I can reply, Maxon and Noah are at my door, opening it. Bethany exits the car on the other side, and Griff pulls her straight into his waiting arms.

  “We know,” her oldest brother says somberly. “News travels fast on an island this size.”

  At least Bethany won’t have to break the news or explain everything again. Instead, Griff and Evan lead her inside the house. All the women rise and greet her, Harlow the first to hug her and offer both affection and condolences. I’m so relieved that Bethany won’t be alone tonight.

  “Thanks for being here for Beth,” I tell the other two men. “She’s really broken up.”

  “We know she is,” Maxon assures me.

  “Not only is he gone, she watched the son of a bitch die…”

  Noah winces.

  Maxon lets out a curse. “I’m sorry for her. I hated my father, and I’m neither surprised nor upset that a former client offed him. But I wrote him out of my life to preserve my mental health long ago. Bethany only realized his true colors a few weeks back, and before she could even reconcile the reality with the fairy-tale father she thought had raised her, he’s gone.”

  Exactly. “She’s grieving. She needs people who care.”

  “She’s got us. And she’s got you, too.”

  I shake my head. “It’s…over. I’ll let her explain if she wants to share. I can’t do anything right now except respect her wishes and go.”

  Noah scowls. “You’re walking away from her?”

  “Not by choice.” And not forever. “She wants me to. And…I deserve to suffer.”

  “Whoa. Slow your roll.” Harlow’s husband looks at me as if I’ve lost my damn mind. “You’re giving up? When she needs you most?”

  I open my mouth to explain, but Maxon waves a hand in my face. “I get it. You’re doing the altruistic thing for some reason. It’s a mistake. Maybe that’s my perspective because ruthless is bred into my veins. It’s a Reed trait…along with not knowing your heart. That’s where Bethany is at right now. If I had only listened to my head, I wouldn’t be married to the best woman in the world and I wouldn’t have a beautiful baby girl.”

  “Same for Harlow,” Noah cuts in. “I can’t tell you how often she tried to put distance between us. I’m damn glad I was pushy and tenacious.”

  Their admissions surprise me. I thought they’d always been deliriously happy. Nice to know someone overcame their differences and found happiness. Just not sure that’s ever going to be Bethany and me…

  “Did either one of you deceive your wives?”

  Their identical scowls might have been comical if I was in any mood to laugh.

  “No,” Noah admits.

  Maxon shakes his head. “But I did plenty of other shitty stuff. Trust me. Do you love Bethany?”

  “Yes.” I came for my pound of flesh…but I’m the one who lost my heart.

  “Then we’ll help you.”

  “Why?” It’s a passing curiosity. His help or lack thereof isn’t going to change the outcome. Bethany has to decide on her own that she wants me. “When we first met, you didn’t like me much.”

  “I didn’t. But the more time my sister spent with you, the more she came out of her shell. None of us had managed to get past her defenses. You did. If you give up on her now, she’ll only retreat into herself. And since I’ve gone this route—so has Griff—she’ll turn brittle. If you love her, don’t let that happen.”

  I look up at Beth. The wives are reaching out to offer their comfort and support…and already I see her pulling away.

  “Believe me, I have no intention of walking away forever, but she needs time to grieve. And she needs time to figure out if she can forgive me. I’m not going far, though. And she’ll have to tell me that she’ll never love me before I give up on her completely.”

  Maxon smiles his approval and claps me on the shoulder. “Perfect. Keep working on her. We’ll help. She’ll come around.”

  I can only hope.

  Noah nods. “Why don’t you crash for the night and come back in the morning when she’s fresh. Right now, she’s in no shape to make lifelong decisions. Things may look a lot different tomorrow.”

  I doubt it, but I nod and exchange digits with the guys. “I’ll be back. Take care of her for me until then, huh?”

  Maxon nods. “You got it.”

  As I climb in my car, I’m grateful to see the two men join the rest of the family to exchange condolences and hugs. They’re not letting Bethany shy away from their comfort or support. As much as I hate leaving her now, I know she’ll be in good hands until I can wrap my arms around her again and begin proving that I am the man she can count on. Until she believes deep down that I’m the same man she fell for.

  I stop by the apartment we moved into only yesterday, when the day was bright and the possibilities were seemingly endless. But everywhere I look I see Beth now. I can’t stay here. It’s too haunted. I can’t miss her this much without losing my mind. Instead, I grab a shower and a clean change of clothes, then head to Ash’s, who welcomes me with a beer and an ear.

  It’s close to dawn when I finally find sleep on his lumpy piece-of-shit sofa. I wake up a few hours later, feeling less than rested but beyond ready to start winning Bethany back.

  When I reach the inn a little before ten, Maxon greets me with his mouth pressed in a grim line. “She’s gone. I’m sorry. We tried… She’s leaving the island. And honestly, I don’t know where she’s going or if she’s coming back.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Three months later

  Los Angeles

  Bethany

  * * *

  My hand trembles as I smooth my skirt, then press my fingers across my jittery stomach to calm it. Above me, the sunny spring sky wraps me in California blue. Behind me, my car door hangs open. Stay or go? But I know the answer. It’s now or never. Do or die.

  I’m a woman on a mission. This is it.

  I shut my car door, press the fob to lock the vehicle, and stare straight ahead at the gorgeous but unfamiliar home in front of me. The now-familiar strains of Jason Mraz’s “I Won’t Give Up” float through my head, crying out that, although we have a lot to learn, we’re worth it.

  Today, I’ll find out if that’s true. I’ll figure out once and for all if anything Clint Holmes claims he felt for me in Maui was real.

  Would he have sent me the ballad about persevering, along with the handful of other songs encouraging me to give our relationship another try if he wasn’t? It seems unlikely. He now has all the answers he sought about the Reed Financial scam. He got justice, too. What else could he want from me…except me?

  No, Clint didn’t compile the song list he sent a few weeks ago. Keeley did; he admits that. But he swears he feels all these sentiments.

  I never thought of music as therapy, but apparently it’s Keeley’s way of navigating difficult emotions. It seemed silly at first, but I see why now. I’ve picked every song apart. Sting’s “Fortress Around Your Heart” tells me he understands that he invented the battle between us inside his head and that he’s well aware his lies caused me to raise my defenses. Bryan Adams’s “Please Forgive Me” just melts my heart. How can I refuse a man who asks for forgiveness for loving me too much? Yesterday, “Dig” by Incubus was on high rotation. Yes, we all have a weakness that cleverly attaches and multiplies. I’m guilty, so I can’t blame him for not being perfect.

  But do I dare trust him again?

  Do I dare not try?

  I haven’t been ready to tackle that question until now because the last three months have been hell. My final morning in Maui, I left Maxon and Keeley’s place with tears and hugs and promises to keep in touch, then I took a taxi to the hospital, helped Stephen through the discharge process, and settled him into the temporary rental he’s found. He had to be feeling better because he was already eyeing the property’s caretaker, a pretty blonde named Skye. Before I hopped on my red-eye back to LA that night, he told me I was crazy to run from Clint because that man loves me. I was too shell-shocked by everything that happened the night before to hear it.

  A week after my father’s death, he was buried in San Diego. The service quickly became a nightmarish media circus. Thank goodness my siblings came, except Griff, who stayed behind with Britta for the birth of their second beautiful little boy, Grayson. But Maxon watched over me protectively. Harlow held my hand. Evan fended off the press.

  My siblings came not to pay their respects to the man who sired us but to support me. I was beyond touched—and they haven’t wavered since. If one silver lining has come out of the multitude of Barclay’s lies and indiscretions, it’s my family. We’ve grown closer over the last few months, despite me being back in California now.

  But I miss them. A lot.

  During the funeral, Maxon also made sure that Linda, Barclay’s vengeful wife, didn’t get too close to me. Once she found out I had inherited everything remaining in Barclay’s estate and her boy-toy Marco left her for a wealthier sugar-mama, the woman threatened to kill me. Last month, she was found guilty of all charges in the Reed Financial scandal—conspiracy, aiding and abetting, money laundering. She’s going to prison for the rest of her life. None of my siblings seemed surprised or broken up about it. How sad that the woman who met this tragic end was such a horrible human being that none of her children even shed tears. Then again, being married to Barclay for thirty-five years probably warped her into someone as twisted and self-serving as he’d been.

  Clint came to my dad’s funeral, too. That was the first—and only—time I’ve seen him since our breakup. I hoped laying eyes on him wouldn’t affect me. After all, he lied to me. He betrayed me. He coaxed me into laying my soul bare when he didn’t love me. But his expression as we stared at one another across the thirty feet that separated us said something very different. I felt him there, full of concern and remorse—and devotion I wanted to believe so badly it tore at my heart.