I make myself comfortable in dad’s room and cringe as Noah describes the exact way my car handled as I drove here. I mean, he did warn me not to race my car on the track so I can’t exactly get in trouble seeing as though I was basically racing myself and there was no track in sight. Though, what happened at Maxen track the other day…that’s something that can stay between me and my friends.

  Twenty minutes later, Aria is sitting up in dad’s bed and watching him with her makes it clear that Noah was right earlier. Dad is terrified and I have no idea how I missed it. His eyes are wide and he’s focusing way too hard on every little word Aria mumbles making sure he doesn’t miss a second of what could possibly be a short life. His eyes trail over her, taking her in with pride before doing the same to me, committing us to memory.

  The nurse gave me some great pointers and it’s probably going to be hard. We’ll run into a few barriers along the way, but I have a feeling he won’t be putting up a fight to get himself better. Hell, maybe for the chance of watching his children grow up, he’ll even make my job easy.

  Chapter 19

  OK, out of all the ridiculous things I’ve ever done, this has got to be the worst. What was I thinking coming here?

  I look up at the massive building before me and let out a slow, deep breath. Castle Rock Women’s Penitentiary. Again– what the hell was I thinking coming here?

  I don’t know what made me do this. Maybe it was the fact that I’ve never met the woman who birthed me and my curiosity was getting the best of me, or maybe it’s the fact that I nearly lost my dad just two days ago and that made it crystal damn clear that I didn’t want to go on without knowing the woman who gave me life.

  ‘Knowing’ might be a bit of a strong word to use. I don’t particularly want to know her, I just want to meet her and understand her a little better in hopes to maybe understand myself just a little bit more.

  All I know is that one minute, I was on my way to the hospital to go through my father’s new diet and exercise routine after deciding to skip school and the next, I was driving the hour and a half into Castle Rock.

  It’s not exactly a nice area, but what do you expect from the place which houses some of the most dangerous female criminals in the area? I’d never thought I’d say it, but I think I prefer Haven Falls. It’s not glamorous like Broken Hill or offer much in the way of entertainment, but it’s home and as long as Noah is there, that’s what it’s always going to be.

  Noah has been great over the past few days. His family has been looking out for Aria while I’ve been staying with dad and every spare minute Noah has, he’s been right by my side, making sure I’m holding up.

  I’m not going to lie, it’s been hard. Seeing dad like that is something I’ll never forget, but the silver lining is that it has opened our eyes to how damn important it is to take care of ourselves. I never want to be in this position again. Handling this at eighteen is one thing, but I can only imagine how terrified Aria must be considering she doesn’t understand what’s going on. In her eyes, all she sees is that one moment her daddy was fine and the next, he was lying in hospital with hardly enough energy to explain to her why his heart was hurting.

  Like I said…it’s been hard.

  I guess I’m kind of lucky that I have so much going on right now. There’s all my schoolwork which Noah has been making sure I haven’t been lacking in, there’s Rivers being my brother and his mother also being mine, not to mention the whole ‘prostitution ring’ thing. Then, of course, add Anton’s betrayal into the mix.

  All these things have ensured that I haven’t had the chance to dwell on dad’s situation too much as that would be a disaster. Though, keeping my mind busy with shit like that isn’t exactly healthy either.

  I have so many questions that I still don’t have any answers to when it comes to my real mom and as each day goes by, it becomes startlingly clear that I’ll never be getting those answers from Rivers. He has distanced himself from us and all that seems to do is bring more questions. I miss him like crazy and the fact that he’s my brother and currently at boot camp for the military just seems to make it so much worse. I can’t even begin to think how Tully must be feeling, hell even Noah. They’ve been best friends since they were kids.

  I mean, did Rivers know about this? Has he known all along that I was his sister and just refused to say anything? He tried to keep me out at first and maybe that was because he didn’t want me getting too close.

  All I know is that I’m done digging for answers. I’m here to get them and I won’t be leaving without them.

  I walk forward and make my way through the massive gates before heading on into the prison. Security guards are everywhere and I go through a hundred checks before advancing to each new step, only to go through more checks.

  I’m patted down and then I step through a metal detector before getting into a fight with some bitchy woman about not having an appointment. I mean, what the hell is Gina doing in there that’s keeping her so busy as to need an appointment? This is ridiculous and she knows it, but giving me the benefit of the doubt, she allows me through.

  Realizing this is actually going to happen, my nerves start getting the better of me. I’m actually about to meet my mother. This is crazy. I wonder if she’s going to look like me. Dad had said that she does, but he hasn’t seen her for eighteen years, that’s more than enough time for things to change. Is she going to be hot headed and have an attitude just like mine or is she going to be completely different?

  Shit, I thought I already had too many unanswered questions filtering through my mind. I guess I was wrong as apparently, there’s always room for a million more.

  I mean, what’s she been doing all this time in prison? Does she still run her business from inside? Is she treated well? Does she have to work in the kitchen, library, or laundry mat like they do in movies? Hell, I’m even curious what her ranking is with the other inmates. Surely, someone who had the brains to run a prostitution ring has what it takes to claw her way up to top bitch around here.

  But more importantly, why the hell do I care so much? I shouldn’t. This woman abandoned me and yes, she gave me a better life, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I was abandoned by Aria’s mom, Kelly, when I thought she was my mother, only to find out I’d already been left behind once before.

  Damn. Maybe I shouldn’t have put up such a fight with the bitchy woman who insisted I needed an appointment. Maybe I would have saved myself from finding out things that I don’t want to know.

  I let out a sigh. Oh well, I’m here now.

  I sit in a room filled with tables and chairs. Buzzers are going off as the sound of metal echoing against metal rings in my ears. I never realized just how loud it would be in a prison and I’m not even in the main part, just the visitors’ area. Not to mention, it’s kind of cold in here too.

  One by one, prisoners are led into the room. They all seem to pause by the door, glance around the room until they find who they’re looking for and carry on. My palms begin to sweat and I slide them along my jeans as my foot bounces with nerves.

  As the tables around me begin to fill with people in jumpsuits, I start feeling like I’m in an episode of ‘Orange Is the New Black.’ This is ridiculous. What am I doing here?

  It all becomes startlingly clear when Gina walks through the door. I’ve never laid my eyes on her before but it’s as clear as day that this is her. After all, dad was right; she looks just like me. In fact, I’m her spitting image.

  Her hair is the same golden blonde and she even keeps it cut at the same length. She looks about my height and while I’m pretty damn confident with my body, I’d dare say hers is absolute banging. I mean, she looks as though she’d be pretty damn toned under that jumpsuit.

  My eyes travel over her face. Same nose, same hairline, same bone structure. She’s me in twenty years. There’s a scowl on her lips, and a sharp glare piercing into me. I have no doubt she knows exactly who I am. If she didn’t know me by name, she sure as hell has worked it out now. I mean, how could she not? It would be like looking in a mirror.

  Gina’s brow raises and she strides towards me with arrogance. I instantly tense myself, ready for some kind of showdown, but when she gingerly takes her seat before me and taps her long, red nails on the table, I being to relax.

  “So,” she says, her eyes roaming over my face. “You know then?”

  I nod my head, unable to find the right words to say.

  “What are you doing here?” Gina prompts, looking unimpressed with my presence before her.

  “I need answers,” I tell her, trying to sound brave, but let’s face it, my voice broke and I look absolutely terrified of this woman.

  Gina scoffs and slowly shakes her head. “You’ve come to the wrong place, kid,” she tells me. “I haven’t got anything you need. You’re better off without me.”

  Gina raises from her chair and goes to leave when I begin to panic. “I’m going to come back every single day until I get what I need,” I warn her. She apparently doesn’t care as she continues walking away, so I play my Ace. “Your son, Samuel; he’s one of my best friends.”

  Gina freezes before whipping around and striding back towards me. She leans on the table, attempting to appear intimidating. “Samuel is dead to me,” she tells me, but the fact that she turned and walked back to me tells me she’s a liar. Apparently, there are a few differences between us after all, but why am I so disappointed by that?

  “Really?” I question, leaning forward onto my elbows and giving her that same intimidating look right back at her. I mean, who did she think she was messing with here? I’m her daughter for fuck’s sake. “So, you’re not interested in the recent photo I have of him or knowing what the hell he’s been up to these past few years?”

  Gina clenches her jaw and it’s damn clear that she wants everything I’ve got on him. “I’ll tell you what,” I say. “For every question of mine you answer, I’ll answer one of yours. Besides, it’s not like you’ve got anything better to do.”

  She lets out a breath and before I know it, she’s sliding back down onto the chair, facing me with a whole new appreciation. “Seems you’re a little more like me than I thought.”

  “Is that a good thing?”

  Gina bounces a brow before a smirk crosses her lips. “I guess we’re about to find out,” she mutters before holding up a hand, indicating for me to get started.

  I don’t waste any time and get stuck into it with the main questions that have been plaguing my mind. “Why’d you give me up?”

  “Starting with the good stuff, huh?”

  “I’m not here to make friends,” I tell her. “I need my questions answered and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

  She nods. “Alright, but I can’t guarantee that you’re going to like it.”

  “And I can’t guarantee that you’re going to like anything I have to say about your son.”

  Gina’s brows dip down. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “My question first,” I tell her.

  Realizing that she’s backed into a wall, she lets out a sigh and starts giving me the information that I’ve been desperately looking for. “I’d been fighting with my boyfriend and met your father in a bar. He was cute and made me smile so I let him take me home. Three weeks later, I realize that I’m pregnant. Naturally, my boyfriend wasn’t thrilled. Samuel was only a few months old and we’d been careful, so he knew that I’d cheated and every time he looked at me and saw my stomach growing, it was a reminder that I’d been unfaithful. He hit me every day and by the time I gave birth to you, I already hated you. I resented you for the pain you'd caused and I needed you gone. You were causing too much trouble in my relationship and because of that, I gave you up.”

  “You resented me because you cheated on your man? That hardly seems fair.”

  “I resented you for what you represented,” she snaps. “Now, who’s telling the story here?”

  I hold up my hands in surrender and let her continue.

  “You were a few days old when I showed up on your dad’s doorstep. I dropped you off without so much of goodbye and that’s where you stayed. I had no interest in being your mother and to be honest, you would have been better off.”

  “I was better off,” I tell her. “I’ve had a great life with my Dad.”

  Gina nods and I don’t miss the way her eyes tighten, but I don’t dwell on it. I have so much more than I need to know. “Is that boyfriend Riv…Samuel’s father?”

  She shakes her head. “One for one, remember. It’s my turn to have a question answered.”

  “Ok,” I say. “What do you want to know?”

  “Everything about him.”

  “Well, what do you already know? When was the last time you talked to him?”

  “The trial. Six years ago.”

  My brows shoot up. Well, shit. “He’s never visited?”

  “I’m losing my patience, Henley,” she says. “Start talking.”

  I let out a breath, hoping he isn’t going to hate me for talking to her about him, but it’s not like I’m going to be telling her private information, just the stuff that everyone seems to know. “Ok, well, I’ve only really known him for the past six months. He’s the black sheep. He’s quiet and mysterious but everyone is terrified of him because he has the ability to drop any motherfucker around. He’s damn near lethal,” I tell her. “He’s never told a soul about his personal life, in fact, the rest of the world knows him as Rivers. We only discovered his name was Samuel two weeks ago and that’s because my father told me about you and we looked you up.”

  “Who’s ‘we’?” she questions.

  I decide to bypass the whole ‘one question at a time’ rule and give her what she wants. “Noah and Tully Cage. They’re twins and Rivers’ closest friends. They’ve been friends since he was eleven.”

  Gina nods. “Oh, yes. I briefly remember something about a friend ‘Noah’ before all hell rained down on me,” she murmurs. “Go on.”

  “About two months ago, we were involved in a car accident and he disappeared.” I watch as concern filters over her features but she doesn’t stop me. “We later found out that he joined the military. He’s been at boot camp ever since.”

  If she’s concerned about him joining the military, she doesn’t show it. “And that’s why you’re coming to me,” she muses. “He’s not around to answer the questions for you.”

  “Exactly right.”

  “So, what now?” she questions.

  “Now, you tell me what the hell happened to Rivers after you got locked up and if he knows that he’s my half-brother?”

  “And If I don’t?” she questions.

  “Then you don’t get his picture.”

  She nods. “He was sent to go live with his father,” she tells me. “And as for you, he knows nothing about you, unless his father has divulged that information, but considering he couldn’t stand the sight of you, I highly doubt it.”

  “Who’s his father?”

  “Oh, honey,” she laughs. “We’re not even going to touch on that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Look, I’m happy to give you information that concerns you, but Samuel’s father has nothing to do with you. Besides, he has obviously kept that information private and I’m not about to go and tell you something that he wasn’t willing to share with you in the first place.”

  I nod my head. I guess she has a point. “Fair enough,” I tell her before reaching into my back pocket and pulling out the picture. I slide it across the table, being careful not to touch her skin. Man, seeing her is one thing but actually touching her? I don’t know if I could handle that.

  Gina takes the picture and I watch for a moment as her eyes roam over it. Pride surges through her. “You don’t hate him for being the one to put you away?” I question.

  “Never,” she murmurs, not once raising her eyes from the picture. “He gave me the way out that I was searching for.”

  “You didn’t want to keep being involved in the prostitution ring?”

  Gina shakes her head. “Never wanted it to start with.”

  An alarm sounds through the room and before I know it, guards start pouring in. “What’s happening?” I ask, sitting up a little straighter as my heart begins to race.

  “Probably a fight,” she says. “Visiting hours are over.”

  With that, a guard reaches Gina and starts pulling her to her feet before cuffing her behind her back. “You grew up alright,” she tells me. “Maybe you’ll come back one day.”

  “Maybe,” I tell her moments before she and the rest of the prisoners are carted away.

  I sit gaping at the door for a short while. Did that just happen? I met my real mother and didn’t exactly hate her. I mean, she’s certainly questionable. She’s rough around the edges and super shady, but isn’t that expected of someone who’s been in prison for the past six years?

  I still have many questions and some of her answers have me desperate to learn more, but for now, I think I have what I need. A little closure of why I was given up.

  She was right, I didn’t exactly love what I heard. I mean, hearing that your mother hated you even before you were born is one thing, but it didn’t take me long to realize that was on her, not on me. I was a baby, completely innocent without a cause to be hated. That’s between Gina and whoever the hell that boyfriend of hers was.

  I make my way out of the visitor room and head back through all the security checks that I’d come through on my way in. I thank the woman who had allowed me to come in after not having an appointment and I smile at her as she hands me the sign out sheet.

  As I scroll through the list, looking for my name, I can’t help but notice another. Anton Mathers. What the hell was he doing here? My head whips around, trying to find the lowlife but soon realize that I’m one of the last people to leave. There’s already a signature signing himself out and I want to hate myself for being so self-centered. If I was more aware and not trapped inside my head, I would have seen him in that room and could have told him exactly what I think of him.