This couldn’t be happening. She felt physically sick to her stomach. Sure, she’d told him about how she’d lived when she’d known him, but she didn’t want to think of him seeing the deplorable conditions firsthand. And he’d walked right into the mess. Right into the ratty apartment she’d gone home to at night after their dates.

  He’d seen the filth and the hopelessness she’d endured until she could move out and support herself. The squalor her father had lived in until a few years ago when he’d died from a heart attack in the middle of the night.

  And now, now he knew the real Jennie that no one knew. The person she’d been trying to hide since she understood what the word poverty meant, thanks to unfeeling kids in the second grade.

  He worked the muscles in his jaw, his eyes unreadable. She knew he was preparing to tell her that, though he’d kissed her last night, their lives were so different that they weren’t compatible.

  Well, she’d beat him to the punch.

  She straightened her shoulders. “You had no right to go there, Ethan. If I’d wanted you to meet my father, I would’ve introduced you.”

  Instead of backing off as she’d hoped, he watched her until his eyes turned sharp and piercing. “You’re doing it again, aren’t you?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Yes, you do. You didn’t leave me because of the baby. You left because of how you feel about yourself. The way you grew up makes you think less of yourself.”

  He took a step closer, and she backed up.

  “Have you ever tried to contact your daughter?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

  He arched a brow. “If you used an agency that would be the first place to start.”

  “I didn’t use an agency.”

  “Then how did you arrange the adoption?”

  “A local teacher who couldn’t have children adopted her.”

  “Do you remember her name?”

  “Why all the questions? It’s not like we’re going to go looking for her.”

  “Why not? Because you know she’ll be easy to find and then you’ll have to face your past?”

  “No,” she said, though he was speaking the truth. She could look up Natalie’s parents anytime she wanted and they’d let her meet Natalie. At least, that’s what they’d once promised.

  “You really don’t want to talk to her, do you, Jen?”

  She shrugged.

  “You haven’t looked for her because you’re sure she’ll reject you. You don’t think you’re worthy of love. Giving her up confirms it in your mind and lets the guilt cover up everything else. Helping the kids in Photos of Hope lets you atone for the condemnation, and that’s why you’re so driven to support them.”

  She crossed her arms and started to walk away.

  “This is it again, isn’t it, Jen? You’re putting up that wall. Whenever we talk about your past, you change. The incredible woman I’ve gotten to know again turns into the girl you told me about the other day. The one who didn’t fit in or belong anywhere, and you raise the wall so no one can reject you again.” He reached out to touch her cheek, and she jerked back. “Let your guard down, Jen. You don’t always have to be so tough.”

  Yes, she did, or she’d find herself really letting go of her past. Forgetting about all the pain of growing up so poor. The ridicule. The heartache. The loss. And then what? Then she might begin to believe a relationship with a man was possible—maybe with a man as wonderful as Ethan—and she’d just open her heart for more rejection.

  “I’m not having this discussion with you.” She left the room before she caved, before she let this incredible man hold her again and give her hope. And before she made the second biggest mistake ever. Letting him back into her life.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Ethan went straight to the dining room, grabbed Cole by the arm and dragged him outside. The cool night air soaked through his shirt and sent a chill over his body. But he didn’t care. He wasn’t going back inside for a jacket.

  “I need you to do something for me,” he said after Cole closed the door.

  “Okay.” Cole’s tone was wary.

  “Jennie had a baby girl when she was sixteen and gave her up for adoption.” Ethan waited for a reaction to this news, but Cole didn’t react at all. “I need you to track down this girl ASAP and find out if she wants to meet Jennie. The daughter’s name is Natalie and she was placed for adoption with one of Jennie’s teachers in Springbrook.”

  “Aw, man, what’re you doing?” Cole asked. “This is something for Jennie to do, not you.”

  “But she won’t do it, so I have to.”

  “If she won’t do it then she doesn’t want it done.”

  “You don’t understand. She uses her guilt over giving up the baby to confirm she’s unlovable.”

  “You lost me there.”

  “She grew up poor and the message she got is that she’s not as good as other people. Then she has a baby and lets the guilt over giving up the baby convince her that she’s right, she’s worthless. But that’s a heavy thing to live under so she helps the children to feel better about herself.”

  “That’s pretty deep, bro. Are you sure you’re not reading something into this that’s not there?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. But I have to do this. It’s an area I can fix by bringing them together.” Ethan heard the desperation in his tone and he wondered for a moment if he was doing the right thing.

  “And what if the daughter doesn’t want to meet Jennie?”

  “Then we’ll deal with that if it happens.”

  Cole raised an eyebrow.

  “What?” Ethan asked.

  “You’re sure you want to do this?” Cole narrowed his eyes. “Because I can see it going totally wrong.”

  Cole was a wise man, but Ethan didn’t think he was right on this one. “Just start the search. I’ll deal with the fallout if there is any.”

  * * *

  Jennie was tired. Weary to the bone. From the work. From the stress. From her talk with Ethan.

  Especially from that.

  She rose from her computer and stretched. She turned to listen to the conversation and good-natured ribbing in the dining room while the Justices worked on mats for her photos.

  As an only child, she’d missed the camaraderie and discord shared by siblings. Even now, she continued to seclude herself in the living room while the family interacted. She’d told herself it was so she could concentrate, but in reality, she was beginning to think Ethan was right. She didn’t think she deserved a family to call her own so she didn’t want to see what she was missing.

  She glanced at Wes softly snoring on the sofa. She fit in with him, not the Justice family. Dumb thinking, she knew, but that was how she felt, deep inside, anyway. As she listened to the brothers and sisters’ down-to-earth conversation, she felt even dumber for believing the lies of her past. These were regular people with regular lives. Not the society mavens she kept seeing in her head who’d look down on her poor background.

  So put it aside, Jennie. Go join in for a while.

  For once, she listened to her brain, not her heart, and with one last glance at Wes, she headed to the dining room. Ethan stood at the end of the table, Cole at the other end, black-and-white mats in front of them. Dani and Kat sat next to each other on the side, both working on one large mat.

  All looked up at her when she entered the room.

  “Decided to slum it, huh?” Dani joked.

  Not hardly. “Just thought I’d take a break and see how you all are doing.”

  Cole’s phone chimed.

  “Patrick.” Cole pressed a button on the phone. “You’re on speaker. What’s new?”

  “I located Caldera’s brother. Caldera’s not after your client.”

  “Explain,” Ethan said, and Jennie could hear excitement in his tone.

  “Remember I said Caldera investigated the missing medication for his sister? Well, he thinks Sotos was behind it, and he knew if he tried to have Sotos arrested for it, Sotos would have him killed. So Caldera came to the U.S. to figure out how Sotos was getting the drugs from this end. He went to work for the charity to learn the operation and find a way to get back at Sotos.”

  “So he’s not out to get the charity or Jennie, but Sotos,” Kat mumbled as if talking to herself.

  “And that could mean Munoz is working with his cousin and not Sotos.” Relief started building in Jennie’s heart.

  “How would that explain them trying to get the picture?” Ethan asked, while his eyes told Jennie not to get her hopes up so fast.

  “Since Munoz is local, I think Sotos hired him to break into the gallery and obtain the photo,” Patrick said, “then leave a message to scare off Jennie. But once he saw what the photo contained he figured he could use it to get back at Sotos.”

  “Sounds possible.” Ethan’s expression was unreadable. “We won’t know until we can talk to Caldera or Munoz.”

  “I’ll keep after Caldera. See if I can find him.”

  “Thanks, Patrick,” Cole said. “We owe you one.”

  “I like the sound of that.” Patrick laughed and ended the call.

  Ethan turned to Kat. “Can you put some pressure on your friends at the P.P.B. to find Munoz?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll check back with Jack to see if his contact at the DEA has gotten anywhere.” He glanced at Jennie. “Maybe we’ll finally get some good news on this end.”

  “I’m heading out unless you need me for anything else.” Cole picked up his phone. “I need my sleep to survive Madeline duty tomorrow.”

  “More like your beauty sleep.” Ethan quirked a brow and Jennie couldn’t help but smile at how much possible good news had changed the atmosphere here.

  “Come down here and say that.” Cole cast a mock glare at Ethan.

  Kat rolled her eyes. “Do I need to separate you boys?”

  “Boys is right,” Dani mumbled.

  “Hey, now.” Ethan held up a hand and met Jennie’s gaze. “You’re gonna give Jennie the wrong impression about us.”

  Kat rolled her eyes. “Like she doesn’t know all about you two already.”

  Everyone looked at Jennie to see what she’d say, but she couldn’t think of a thing.

  The doorbell rang, and she jumped.

  “That’s most likely Stephen back with the frames.” Ethan gave her a reassuring smile. “You should go into the kitchen until I’m sure.”

  After her earlier talk with Ethan, she’d chosen framing materials and Stephen had gone back to his shop a few hours ago to start working on them. She was eager to see his work, but she complied and went to the kitchen.

  A few minutes later, Kat poked her head in. “It is Stephen. He’s finished quite a few of the pictures.”

  “I’m looking forward to seeing them.”

  “I’ve already picked out my favorite.” She curled her finger. “C’mon, I want to show you which one I chose.”

  Jennie followed Kat to the dining room. The family had already carried in stacks of framed photos and leaned them against the walls. Cole and Dani joined them with more pictures then stood viewing them.

  Jennie went closer to inspect the work. Perfectly mitered corners. Quality materials that only a true artisan would use.

  “This is the last of them.” Stephen entered the room, followed by Ethan, each carrying pictures.

  “I can’t believe you finished these so fast,” Jennie exclaimed.

  “I had my staff stay late.”

  “Make sure you add their labor to the bill for the materials,” Jennie added.

  “There’s no charge. We’re all happy to volunteer our time to the project.”

  She looked up. “At least let me pay for the materials.”

  “I’m good with a charitable-donation form.”

  She felt tears forming from his kindness. “Thank you, Stephen.” She looked at each of the Justices. “And thank you to all of you, too. You’re a blessing to these children.”

  Ethan came up to her. “We’re the ones who’ve been blessed by helping.”

  She looked into his eyes and knew he spoke the truth. Had he spoken the truth earlier, too? Was she living under condemnation she didn’t deserve? Could she change her life if only she tried? His eyes seemed to say she could.

  “Well, I’ll be taking off, then,” Stephen said and headed for the door.

  “I’ll walk out with you.” Cole waved good-night, and the two of them left.

  “This is the picture I wanted you to see, Jen.” Kat lifted one of the larger photos onto the table.

  Jennie joined her. “Stephen is very good at what he does. The framing is amazing.”

  “I can’t seem to take my eyes off it.” Kat studied the picture. “It’s like the richness of the frame further emphasizes the girl’s poverty.”

  Jennie stroked her fingers down the wood frame. “That’s what I was going for when I chose the material.”

  Kat sniffed and moved back. “Working on these pictures all day has made me weepy.”

  “Don’t cry, little sis.” Ethan wrapped his arm around Kat. “You know Dani. She’ll be sobbing right along with you.”

  “I can’t help it.” Kat looked up at him, her sisterly love shining in her eyes. “Seeing this makes me think about life before my adoption. It’s like I’m that girl in the picture and the frame is Mom and Dad.” She paused and breathed deep. “They were rich like the frame—with money, yes, but more so with love. They circled their arms around me just like this frame and loved me when no one else did.” She started crying in earnest.

  Dani dug in her purse, handed a tissue to Kat, then dabbed at her own eyes.

  “See, I told you, you’d get Dani going,” Ethan said in a joking tone, but his voice had choked up, as well.

  Jennie struggled hard not to cry with them and looked at the picture. Had she always chosen the frames she did because she wanted to put a protective circle of love around these children and give them what she never had? Or was it simply an aesthetic thing? Was Ethan right? Had she been trying to make up for feeling unlovable?

  Kat transferred her attention to Jennie. “You’re an amazing person, Jennie. Doing all of this for these children, even risking your own life for them. When this is all over I’d like to talk to you about our church getting involved with Photos of Hope.”

  “Thanks, Kat.” Jennie’s heart warmed, and for the first time ever, she felt as if these people surrounding her accepted her. No matter her past. No matter her decision to give up her daughter. They didn’t care about her past. They’d all had to overcome tough beginnings in life as she had. The only difference was that they’d had the love of wonderful parents to help them, where her father had been part of the problem.

  She thought back to a sermon she’d clung to until members of her church shunned her for getting pregnant. The pastor had said that no matter the flaws of earthly parents, we have a heavenly Father, who loves us. And though He allows hurt and pain in our lives, He doesn’t waste it.

  This paralleled something she’d recently read. That where your misery has been, that’s where your ministry will be. She’d used her past misery to help these children.

  But was the misery all in the past? Not if what Ethan said was true and she kept thinking that she was unworthy of love. That she was less than everything God wanted her to be.

  She had to let her past go. Accept that she’d gone through a difficult childhood. Without her past, she may not be helping these children.

  She turned away and closed her eyes.

  Father, thank You for everything in my life. I hated my childhood, but now I can see how it has allowed me to help all of these children. Even if I have been doing it for the wrong reasons. Now I have to ask, am I letting my past cloud my decisions? If I am, please show it to me and help me let go of this once and for all. Let me move on with life and live it open to any and all new experiences You have for me. And, Father, if it is Your will, once this is all over, let me reconnect with my daughter.

  “Jen.” Ethan laid a hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”

  She smiled up at him and nodded. When their eyes met, she knew with certainty that she cared about this man. Maybe she was in love with him again. Maybe she’d never really stopped loving him.

  Kat’s phone rang, startling them both.

  “It’s Detective Tilden.” With a meaningful look at Ethan, Kat answered and left the room.

  The mood changed as if a streak of lightning had flashed fear into the room. Jennie wouldn’t let go of her peace, though. She’d waited too long to feel this way. No matter what Kat learned, Jennie finally had hope.

  * * *

  Instead of standing around waiting for the news from Kat, they went back to work on the mats. Ethan kept an eye on Jennie, pleased to see her more lighthearted. He didn’t know what had occurred to make that happen, but he was thankful.

  Wes stumbled into the room, scratching his head. “Sorry. I must’ve dozed off.” He looked around. “Wow, y’all have been busy.”

  “We’re just finishing up for the evening.” Jennie smiled at him. “There’s nothing left to do here, so you should go get a good night’s sleep.”

  He stretched. “I’d love to, but I’ll need a ride.”

  “Dani.” Ethan pleaded with his eyes. “Can you take Wes to his hotel?”

  She glanced at her watch. “My shift with Madeline’s in an hour. Derrick will be ticked off if I’m late.”

  “He can wait.”