“I don’t know.” She rested her elbow on her knee, tucking her fist under her chin. “I hope so. Sometimes I think so and then other times…”

  Bianca reached for her hand. “These men, they’re more complicated than we’re used to.”

  Adrianna frowned. “Do you think complicated is good or bad?”

  “I’m not certain.” Bianca let go and picked up her fork, starting to polish again. “When Papa would read us Shakespeare it would begin with, ‘this is a comedy or a tragedy,’ and then you’d know. The end is going to be happy or sad. But right now…” Bianca paused. “Just don’t allow him too many liberties until you know for certain.”

  Adrianna winced as she thought back to their time on the beach. He’d stopped short of taking her maidenhead, which she was grateful for, but she wasn’t certain she’d have refused to go further with him if the choice had been hers.

  They continued polishing in silence, Adrianna’s stomach fluttering with nerves. Bianca’s comment about this story being a comedy or a tragedy ringing in her ears. Did her infatuation with Lord Crestwood have a happy ending?

  She shook her head. Did she want it to?

  He made her breathless and filled her with desire. But he was also the one man she shouldn’t want. But she did. And she thought, when they talked, that he might want her too.

  She realized she was the one who’d polished the same spoon for several minutes. Carefully setting the utensil aside, she picked up another. Tonight, one way or the other, she had to come to a conclusion with Luke.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Luke walked up the hill toward Moorish Manor flanked by Craven and Dashlane. Craven was silent, as usual, but Dashlane also stoically walked along, which was not at all his typical behavior. It might have made Luke laugh if he weren’t so caught up in his own thoughts. Dashlane acted as though the world might be ending.

  Dashlane let out a long breath next to him. “I feel like I am about to attend my own funeral.”

  Luke pressed his lips together to keep from smiling. “It’s just one dinner.”

  “That’s easy for you to say. You’re smitten.” Dashlane hit his thigh with his fist. “You’re likely to have fun tonight. Dance, flirt, maybe even steal a kiss.”

  Desire made his body jolt. Luke had already stolen far more than a kiss. He fisted his hand. He’d been about to steal Adrianna’s entire future. Dreaming of acquiring land in Haversham and thinking about proposing. Hell, he’d begun to wonder if he’d fallen in love again.

  The word love hit him like a block of bricks straight in the chest. Did he love her? He thought of how he’d given to her without taking. How her own pleasure had been more important to his. His chest tightened with an ache as he realized that he did.

  Which was exactly the reason he should leave her be. He couldn’t be trusted with Adrianna’s future. Look at the mess his life was. She should marry a simpler man who could give her a beautiful future without the dirtiness of his past.

  He’d have to tell her…tonight. Explain that he loved her and that this was for the best.

  The ache in his chest dropped to his stomach. Leaving her would be so hard. He could almost taste the sweetness of a life with a woman like her. The feel of her curled in his arms, of her violet scent wrapped about him. The touch of her body as she pressed to him.

  He nearly groaned aloud. Miranda had driven him to become a rake. He’d touched every woman he could to erase the memory of the one who’d broken him into a million pieces.

  Adrianna. After her, he might become a monk. He never wanted to touch another woman again. Only her.

  A sad smile graced his lips. Strange. She healed part of his heart but he still couldn’t have her. Well, he could but he wouldn’t. It turned out he loved her too much to do that to her.

  They reached the drive and started up toward the house. The sun was setting and candlelight shimmered from several windows. He stopped, staring at the pretty façade. Amazing. The beauty of the outside actually represented the people within. He’d never in his life find this again.

  “I don’t want to go in,” Dashlane said. “That Juliet is going to trap me in marriage and make me a miserable bloke for the rest of my life.”

  That made Luke stop, a small chuckle rising to his lips. “She isn’t that good.”

  Dashlane grimaced. “She might be. She’s got plans for me. Ones I want no part of.”

  He raised a brow. “Can I ask you if you’re in denial or just-—”

  “No.” Dashlane shook his head. “Even if I were the type to consider marriage, she isn’t the woman for me. I’m certain of that.”

  “Then let her down quickly and easily,” Luke said gruffly, brooking no argument.

  Craven looked at Luke. “Is Adrianna the woman for you?”

  “Yes.” He wanted to hit something. Hard. “But she deserves so much better than me.”

  Neither of his friends answered as they reached the front steps and he raised his hand to knock.

  Ushered up the stairs, they entered the music room to find the family sitting in a semicircle, each looking at their father.

  Mr. Moorish stood at its center repeating a Shakespearean sonnet. He couldn’t remember what work it hailed from, but the words echoed in his heart.

  Let me not to the marriage of true minds

  Admit impediments; love is not love

  Which alters when it alteration finds,

  Or bends with the remover to remove.

  O no, it is an ever-fixed mark

  That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

  It is the star to every wandering bark,

  Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.

  Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

  Within his bending sickle’s compass come;

  Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

  But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

  If this be error and upon me proved,

  I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

  The words hit Luke square in the stomach. Would he love Adrianna forever? His feelings only altered by death itself? Christ. How could he ever let her go? His gaze flew to hers and she stared back.

  She looked more lovely than ever, straight-backed, with her blonde hair coiled into a loose coif and her blue eyes sparkling in the candlelight. He wished to cross the room and pull her into embrace. Instead, he remained rooted where he stood.

  “Good evening,” Mr. Moorish’s voice boomed across the room, a deep lyrical baritone. “So good of you gentlemen to come.”

  All of the sisters rose from their seats. Adrianna stood too, her graceful body riveting his gaze to her.

  He sucked in a breath, watching the candlelight shimmer off the purple silk of her gown. By God he wanted to touch her.

  Distantly, Luke realized introductions were being made but he hardly heard them and as he crossed the room, he pressed his hands to his stomach to keep from reaching out to her. He was supposed to stay away from her. After reading Miranda’s letter, he knew he should say goodbye but that was the last thing he wanted to do right now. Damn it. As usual, he had no self-control.

  She gave him a tentative smile as he came to stand in front of her. He clenched his jacket to refrain from touching her right away. “You look ravishing,” he said.

  Color rose in her cheeks as she looked down at the floor. “So do you.”

  “Shall we take a turn about the room?” He held out his elbow, and she slipped her hand into his arm.

  Neither spoke as they began walking around the perimeter of the music room. Cordelia moved to the pianoforte, striking up a merry tune. The music afforded them some measure of privacy. “How did you find working on the bridge today?” she asked, moving along next to him.

  “I liked it just fine,” he answered, a frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. He’d liked it far better than that. It had felt wonderful to be useful, out in the open air.

  She nodded. “And your discussion with my father?” Her hand tightened on his arm.

  His frown deepened. “Your father is both wise and interesting.”

  “And what did the two of you discuss?”

  Her voice had dropped so low that he hardly heard her. But he did hear the underlying hope in her question. He stopped, turning toward her. “We discussed the man I want to be.”

  Her gaze had been trained on the floor but at those words, she looked up at him, her blue eyes wide. “And?”

  “And what?” But he realized this conversation’s direction and he shifted from one foot to the other. She’d wished his private discussion with her father meant she’d receive an offer of marriage. Bloody bullocks. This was worse than he’d ever imagined.

  Her eyes widened as her lips parted. Adrianna’s chest filled with air as the color drained from her face. Suddenly her mouth snapped back closed again. “I’ve been such a fool, haven’t I?”

  She started to turn to leave but he held her hand, not letting her go. “No. You haven’t.”

  Her lip trembled. “I’m supposed to be the savvy one. The one who is capable of protecting my sisters.”

  “You are.” He tried to bring her closer, but she stepped back, her hand pulling out from under his. “Adrianna, you are glorious and strong and so beautiful. If you’ve one flaw it’s that you’ve lived a sheltered life.” He knew that made her ill-equipped to enter his life, but he also loved that about her. “Though I hardly think that’s a flaw at all. Still, if you’re to protect your sisters, you are even more prepared now than you were before.”

  Her hand flew to her mouth, covering a gasp, then she dropped it to her chest, making a fist. “Is that what you were doing? Preparing me for how a rake might act? Teaching me how they seduce?”

  “No.” He reached for her, but she jerked away. “I only wanted to show you how to find your own husband and guide your sisters into—”

  “Enough,” she grated out. “I don’t want to hear anymore.”

  “I…” She started to turn away, but he reached for her arm. “Please understand. I care for you. I—” He shouldn’t tell her he loved her now, it would only muddy the waters, but the words vibrated on his lips.

  She turned back to him, her own gaze tight and filled with pain. “You what?” Then she closed her eyes. “You’re right. You have taught me a great deal. The next time I meet a rake, I won’t allow him to pull me into a web of desire.” She drew in a shaky breath. “I never want to see you again.”

  Then she spun from his grasp and fled the room.

  Adrianna’s heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. Belatedly, she realized she’d fallen in love and the only explanation for the way her heart seemed to be breaking. Of course it had been love. She’d listened to his past, his problems, and shared hers. His touch had excited her but even deeper, his company had engaged her mind, her heart, her soul even as his touch excited her body.

  And he didn’t want her in return. Who had she been trying to fool, sparring with a rake? She stopped in the hall, tears threatening to spill over.

  “Adrianna,” he called behind her, and for a wild moment, she spun about, lifting her skirts, ready to flee.

  But then she stopped. “Does my father know you followed me?”

  He grimaced. “I promised him that we’d stay in plain sight in the hall.”

  “What?” Why did that feel like a betrayal on her family’s part?

  “Please.” He drew in a deep breath. “I think it’s time I told you the whole truth.”

  That made her body freeze even as her blood rushed in her veins. What had he been hiding from her all along? And why? The answers he might give frightened her to the core. “Whole truth?”

  He moved closer, gently taking her hand in his. “I told you about Miranda, remember?”

  She swallowed down a bitter lump. “The one whom you felt a great affection for, but she decided to take another path besides marrying you? Yes. I remember. And may I just say, I have a great deal of sympathy. Empathy really. Of what it means to care for someone and have them just toss you aside.”

  He paused, a shudder running down his body. “I am not tossing you aside.”

  She stepped closer, her hands balling into fists. Anger made her tremble. “You touched me when you had no intention of marrying me.”

  He scrubbed his face. “I touched you because…” He let out a heavy sigh. “I couldn’t help myself. And I would be honored to marry you. The only reason I am not is for your own safety.”

  That made her shaking stop. “My safety?” Was this some sort of elaborate lie to make her less angry? She couldn’t help herself. She needed to hear his explanation. “I think you’d better explain.”

  He gave a curt nod. “Can we sit?”

  Adrianna looked about. There were no chairs in the hall and she wouldn’t enter a room with him now. She’d made the mistake of being alone with him far too much already. Finally, she crossed the hall, then sat on the sill of a window overlooking the village. The sky was grey and soon they wouldn’t be able to see Seabridge Gate at all. He came over and sat on the ledge too, his knee brushing hers. Even now, his touch sent tendrils of excitement racing through her and she moved her leg to make sure it didn’t happen again.

  She caught a movement out of the corner of her eye and saw her father peek out into the hall. Adrianna gave him a tiny nod. They were being watched.

  Luke cleared his throat. “Right.” He scrubbed the back of his neck with his hand. “I might as well spit it out. You see, I can’t marry you because I can’t give you the life you deserve.”

  That made no sense. “I beg your pardon?”

  He shook his head. “I’ve been a terrible earl. I don’t participate in society. I haven’t married, I haven’t created an heir. I do take care of the people. Well, except for one, though I’ve tried. My brother made me promise to care for Miranda. I allowed her to stay in the estate, of course. Keep her allowance as it was before. But she swears that I should marry her and—” He stopped. Why did this sound more ridiculous out loud?

  Adrianna stared at his ashen face. She might have thought he was joking except he’d gone pale. “You can’t think…”

  He shook his head. “I’d never touch her. I’d rather die. But if I marry you, I’ll fail Michael and the promise I made him.” He shuddered. His brother had no idea that he’d been involved with Miranda. Couldn’t know what he asked.

  Her heart had risen into her throat and her hands trembled as they reached for his. “Oh Luke. You don’t actually believe that.”

  “I do.” He shook his head. “And Miranda believes it too. She wrote me a letter, you know. I received it today.”

  Real fear trickled down her spine. This was not about him being a rake or even about her abilities. This was about a man who was deeply hurting from his past. That was one of the tendrils that had drawn them together to begin with and it made her drop her guard. If there was one thing she believed in more than being strong, it was helping people. Hadn’t she taken him on to keep her sisters safe? The thing was, he needed her help most of all. “Don’t listen to her. That woman is a viper. I’ve told you before but I’ll say it again.”

  He made a cold grunt of disbelief. “She knows me better than anyone. And she knows I’m useless. That everything I touch crumbles to dust and ash. That—”

  She couldn’t listen anymore. Her heart was breaking. “Stop. I insist you stop.”

  He looked up at her, confusion and grief making his features drawn and craggy. She lifted her hands and pressed her palms to either side of his cheeks. “That’s enough of that.”

  “But—”

  “No buts.” Then she leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. The time to hold back was over. She was strong. Something inside her clicked and he needed that strength now. “She knows you well enough to twist you into knots.”

  Those words made his throat stick. They rang with such truth. “You honestly believe that?”

  “Listen to me. We are being watched. Intermittently, of course. But you’re going to excuse yourself. Say you’re not feeling well. And I am going to go to bed. I’m heartbroken. And then in half-hour’s time, you’re going to climb up the trellis next to my window and we are going to continue this conversation in private.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Luke stared up at the trellis, a slight grimace marking his face. Up above Adrianna stared down at him from the balcony. A cool breeze blew off the ocean, ruffling his hair. “You want me to climb this?”

  “I’ve done it hundreds of times,” she called back. “It’s quite safe.”

  “Not all of us have your catlike reflexes,” he said, reaching up and giving the trellis a small tug, testing its sturdiness. It was true. She’d managed to rescue him at the balcony. He’d watched her scale a cliff to save some cats. She was uncommonly coordinated.

  “Fine,” she called. “I’ll come down.”

  He blew out a breath. “No.” First of all, he wanted to see her bedchamber, and second, this evening was much cooler, he wanted her tucked in the warmth of her room. But also, it pricked at his male pride. “I’m coming up.” Then he started to climb. She was right. Once he got the hang of it was quite easy. After reaching for the balcony, he hoisted himself over the side of the rail to meet Adrianna’s warm hands.

  He hadn’t been able to see her clearly from the ground, but now he noticed that her hair was down, waves blowing softly in the breeze, even as the silk of her dress flowed about her ankles. Her feet were bare, and he caught sight of her naked calves as a larger gust blew up the hem of her dress. “Adrianna,” he rasped out, reaching for her waist. “I thought we were going to talk.”

  “We are,” she answered, sliding her bare hand down to his and pulling him into her room.

  “Then why aren’t you wearing shoes?” He’d felt those legs, but seeing them in the flickering candlelight, he had the distinct urge to kiss every inch of her.

  She turned back, looking over her shoulder at him. “I like having my feet bare and I wanted to be comfortable while I listened.” Then she stopped, turning toward them. She lifted their joined hands and brought the back of his to her lips, placing a soft kiss on his rough skin. “Luke, this is me. Bare feet, hair down, ready to give you whatever you need.”