The pounding in her head got louder. When had it started? When would it stop? She couldn’t hold on anymore. Collapsing against the wall, she heaved what felt like her last breath as the door burst open and the light streamed in.

  EPILOGUE

  Nine months later

  The city sounded good, like the best dream revisited. The humming, honking vehicles made Ham’s head whip back and forth, tail tucked as his gangly legs followed at a matching trot with hers. Rupi, on the other hand, seemed to like the incessant car action, and he stared toward the road transfixed, his little lips pursed in interest.

  “I can’t believe you lived here,” Viola said. Rupi was strapped to her chest in one of his baby wraps, and she had both of his little hands in hers as she kept pace with Rainy and Ham. It was her first time in New York. She’d insisted on coming with Rainy, even though Rupi was only nine months old.

  “I’m going to go feed him and change him, which should give you just enough time to say all the things you don’t want me to hear. Okay?”

  Rainy nodded. They parted ways in the lobby, with Viola going right toward the elevators that would take her to their room. Rainy stepped into the hotel’s restaurant with Ham still beside her.

  “I’m meeting someone... Braithe Mattson.”

  The hostess nodded and led Rainy to the terrace where Braithe was already seated, drinking a glass of red wine and staring at Rainy like she’d been expecting her to walk in at precisely that moment. She didn’t stand up when Rainy got to the table, but she did greet Ham, who sniffed at her with interest. They’d purposely chosen a pet-friendly patio.

  “I’m sorry about Shep,” she said. “He was a good boy.”

  “He was old,” Rainy said. Ham whined and Rainy settled him down before taking a seat herself. Shep had died a few months after they got back from Vegas. Cancer. Ham was a good boy, too; he just needed practice.

  “Is Viola here with Rupert?”

  “Yeah, she’ll be down in a minute.”

  Braithe nodded. She’d changed a bit: she wasn’t so polished. Rainy had seen on Instagram that she’d chopped her hair and had given up the beiges and golds for blacks and grays. As far as Rainy was concerned, Braithe could make anything look good—especially this edgier self.

  “How has it been?”

  The waiter poured her a glass of water, asked what she wanted to drink. Braithe waited until she was gone to answer the question.

  “I love it. I wouldn’t have before... I know that. But—”

  “It lets you get lost enough to think.”

  “Yeah. And I’ve never been on my own like this. I’m a real adult at forty-three. Paying my own bills and all.” She rolled her eyes to say how silly it was, but Rainy could also see Braithe’s true pleasure in these facts, as well. She’d split from Stephen after they got back from Vegas. Rainy hadn’t seen her after they parted ways at the airport.

  Grant had met her as she walked through, rushing, running, holding her in all the right ways. Braithe had stayed with Tara for a few weeks before moving to New York, where her sister’s family lived. Stephen put the house up for sale a month after. He and Grant still spoke occasionally, but after everything that had happened, he moved to Montana and was living with a new woman.

  “Nice ring.” Braithe nodded at her finger.

  “Thanks.” It was simple: an emerald cut on a gold band. She’d chosen a plain gold band for her wedding ring and now wore them paired and with pride. Grant said he would have married her even if she’d rejoined the cult. It was a terrible joke, and he’d apologized for days. Either way, they were happy.

  “Your hair is pretty badass that length, if you don’t mind me saying.”

  Rainy smiled her most genuine smile. “I most certainly don’t mind you saying,” she teased. She’d learned that the best way to honor her mother was through her life, not the length of her hair. She’d cut it to her chin in the “baddest” bob and never looked back.

  “You sure you don’t want to do the interview? It might be good to talk about it.”

  Braithe shook her head, but it was the look of horror in her eyes that made it clear to Rainy: she would never talk about what happened. “I was caught in it, but that’s your story to tell. Besides, there’s nothing more that I want than to move on with my life and put all that behind me. I lost so many things through that experience.”

  Rainy nodded. Her wine arrived. Tomorrow she was doing a TV interview with a morning show on what the media was calling Tauredia. In the wake of Taured’s death—which the police had easily seen was self-defense on Rainy’s part—what was left of the compound had dissolved, those remaining members detained and Taured’s cult the subject of multiple documentaries and podcasts currently in production. Everyone wanted to talk to Rainy, the woman who’d gotten away from it all and taken down the leader. The floppy disk and the photos she’d stolen all those years ago were now part of ongoing investigations into the dark side of the web and Taured’s part in it. Taured had sent their photos to other email addresses, and those recipients were now being investigated, too. The only reason she’d agreed and flown to New York to do the interview was to raise awareness about women in positions like the one her mother had been in.

  Viola, who still felt bitter about being left out of the Vegas saga, insisted on coming to New York.

  “Bitches aren’t leaving me out of the action anymore. Baby is coming!”

  “I still can’t believe we made it out of that alive. And I still can’t believe you didn’t have a better plan.”

  Rainy smiled. Act now, think later had worked for her, but barely.

  “I wasn’t really given much time to plan. But I had a couple backups.”

  “Like the note at the soup station?” Braithe’s eyebrows were all the way up, her smile repressed.

  “Well, sure.” The note at the soup station was a favorite topic on the blogs. Rainy liked to pretend she didn’t see the memes of the chowder bowl with the scared face holding a Help, Police! I’m Chowder! sign.

  “I also wrote a note on the fifty dollars I slipped to the clerk at that corner store,” she offered.

  “I guess...” Braithe looked less than impressed, and Rainy snort-laughed into her palm.

  “Rainy!”

  Susan had confirmed her story to the police and, miracle of miracles, still had the fifty dollars to show them when they questioned her. It was a backup plan, but one in which she’d meant to clear herself of any wrongdoing. Around the margins and in any clear space she’d written:

  I am Rainy Ives. I’m being held captive along with Braithe Mattson. Anyone who reads this should contact police about Taured, the man from Friendship, Nevada: second-degree murderer, forced-labor conspiracy, attempted sex trafficking, possession of child porn, racketeering conspiracy, wire-fraud conspiracy. It’s because of him we are here. I’ve got proof.

  “But, Rainy, he didn’t have anything to do with Ginger, not at that point, in that way. And not until you pulled him into it by emailing him.”

  “He had everything to do with Ginger.”

  “Yeah, I get what you’re saying. But I hope you get what I’m saying, too.”

  “I did what I thought was right in the situation.”

  “You planned on trying to kill him or you thought Ginger would do it for you?” Braithe wasn’t being accusatory; Rainy recognized her need for answers.

  “I gambled. I knew Taured would come and I knew one of them would die as a result of it. I figured I’d have a chance at the other one. At the time, I didn’t know who exactly Ginger was. All I knew was that he’d been at the compound at the same time as me. And if he was doing these atrocities, it was because Taured had nurtured him toward them. Either way, I had one to deal with the other.”

  “It’s like you’re giving Ginger a pass.”

  “He’s dead, isn’t he?”

  At those words, Braithe’s face smoothed into what Rainy perceived as relief. She nodded. She took a sip of her water, not meeting Rainy’s eyes for several minutes. Then she said, “I’m glad he’s dead. I don’t care if that makes me a bad person. He was a monster.”

  “Why?” Rainy asked. “Why was he a monster?”

  Braithe was angry now, but not at Rainy. “He fucking kidnapped me, he tied me up and drugged me. I can’t sleep. I wasn’t sure who I was before, but I’m less so now. I hate him.”

  Rainy made a noise in the back of her throat. “Well, I’m glad Taured’s dead...he was a monster.” She tried to clear the emotion out of her voice but gave up on it; it was just the two of them at the table today, and she owed Braithe her truth. “He kidnapped my mother and in turn kidnapped me. He tied me up, he drugged me, he took photos of me that he used to blackmail my mother. But I can sleep now...now that he’s dead. I don’t feel bad about that, either, because he was the first monster. And I ended him.”

  Summer had been there for all of it. She saw what he did to the minds of those children and what he’d tried to do to her. If you weren’t there, you couldn’t speak on it.

  Rainy decided that there was very little difference between her and Ginger; she’d just chosen to put her anger in a different place. She’d gone to the source and shut off the tap. Braithe would reject the idea of her being like Ginger, but there it was.

  Braithe nodded. “Everything else happened like you said it did?”

  “Pretty much.”

  Braithe stared at her, hard, before nodding.

  And then she was looking over Rainy’s shoulder at Viola, jumping to her feet to greet their friend.

  * * *

  “Let’s welcome back Rainy Ives, the woman who took down Tauredia.” The host had big teeth. She nodded around at her unseen audience before turning to Rainy, growing serious.

  “Why did you risk your life instead of walking away from Braithe?”

  “It was fight or flight, and I was tired of flying. Braithe was there because of me, because Ginger happened to see her with me that night. I didn’t see another option, because Sara saved my life all those years ago. And once someone has extended that courtesy, the wealth of gratitude never goes away.”

  “Do you regret not going back for Sara? And do you think it would have made a difference if you had?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll live there forever, though, wondering. I was too afraid to think about her back then, but I’m not afraid to think about her anymore.”

  “Rainy, can you take us back to that day when Sara helped you escape from the compound? We know now that Sara later became the victim of a serial killer who, fifteen years later, kidnapped your friend Braithe and held her captive. My God, the twists in this story!” She turned to the audience. Looking back at Rainy, she said, “Is there something you wish you could say to Sara and your mother all these years later?”

  Rainy knew her face was on full display, including the mist in her eyes, which she tried to hide by turning away. But there was nowhere to go on live television. She thought of the note she’d slipped into Derek’s backpack. Your mother saved my life once. She unlocked a door that led to my freedom. Here’s yours. She’d included a wad of cash that she hoped would set him up for at least a little while.

  She looked over at him now, where he sat at the back of the studio. He’d set down his sketchbook to watch. Rainy pulled a strand of hair from the corner of her mouth and looked directly into the camera.

  “Your children are going to be okay.”

  * * *

  If you enjoyed this book, keep reading for an excerpt of The Wrong Family, the previously released thriller from Tarryn Fisher.

  Acknowledgments

  This was a very lonesome book to write. I didn’t include many people in the process. My largest thanks goes to Brittany Lavery, my editor, whose skill, patience and insight I am deeply grateful for. Sean, who designed another brilliant cover. The team at Graydon House: Pam, Justine, Heather, Randy, and everyone in marketing, sales and publicity. Thanks to Jane, my agent, and everyone at DG&B.

  Thanks to Serena Knautz for being my right hand and taking care of things that overwhelm me.

  I’m always grateful to my family, who support and stand by me through this dream journey I’m taking: Mom, Scarlet, Ryder, Avett—I do this shit for you. Special thanks to James Reynolds for his brilliant ideas.

  To the bloggers and bookstagrammers: you guys are the wheels that make the books go round. Thank you for your passion. And to every librarian who’s ever pushed one of my books into a reader’s hand—huge gratitude. And to my readers, the ones who know what Ra ta ta ta means—#pln4life.

  To my guy, thank you for picking up the slack, for the emotional support and for the daily back massages—I love you, Joshua. And finally a thanks to Jolene, who influenced my young life so deeply her name has shown up in two books. You taught me who I wanted to be: a badass.

  An

  Honest

  Lie

  Tarryn Fisher

  Reader’s Guide

  Questions for Discussion

  At its core, this book is about women fighting back against misogyny. While Rainy’s experience is more extreme, how does this relate to recent news headlines—and the effects of the patriarchy on society overall?

  How does Taured compare to and contrast with other real-life cult leaders? Think of Jim Jones, Charles Manson, Keith Raniere and others.

  Discuss this book’s feminist themes. Particularly, how did it make you feel when Rainy decided to rescue Braithe, despite how Braithe treated her? Why do you think she did it? If you were Rainy, would you have gone after Braithe?

  What did you make of Rainy’s decision to adopt her mother’s maiden name as her own?

  What role does art play in this story?

  Rainy has a lot of insecurities about her relationship with Grant, and these insecurities make her feel very human and relatable. How do you think her past informs that particular vulnerability?

  The phrase “the sins of the parents will be visited upon the children” appears frequently in the story. Where do you think this phrase comes from, and do you see this sentiment playing a role in our larger society? How do you think Rainy takes that idea and flips it on its head?

  Have you read any other books or watched any films or television shows about cults? How does Rainy deal with her trauma compared to other characters you’ve seen or read about?

  Are there any parallels between Taured and Rainy’s grandparents? Why or why not?

  What did you make of the ending?

  Author Q & A

  1. What inspired you to write this book?

  A need to read it. I was thinking about the many male-driven movies of the ’90s like Face/Off and Con Air and I wanted to translate that into a female-driven book.

  2. How did Rainy’s character evolve? Did the character come first and lead you to the story, or did you build the story around this character?

  As I was finishing up The Wrong Family I began to see a woman in the recesses of my mind. She was urgent and she had long dark hair, and since I was still writing The Wrong Family I tried my best to ignore her. So I’d say in this case the character drove the story all the way.

  3. What research did you do for this book?

  I started with psychological research for the villain of the story. What type of personality disorder was I dealing with? How does my villain manipulate and why? I watched just about every documentary on serial killers and cult leaders that I could find.

  4. Why the Vegas setting?

  I was writing the final chapters of The Wrong Family when the pandemic hit and we went into lockdown. And if you’ve read that book you know it takes place in an old, dark house. My brain needed a vacation from not only pandemic gloom, but the setting of my last novel in general. So, I decided to set the next book in Las Vegas...and what do you know? It rains while they’re there. Sorry, not sorry.

  5. You write about strong, complex women who are flawed in a very human way. Can you speak a little about the book’s feminist themes?

  To me, that is all women: strong, complex, organically flawed. What I like to examine in my books are the ways our complex personalities overlap in society. In my last two books I wrote about how they overlap in a negative way, so this time I went in a different direction. I wanted to showcase a female bond that surpassed circumstance and situation. There is a choice being made in this book to do what is right regardless of how dangerous it is.

  6. We see a lot of similar behavior and beliefs from men who lead cults. Was Taured inspired by anyone in particular, either from real life or fiction, or is he more an amalgam of these kinds of men?

  Cult leaders of the ’70s and ’80s never seemed to plan ahead; their impulse-driven personalities were the draw to many of their followers. So, I thought: What would happen if there was a cult leader playing the long game back then? Taured’s goal was to raise the children in his cult to be his true loyalists. He was working with progression, not against it, which makes him a different kind of ’80s or ’90s cult leader.