I took copious amounts of time to clean myself up. I used half a roll of toilet paper to clean myself below the waist before I tackled the upper half. I managed to get most of the epically failed smear and waterproof mascara off my face despite my continued tears.

  Only small smudges remained just beneath my eyelashes. I used fresh eyeliner and hoped that in the darkened club, no one would see the evidence of my shame. I tried to cover up the hickey as best I could. As I shoved it all back into the Prada purse Kalen gave me, I let out a half-laugh and half-sob.

  Finally, I straightened my clothes to stare at myself in the mirror.

  He’d made his point. I’d played with fire and lost. Chin up, I decided I would walk out of that room with my head held high. I’d leave tomorrow to go to D.C. and never see him again. His offer of a fuck buddy, joke or not, would never work. I loved him too much for that.

  When I finally left the tiny room, I had to get out of the club and as far away from the man who held my heart as possible. Before I could achieve those ends, Griffin found me.

  Thirty

  What the fuck was I doing here? It wasn’t the first time I’d asked myself that. Sure, Griffin had a security detail watching her. They were paid very well to keep her safe. But could they keep her safe from me?

  Apparently not, because I’d seen red while she danced like the first time I’d claimed her. Was I jealous? Maybe, considering I’d been a chained animal waiting to be cut loose.

  I’d also hated what I made her become. Her lovely red hair was all black because of me.

  Repressed anger had nearly tipped over the edge when I saw her shake her ass all over that bawbag. And when I spotted the asshole put something into her drink, I’d lost it.

  Lost her when I’d screwed her like a porn star in the fucking VIP bathroom.

  I’d taken care of the little shite with efficiency. Then, without thought, I’d given her what she’d wanted, what I needed. My mind lost in her, I hadn’t taken the time to protect us and I’d spilled my seed into her.

  I could have gotten her pregnant. She was on the pill, but that wasn’t foolproof.

  It would be a long time before she forgave me. I paced while I rubbed at my aching temples at that thought. What the fuck had I been thinking? Wasn’t that the point? I hadn’t.

  I stupidly offered to be Bailey’s fuck buddy? That was never going to happen. You couldn’t just fuck the girl you loved. The best thing we could do for each other was to steer clear of one another. The proof of that was in the irrational urge I had to drive to annihilate any man who got close to her.

  There I was ready to do the right thing. I lifted my hand and knocked. It took a few minutes before the hotel room door opened.

  Bailey. I drank in the sight of her.

  Rage pushed her forward to beat at my chest. The light that normally filled her face was all but gone.

  When our eyes locked, it was like there was equity in the world. I wanted to deny that she was the oasis in my heart, but that would be a lie.

  It helped that she held a homicidal glare on me. That put a little perspective on things.

  Our opportunity for togetherness had died when she’d chosen Turner. If I wasn’t so fucked up over it, I could admit I understood her choice.

  I caught her hands this time tenderly. She blinked like she could read my thoughts.

  All potential threads of possibilities of how this could go fled when she redoubled her efforts like a lioness ready to pounce. I’d take my licks, then walk away and never look back.

  “You bastard,” she shouted, snatching her hand away to land a harsh blow across my cheek.

  “I deserve that.”

  “Why are you here?” she cried. Tears burst forth and they weren’t conjured to pull at my sympathy, yet I fell prey to them.

  “Don’t cry,” I commanded softly. My thumb snuck out and brushed the wetness away from the right side of her face.

  She shook before she swayed in anger. “I don’t feel well.”

  She moved fast into the bathroom only a few steps from the door. I followed, grabbing her hair as it slid over her shoulder while she gripped the side of the toilet as if she feared falling in.

  When she was done puking her guts out, she swayed some more but pushed me away as she went to rinse out her mouth in the sink. She turned to me as if she had more to say, but her next words never came.

  Her eyes rolled up in her head and she began to fall. I stepped forward and caught her in time. Fear coiled around my heart like a well-tied knot.

  Cradled to my chest, Bailey was unresponsive. My phone buzzed. I ignored it while I set Bailey down on the bed. I watched for the rise of her chest before I felt her head, not sure what I was seeking. My brain had short-circuited and I acted on instinct. I propped her head up and turned her to face one side. I retrieved a blanket from the closet to cover her with.

  I pulled out my phone to make a call when it rang in my hand. Confused, I stared at it a second longer when a knock came at the door. It all made sense when the knock and the phone rang at the same time.

  As another firm knock came at the door, I opened it and answered the phone at the same time. “She’s fine. I’m going to call a doctor now.” I told both the guy at the door and the one on the phone.

  The guy at the door waited, while a voice on the phone said, “Sure thing, boss. When you didn’t answer your phone after I saw you on the security cam, I sent someone over to help.”

  Once I hung up and the guard was stationed outside, I knelt in front of Bailey and stroked my knuckles down her cheek. She looked so vulnerable and innocent. It was hard to deny my feelings for the lass when my heart thundered at the prospect of losing her. Was it possible for me to get past what happened between her and Turner? It wasn’t like I’d see the guy every day to be reminded.

  “Bailey,” I said gently. She didn’t stir. I selected a contact on my phone.

  “Griff, send a doctor.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Bailey passed out,” I said.

  “Is she breathing?”

  “Yes, you eejit. I would have called 999 if she wasn’t.”

  That was our emergency number, not 911, which was an absurd number in the first place. It was infinitely easier to dial 999.

  “Do you know how to check for a pulse and heart rate?”

  “Since when did you become a doctor? Just get one here.”

  “I’m doing that. But it could help to find out if she’s sick or maybe weak from drinking or not eating.”

  “She appears to be breathing normally,” I said after watching the rise and fall of her chest area.

  “She isn’t warm either,” I said after placing the back of my hand to her forehead. “She feels fine.”

  “Did she eat anything tonight?”

  “Wouldn’t your security team know that?” I snapped.

  “Right. Someone should be there soon.”

  It felt like forever. Bailey had stirred but refused to wake up. She slapped my hands and told me to go away.

  At least she was talking. Griff couldn’t get someone here in time, so he had a doctor call me. We went through all the same questions.

  After confirming with Griff, I was able to tell the doc, “She did eat and she’d been drinking,” I added, thinking everything I could tell him might help with a diagnosis.

  “Is it possible that she passed out because of alcohol?” he asked casually, but he also sounded cautious like he expected me to be offended by his question.

  “Anything is possible, but she was talking to me normally before she threw up. Our conversation got a little heated, then she passed out,” I admitted.

  “You might not know the answer to this question, but do you know when her last period was?”

  “No, I don’t,” I said, sounding dead as my mind raced, not liking where this was going.

  Bailey’s head moved. “It looks like she might be coming to.” I felt hope and not the frenzy from before.

  “Do you know if she’s using an oral contraceptive? That might rule out that possibility.”

  “She is on the pill. Let me check her purse,” I offered.

  I’d caught sight of the small bag when I put her down. I reached for it on the night table. I invaded her personal belongings again and came up empty. “They’re not in here.”

  “That doesn’t necessarily mean she isn’t on them. Some women don’t keep them on their person. Is she still waking up?”

  But I knew better. Everything she had was here. When she moved her head, I decided against searching her room. She could answer the question better than anything I found or didn’t find.

  I stared at her. “She stopped moving her head.”

  “If she doesn’t come to in another few minutes, try to rouse her again. If she doesn’t wake up then, take her to the emergency room. How long has she been like this?”

  I checked the time. “Twenty minutes or so.”

  “Without seeing her or knowing her history, my best guess is exhaustion or she’s pregnant. If she’s consumed a lot of alcohol, she might have alcohol poisoning. She would have likely still shown signs of intoxication. If you think it’s at all possible that alcohol is a factor, I suggest going to the emergency room right away.”

  “Okay,” I said. She’d seemed sober when we’d spoken. I’d give it a few more minutes before I changed course of action and headed to the hospital.

  Bailey spoke. “Kalen… what happened?” Her hand found her forehead and held it like she had a headache.

  “How do you feel?”

  “Okay, I guess. I remember talking to you, then nothing.” Her voice was a little on the raspy side.

  I forgot the doc was still on the line until he spoke. “Ask her if she’s been ill lately.”

  “The doctor wants to know if you’ve been ill.”

  “Doctor?… No… Well, I’ve been feeling sick off and on,” she said. Her expression was pinched and her eyes closed tight.

  He began asking me a series of questions that I passed on to her. “Did you vomit after eating today?”

  She shook her head slightly. We went through a few more questions until we came back to the one I dreaded.

  “He wants to know when your last period was.”

  “A few weeks ago.” She sounded annoyed. “I’ve been a little too busy to keep track of those dates lately.”

  I passed on the information.

  “Make sure to get her hydrated. Alcohol tends to cause dehydration. She’ll probably just need rest. Call me back if her symptoms change.”

  We clicked off and my legs felt weighted as I clomped back to her. I helped her sit up before giving her the water bottle I’d taken from the mini fridge.

  “I think you should go,” she said softly. “This can never work between us. I need you to stay away.”

  The doctor had cleared her. She didn’t need me, I told myself. I’d yet to meet her eyes. My heart was no longer solid in my chest. How had I allowed myself to fall in love with the wrong woman?

  “Here,” I said, finally facing her. I produced an envelope out of an inside breast pocket of my coat. “It’s payment for your work on the audit. I won’t trouble you again. Griffin can get you wherever you need to be.”

  I set it on the bedside table and moved in the direction of the door.

  “Kalen,” she said so softly I almost turned to face her. There had been such a plea in my name it almost swayed me. “Please don’t have me followed.”

  There was conviction in her tone.

  I continued to face the door, because if I saw her beautiful face, I might beg.

  “I won’t if that’s what you want.”

  “I do.”

  There was just one more thing I had to say. “Miss Glicks, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve what happened between us tonight.”

  She was the first one to break. I could hear her quiet sobs, which I’d caused. If I saw them, I would crumble. I moved forward, opened the door, and stepped out knowing that might be the last time we saw each other. And after a final moment, I let the door close forever between us.

  Thirty-One

  Even I heard the finality when the door clicked shut over my tears. If we’d ever had any shot of reconciliation sometime in the future, it was gone now.

  I’d lied, and convincingly. Now that the question had been posed, I realized I hadn’t had a period, nor had I taken a pill in a while.

  Being kidnapped could take the smart right out of you.

  I didn’t need a test to know the truth. I’d been feeling lousy and sick for a couple of weeks off and on. I’d been irrationally teary-eyed all the time, crying for no reason.

  There was no need for calculation. Only one night could I have gotten pregnant.

  And the father was gone out of my life.

  Life was funny like that. I’d lost the two men I loved because I couldn’t make the right decisions. And now, fate had dumped a child in my lap.

  Tears lulled me into sleep. Their warmth was like a blanket of defeat. I’d done everything wrong and lost everything. Those were the words that played in my head before I drifted into sleep, ruled by nightmares that still plagued me.

  At first light, my eyes opened, heavy with lack of sleep. I didn’t bother closing my eyes again. It was a lost cause. Between the past and my undetermined future, there was no way I was getting any rest.

  With a list of things to do, I packed and slipped out of my room when the maid came to clean. I knew my door was somehow being watched.

  I took a cab to the train station and found my way to the Glasgow airport for my multi-leg trip to Washington, D.C., which was all that I could afford.

  It wasn’t until I slipped into the small bathroom on the plane did I open the envelope that Kalen had given me.

  I did a double take when I saw so many zeros. Then I read the attached sticky note.

  I played by your rules. This is what we usually pay for an audit.

  -K

  Damn him. I hadn’t specified my rate. And if I’d been thinking correctly, I would have realized he wouldn’t know what the firm paid me for my time. He’d only know how much an audit would cost in total.

  For the millionth time, I questioned how sane I was. I was one hundred percent certain I was in love with him and fairly certain he felt the same. So why had I let him go?

  It was a question I’d ask myself again and again over the next few weeks.

  When I finally arrived at my destination, I was still a week out before starting my new job. I’d given myself time to sign the lease for the apartment I’d found online after receiving a firm start date from my new employer and having passed the background checks.

  That day had been memorable as I’d sent a resignation letter to my old firm. I was sure they were grateful to receive it.

  Besides the first place I was headed to, I also had a back-up place in case the first didn’t look as it had appeared in pictures. But it did and I stood with a silly grin on my face as I looked around my apartment. Two words I’d never used in my life.

  Though my heart was broken, this was what I needed.

  D.C. turned out to be much like New York with the hustle and bustle, only less skyline and tall buildings, even at night.

  Still, I found myself in the wee hours of the morning at a corner store where I procured a couple of pregnancy tests.

  Back at my new apartment, which held only an air mattress I’d bought earlier that day until my new furniture arrived, I dumped my purchases onto the kitchen counter. Along with a couple of bars of chocolate and a pint of ice cream, the boxes spilled out.

  The other two items were the comfort I would need after everything I already knew was confirmed.

  Instead of waiting on the 99.9 percent sure it was positive after peeing, I was hoping on that 0.1 percent that I wasn’t.

  When the results were revealed, I called Lizzy.

  “Babe, do you know what time it is?”

  I nodded while she rubbed her eyes. An arm slung over her shoulder as she moved.

  This time she wasn’t talking to me. “I’ll be right back.”

  I heard a grumble, then by her screen she was on the move. She sat on a couch.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I angled my phone in the direction of the test that rested atop the box on the counter.

  “Can you see it?”

  “Yes, I see it,” she said.

  “And?”

  By the tone of Lizzy’s first word, I knew. “Honey… it’s positive.”

  My tears began to fall in earnest. Everything else that spilled from my eyes and nose wasn’t as gut-wrenching as the wail that left me.

  She offered me platitude as I cradled my stomach and the little person inside.

  “How could this happen?” I asked no one. I knew how it happened. I didn’t know how I’d gotten myself in that position. I was on the pill. “He hates me.”

  Lizzy knew. I’d used this phrase before. “Trust me. He doesn’t hate you. That man is madly in love with you.”

  “He left without looking back. I’ve lost him for sure now.”

  Funny, I could say that about both men.

  “Are you going to tell him?”

  Of course I had to. “Eventually. I need to know what I’m going to do first.”

  Lizzy, my rock, said, “You should tell him and decide if it changes anything.”

  “It won’t.”

  He’d do the right thing.

  Lizzy said, “It might.”

  Dismissing her response, I said, “I need to make a doctor’s appointment.”

  “I’ll come and be there for you,” she offered.

  Slowly, I shook my head. “I need to do this alone.”

  “Bails, you don’t have to do this alone.”

  “I know. But this is the life I chose, right? I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m not sure when I’ll get an appointment. And women have been doing this kind of thing alone forever. I’ll be fine.”