We sat in silence. A cricket started up singing, then abruptly stopped. An owl hooted somewhere in the forest.

  “You’re right, we should go home to New York City,” Lena said. “Get out of here.”

  “Yes, we should.” I sighed, letting my shoulders droop. Would the torture stop if I were away from Addie? Was it possible that I’d ever stop thinking about her? “I’m tired. May I walk you to your room now?”

  “Yes, you may. We must be quiet walking up the stairs. I don’t want Father to know we’ve been out here alone.”

  A twig snapped from somewhere in the yard. A deer or rabbit, most likely. How I wished to be that free. To roam the moonlit garden with no one’s destiny but my own to worry about. Instead, I stood and held out my hand to my fiancée and led her into the house.

  14

  ADDIE

  The morning after I saw James kissing Lena, I woke bleary-eyed and sadder than I’d ever been in my life. Delphia, who had held me as I wept, didn’t stir as I quietly got out of bed. In the bathroom, I washed and dressed in a casual day dress. The house was quiet, but our rooster was doing his best to wake the entire household. When I went downstairs, no one was about, other than the noise of the staff in the kitchen below. I needed to work, I thought. Distracting work that would take my mind off my troubles.

  One of the maids had already set a pot of coffee in the dining room. I helped myself to a cup and went into the sitting room to the desk and typewriter. Instead of writing, I simply stared at a blank page. My eyes were too foggy to read James’s notes in the margins. A tear rolled down my cheek and landed on the ink, blurring it further. How could I go on? Not like this.

  Perhaps I should go away? Do something with my life, other than pine away for James the rest of my days. Should I revisit the idea of university? Perhaps I could study literature and work on becoming a stronger writer. I looked around the sitting room at the hundreds of books that lined the shelves. Books were here. I could read anything I wanted.

  I gave up on working and took my cup of coffee over to sit in an easy chair that faced the front of the house. Sunlight flooded the front yard. Bunnies and birds scurried about looking for their breakfast. I breathed in the delicious aroma of coffee, then took a sip. The coffee was hot and perfectly bitter. Delphia preferred hers with loads of sugar and cream, but I liked it this way. After the cup was empty, I set it aside and closed my eyes, listening to the sounds of my family and our guests beginning to wake. The maids were up and down the stairs, serving coffee and breakfast to whoever wanted to eat in their rooms.

  A sound in the doorway made me jump. It was Mama, fully dressed and looking as fresh as the morning dew. “Addie, what’re you doing up so early?”

  “I couldn’t sleep.”

  She came to stand next to me, drawing my face upward with the tips of her cool fingers. “You’ve been crying?”

  “Yes, I have. Feeling very sorry for myself. Imagining living like Emily Dickinson.”

  She chuckled as she took the chair next to me. “I hate to see a daughter of mine weep when the Lord has brought such a wondrous day as this.”

  I nodded as tears came, burning the insides of my eyelids. “Oh, Mama. I don’t know what to do with myself.”

  “Dearest Addie.” Mama’s face crumpled as she took in my pathetic countenance. “It must be so hard to see them together.”

  “That’s just it. He doesn’t love her. He loves me.”

  She jerked back. “What?”

  “Yes, he’s told me as much.”

  Mama didn’t say anything for a moment. “Dear, good James, taking the burden of it all upon himself even though he loves you.” She looked at me, sharp this time. “And you’re absolutely certain he feels the same way about you?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. But I can’t make him choose between me and them. Not that he would anyway. He’s too loyal, Mama. His mother and sister need him. They’ve done nothing to deserve all of this.”

  Mama had paled. Her hands trembled slightly as she tented them into a prayer-like gesture. She rose to her feet and went to one of the bookshelves as if to choose something to read but then turned and came back to me. “There must be something we can do.”

  “There isn’t, Mama. We can’t simply take what we want with no thought of the consequences. You and Papa have taught me that. For that matter, the whole reason you came here was to save your mother and sister. It was a great sacrifice, and yet you didn’t hesitate.”

  “I didn’t have a choice.”

  “Neither does James,” I said. “No matter what James chooses, someone gets hurt.”

  “I wish it didn’t have to be either of you,” Mama said. “I wonder what Lena feels about all of this?”

  “I caught them kissing last night.” I swallowed the bile that rose up from my empty stomach. I’d not been able to get the scene out of my head. All night long it had played before me.

  “Oh, my darling girl. I’m sorry.” She placed a hand on my cheek. “You poor, poor girl.”

  After a moment, I withdrew from her to look out the window. The sun filtered through the thicket of trees, a golden and hopeful peach gossamer blanket. “I can’t stand it—seeing the two of them together. Not after what we’ve shared.” The kiss we shared. I kept that to myself, knowing Mama would not be pleased. I flushed just thinking of how my whole world had expanded in those stolen moments between us. I’d not known before what it meant to feel passion. No wonder all of my siblings had gone to whatever length they needed to ensure their love would last. Even Cym, who my mother had said was the most practical of all of us, had succumbed.

  “Has he kissed you?” Mama asked.

  I dipped my head. I’d never lied to my mother in my life, but what could I say that didn’t make James sound like a cad? Cheating on his fiancée? “If I tell you the truth, you mustn’t think poorly of him. I practically begged him to kiss me.”

  She let her forehead drift to her hands. “Addie, of all my children, I’d not have thought it was you who would behave scandalously.”

  “I know, Mama. I’m sorry.” I looked up at her, fighting more pesky tears. “Please forgive me. I know it’s only an excuse, but have you ever wanted something so desperately that all sensible thought flew from your mind? All I wanted was the chance to know what it would be like to kiss him. Only the one time. One kiss to last the rest of my life.”

  She was quiet for so long that I thought I’d truly angered her. I braced myself for the tongue-lashing I deserved. Instead, when she raised her gaze to look at me, a light in her eyes told a different story. The fire I saw in them reminded me of Cymbeline. “You must fight, Addie. You must fight for the man you want.”

  “Fight? Mama, how could I possibly? Think of his family.”

  “They’ll find a way on their own. It’s not for him to fix. Children should not be asked to do so. It’s our job to take care of you, not the other way around.”

  “What about Lena?”

  “People like Lena and her father do not need our concern. They always find a way to rise to the top, no matter who they trample on the way up.”“

  “They do?” I stared at her, desperate for her to be right.

  “Since the beginning of time, my love.” She placed both hands on my knees and looked me in the eyes. “You must not run from your destiny. If you and James are in love, then you must find a way to make it work.”

  “Regardless of who we hurt?”

  “I believe that if it’s meant to be, then choosing love always makes everything and everyone else fall into the places they belong as well. Lena and her father will be fine. That’s obvious. As far as James’s family goes, they will have to adjust to a new kind of life. If his mother and sister would like to move to America, we will take care of them. The father and his sins will have to be dealt with on his own. I won’t have a man in my house who gambled away the life of his wife and children.”

  “You’d do that? What would Papa think?”

  “My darling, since the moment you were born, your father has wanted only for you to be happy. He would do anything in his power to make it so, including offering a home to our new in-laws.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Talk to James. I’ll speak to your papa. If you and James decide that you’d like our help, then come to us. We’ll work something out. But James will have to decide on his own whether he can go against his father’s wishes. It is not an easy thing to do, especially for a man like James.”

  I nodded, knowing it was true. But for the first time since I’d learned of James’s engagement, I felt a glimmer of hope. Would he choose me? Would he choose love or duty? All my life I’d thought they were the same things, but now I could see that without love there could be no sustainable duty. One could not be dutiful only for the sake of virtue. A man could not behave as James’s father had and expect that the world would then adjust to his sins, including his own children.

  I couldn’t find James all that morning. By the afternoon, I’d learned that he had gone into town to see Theo about a pain behind his right eye. He’d not mentioned this to me. Was it only the tension of the last days that had caused it, or was he ill? Please, God, not that. Not after everything.

  After lunch, Papa called me into his study. I could see by the look in his eyes that Mama had already spoken to him.

  “Addie, love, come sit with me.”

  The study was dark and cool. Shades were drawn by this time on a summer afternoon to keep the heat out. I sat in one of the armchairs and waited for him to join me.

  “Your mother has told me of your predicament,” Papa said. “I’d like to hear from you, though, before I talk to James.” He peered at me. In this dim light, he looked young except for the strands of silver that had taken over the glossy brown locks of yesteryear.

  “What would you like to know?” I asked.

  “I’d like to know what you’re prepared to give up for the people you love.”

  This had not been what I’d expected him to say. I wasn’t sure what the right answer was, but I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I’m prepared to give my life, I suppose.” I thought of my sisters and Mama. If it came to that, I’d gladly take whatever hardship if it meant they would not suffer. “If one of my sisters needed me, I would walk to the ends of the earth to find them.”

  “I hope we never have to test if that is true,” Papa said.

  His eyes were so somber that I trembled in nervousness. I’d not seen him this way before, at least not in my presence. My sisters had told me of his dismay and anger when he learned of Flynn’s illegal activities back during Prohibition. “Have I done something wrong?” I asked.

  His brow creased, but his eyes softened. “No, not at all. You’ve fallen in love. It so happens he couldn’t be a more difficult choice. If we could control our hearts, then we would.”

  “I’m sorry, Papa. I tried not to love him. For years now, I’ve pushed it all away until I saw him again and then all the feelings would come crashing around me. I couldn’t avoid it, as much as I wished it could be anyone else. I’ve tried to stay away from him and resist this temptation.”

  “That didn’t work too well, I take it?”

  “No, Papa. It most certainly didn’t.” I smiled despite my consternation, remembering the long, happy days we’d spent together. “We had the most glorious summer together until Lena came here. We could no longer escape the truth of our situation. I had to accept that he would not be mine. He’d never been mine. I’ve tried with all my might to accept it as it is. To take comfort in knowing that it is me he loves, even if we cannot be together. Still, it’s a bitter, bitter pill. As you say, the heart cannot always be counted upon to obey our commands.”

  “Your mother wants to offer a place here for his mother and sister. Is that what you want?” Papa asked.

  “I want James, no matter what it takes.”

  “All right, then, we’ll see what can be done.” Papa held out his arms, and I went into them just as I had as a child when I’d thought he could fix anything. Maybe he still could?

  15

  JAMES

  At his office, Theo walked me out to the lobby. He’d given me an exam but found nothing amiss, diagnosing the pain behind my eye as simply a response to stress.

  “Get some rest,” Theo said. “And take this with some water. Should relieve the pain away pretty quickly.” He handed me a small paper bag with powder in it. He cocked his head, seeming to size me up in a different way than he had in the examination room. Although he and Flynn were identical twins, now that I knew them I could easily tell them apart. Theo was scholarly and austere. He wore wire-rimmed glasses, and his white coat made him seem very doctorly indeed. On the other hand, Flynn had the look of a man who spent a lot of time outdoors, strong and windblown.

  “Thanks, Theo,” I said. “When I woke up this morning I thought I might be dying.”

  “What’s going on out there at the house anyway?” He pushed his glasses further up his nose and peered at me. “You look like a man who hasn’t slept for a week.”

  “I’ve not been sleeping too well. I have a lot on my mind. The wedding. Lena’s father. Demands from my father.” Such simple words to describe such a troubling and complex dilemma.

  “You have a lot to contend with, no doubt,” Theo said. “Women planning weddings can take a lot out of a man.” He gave me a reassuring smile, oblivious to my inner turmoil. “Soon enough, all that will be over and you’ll get to the good part.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “You’re a good man, West. I wish you could be part of our family forever, but once you marry, Lena’s family will be yours, too.”

  “There’s only her father. I wonder, sometimes, what Lena would be like if her mother were still living. She died when Lena was an infant. Raised by a cold man…” I trailed off. Why was I still talking? Theo didn’t need to know all this. “My point is, Lena can be a handful.”

  “Yes, I understand. Without a mother, Lena’s missed the love and nurturing she needed. That will appear in your marriage from time to time. No way around it. Our wounds from childhood remain, unfortunately. You’ll have to love her unconditionally and support her, even if at times she may overwhelm you.”

  “Is that how your marriage is?” If so, this surprised me. He and Louisa always appeared as close as two people could be. In addition to raising two children together, she was part of his medical practice, delivering most of the babies born in this community as a midwife who had trained while assisting her husband.

  “Louisa experienced a lot of trauma as a child. It haunts her at times. When it does, I’m there to love her.”

  Didn’t Lena deserve to be loved this way? What kind of man was I to deny her? If only it were as simple as willing myself to love her instead of Addie.

  Driving home in one of the Barnes cars, with the piercing pain still behind my right eye, I winced against the sunlight. I got out of the car. Delphia sat on the wooden swing, the tips of her toes in the grass rocking to and fro. I lifted my hand in greeting. She jumped down from her perch and came charging toward me.

  “James West, we’re going to have a little talk.”

  I sighed. The other eye began to ache. “I know what you’re going to say.” I held up my hands in defense.

  “Listen to me. My sister loves you and yet you’re too foolish to make this right. You kissed her, James. And then she saw you kissing Lena. She’s broken. You’ve broken my sister.”

  I hung my head. Shame inundated me. I’d handled all of this so poorly. “You’re right. About everything. I got wrapped up in the little world Addie and I made together this summer. It was wrong because I wasn’t free. I knew I wasn’t.”

  She let out a puff of air. When she spoke next, her voice softened. “To be fair, Addie knew your situation as well. She’s as much to blame as you. But, James, what are you doing? You can’t marry that little fox. It’s all wrong.”

  I leaned against the side of the car and pulled my hat further down to cut some of the glare of the relentless sun. “Delphia, I’m sorry I’ve hurt Addie. You can’t imagine how much. But I have responsibilities.” To my alarm, tears flooded my vision, and my voice cracked. “I’ve made promises to them all.”

  “Oh, goodness. Don’t cry. I can’t stand it.” Delphia placed her hand on the sleeve of my jacket. “I’m going to fix this.”

  I couldn’t help but chuckle as I wiped my eyes. “You can’t just will things to happen.”

  “I know. However, actions speak louder than words.” With that, she trounced off, skirts swinging side to side.

  I ripped off my hat and swept a hand through my hair, overwhelmed with the complexities of my life. If only Delphia were right and she could fix it all. Alas, I knew this was not the way of the world. Those of us without power remained thus. Single women and men with no fortunes were among the most powerless.

  I was walking past the study when I heard Alexander’s voice calling to me.

  “James, is that you?”

  I poked my head around the door. Alexander was at his desk in the dark-paneled room. Two chairs, where he and his wife often sat in the evenings, were perched in front of the fireplace. Because of the heat of the afternoon, it remained unlit. Windows on either side of the hearth allowed the afternoon light in, giving the room a golden tinge. Remnants of Alexander’s pipe smoke lingered near the ceiling and reminded me of cherries. “What can I do for you, sir?”

  “Come in, if you can. I’m about to have a whiskey. Would you care for one? Or a brandy?”

  “Whiskey’s fine, thank you.”

  He gestured for me to sit in Quinn’s usual chair. A slight indentation in the cushion hinted at the slender form of its usual occupant. “Where is everyone? It’s so quiet.”