Silly Plotos and the Golden Eggcups,
“My name is Silly Plotos. These are my friends Lloyd, Goif and Gwaf. We have come to take something that belongs to us: a Golden Eggcup that was taken from our village many years ago.”
The giant warrior granted them the chance to win back their lost relic, because he doubted they would be able to complete his challenge. He added, however, that if they failed to win it back, they would not leave his camp alive! Our four companions and Stocky, followed by his barbarians, went higher up into the hills where the challenge would take place. Rain and mist descended. They stopped by a great ravine, which zigzagged into the distance. A river ran way down at the bottom, the water crashing into the rocks on either side.
“If you can throw this log across the ravine, I'll give you your Golden Eggcup back,” said Stocky in his thick Scottish accent, pointing at a log that looked as big as a small tree. “If you can’t, I'll boil you up and have you for my dinner.”
The barbarian grinned at them fiercely as he stood there in the rain. One more challenge stood between them and the last Eggcup, but there was no way one of them was strong enough to pick up the log, let alone throw it! But Silly had an idea. As they huddled together to hear his plan, Stocky picked up the huge log, and launched it comfortably over the ravine. The jaws of the visitors dropped in amazement as the barbarians cheered and raised their axes in the air. He was an egg twice as big as them. Silly explained to his companions how they would have to work together to defeat him.
One of the highlanders fetched the log from the other side of the gorge and dropped it at the feet of the four friends. They immediately put Silly’s plan into practice: Lloyd wrapped his short legs around Silly’s waist, facing forwards. He took hold of Gwaf’s legs and Gwaf took hold of Goif’s. The massive log dragged on the ground as Goif struggled to grasp it in the pouring rain. He wrapped both his arms around it, hugging it as tight as possible. Slowly Silly began to spin round, and the four of them began to rotate as they gained momentum. After a few spins, they had created so much speed and force that Goif and Gwaf were lifted off the ground and spiralling in mid-air!
“One...two...three!!!” shouted Silly, and Goif let go of the log.
Goif went flying off to the side, landing head first into a bush as the other three collapsed in a heap. The log, on the other hand, soared into the air and over the ravine! The barbarians looked at each other in utter disbelief. Silly, Lloyd and Gwaf celebrated on the muddy grass as Goif untangled himself from the bush. He was covered in thorns and twigs but joined the others to enjoy their unlikely victory. The rain continued to fall and the mist had become thicker and thicker, but they didn’t care – they had won back the final Eggcup!
Stocky was still dumbstruck by what he had just witnessed. But he had been beaten and had to stick to his word.
He turned to them: “You beat me fair and square, young laddies. You may have your Eggcup back, and I'll play you a song on my bagpipes before your journey home.”
They went back down to the camp for our heroes to collect what they had come for. The highlanders walked in silence as their visitors sang and danced. They packed up their possessions and Silly put the final Eggcup in the sack. As they started to stroll away, the barbarian chief played his bagpipes and everyone clapped along. Nothing could dampen their spirits now that they were so close to finishing their quest!
As a token of respect for their inventiveness and grit, Stocky gave Silly and the others a huge bag of haggis to keep them full of energy on the final stretch of their travels: “Good luck on the rest of your quest,” he said.
The sound of the bagpipes faded as the barbarians’ camp disappeared into the fog. Darkness fell. They slalomed down through the forest, heading south towards England and their beloved village. They had been away for many months, but all six of the missing Golden Eggcups had now been retrieved. They were finally going home!
Our band of friends walked all through the night, driven by the thought of arriving home soon. As they crossed the Scottish-English border, they celebrated like never before. It was such a relief to be back on familiar soil after so much time spent in foreign lands. The weather got better and better and the landscape became greener and greener. Barely a day later and they began to recognise their surroundings. They were so nearly there!
It was a normal day in Beautrosville. The villagers were quietly going about their business in the usual manner. The sun shone high in the cloudless sky as Princess Nortissia stared out into the countryside from her balcony in the castle. Every day she had thought of Silly and the others, and although it had been months since they left on their expedition, she had not given up hope of their return, and of marrying her childhood sweetheart. Suddenly, from one of the fields on the outskirts of the village, a farmer came running.
“They’re back! They’re back!” he yelled.
Villagers started to gather as the adventurers appeared on the horizon, strolling slowly towards them across the meadow. Goif and Gwaf bounced around with joy at the sight of the village and the high turrets of the castle. Silly and Lloyd looked at each other and smiled, knowing they had just experienced the most epic of adventures. The Princess, on hearing the shouts of the farmer, had rushed down to join the crowd that was assembling at the main entrance to the village. Everyone was cheering and celebrating, and the Princess ran out to embrace Silly on the path. Lloyd, Gwaf and Goif were triumphantly hoisted into the air by their fellow villagers and carried towards the castle. Silly followed the procession with the sack of Golden Eggcups in one hand and Princess Nortissia by his side.
Lord and Lady McBeaut, both beaming with delight, appeared on the drawbridge of the castle. Lady McBeaut, whose green and red dress matched her husband’s tunic, waved to the crowd. Her long grey hair was tied neatly on top of her head. Below them, the water from the moat glistened. As the villagers looked on clapping, Silly presented the Golden Eggcups to his leader.
“Today is a great day,” proclaimed Lord McBeaut. “Our brave heroes have come home unscathed, and returned the precious Eggcups. They are the toast of Beautrosville, and we owe them everything! Silly and my daughter the Princess shall be married immediately, and this evening we will throw the biggest party this village has ever seen!”
Thunderous applause erupted from the crowd as the village priest emerged to wed Silly and the Princess right there and then on the drawbridge. Lord McBeaut watched on with pride and his wife cried tears of joy as their daughter stood side to side with her childhood sweetheart. Lloyd, Goif and Gwaf lined up to one side as their companion fulfilled his lifelong dream. After the brief ceremony, the happy couple hugged their family and friends as the celebrations began.
But one more ceremony was to be carried out. Lord McBeaut quietened the crowd with a wave of his hand. He took Eggscalibur, his trusted sword, from Silly’s belt. He asked his new son-in-law to kneel. There were gasps of excitement and quiet mutterings amongst the onlookers as Silly went down on one knee. Lord McBeaut touched the huge blade on both Silly’s shoulders:
“I knight you Sir Silly Plotos of Beautrosville!” he proclaimed.
The villagers bowed to their returning hero and once more burst into joyous celebration. What a day this was turning out to be! Silly and his friends had embarked on the adventure to end all adventures, and the pride of the village had been restored. He had married the Princess and even earned a knighthood!
That evening, Lord and Lady McBeaut hosted a huge feast in the castle, and every single egg in the village, both young and old, was there. The great banquet hall was lined with rows of tables that overflowed with food of all shapes, sizes and colours. The Golden Eggcups were laid out on the top table for all to see. Musicians played, wine flowed, and all of Beautrosville danced into night.
The following morning, life returned to normal. Silly, Lloyd and the Princess enjoyed a delicious full English breakfast before heading out into the countryside to go hunting and fishing. In the afternoon, they
About the Author
Theo is 27 and lives in Ibiza.
Cover image created by the talented Dom McKenzie: https://www.dommckenzie.com/