“Wouldn’t you like me to walk you up? Give you the tour?”

  I slowed to a stop at the entrance to the luxury apartment building. A doorman waited inside the glass entrance.

  “I’m pretty sure I remember my way around the place.”

  I couldn’t think of a thing to make him invite me inside, but my expression must have told him how I felt. He paused before getting out and leaned toward me.

  “Thanks again, Nik. I’ll see you tomorrow.” A pat on my shoulder, and he was gone, headed to the back of the car to retrieve his bags before disappearing through the glass entrance.

  A long exhale escaped my lips, and I started to cry.

  * * *

  Stuart

  Derek’s condo was as plush as I recalled. Stainless steel everything in the kitchen, and the living room was decked out with black leather sectionals and a massive flat-screen television. Both bedrooms were identical with king-sized beds, crisp white linens, and similar dark-wood furnishings as in the living room. It was all very masculine and spare, and not a single rough-edge in sight.

  He was a stand-up guy giving me his old place, but I couldn’t stay here. This wasn’t my style. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I was making the right call coming to Princeton. Nikki meeting me at the airport almost killed the deal.

  She was as beautiful as ever, and I knew she’d wanted me to invite her up here tonight. My last night out, I was flying high, and I’d pretty much fucked her senseless. She was a great lay, but it was a huge mistake, especially in view of my current situation. Clearly Derek never found out. Shit. He’d be pissed, and he’d be completely justified.

  I should’ve asked if she was still in the office, but it hadn’t occurred to me. Not that I was a self-centered prick, I was just preoccupied. It would be hard enough to keep my shit a secret without the complications of a woman sniffing around, and I needed privacy.

  My hands started to shake as I stood looking out the wall of windows. Fisting them against the withdrawals, I ordered my mind to Fight. Fight, dammit! I was stronger than this. Nothing controlled me. I called the shots.

  But I also knew the drill.

  Shaking was the tickling whisper of what was to come. The easy greeting before the gut-twisting pain showed up to kick my ass and bring me to my knees. After that came the hot flashes, followed by more blinding cold shakes.

  Insomnia... I hadn’t slept in days. If I could just get one night’s sleep, maybe it would bolster my strength to fight.

  Crossing the room, I dug in my backpack for the bottle. Turning it toward the light, I remembered what I’d read. Tapering off was the least painful way to beat this addiction, but every time I opened that bottle, I took more.

  Jaw clenched, I told my mind No. I came back to grab the reins, to get away from the easy prescriptions and the rationalizations. I was at a turning point, and if I couldn’t do it here, I only had one place left to go.

  The bottle shook in my hand just before the first cramp twisted my stomach.

  “Fuck!” I shouted, as my body bent in half. I staggered to the sofa before pushing off and heading to the bathroom.

  Cold sweat coated my forehead. In seconds, it would all come out again, but before it did, I twisted off the white cap and dumped the entire contents into the toilet. No going back.

  Sitting there, I braced against the pain, every muscle in my body straining so hard, I saw veins. God dammit. Hold on. I could do this. It hurt so bad, a hoarse groan scraped through my throat, past my resistance.

  Getting up, I went into the kitchen and slammed cabinet doors open. Nikki had stocked the place, but I wasn’t after food. Shoving aside boxes of rice, pasta, crackers, another searing pain cut through my stomach, and a loaf of bread hit the floor. I gripped the oven door handle so hard, I thought it would break before I was able to straighten up again.

  With a shaking hand, I opened the last cabinet and found the liquor supply. White, brown, golden. She’d bought a little of everything, no doubt expecting to share it with me.

  I pulled out a fifth of Crown and threw the purple bag aside before I twisted off the top. I didn’t even wince as the whiskey burned through my chest. One big gulp after another, I slid down to the dark hardwoods. I’d sit here and finish it. Then I’d go to the next bottle until I passed out. I didn’t have a choice tonight.

  * * *

  My eyes burned fire as they peeled open and scanned the floor where I lay. I never left the kitchen of my partner’s immaculately clean condo last night. It had only taken a fifth of Crown. Easy night. Now my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, and my stomach was more torn up than before.

  Shit. I’d never make it to the office this way, but I had to try.

  Easing myself up, I held onto the sink before reaching into the cabinet for a glass. The water was so cold and good, I drank two before staggering into the living room, where a phone waited on an end table.

  “Walter here!” The aged voice on the line was ready to serve. Clearly, he’d been informed I was moving into Derek’s old place.

  I’d met him before, of course, and I couldn’t count the number of times my partner had mentioned how great he was. Better than a butler, connections in the service industry all over town, I vaguely recalled Walter could get a reservation at any restaurant with any amount of notice.

  Food was not on my agenda this morning. “Walter, any chance there’s a drugstore in the building?” I sounded like shit.

  “Sorry, Mr. Knight, but I can send out for something. What do you need?”

  Clearing my throat, I looked out at the sun cutting through the long, grey clouds. “I need Imodium.”

  “I’ll have it in less than five. Hang in there, sir.”

  “And Walter?”

  “Yes, sir?”

  Squeezing my eyes together, I tried to remember what I’d read. “If they have any of those pain relievers with sleep aid? I’ve been having trouble sleeping.”

  “I’ll see what I can find.”

  Dropping the plastic phone on its base, I rubbed my eyes. Spoiled or not, Derek had brains holding onto this place—especially being single. That errand alone made Walter a true asset. I’d shower and put in an appearance at our old firm. It was the least I could do. It was why I’d come back.

  * * *

  Nikki was at her desk when I pushed through the glass doors. The Imodium had helped my stomach, and I’d taken four of the Advil PMs Walt had included in the discreet brown paper bag. They should hold off the symptoms for a few hours at least.

  Blue eyes lit when they met mine, and my hand went straight into my coat pocket to clutch the narrow bottle of painkillers.

  “You made it!” She smiled as she rounded the desk, giving me the full view of her body tightly wrapped in a green dress. I remembered why I’d slept with her—I also remembered being sure I’d never come back.

  She blinked up at me. “Were you able to sleep last night?”

  Was she checking up on me? “I did all right.”

  My tone was irritated, and her nose wrinkled. “It always takes me a night to adjust to a new place.”

  Right. Stop being fucking paranoid, Stuart. Following her into Derek’s old office, I remembered the cabinets full of food. “Hey, thanks for stocking the kitchen.”

  “I figured you’d be hungry.” She touched my arm and leaned forward so that looking down, I had the full view of the dark line between her breasts.

  The memory of those in my hands caused a twinge below my belt. Whether I acted on it or not, it was a good sign. The fucking drugs hadn’t taken everything.

  “I’ve already set up your computer and the card with how to change your password is on your desk. Let me know if you need a refresher on the phone system.”

  Clearing my throat, I looked away from her body. “I won’t stay in long today. Fucking jet lag.”

  “Okay!” She gave my arm a squeeze and went to the door. “Come over to my place tonight. A home-cooked meal at dinnertime will help.”

  Jaw clenched, I tried to think of a reason to say no. I needed to say no. So many reasons to say no filtered through my mind, but I couldn’t find an appropriate one to say out loud.

  “I’ll expect you at six o’clock sharp, Mister Knight.” She gave me a wink and twirled out the door.

  Yeah, this wasn’t going to work.

  * * *

  Fire blazed in my legs. The pain was so intense, I yelled as hard as I could against it. It didn’t matter. Nobody heard me. Explosions blasted all around us, and I couldn’t force my body to respond. We were so close, and we weren’t going to make it. Our last fucking day, and we were both going to die.

  Fuck that. I was born to die for my country, but Derek wasn’t. He had Allison and plans for a family. He’d told me about his dreams, and I’d silently vowed to get him out alive no matter what happened. He deserved that.

  Strong hands grasped both my arms, roughly pulling me up and dragging me toward the trucks. Looking back, I saw him lying unconscious, unprotected on the desert sand where I’d fallen.

  “Put me down!” I yelled, struggling against their grip. “Get him first!”

  The loud SLAM! of shrapnel hitting the ground threw us all a foot in the air and jerked me awake.

  I sat straight up in the bed shaking in the twilight and gasping for breath. My body was drenched in sweat.

  Dropping my head into my hands, pain radiated from my lower back down through my legs. Even sleeping on one of those expensive number mattresses didn’t stop the pain of that old injury. Only one thing was strong enough for that...

  No.

  The clock said five-thirty. Nikki expected me at six. I considered being a dick and pulling a no-show, but that was a coward’s way. Staggering across the hall into the bathroom, the shakes were back. God dammit, I was a wreck.

  In my coat, I found the Advil PM Walter had brought me and took four more along with another Imodium. Seven to ten days is how long they said before the drugs were out of my system. Then I’d be through the worst.

  Two weeks.

  Until then, I had to fight.

  * * *

  Nikki’s hair was messy and swept over one shoulder, and her green wrap dress was loose on her body, unlike earlier in the day. She’d kicked off her heels, and the whole disheveled thing actually did it for me. An image flickered across my mind of grasping her face and kissing her roughly, tasting those pink lips, but I brushed it aside.

  “Come in! I’ve got chicken and sausage gumbo in the slow cooker. Doesn’t it smell amazing?”

  A small laugh followed her as she led me into her apartment, where the rich aroma of meat hit me right in the face. A responsive growl from my stomach—another good sign. Appetite gone, I’d been forcing myself to eat for weeks.

  “It does smell good.”

  She walked into the kitchen and took the lid off a pot to give the contents a poke. “I got the recipe online. The aroma’s right, but it’s supposed to be thicker... I think I made more of a soup.” She laughed again. “Gumbo’s like soup, isn’t it?”

  “Sure.”

  Her mood was so happy, it itched the agitation under my skin. Advil helped with my cramps, but I could tell the shakes were only a half-hour away at most.

  The pain radiating from my pelvis down my legs was impervious to everything. My spinal column had been damaged in the blast. It healed, but when the residual pain was at its worst, I couldn’t run. It was why I’d been forced to retire.

  I’d tried massage therapy, then a chiropractor, but those treatments didn’t last. I needed the pain to stop for good so I could return to active duty. Narcotic-based pain relief was the only thing that worked, and I’d had an easy time finding willing doctors to give me scripts, over and over for as long as I wanted.

  The pain disappeared, and even the freaking nightmares stopped. For the first time in a long time, I felt peace, like my old self again. It was a miracle drug.

  Until it became a nightmare.

  She handed me a tumbler of amber liquid. “They were out of Johnnie Walker. I hope Dewar’s is okay?”

  I nodded and took a sip of the scotch. “You have a good memory.”

  She held a glass of red wine, and slanted her blue eyes at me. “I remember a lot of things.”

  I watched her a moment, but I didn’t take the bait. “Yeah?”

  Her face fell just a click, but she exhaled and took a sip. “Like I remember you hate being cooped up in an office. What brought you back this time?”

  The truth? I had to beat this addiction before it killed me... I’d keep that to myself.

  “I founded Alexander-Knight with Derek. I should at least try to hold up my end of the agreement.” It was a good-sounding lie.

  “Patrick’s doing a great job holding up the Knight end of the agreement. Have you talked to him?”

  “I don’t talk to Patrick.” The mention of my little brother stirred my agitation even more. “We have nothing in common.”

  “That’s not true. You’re both handsome devils.” She winked and headed back to the kitchen. “And you should see your little nephew Lane. He’s following right in your lady-killing footsteps.”

  “Right.” I took another sip of scotch. “Patrick got some girl pregnant.”

  “Kenny.” She put her wine down and pulled a loaf of French bread from a long paper bag. I watched as she sliced it into thick pieces. “She’s just over in Bayville. Maybe you could catch a ride with her next time she goes to Wilmington for a visit.”

  I had no intention of doing that. “He didn’t marry her.”

  “I think it was the right call.” She was now spooning chicken, sausage, and rice into bowls. “They’re very different people, and he had already moved on when she told him she was pregnant. You’ll really like Elaine.”

  All this talk about Patrick made my stomach churn. My little brother had always been a fuck-up, and clearly he hadn’t matured out of it. I lifted my tumbler and caught the tremor in my wrist. Fuck.

  “Mind if I use your restroom?” I needed to pop a few more Advil and take a few deep breaths.

  “Remember where it is?” She smiled and pointed. “Right down the hall to your right.”

  Walking quickly down the dark passage, I stepped into the narrow bathroom and locked the door. Flipping the light switch, a loud vent whirred overhead. I took the top off the pain reliever, and Dammit! Only one left.

  My lips tensed, and I opened the medicine cabinet. Nikki had to have something in here. Shoving aside contact lens solution, mouthwash, deodorant, eye cream, I found a brown bottle with a white top. Some old prescription, I guessed. I turned the small container to read the label, and everything went very quiet. Percocet.

  Standing in that bathroom, I stared at what I held in my hand several long minutes.

  Another turning point.

  Another fork in the road.

  At that moment, a cramp stabbed my stomach so hard, I barely got the toilet lid up in time to lose all the Scotch I’d just drunk. Nothing else was left. I pushed the lever to flush then turned back to the sink and rinsed my mouth.

  Without a thought, I opened that bottle and popped two of the pills. Fuck it. Then I shoved the rest in my pocket and walked out. I didn’t even pause as I went through the kitchen.

  “I’ve got to go.” It was a shitty thing to do, and I was doing it.

  “Wait!” Nikki was understandably shocked. “Stuart—you haven’t eaten!”

  “My stomach’s messed up.” I shoved my arm into my overcoat, then the next. “I’m sorry. Thanks for the effort.”

  I was out the door, headed back to Derek’s condo without a backwards glance.

  Chapter 2: Leaving

  Nikki

  The office clock ticked from ten fifty-nine to eleven, and he still wasn’t in.

  No call, no email, nothing. I’d say it wasn’t like him, but after last night, I didn’t know what to think. Everything about his behavior was strange, from our meeting in the airport to his abrupt departure before dinner with no explanation, to this.

  The airport thing I chalked up to my surprise appearance. I should’ve known that was a bad idea. Stuart never liked surprises—but I didn’t regret it. The memory of him walking toward me in that airport... He was still so sexy.

  I thought of his hands, long and elegant as he held the tumbler. It was all I could do not to make a sound as his lips parted to reveal straight, white teeth. He was a shade darker than Patrick, but they both had those hazel eyes. Stuart’s always burned with his drive, his focus, but I caught a peek of something else in them last night. Something haunted.

  Standing, I paced around my desk into Derek’s old office, where he should be. If he was suffering, I wanted to help him. I wanted to nurse him back to health. I’d hoped last night...

  Exhaling a sigh, I thought about how different I’d hoped last night would be. I’d hoped it would end with me blissfully entwined with his muscular body. Maybe it wouldn’t have been as wildly passionate as our first time, but I’d take whatever version of Stuart he’d give me.

  Fifteen more minutes. Maybe I should go to the condo and check on him. He’d been so serious about rejoining the firm. What had he said? He wanted to hold up his end of the agreement with Derek? It didn’t make sense for him not to show up or call... or email.

  If it were Patrick playing hooky, I wouldn’t give it a second thought. He’d most likely waltz in the next day with one of his cases closed, but Stuart was different. He didn’t go missing without a word.

  Chewing my lip, I wished one of the guys was still here to check on him. As it was, my dropping by would be a bridge too far. I’d already gone after him twice. Still, he’d said his stomach was bothering him. He could have a virus, and nobody would know. He could be too weak to pick up the phone. He could dehydrate...

  Another ten minutes passed, and I decided I’d try getting lunch. If he didn’t come in tomorrow, and I didn’t hear from him, I’d call Derek. He could casually check in without making it sound like I’d tattled.

  Where are you, Mister Knight?

  * * *

  Stuart