I was dazed at first.

  At first.

  Then I heard him ripping his clothes off and I jackknifed up. I was racing him, my heart pounding hard in my chest.

  My tank. It was gone. Then my underwear, but I only got a finger through one of the sides, intending to start pulling it down my legs, before Kash grabbed them, and they were gone the next second. I heard a ripping sound and he was back over me, then I felt him, and he was inside me.

  Both of us gasped at the sensation.

  He stilled. “Fuck.”

  I agreed, but I could only whimper from my need. It was so sudden, so overwhelming, and I was done waiting. He was pausing, letting me adjust to him, but screw that. I reached blindly for him, my legs lifting around his waist. He caught one of my legs and panted into my ear, “Jesus. I want to pound you.”

  I was nodding. He felt my response. I was only too eager, and then my legs were raised even higher. He lifted my ass, moving it down and repositioned himself. With my feet over his shoulders now, he reared back, and thrust back down. Over and over. Again and again.

  A better angle.

  A deeper angle.

  He was straight-up pounding me, and I was lifting my hips, going back at him.

  I could see him in the moonlight. I was so damned grateful that Kash had insisted on windows no one could see through from the outside, though we could see out. I was so damned glad we didn’t have curtains or blinds to block us, because then I wouldn’t have been able to watch him, my eyes on him, his eyes on me as we moved together seamlessly.

  We were connected.

  This was emotional and physical for us.

  I felt him inside me, inside my soul, reading my thoughts, feeling my emotions. We were physically together, but it was more. It was so much more.

  He kept going and going, and it was rising, and I was gasping, because I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. I felt like we were one person. And then his hand reached down, pressing to me, rubbing, and I was coming with a scream.

  My back arched from the climax’s power.

  My vision went black. The sensations and pleasure rushed through me, and then I was replete and exhausted, and my man had waited for me to settle before he started again for himself.

  He slid in and out, slower, almost torturously, until I nodded and he began moving again. This time for him. This time he was relentless, and I loved it.

  I loved him.

  I loved that we had this.

  I loved that he seemed to want me more and more, need me more and more, because it was the same for me. I was addicted.

  I came a second time, just on the heels of his release, as he dropped down and ground into me before gasping. His entire body rested on me, giving me his full weight for a moment. I knew I would only get this from him for a second, and then he kissed the side of my jaw, a feather whisper of a caress, at the same time that his hand ran down the length of me. It went to my hip, leaving a trail of tingles in its wake, and once at my hip, his fingers curled in slightly as he pulled out and went to the side of me. His entire body was pressed to mine, and he reached for my hand, lacing our fingers.

  A soft chuckle from him, one that warmed me, and he pressed another tender kiss to my shoulder. “’Morning.”

  I grinned at him, too satiated to move my head any farther. I turned, just watching him from one eye. “’Morning.”

  His eyes warmed, and again I was thankful for the moon.

  Looking at the clock behind him, it was just past five thirty in the morning, so it was still dark. “How was your flight?”

  “Long.” He dropped another kiss to my shoulder, his hand moving with mine as he began to rub our hands back and forth over my stomach. “Meeting was good, though. Productive. I’m glad I went.”

  I wanted to ask, but I was scared to ask, and then screw it. I asked.

  “Did it have something to do with your grandfather?”

  He tensed, and I knew I shouldn’t have asked. Bringing him up always brought this result.

  Kash didn’t move away. He remained tense, but it was like he couldn’t peel himself away from me. He moved more to his backside, his head resting on the pillow beside mine. His side was still plastered against mine. Reaching down, he lifted one of my legs and pulled it over his, and his hands began running up and down the inside of my thigh.

  “Yes. I can’t say what yet, because I don’t know if it’ll pan out, but yes. I wouldn’t have gone, otherwise.”

  I rolled my head on the pillow to see him more fully.

  “Does that mean that when you travel to another continent for a one-hour meeting, the likelihood it’s got something to do with your grandfather is pretty high?”

  His top lip moved up. “Very high likelihood.”

  I nodded. “Good to know. That’ll save my questions.”

  And another one I was a bit hesitant about but still wanted to know.

  “Um.” I bit my lip. “I want to know how you’re fighting him. I want to know—”

  I stopped, because he pulled away from me, sighing as he sat upright. He didn’t get out of bed, but he sat there. His head folded down and he raised his knees up, resting his arms over them, his hands dangling. He hadn’t just pulled away from me. He took his hand away, he took his kisses away, and I was feeling the cold.

  My heart hurt.

  I bit farther down on my lip, wanting to apologize, but fear was literally squeezing my heart.

  What was he going to do against his grandfather? What moves could he make against him? Was he thinking everything through? Was he—

  “You can’t know.”

  He stopped my thoughts, twisting around, and I felt slapped again. Not by his words, though. Not even by his tone, because he sounded so exhausted, already too exhausted. I was slapped by the look in his eyes.

  Haunted.

  Torn.

  He had ghosts that I didn’t know about. I felt them then. I knew it then: his agony went deeper than anything I’ve felt. It was a strange feeling, an odd sensation, as if I was feeling someone else’s skin over mine but I couldn’t see it wasn’t my skin. I could just feel it wasn’t mine. But instead of shrugging it off, I wanted to reach for it. I wanted to drag it in to me, make it mine, and that’s what I wanted to do with his ghosts.

  “Who I am. Who I come from. Who I’m fighting. It’s already touching you. I have to stop it from taking you over. And it will, so easily. That’s on me. That’s my burden to bear, and I’m doing it so that you don’t carry it one bit. There are things I will do, people I will use, people I will hurt, and I cannot tell you. I tell you, and it’s over. You feel that world, and I won’t let you. You’re in school. You’re doing the thing you’ve been wanting to do for so long. I won’t take that dream away from you, and don’t make me take that away from you.”

  A single tear.

  I was affected, and I was swimming in emotions, but most of it was just pure love for him. Yeah. He had ghosts. And now it was confirmed that he wouldn’t share them with me.

  I smiled sadly at him. “I love you, but I won’t fight you. I will only say that any burden you have, I carry regardless, because I carry you, too. It goes both ways.”

  He whispered back, “I’d never let you feel that pain.” He leaned down, bracing himself so he didn’t fall, and kissed me. His mouth found mine in the sweetest kiss.

  I felt an invisible hand grabbing my heart and crushing the life out of it.

  He moved to kiss the corner of my mouth before he got out of bed.

  He masked his haunts, running a hand down the side of my face. “Can you sleep?”

  I caught his hand. “Hold me.”

  He glanced to the clock. I had an hour before I needed to get up for the day, and he made his decision.

  I knew he wouldn’t sleep, but neither of us spoke on that, either. He slid back into bed, curling his body around mine, and he wrapped his arms tight. I fell asleep like that.

  He was gone when I woke an hour later.

  He’d already gone to work.

  FIFTEEN

  I was on the phone, calling Kash, thirty-eight minutes later.

  He answered, “You heading to school?”

  “Yep,” I replied, sitting in the back of my car, which was being driven by Fitz that morning. Erik was next to him. I tucked the phone more securely between my ear and shoulder and hauled up my bag. I needed to read over one last chapter, so I was hoping to have it ready to go, once this conversation was done. With that thought, I got to it. “Where’s your office?”

  “What?”

  “Your office. I figure you have one that you use, but I don’t know where it is.”

  “You want to come see me at my office?”

  I could hear his smile, and that made me smile. “Maybe. I think it’s a good idea I know where to find you, and I also want to come see you at your office today.”

  He laughed briefly, his voice definitely smiling. “I’ve got a few, but I use my office at Naveah the most. I’m here today. And speaking of, can I pick you up for lunch?”

  I faltered.

  Did I want to have lunch with my man? Yes.

  Should I have lunch with my classmates so I didn’t isolate myself from them? Um, yes, but it was only a hesitant yes, because I’d much rather have lunch with Kash.

  He heard my sigh. “Thinking your classmates would be okay if I did a drop-by instead?”

  That made it so much better. “I’m thinking yes, and if they aren’t, I don’t care enough to keep you away.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll see you for a drop-by.” He paused a second. “Is there something I should be prepped for, why you’re coming to see me later?”

  “Matt.”

  He was silent a beat. “Got it. I’ll see you later.”

  With that, I knew that he knew what I had to say wasn’t something I could get into with a drop-by from him.

  After saying good-bye, I had enough time to read over the last chapter on Structured Query Language. I didn’t need to fully process everything, just needed to run my eyes over the text when we brought it up the next day, because we were going to use it in our own systems database.

  I couldn’t wait.

  When we pulled up, Erik got out first. I waited, my chapter done and in my head, and he opened the door for me.

  I got out, starting for the building, but today wasn’t like the other days.

  There was an entire crowd outside the building.

  I jerked to a halt at the same time Erik touched my arm.

  The crowd just looked like a normal crowd lingering outside a school building before classes started, just larger. There were always students outside the building when we got here. They were going to classes, talking to friends, on their phones, having a smoke, or just stalling before going to class. But when I got out of the car, it changed.

  All heads and eyes turned to me.

  A buzz began filling the air.

  There were groups of girls, the types of girls that looked like sorority girls. I was guessing, but their hair, makeup, and clothes looked like all the latest trends. So, yeah. Total guess there. They surged forward, but they weren’t alone. Some athletes, and I was guessing again because of their build. Massive shoulders. Broad. Muscular. Some lean.

  Some of the faculty were there, too. Seeing me, they were the ones that got to me.

  Goa. Busich. Wells. They were all waiting and coming toward me, each with a set expression on their faces. They weren’t happy about whatever was going on.

  Wells spoke first, taking an extra step closer as the other two held back. “There’s been a development. Did you check your school email this morning?”

  Dread had already lined my insides. Ice drenched them.

  “No, I haven’t had the chance yet.”

  Wells nodded at my response. She stepped closer, inclining her head as we walked to the building. “Let’s talk in my office.”

  “Miss Hayes.” Busich drew my attention before we could start.

  I held up, waiting.

  She dipped her head, regret flashing behind her glasses. Her hands were clasped together. One of her knuckles had whitened. “I am very sorry about what’s happened. I already have a call put in to your father, and we will find out who did this.”

  Well. That didn’t sound good.

  “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but I will find out. If you’re intending to call to get something done about whatever happened, my dad isn’t the one to call. Kash is.”

  Busich was nodding. “Okay. I’ll still put the call in to your father, out of respect. We can convene later. We’ll give you time with Ms. Wells.”

  Both Busich and Goa gave me regretful looks before moving away.

  “What happened?”

  Wells’s fingers pressed more against my elbow. “Inside. I’ll show you.”

  I noticed Erik on the phone. As we moved to the door, Fitz joined us.

  A couple of the girls called out my name as we passed by. One held out a slip of a paper, shouting, “We’re having a party tonight! Come and hang. Check us out.”

  Erik grabbed the paper for me but stuck it in his pocket as he moved ahead of us for the door. Fitz held me back. We waited. Erik was scanning the inside of the building before he opened the door again, nodding to Fitz. He held it for us as Fitz went first. Then Wells. Then me. Erik came in last.

  The inside was a lot less hectic. The crowds had kept to the exterior.

  There were looks. More looks than the other days, and I walked around with a bodyguard. Both still dressed as if they were students so there was some blending, but every student in my cohort knew who they were. Seemed the other programs in our building hadn’t and they were noticing them now.

  There was a new feel in the air. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want it there.

  I ducked my head and walked to where we were going, because it was one I recognized. It was the feeling of being cast out of the ocean. I was a fish flopping on the beach, out of water, out of my element.

  That feeling I was feeling was recognition. With it mingled speculation, interest, calculation, and so much more, but the feeling I was zeroing in on was that I was different. I was separate from them.

  It was the feeling that they now knew I was no longer one of them. That was the one I hated the most.

  My phone was buzzing. I’d put it on silent.

  Kash calling.

  Erik had just put his phone away. Didn’t need to guess who he got off the phone with. I moved to a corner, knowing they’d wait for me and also knowing Erik and Fitz would form a wall for me. I’d have a modicum of privacy.

  “Hey.”

  “You okay?”

  No. “I haven’t seen exactly what’s happened, so I guess?”

  “That blogger, Camille Story, released a shit ton of information about you, me, and Matt. She had everything. She also sent her entire blog in an email to the entire student body of Hawking University. It looks like the faculty added were only the faculty of your program.”

  “Shit,” I whispered. “I hacked her.”

  “I know.”

  “She must’ve had more files.”

  “I know.” He added, “She knows about you, so she was smart. Prepared. My guess is she had it on a separate computer, one that wasn’t connected to the internet. She got help with the student email list. No way did she get that herself.”

  “Timing is suspect.”

  He was quiet a beat. “If your classmate was pissed off enough, I’m sure she could do an easy search. She could find who broke the story on me, reach out to her. You still intent on me not firing her?”

  I didn’t want to mess her life up. An IT job at Naveah was a good job, and being fired from any job was something that could mess up her life. Maybe not in a big way, but enough of a way to make an impact with her.

  Still. I already told her to lay off, so the good in me was saying we needed proof that she was the one to set this in motion. The bad part in me was saying enough was enough and just fire her.

  I sighed into the phone. “No matter how it played out, the fact that one of your employees and one of my classmates is our first suspicion on who got this rolling probably says it right there.”

  “Right. Will you be okay?”

  He wasn’t fully asking about the leaked information. He was asking about the fallout of Hoda being fired. And my answer was a growl into the phone. “I’ll be fine. I’m done waiting. She’s going to learn how much she underestimated me.”

  Another beat of silence before he sighed. “Just be careful. I’m not talking about catfights or whatever cyber war you’re going to unleash on her.”

  He meant me, as in me not getting emotionally hurt. My throat was choking up. “I’ll be fine.”

  “I’ll see you later for lunch.”

  “Okay.”

  We hung up. I squared my shoulders back, raised my head up, and announced, “I’m ready.”

  With that said, Ms. Wells showed me everything that was leaked, and it was a lot. It was way more than what was already out there, and it was way personal, with images of Kash and me kissing.

  I understood those pictures being put on a blog. Kash was hot news right now. If it weren’t me kissing him, it would’ve been a different girl. But these pictures were of us in his office, and they were current. Like, a few nights ago current.

  That had me seeing red.

  To make matters worse, these images were intentionally sent to the entire email list of Hawking University.

  Camille Story.

  She’d gone too far.

  She would regret that.

  SIXTEEN

  Today was another reminder just how new this world was to me.

  Going through the day, I was in a daze. I didn’t want to be in a daze. That made me feel weak. But I was, and logically I knew it was about me processing everything. My old world to this new world, where I wasn’t only visiting. I was in. I was staying.

  I was just new.

  Not a lot changed in my classrooms, except the normal buzz was quieter. There were a few more sad glances my way. Hoda seemed paralyzed when she saw me, but after one glare, I promised myself that I’d be dealing with her after class. Since then, Hoda had kept a wide berth, which was a good idea. For her.