Turning her face away from his view, she said, “It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you. I’ve just been so ashamed of the things I’ve done.”

  Jay sat back up and put a hand on Renee’s face, turning her back to face him. “The last time I checked, the only perfect person is Jesus Christ. So, this is a no judgement zone. You can trust me, Renee. I look at you, and I wonder what happened to bright, vibrant and confident teenager that I used to dream about. You’ve changed and I just want to know why?”

  “But can you handle knowing?” Renee asked. She felt like a broken china doll. She would probably shatter into a thousand pieces if Jay turned away from her now.

  He took her hands in his. “I won’t let you down. You can trust me.”

  “I sure hope you’re telling the truth.” She gulped hard and then began. “First off, I want you to know that I am not, nor have I ever been a prostitute. But Marlin did things to me when we were together.”

  Hesitating for a moment, trying to hold onto her courage she continued, “He once drugged me and then let one of his business associates sleep with me. He claimed that I cheated on him and just slept with a man I barely knew on my own. But I overheard a conversation where I discovered that this same man invested about a hundred thousand in Marlin’s reality company.”

  “So he used you to get what he wanted out of this investor?”

  She nodded. “With Marlin, everything is a commodity. She put her hand on her chin and added, “My brother told me that Marlin’s business dealings were unscrupulous. But I didn’t listen because I was attracted to his good looks and his success. But the real estate market had dried up. He’d lost a couple of big deals and by the time we got together, even though I didn’t know it, he was badly in need of cash.”

  “And where does Dean come into the picture? Why does he think you owe him?”

  Renee shook her head. “I don’t know. Marlin probably got a loan from Dean and promised me as payment. I just want to be free from all of the damage that man brought into my life.” After a moment, it was as if she realized what that freedom would cost her and she said, “Oh my God. I have to quit my job.”

  Jay vehemently disagreed. He stood and began pacing the floor. “You don’t have to quit your job. Dean attacked you. He’s lucky you didn’t call the police on him.” Jay stopped pacing and turned to her. “Why didn’t you call the police?”

  “Nobody cares what some top level executive tried to do to me. I’m just an assistant. For all we know, the police would believe that I was actually trying to sell my body to him.”

  Jay sat back down next to her. “But you had me and the clerk to verify your claim. We saw what happened.”

  Lowering her head, Renee said, “You have your IPO to think about. What would have happened if the president of your company had been arrested this weekend for an attempted rape?”

  “It wouldn’t have been good for us. But I’m the CEO and majority holder of the company. I would have figured something out.”

  “It’s not worth all of that. You’ve worked too hard to get where you are for someone like me to come along and spoil everything.”

  “Hey.” Jay put a finger under her chin and lifted her face so that she was looking at him when he said, “You’re worth so much more than you know.”

  She tried to smile, but it didn’t quit make it across her face. “Thanks for saying that. It means a lot to me that you would think that.”

  “Why don’t you believe it? That’s what I want to know.”

  Tears welled in her eyes, as she realized that what he said was true. She didn’t think much of herself. And hadn’t for a long time. How else could she have loved a man who could beat her and so cruelly use her.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  She waved his apology away. “It’s okay. You’re right. I don’t think much of myself. I keep making all the wrong choices for my life. I’m just a mess.” She stood up as she wiped the tears from her face. “Do you mind if I take a shower?”

  “Sure. I put your things in the bedroom. I’m going to bunk out here on the sofa tonight.”

  “Thanks Jay.” Renee went into the bedroom, took a nightgown out of her suitcase and then went into the bathroom and jumped in the shower. But no matter how long she scrubbed, or how long she let the hot steamy water beat and batter her body, she still felt unclean. Jay told her that she was worth more than she knew. But it was so hard for her to climb out of this pit she’d dug for herself. So hard for her to imagine that there could be any worth in a woman who men thought nothing of passing around. So hard for her to believe that life could get better when everywhere she turned there was a reminder of her worthlessness.

  Maybe everyone’s life would be better if she wasn’t around. Her father had been arrested and now had to deal with criminal charges for trying to defend her against Marlin. Now, Jay was willing to throw his life’s work away just to defend her honor. But she couldn’t allow him to do that and she couldn’t allow her family to suffer any further.

  As she got out of the shower, Renee came up with the perfect solution. Life was too hard for her and she was ready to admit defeat. She took her sleeping pills out of her purse and sat at the edge of her bed holding the bottle.

  “You doing okay in there?” Jay asked from the other side of the door.

  Renee put the pills back in her purse. “Just getting ready to lay down.”

  “Let me know if you need anything.”

  Jay had been good to her. Too good for her to kill herself in his hotel room. She decided that she wouldn’t die tonight. But in the morning, Renee would tell Jay that she wanted to explore the island alone. Then she would take a few of her sleeping pills, then walk into the ocean and never come back.

  Jay rose early the next morning, after spending the midnight hours in prayer for Renee. She was hurting and he had no clue how to help her. But as he continued to pray, the Lord reminded him about the church he’d found on the island the other day. The ministry was having a revival that weekend. Jay was now convinced that God had lead him to that church so that he could bring Renee to the service this morning.

  He ordered room service and then jumped in the shower. Once the food arrived Jay knocked on Renee’s door. “Breakfast.”

  “I don’t want any,” she said groggily.

  “Well too bad,” Jay said. “There’s some place I want to take you this morning and I need you to eat first, because I don’t know how long we will be there.”

  Renee threw on her house coat and swung open the bedroom door. “I can’t go anywhere with you today. I have plans.”

  “Have a seat.” He pointed towards the dining room.

  Renee didn’t argue. She sat down and took the lid off of one of the plates. “A waffle with strawberries and blueberries?”

  “I didn’t know which one you preferred.”

  “Look at you, trying to make me feel all special.”

  She tried to smile, but Jay noticed that her lip only curved halfway and her eyes void with no laughter in them, as if she had died a little last night. But he was a firm believer in prayer. it worked, his mother had shown him that. Renee would be all right. “So, what do you have planned for the day.”

  While cutting her waffle, Renee said, “I just want to explore the island a little more that’s all.”

  “Sounds like fun. We can do that-”

  She cut him off. “No Jay, I want to go alone.”

  Don’t argue with her, he coached himself. “I understand. Everyone needs a little time to them self. Matter of fact, I wanted to take you to this church that I found last night while I explored the area.”

  “I should have known. You always were a church boy.”

  “Hey, my mama raised me right. And if I do recall, you and your sister were in the youth club at church with me.”

  “Okay,” she grinned, “I’ll admit to having fun in the youth club.”

  “Then come with me this morning. I know you’ve got your own thing planned for the day. But do you think you could hang out with me for two hours this morning and then go do your exploring?” His eyes pleaded with her to say yes.

  “How can I say no to a face like yours. Let me finish eating and then I’ll get dressed.”

  ~~~

  Once arriving at the church and seeing how the spirit of God was moving on everyone around her, Renee knew she’d made the right decision. Because Jay would be able to tell her parents that she had spent the morning of her death at church around so many people who were jumping, shouting and praising the Lord. When they finally pull her lifeless body out of the ocean, Carmella would most probably say something like, ‘she’s with God now’. Renee smiled at the thought because she knew that would bring comfort to her father.

  This revival had all the bells and whistles. Fred Hammond and the United Tenors were on stage singing Here In Our Praise. Jay was rejoicing, feeling the love of the savior that Fred Hammond was singing about, she guessed. But she wasn’t feeling much love. Renee grew up in church just like Jay, but she still didn’t understand how people were able to move past their problems and praise God like nothing else mattered.

  After praise and worship, Renee tapped Jay on the shoulder. When he turned to her she said, “I’m not feeling this. I think I’m just going to leave.”

  “You came with me. We should leave together.”

  “I can catch a cab. It’s not a big deal.”

  Then one of the ministers stood behind the podium and began reading the bio of the speaker. The minister said, “First Lady Cynda Williams and her husband Pastor Keith Hosea Williams are no strangers to this ministry. They have prayed and supported us through the years. Pastor Keith pass preached at our church at least three times over the years. Today we are truly blessed, because we get to here from First Lady Cynda this morning.

  Jay whispered, “You can’t just get up and walk out while they’re introducing the speaker.”

  Renee admitted that it would be rude. She should have hightailed it just before praise and worship ended. Now she would have to sit through the sermon.

  “This warrior has been a soldier in the army of the Lord for many years,” the minister continued, “but the thing most of you might not be aware of is that Cynda Williams wasn’t always saved and sanctified, with a mind to run on for the Lord. Before coming to the Lord, she lived a life of drug addiction and prostitution. That’s all I’m going to say. I’ll let her exhort you with her testimony.”

  As Cynda took the podium, the congregation stood and clapped. “Take your seats please.” Cynda lifted her head toward heaven and prayed to God, asking Him to bless the congregation and to open their hearts to the message he called her from the foundation of the earth to deliver. “Turn with me in your Bibles to Romans Chapter 8. She began reading in the first chapter:

  There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

  For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

  Cynda closed the Bible, looked out at the congregation and then said, “What does all that mean, you silently ask yourself. I don’t know what it means for you. But for me it means that I don’t have to condemn myself for the life I once lead.”

  Renee was amazed that the beautiful woman standing behind the pulpit had once been on drugs and prostituted herself. She appeared so confident, so take charge. The more Cynda talked the more Renee soaked up.

  Cynda was saying, “Before Christ came into my life, I had no discernment at all. Consequently, I ran after men who were all wrong for me. These men lead me into a world of sin that I had no clue how to get out of. I eventually felt as if I didn’t deserve any better than the life I was living.

  “But then one day my husband came into my life and he showed me that I was worth far more than I gave myself credit for.”

  Hadn’t Jay said the same thing to her. Renee glanced over at him. Jay was staring at her as if he was trying see if she was hearing what the preacher was saying. She smiled at him and then turned back to the pulpit

  Cynda was now standing in front of the pulpit. She stretched out her arm and said, “I didn’t believe that I was worthy of God’s love. I didn’t believe that I was worthy of anyones love. But then one day, my Lord Jesus, beckoned me to come to and every since that day, I haven’t looked back.

  Standing behind the pulpit once again, Cynda glanced at her notes. “I know that some of you are wondering how I have been able to live my life without condemnation since I accepted Christ into my life... surely with the kind of life I led, there must be people who try to remind me of my past.” She looked out at the crowd, with good natured humor on her face. “See, I can read minds.

  “And you’re right. To this day, the evil one still tries to accuse me with my past. But whenever someone tries to get me down, I remind myself of those Bop Bags. You know the ones... they’re inflatable and when you hit it, it swoops down and then pops right back up. You can’t keep one of those Bop Bags down, and do you know why... because it’s standing up on the inside.”

  Many of the congregants began to clap as if they got the message she was delivering. Then Cynda said, “And that’s what we all need to do whenever Satan tries to bring guilt and condemnation into our lives, just keep standing up on the inside. Can I get you to do it now, come on. Stand up for Jesus... stand up for the man or woman you are meant to be.”

  Without realizing what she was doing, Renee found herself clapping and pulling herself up from her seat. She had lived with condemnation long enough.

  “And now I’m going to ask you to take another stand with me. If you want to know Jesus, the one and only person who can help you stand against the demonic forces that try to hold you bound, then come down the aisle right now... come and allow us to pray for you.”

  Renee hesitated, but only for a moment. She worried that if she went down that aisle, others would wonder why she identified so much with Cynda’s story. But then she told herself to stand and let go of her foolish worries. She needed what was being freely offered to her.

  She stepped into the aisle, making her way to Jesus, one of the choir members starting singing CeeCee Winans Alabaster Box. Renee stumbled as tears blinded her. For the first time in a long time, she knew without a doubt she had heard from God.

  Cynda came down from the pulpit and pointed in Renee’s direction. “It’s you. God sent me here for you.”

  God brought Cynda Williams all the way to the Bahamas just for her, because she was important to Him. “Oh thank You, Jesus,” Renee said as she fell into Cynda’s arms and allowed the woman to minister healing to her soul.

  In the back of the room, invisible to human eyes, angels stood watching Renee transform from the caterpillar she once was to the butterflies she would forever be, from now until eternity. They raised their swords and shouted, “Bless the Lord, for He is good!”

  Vanessa Miller is a best-selling author, entrepreneur, playwright, and motivational speaker. She started writing as a child, spending countless hours either reading or writing poetry, short stories, stage plays and novels. Vanessa’s creative endeavors took on new meaning in1994 when she became a Christian. Since then, her writing has been centered on themes of redemption, often focusing on characters facing multi-dimensional struggles.

  In 2016, Vanessa launched the Christian Book Lover’s Retreat in an effort to bring readers and authors of Christian fiction together in an environment that’s all about Faith, Fun & Fellowship. To learn more about Vanessa, please visit her website: www.vanessamiller.com. If you would like to know more about the Christian Book Lover’s Retreat that is currently held the last week in October you can visit: http://www.christianbookloversretreat.com/index.html

  Angel on My Tail

  Robin R. Pendleton

  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

  New International Version, Psalm 34:7

  Thanks to her new boss, once a week each classification officer had to conduct an open house for inmates assigned to them; no appointments, no special team, no tyrannical presence of officers. It was Rita’s first day working the 1:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. schedule.

  She didn’t hear her husband Benjamin call her name but looked up when darkness enveloped the TV screen. Rita Parsons could still hear the weatherman’s warning on WXFL; “Severe rains expected this evening with wind gusts up to 30 miles per hour. Expect heavy delays if you need roadside assistance.”

  “Be careful out there.” Benjamin hugged her tight and rubbed his nose against hers. Her giggle was phonier than a coyote nickel. She placed her hand over his heart in hopes that the steady beat would calm hers. She tried to remove her hand before he felt the tremors radiating from the depths of her soul. He kissed her hand and lips.

  “Honey, look at me. When you go to work today, remember you are the same unshakable, beautiful black woman I married three years ago. You do know that God will be with you, Right?”

  God has not given us the spirit of fear. God has not given us the spirit of fear. God has not...

  “A penny for your thoughts.”

  Rita realized she hadn’t answered Benjamin. “Yeah, I know. He’s omnipresent.” How could she tell him that the words he did not speak tore a hole in her emotional safety net? She longed to hear him say, “If it bothers you that much, I’ll get off work early so I can take you to work and pick you up when you get off.” After all, Christ gave His life. The least Benjamin could do is sacrifice a few dollars. Neither did she hear the anger in his words about her boss who put her in this predicament.

  They both knew he had to go to work now.

  Rita retreated from the doorway as Benjamin’s car disappeared. Her routine was off. Instead of an hour after her husband left, she had five hours alone on a weekday before she too left home for work. She retrieved her journal from her lingerie drawer. Spiritual warfare was her muse. The fatigue in her fingers mirrored that in her soul as she gripped the pen tight. She knew the words would come with less pressure, yet it’s been her way of writing since elementary school. After an hour, she closed the journal, held it to her chest and started to recite Psalm 23. Suddenly, her favorite Psalm inflamed her fears as she spoke; “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” I really wish that was true. Her head throbbed like it did when she lost that battle when she was just thirteen years old.